McBoberton: Shattered Faceland

[Ohaimerk]

this story is based on my character in Apocalyptic Robitia, read the RP to know the character better as it is heavily based on him

Le INTRO

"Awesome!" the 19 year old boy exclaimed, his blood-red eyes green with envy. The penis lying on the table before him was swollen, deformed, as though it were from some pre-war disney film. The skin on the penis—a slight chode flaming with red pubes—bubbled and sputtered, its dense shaft contorting into a twisted mess of flesh and boner. A few of the testes began to pop, sending small sprays of bright white splooge splattering across the 19-year-old's shaved head.

"srry" said Ron Paul, the 61 year old demonic insurance salesman, his peen quaffering slightly as the table made contact with his penis.

"Get that fucking thing into containment" said the 19 year old

"k" said ron paul, and did.

As ron was zipping up another man entered the room. The 19 year old wiped the jizzum from his cranium and stood at attention. "Dr. Bukkake, nice of you to join us" he said.

Dr. Bukkake was 27 years old, a genius wise beyond his years and 20 years less mature. Fart jokes, poop jokes, boner and butt jokes, he's heard and told them all.

"That's what she said" he said. He had under one arm a clipboard. On the clipboard the 19 year old saw a mixture of zen koans, chemical formulas, and drawings of erect penises.

"Hey guys, check it out" Ron Paul said as he grabbed the clipboard from the Doc's hand. He tore off the sheet of paper and was about to make origami when the doctor snatched the paper from his hand.

"LATER!" said the doc furiously. "I've figured out the meaning of life?"

"What?" asked the 19 year old.

"I've figured out the meaning of life?"

"Why are you saying it like that?"

"Like what."

"Are you feeling ok doc?"

"Nevermind about that guys, guess what?"

"What"

"Chicken butt"

"hehehehehe" they all said, breaking out into group titters.

"Let's go get some nachos or something" said the doc

"k" said ron paul.

They walked into the cafeteria and saw a horse eating the nachos.

"Like excuse me or something sir, what are you doing." said the doc

"GET OUT OF THERE HORSE YOU AREN'T A HUMAN THOSE ARE NACHOS YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE MEXICANS" said ron paul.

"Come on little pony, this is no place for you" said the 19 year old.

"Nay" protested the horse. "I am Phart Biscuit and I come with emergency!"

"Hehehehee, he said come" said the doctor.

"hehehehehe" they all said, breaking out into group titters.

"Listen guys, this is important news. I am the horse of none other than the king. He has fallen off me not two hours ago and has broken both kneecaps. I need you guys to come help him"

"k" said ron paul.

They all followed the horse outside. Lo and behold, there was the king, legs folded in thirds clockwise underneath his body. Dr Bukkake bent over and examined the broken kneecaps. "Just as I suspected?" he asked. He unfolded them, giggling at the king's screams. He got two thick sticks and bound the legs in twine. He made a stretcher out of larger sticks and thicker twine and tied the king up as if he were a mummy. "Just a precaution" he whispered into the king's ear. He tied the king to the back of the horse and slapped the horse's ass.

"Oh my" the horse said, and galloped off towards the sunset.

The 19 year old scratched his rash. "What now?" he asked the others.

Doctor Bukkake stood upon a large rock and orated, "The French aristocrat Marquis de Sade wrote about performing facials in his work 'The 120 Days of Sodom', written in 1785. One passage of the novel reads 'I show them my prick, then what do you suppose I do? I squirt the fuck in their face... That's my passion, I have no other...' "

With this a pause, the doctor gazed thoughtfully into the sun. A single tear made a jagged course down his cheek.

Then, a gunshot.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[TorontoReign]

Awesome shit Farmerk. Give me more! The other thread cracked me up too.

 

[Joelzania]

I'm scared.

 

[Ohaimerk]

CHAPTER UNO: With Teeth

"Sorry guys, too much chili last night" said Ron Paul


"Hehehehe, that's gross ron" Said the 19 year old.

They all went inside the rusty quonset that served as their home and watched The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. After it was over Dr Bukkake said "That was cool"

"Yeah" they all agreed.

"Let's be like the guys in that movie" said Dr. Bukkake

"Yeah, that'd be cool" agreed ron

"Ron's, like, the ugly, hehehe" said Dr Bukkake

"No way dude, I'm fucking clint eastwood"

"You're fucking a dude? Gross"

"Hehehe, shut up buttface"

"Make me assmunch"

"Ok"

Ron punched the doc in the face and a fight broke out. Punches, kicks, bitings, etc. The 19 year old had an epiphany.

"Guys, what if we really did go on an adventure?"

The fighting stopped. They both looked up at him, dumbfounded and bleeding from multiple orifices.

"Think about it. Those guys went on trains. Isn't there a train station over the mountain over there?" He pointed out the window towards the south, at a mountain.

"Uhh, i dunno. Let's check the maps" said ron. He pulled a lever next to an electrical box on the wall and a part of the floor opened up. They all went down the stairs into the underground bunker that had served as the majority of their home for the past three years.

The quonset was found by the 19 year old four or so years ago, he couldn't remember how long exactly. He had been born into slavery in the year 2115 and had been purchased by a traveling merchant at the age of 4. Not long after Raiders attacked the merchant. The merchant and his brahmin was killed and the boy was taken in by an older woman that served as the leader of the band of nomadic thieves. She raised him as an equal in the tribe and he grew to love that woman as a son as well as a lover. Gross.

One night, when they made camp in a pre-war bank vault, the band of raiders was attacked and destroyed by rangers. They found the boy cowering in the back of the giant safe. He didn't say a word to them and they assumed he was a slave. They took him back to HQ where he was kept safe in the Lieutenant's room.

He was a large burly man, about 50 years old. He returned from a separate mission that night and was debriefed on the boy and the raiders. The man entered his room and time stood still. The first thing he noticed was an explosion of some sort and a flash of light. The second thing he remembered was the back of his skull being hit with with teeth. The third and final thing was the realization that he was dead.

The boy had knocked a hole in a weak portion of the wall and had escaped after setting a trap on the door. They had killed his mother, his lover, and his only friend. Fuck these people. He wandered for ten days living on the voluminous agglomeration of junk food the lieutenant had stashed in an unlocked safe under his bed. In the safe the boy also found a large pistol and a hunting rifle. The rifle had limited ammo, which he used to set the trap. For the pistol there were five fully loaded clips and three boxes of spare shells.

He left with his backpack loaded with supplies and set off towards the bank vault in which his family was killed. Yet they had marched all day and he could not find it. He ended up stumbling across the 50 year old temporary shelter that he made into his permanent home.

- - -

"Yep, there's a train station down there" Ron said, shutting down the computer terminal.

"Cool" said the doctor.

"Let's go then" said the 19 year old.

"k" they all said.