The Dutch Ghost

And earlier this week I also ruined a cooking pan while warming up beans.

I am reminded of an old sitcom gag, based on a beer commercial slogan.
"Then you know its Miller time."
Will if I drunk alcohol I sure could have gone for a drink.

It felt almost fucking planned.
If some TV show host came out of a van when I came back from the police and told me I was on some comedy gag show, I would have strangled him on the spot.

And thanks Hardboiled Android and SquidWard

For my part, I saw Oblivion in theaters. Hated it, bored out of my mind. It took Edge of Tomorrow to redeem Cruise in my eyes

Oh, guess I should see that one as well.
I would not say that Oblivion is brilliant, but I liked a couple of ideas.
Main issue IMO was that it was so damn slow sometimes.

Because of your depression. Are you on anti depressants?

Oh, I never responded.
Yeah, I am on this new medicine for several weeks now, but I have not taking it in steadily.

Then it won't work.

And this also costs me twenty-five euros which for me is not an expense I try to make daily.

COVID you think?

Nah, I expect it is a cold. Always have been susceptible to those during fall.
Haven't really had a serious bout of flu since my teens.
Results are in; negative.

It's not foolish to hope for the future because it takes that mindset to make good things happen. Be realistic and set small goals for yourself. Take care of yourself and take a shower every day it helps.

God dammit. I have some of those days again that nothing seems to want to work in my head, including writing PMs.
And when I see articles about people I look up to who have achieved a lot, I feel so overwhelmed by despair.

I could have done much today, but instead because I felt 'tired' again I spend most of the time just lounging behind my stupid computer doing didly squat instead of practicing Python.

I have been trying for days now to give you a proper response, but nothing wants to come up in my damn mind.
That is one of the reasons why I am so pissed at myself; that my mind is always so incredibly slow and lacking.
But I cut myself because I hate myself.

But you wouldn't be such an enjoyable poster to read if that was true. Hope you get someone professional to talk to and get better.

It has been a week now since I last cut myself, I think.
But not because I feel better. More because the depression seems to be in respite.
But it will be back again, that is guaranteed.

Please seek medical help. I had a brother go through this and I hate to see someone else go through this too, even if the person's a stranger.

I have talked with a doctor about my problems, and I have sought contact with a therapist. But therapy won't start for several more months because of a waiting list.
But I feel that it is absolutely pointless as I become older and it becomes clear things will not be better.

It gladdens me more than you can know to know that you're seeking help, Ghost. Hang in there, really sucks about the waiting time.

Go for a good jog. Eat better and stay on schedule. Don't allow yourself to get swept up in it too often. Hang out with friends of find a book or show you like.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.

something that always helps me is to set small, very short-term goals which aren't super hard to get to but aren't a big deal if you don't: wake up at such-and-such a time, have two or three little things to get done, be in bed by a reasonable hour

Make sure the goal is something you won't fuck up though or you reinforce that failure mindset. Stop doing that by the way. Since I have known you you do nothing but put yourself down.

What matters is that you gave her a good life for as long as you could here

I personally believe in an afterlife, but even if there's nothing after death I'm sure she left this world happy, knowing that you care about her.

Right now I just miss her so much. As she was no longer able to jump any more she no longer slept at the end of my bed, greeting me when I woke up.
And now I don't find her on the back of the couch, windowsill, or under a table any more.

Rather late with responding because of my usual bullshit (I'm great at that).
I have been in therapy on and off over the years, and it has not helped me that much.
One of the frustrations is that I always asked to lower my expectations and accept my life as it is.
As my life is mediocre and pointless, what is there to embrace?

Being dead would actually be an "upgrade", as even those few hopes I have that keep me going on will be off my mind, along with my frustrations, memories, reminder that this is it.

I would reccomend at least trying therapy again if you really are at such a low point, and quite frankly getting medicated if you aren't already - there's a stigma but the stuff is there for people who really need it, and someone I know who has gone on antidepressants has been reporting really wonderful results.

Perhaps some people really have been overrating these titles because of nostalgia, but I also don't think that they should be considered "terrible" either.
They're just "average", mostly because the game is very shallow and repetitive.

You want to commit suicide because Interplay Fallout is gone?
Just play a 3d platformer instead.

I do not want to kill myself because Iplay is gone. Fuck Herve and Fargo.
I feel frustrated because I can not accomplish anything on an equal level despite wanting so much to do so.

Lol Bethesda fanboys will read too much into the shitty Bethesda Fallouts.

I wish it would summon some ungodly horror that would drag them all into another dimension along with Bethesda itself.

REMEMBER LOVECRAFT WE PUT LOVECRAFT IN THE GAME BECAUSE WE REMEMBERED LOVECRAFT.

I apologize for the drama I may have caused as that was not my intention.

Great to hear it. Has your vet suggested anything?

Not really other than continue giving her the pills I am giving her now, and monitor her condition.
The weird thing is; she has started eating again.

It's so thin veiled that is trying so hard to be "controversial" just for the purpose of getting views, and hence get ad revenue. It's pathetic and shameful.

Specially when the article does such a piss poor job explaining anything, and skims so much from each game to make its "points".

Now that is a fucking work if I ever seen one. everything Norzan said is correct and that is just some rage bait article with the goal of attracting fallout turbonerds to harass the author on social media. jokes on them, there are no more fallout tubronerds, they all died.

Fallout 1&2 are worst then Fallout 76... This is a joke, right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLnZxT87ZEI (0:46)

While I would like there to be references and some links to FO1, 2, and FNV, the idea is to create a setting with its own factions and organizations. So no NCR or BOS, but instead Lone Star and Followers of the ATLANTIS.

I wanna see Fallout Pirates! like those dudes from Water World.

If possible I would like there to be water themed raiders, and yes I had something like the Smokers in mind. They would be harassing the prospectors from the drowned city.

NV is still respected enough by fans to be accepted as canon.

I feel the Van Buren documents leave a more consistent and interesting world than NV at the end of the day.

Hello all, sorry for not responding
Aurelius, that is also what I sort of have. I like FNV but I feel that VB would have been a better continuation and place to continue from.
To much was cut to fit in FNV.

Civ 6 is pretty great now. Prefer it over 5 but mainly because I'm sick of the art deco UI theme.

Two previous Expeditions games are Conquistador and Vikings. Fun tactical encounters mixed with a good amount of choice&consequence in a really interesting settings (games take a few liberties with the history).

I'm looking forward to Gran Turismo 7

Fallout Tabletop should’ve been West Coast. #changemymind

As if it'd be anything else. The tabletop RPG system is even worse. 2d20 instead of 1d100 and they're going to simplify skills

Why on earth you'd want to lobotomize the RPG features for a tabletop audience with an original system that is perfectly applicable to dice rolls in the first place I don't know