First atempt at a fallout story

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Draconias Galactica

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After the Enclave
By Draconias Galactica
Part 1: A Battle to End the Enclave

For a long time, Trent felt nothing but pain. Fortunatly, the advanced power armor was quickly able to stop the bleeding where his arm had been completly shot off. Trent made a quick note not to underestimate that plasma cannon Frank had. Now his main problem was that his M72 was now on the other side of the room, along with Trent's left hand.

There was no cover to hide behind other than Marcus's corpse. The mutant had been caught offgaurd and was almost imediatly killed. Gorris was sneaking up behind Frank and Sulik hadbeen constantly swinging his super sledge at the monster. Frank was ignoring Sulik, but for Gorris, he brought out this horible knife and slashed the poor deathclaw's head off. Vic was out of ammo and Cassidy was bleeding badly, taking shelter on the stairs. Skynet-what Trent wouldn't give to transfer his brain into one of those "Can-o-wup-ass" robots-had lost both arms and his Gauss riffle.

And then there was Trent. He had a PPK12 and a YK32, and was firing both of them at once. He concentrated the gauss pistol on Frank's head and the YK32...well, Trent was firing that at Frank's head as well. The pulse waves seemed to knock him backwards with each impact and the supersonic rounds were making continual dents in his armor. But dents weren't enough, and the monster was still firing regardless of the small pain. Trent decided to bet his life on a gamble.

Trent rolled across the room and grabed his arm. He was rolling faster than Frank could move his arm over, but on the roll back Frank got in several hits. Trent pried the M72 out of his arm and clipped it to an atachnment port Enclave armor had in case of loss of limb. Now with Gauss Riffle atached to the remains of his arm, Trent fired away with abandon. Each shot that impacted on Frank Horrigan's head sent him tumbling backwards, and the armor began to crack. Vic joined in, having taken away Cassidy's 2mm EC. Sulik used to pole of the super sledge to smash into the systolic motivator that powered the suit.

Frank was quickly rendered incapable of movement. He fell backwards like a redwood of before times and lied there. By this time, there was a small opening in his helmet. Trent took out a custom spear, a combonation of two sharpened spears he started out with, hardened with brotherhood metals. The giant looked up at The Chosen One just in time to see the spear plunge into his head.

***

The survivors of the battle had four minutes before their window of escape ran out. Running a risk, they looted as much of the Enclave as possible. Sulik, Skynet, and Trent moved quickly, "aquiring" any technology they could find. Vic stayed behind to prepare the ship and move Cassidy, Marcus, and Gorris to the tanker.

***

"Hey Chosen one!" yelled Sulik. "This door not be openin'!" Trent rushed up to the door and slammed against it. The blast door wasn't even dented. Unless they went through that door, they'd never get to the ship in time.

"How long will it take to cut through it?" Trent asked.

"Best estimate: three hours," replied Skynet.

"We don't have that time!" Trent grabbed a passing Enclave soldier. So far, the three hadn't been stoped. After all, two humans in Advanced Power Armor (Or APA Mk.II) and a robot were commonplace at the Enclave.

"Where's the Vertibird launch pad?"

"Follow me," the Enclave soldier replied. They did, hoping to get out of the oil rig. They were taken up top, where Skynet's zoom vision reported that the Tanker was sailing away safely. "Hey, any of you know how to fly one of these?" It sudenly occured to the three that not one of them did. "Right, so I fly." Right before they took off, Sulik snuck around and placed plastic explosives at the bottem off all the other Vertibirds.

Their Vertibird took off, along with several others. It was unknown how many Veribirds had already taken off but only one took off right now. The others were all incinerated in explosions.

***

"Um, where are we headed?" asked Trent. The Enclave solider motioned to the radar screen.

"Navarro. It's the only nearby refuling station."

"And where are the other refuling stations?"

"You don't leave the rig much, do you? Check the computer, it'll tell you." Sulik came back to the passanger area, holding something in his hands. The two tribals switched their coms to transmit only to each other.

"Already found the other bases. We and I got a PIP Boy with them logged on it."

"Get it to Skynet, he'll be able to log that data." Sulik nodded and, very carefully, snuck the PIP Boy over to Skynet. Trent reloaded his M72, with some difuculty.

"We cannot go to Navarro," transmitted Skynet. "Frank was transmitting immages of the fight to Navarro. They will undoutably be searching every Vertibird." The Chosen one nodded right before he stuck the M72 into the Enclave Soldier's head and fired. The soldier fell down, dead before he could even hear the 2mm EC. The Vertibird quickly began tumbling out of control. Skynet took control of the Vertibird, having been scanning most of the on-board computer's datafiles. It slowly leveled off.

"Problem-navigation has been shot as well. Unable to properly locate land." Trent and Sulik looked at each other, both knowing this was a very bad thing.

"Just keep going straight," replied Trent. "We were headed to Navarro, right? We can just head south as soon as we see land and reach San Fransisco."

"Incorrect. Vertibird was spiraling, unknown which direction we are now headed for."

"Damnit." The Vertibird hung in the air for several minutes while Trent, Sulik, and Skynet tried to figure out what to do. They ran through multiple ideas, but in the end each one was shot down. None of them could remember which way the sun set, no one had a compass, and it was almost imposible to see the stars. All forms of simplistic navigation were unavalible to them.

"How 'bout we just keep goin' in our direction?" suggested Sulik.

"Can't really think of an argument for that. Skynet, head straight. Call me if you reach land."

"Where you be goin'?"

"I'm gonna have the auto-doc try and whip me up a new arm. I can't hold the riffle like this forever." Trent walked off to the auto-doc. Sulik lied down on a small bed and went to sleep. Skynet kept flying the Vertibird to an unknown destination, hoping they were going the right way.

***

The War was really a period of time where multiple wars raged across the globe. America and China were in a war over the pacific oil deposit. Most of Europe was consumed in war over anything they could get their hands on. Most of South America was fighting each other over the various resources they could find. Several african countries had formed a new nation and were determined to take over the remaining countries in Africa. Australlia was at war with Japan, over several small islands that would expand their fishing industries.

China threw the first stone. Deciding to ignore the oil drill and go straight for the head of the beast, they atacked the Grand City. Grand City was once several individual cities that slowly grew and grew until the boundries between these cities along the Atlantic were almost non-existant. Entire states were consumed into this city, with a population of almost one billion. New York, Philidelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, and other cities were part of this grand mega city. China decided that it would only bomb one city to get their point across, but several disgruntaled generals decided to target Grand City instead of a traditional city.

The united states responded by launching several bombs from orbiting sattilites. Unfortunatly, steadily decreesing funding for NASA resulted in poor satilites. Several other countries were bombed besides just China. While China and the United States continued to retaliate against each other blindly, other countries asumed they were under atack from their enemies. Some countries were known to have recived six bombs on one city in retaliation. Bombs were launched and launched and launched...

Until the countries launching the atomic hell were completly anhiliated. Some countries were known to sink into the boiling oceans while others froze completly in the Neo-Winter they unleashed. Earthquakes shook while Volcanos vented the Earth's rage. The moon, acidentally hit several times by sattilite-destined missiles, slowly fell onto the Earth in seveal hundred peices. Nobody on the outside survived. Mother nature did everything in her power to wipe out the species that wiped her out. Animals mutated to survive, gaining an imunity to radiation. They scavenged, they hunted, they ate their own relatives.

Humanity couldn't adapt. They died out. America was one of the only countries to emply Vault-Tek to construct Vaults and bases. Several of the bases were exterminated, but the vaults survived. America's vaults were designed as tests, and only a handful of the vaults survived and prospered. But in other countries, survivors began to emerge as well. And they helped bring back their countries. Survival had been achived. The first bit of buisness was taken care of. The next bit of buisness had to be taken.

Revenge.

Tell me what you think. Please? Alright, I'm desperate! TELL ME! ::passes out::
 
good story man, but you screwed up at the start, u said his arm got blown off, then all of a sudden he was using two weapons...wtf? then u fixed the mistake, but just a little too late.

but all in all, it was a great story, keep up the good work!
 
Uh...whoops

I missed that part. Did I include that he had help from a stout red pig robot who named the pulse weapon Lucille? Alright, I admit it! I'm pulling these comfort ratings out of thin air! Thin air I tell...sorry, got sidetracked. Must have been deprived of caffine.
 
I'll try to give you some of my observations. I hope you'll find them useful.

>For a long time, Trent felt
>nothing but pain.

You have a combat going on. You can't have anything last "a long time", the combat will be over by then. It's the person's perception of time that's changing. "For what seemed to him like an eternity, Trent felt nothing but pain."

>advanced power armor was quickly
>able to stop the bleeding
>where his arm had been
>completly shot off.

Hmmm. I think you overdid it. "Smashed into bloody pulp" would accomplish the same thing and make your life easier in the later stages of the story.

>behind Frank and Sulik hadbeen
>constantly swinging his super sledge
>at the monster. Frank was
>ignoring Sulik, but for Gorris,
>he brought out this horible
>knife and slashed the poor
>deathclaw's head off. Vic was
>out of ammo and Cassidy
>was bleeding badly, taking shelter
>on the stairs. Skynet-what Trent
>wouldn't give to transfer his
>brain into one of those
>"Can-o-wup-ass" robots-had lost both arms
>and his Gauss riffle.

The idea is good, but you need to do more than just say what was everyone doing. Remember that everything is happening at the same time. Look at it as a bunch of snapshots from different angles, then relate what is going on.

"Sulik charged Horrigan as the bolt from Trent's pulse rifle exploded in the giant's eyes. Hardly injured, the monster was blinded for a second, however. Sulik used this moment to land a Super Sledge blow that would have smashed the ribs of any other being. The Sledge bouced, barely denting the armour. Recovering his balance, Horrigan noticed Goris sneaking behind him. With a contemptuous swipe of his arm, he sent the deathclaw flying back to smash into the wall and land in a lifeless heap."

>
>And then there was Trent. He
>had a PPK12 and a
>YK32, and was firing both
>of them at once.

Heh, you already got flamed for this one :-)

>Trent rolled across the room and
>grabed his arm.

Gross! :-)

>He was
>rolling faster than Frank could
>move his arm over, but
>on the roll back Frank
>got in several hits.

Why would Trent be so stupid to roll back into Frank's field of fire? Maybe it'd be better to say that the Frank's burst caught up with Trent as he was struggling to free the M72.

>Vic stayed
>behind to prepare the ship
>and move Cassidy, Marcus, and
>Gorris to the tanker.

Is Cassidy dead? You said he was wounded.
Vic could "help" Cassidy and drag Marcus's and Goris's bodies onto the tanker.

>"Right, so I fly." Right
>before they took off, Sulik
>snuck around and placed plastic
>explosives at the bottem off
>all the other Vertibirds.

Figure something out to give Sulik the time to go booby-trap all the Vertibirds. Have the Enclave soldier do a "hasty pre-flight systems check" or something.

>None of them could remember
>which way the sun set,

You're stretching it. Make it evening or night, that's good enough.

>no one had a compass,
>and it was almost imposible
>to see the stars. All
>forms of simplistic navigation were
>unavalible to them.

Hmmm... Low Outdoorsman skill? :-)

>The united states responded by launching
>several bombs from orbiting sattilites.
>Unfortunatly, steadily decreesing funding for
>NASA resulted in poor satilites.
>Several other countries were bombed
>besides just China.

You're stretching it again. A satellite can go bad, but not *that* bad. I'd prefer a political scenario: India has treaty with China, declares war on US; Pakistan starts bombing India; Russians invade Pakistan; Islamic countries counter by nuking Russia; Israel nukes Islamic Countries to pre-empt being nuked itself; etc. etc.

>The first bit
>of buisness was taken care
>of. The next bit of
>buisness had to be taken.
>
>
>Revenge.
>

Neat! Nice setting for the sequel!

>Tell me what you think. Please?
>Alright, I'm desperate! TELL ME!
>::passes out::

Good stuff. Needs a bit of polish - spellcheck! I checked the spelling on my stories 5 times and still had errors in the end :-(

You need to work on your timing, your description of action sequences is static. Also, make an effort to have everything click in in a plausible manner. Don't look for complicated and convoluted explanations, there's probably a simple one staring you in the face (No sun? It's night. No stars? It's cloudy)

Keep up the good work.
 
This story was excellent, I hardly ever check this board, but when I do, I seem to find a few well written stories. I have nothing to complain about that hasn't been covered already and I am vigorously awaiting a follow-up to this story

Excellent
 
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