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Courier · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:17 Post subject: Water

Are you jealous of all your friends who can prepare delicious glasses of water with ease while you can't do shit? Have I got a guide for you! This here recipe will tell you how to make the most thirst quenching glass of water the world has ever seen! Just follow these 5 simple steps!

Items Needed:
-Water
-A glass

Directions:
Grab a glass from your cupboard. Be sure that it is not too large, nor too small, and most importantly, don't drop it, as it will break and everything you tried for will be ruined!

Slowly bring the glass beneath your faucet. Be sure not to chip or break the glass on the faucet itself, as faucets have a much higher E value than glass on the Rockwell Hardness Scale developed by Hugh M. Rockwell in 1908.

Turn on the faucet. Pay extra attention as to which knob you are turning. As one is hot, and the other is cold. Turn the cold one. This knob is usually marked with a C or the color blue. If you are red-blue colorblind, ask for assistance from a trusted source such as your Mom, or your Sister!

As the water line approaches the top of the glass, turn off the faucet completely.

Ideally, there should be a centimeter of space between the water line and the top of the glass. You can easily use a dime to measure this distance.
If you want this glass of water to be extra special, you may garnish with an orange slice! [See page 213 for instructions on how to garnish your glass of water with an orange slice]

Congratulations! You have successfully poured your first glass of water! Feels good, doesn't it? Now go, have fun, and good luck on your future water-pouring endeavors!

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Dragula · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:18 Post subject:

what
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Crni Vuk · Orderite Joined: 26 Nov 2008 Posts: 13501 Status: Offline

yeah dragu.a pretty much sums up what I have in mind right now

TorontRayne · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:57 Post subject:

What the hell?
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Farmerk · Orderite Joined: 30 Mar 2009 Posts: 3368 Status: Offline

Don't forget to report yourself to the police if you steal anything. That includes uncyclopedia articles
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Courier · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:23 Post subject:

I never copied an Uncyclopedia article. Confused

Edit: The Uncyclopedia article is completely different apart from the first sentence. lrn 2 read.
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verevoof · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:47 Post subject:

Edit: Ah, screw the posting. No comment.

Quiet you.

*Goes back to monitoring the outlet for the big spider to crawl back out*

Courier · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:49 Post subject:

Okay.

I just wanted to help you guys learn to how make water.
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I_eat_supermutants · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:55 Post subject:

Well just letting you know that my local communities water neither tastes good nor like water. So am I making my water wrong?
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Courier · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:57 Post subject:

Probably, yeah. Are you sure you're using the "cold" knob?
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Little Robot · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 6:41 Post subject:

Isn't this one of the fake parody articles on the front end of a certain website which should technically not be discussed on tO?

Dirk Magirk · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 6:50 Post subject:

Courier, is your avatar from the Codex Seraphinianus? If so, I approve of this thread based solely on that fact - if it isn't, then I shall never brighten the door of this thread again.
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TorontRayne · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 6:59 Post subject:

Courier · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 7:03 Post subject:

Pope Viper · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 13:54 Post subject:

In North Central Texas, water drinks YOU.
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alec · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 14:38 Post subject:

This thread is pretty useless.
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zegh8578 · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 16:26 Post subject:

One has to handle water with great caution. If it gets into your trachea you could die.

I did steal some issues of National Geographic from my high school.
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Stag · Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 15:51 Post subject:

Why do you need a whole centimeter between the top of the water and the top of your glass? Are you some sort of spastic who couldn't otherwise keep from spilling his shit all over the place?

I don't get it.
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Crni Vuk · Orderite Joined: 26 Nov 2008 Posts: 13501 Status: Offline

it mad stag post and I laughed from his post. So the tread was worth for something.