AMERICANS LOSE IN BASKETBALL METAPHOR SHOCKER
8.4.04 by David Wong
...at an Olympic exhibition game where the American team lost to the Arab All-Stars 95-78.
"We shall crush them under our $200 Nikes," said a bloated and lazy Tim Duncan just before the game, smoking a roll of $100 bills and driving his SUV while showing a pornographic magazine to a young Muslim boy. "We cannot be stopped! HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Or... can we?"
They could. The Americans, over-confident and selfish with the ball and fat from fatty American foods and funded by secret Zionist bankers, fell to a hot-shooting Arab team.
"They were surprised by our outside shooting," said Point Guard Mohammad Abdul. "Several shots were destined to fall short, but Allah intervened." Center Allah Salaam dominated the offensive boards and wound up with 20 points and 17 rebounds.
The American team drew criticism for refusing the help of several European players, choosing to play the game unilaterally.
"There's no question Imperialist Greed led to our downfall," said American coach Larry Brown, referring to Shooting Guard Alan "Imperialist Greed" Iverson. "I.G. couldn't get open shots and never found stockpiles of Weapons of Mass Destruction."
Forward Stockpilesof Weaponsofmassdestruction finished with just four points after American passers were frustrated in their attempts to find him in the offense. Duncan finished with just seven points, defended tenaciously by Michael Moore.
