No Mutants Allowed

[mobucks]

more serious business like what? anal sex? man the times they have a changed. Haha I knew a blue ball reference was in Order.
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Soldats! Faites votre devoir! Droit au cœur mais épargnez le visage. Feu!

[Wry]

I had an awesome dog. He was enormous, the size of a Saint Bernard. A really big, fat, hairy and hilarious dog with such incredible character and intelligence that would put most people that I've met to shame. This dog was, in short, a dude. A righteous dude at that. I suspect that there was some wookie blood in his lineage.

This dog, Indie, taught himself how to masturbate. With his own face.

Yes, read that again and realise you read it correctly the first time round.

Now, without going into graphic detail, because of his size, Indie was impossible to ignore or miss while he did anything.

One day, my former mother in law, who was every bit the typical mother in law archetype (nosy, prude, annoying) had invited herself 'round for a cup of tea. I know you know where this is going. Hear me out anyway.

I know you probably envision me living in some dank basement with curious chains and whips lining the walls, but at this particular point in my life, I wasn't. We were quite calmly sitting down in the living room, sipping our tea when suddenly, Monstro who had previously plonked himself in the middle of the living room floor, started to tug himself off. Not only did he do this in full view of my mother in law, but he started to do it in a manner I had never, ever witnessed before: he began to spin around on his arse and ejaculated all over the carpet.

I was in stitches at the time.

I cringed later because it took weeks to get that godawful smell out of the carpet.

I don't live there anymore.
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... But I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

[verevoof]

The true origin of why Bob Barker is so adamant about spaying and neutering: puppy batter is a mighty foe to many a household carpet and general air quality.
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[Brother None]

[Wry]

[Brother None]

Malamutes! Should've listed that one, they're as beautiful as the Husky, but heavier, and with kinder, more complacent temperaments, often.

Yes, pics please. Of the dog. Not the tranny penis.

[Crni Vuk]

[Wry]

[Jebus]

I used to have a Malemute. He was the most awesome dog that ever lived! (excepting my current puppy, of course.)

He never barked, but howled like a wolf; he was incredibly calm and gentle and he could pull me forward on a skateboard at at least 30 km/h.
Man, I miss that dog. We had to put him down when his leg joints became so shot he couldn't stand up anymore - as usually happens with dogs of that enormous size, I guess.

[Viliny]

I've had a thing for husky/malamute type dogs for like 2 years now... had to seriously think things through in my head and convince myself that i can't accomodate a dog in my apartment just now.

I really want one of those... my mixed race dog of 16 years died 2 months ago and even though i have a cat, i kinda miss the whole... go batshit crazy over a pinecone and run through the woods like the trees are on fire just for the sake of it -activities.
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[Wry]

Ah, Viliny, your situation sucks. I feel your pain Use it as motivation to get yourself into a house with a garden? Don't get a nice garden... with arctic breeds it'll turn into trench warfare within 48 hours. We have no grass and lots and lots of pot holes.

[Viliny]

Im currently a student in Finland old capital city and i live in an apartment, about to move to another, and i don't really have the luxury of things such as gardens right now. Might be different if i still lived in my old apartment in my hometown which was a gigantic treehouse with a enourmous garden.

Im pretty dead set on getting a dog at some point and making damn sure to raise it properly and have it behave. My friend got 2 dogs and they both do whatever they fucking please. The apartment they currently have is a fucking garbage dump with dog urine everywhere and the fuckers will just keep on jumping on you for 20 minutes straight if you don't discipline them harshly... i don't want my dog/s to behave like that when i eventually get one/twenty.

Too bad my fiancee is seriously scared of dogs after a rottweiler nearly killed her by biting her in the neck... trying to help her overcome that shit but it's seriously deep in there.
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[Wry]

Hehehee! If you want an obedient dog, definitely don't get a husky or mal. They're as stubborn as they come. Luckily they're fairly reasonable and biddable (there's no pee and poop in our house) but don't expect them to sit, fetch, come here and STFU on command. They're like small children on crack: you can ply them with candy into a van, but beyond that, you're on your own.

We have a separate leather couch for the dogs. When we have friends over, we let them stupidly sit on the dog couch without warning them. The ensuing rape and molestation from Bru and Arnie will make you laugh hard enough to pee yourself. But to be fair, my two are still young and full of piss and vinegar. Give them a year and I'm sure they'll mellow out... but we do have at least 3 arnie related holes in walls and one in the couch from when he was teething. He's also eaten 2 PS3 games.
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... But I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

[Viliny]

[Wry]

[Jebus]

[Viliny]

[Wry]

It's not that they're difficult to "tame", they're just incredibly stubborn and strong willed. Trust me, I've had 4 (not all purebred) and known many more (and communities of mal and mal cross owners). They're wonderful dogs, they're extremely intelligent and have great character, but obedience is not their thing. Mine can "sit", "lie down", "wait", "come here, you little shit", "drop it" and "GTFO, YOU MONKEY" but even after having owned and trained dogs for twenty years, I don't expect him to drop everything and listen to every command, every time: because he's a malamute. My malinois cross, on the other hand, will.

One huge issue with mals is their prey drive and recall. Not many people will risk taking a mal off the lead off their property because they have a high prey drive and sometimes simply don't come back, no matter how much they love you. This has disasterous results. I'm lucky that I have Bru because, in certain environments, I can let them run free and trust that they'll both come back because Bru always listens. When he comes back, Arnie always follows. Mals aren't for the feint hearted, you have to be very understanding and accepting of their character. If you can deal with that, you'll be fine. ADHD? When they're young, definitely. When they reach adulthood they usually mellow out considerably... but they'll still be stubborn, fat buggers. Feel free to read more online if you don't trust my assessment.

Aww man, what's with the GSD hatin'? I love them. Sure, there's the stigma attached to them by unsavory people that don't train or raise them right, but in good hands they're the best dogs. Very trainable, loving, intelligent and loyal. Their only drawback is of course hip dysplasia. That sucks big time.
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... But I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

[Viliny]

[Wry]