G
Guest
Guest
[font size=1" color="#FF0000]LAST EDITED ON Mar-28-01 AT 03:37AM (GMT)[p]
Well here is B-pen's latest offering! Please help me out here...give me anything that you can think of that will make this thing funnier. I'll post this at V13 too, to serve as a JOIN ILLUMINATI!!! spam..
Hehe...
[!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 3.2//EN"]
http://envy.nu/bpen/soj.jpg
~cause anything less than total and utter overkill is a complete waste of time~
-it's the freakin' bluepencil!
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
Well here is B-pen's latest offering! Please help me out here...give me anything that you can think of that will make this thing funnier. I'll post this at V13 too, to serve as a JOIN ILLUMINATI!!! spam..
Hehe...
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[b][FONT SIZE=4" FACE="lucida blackletter, Copper Black]The Illuminati agenda [FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
by b-pen[/P]
[HR ALIGN=CENTER" WIDTH="50%]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier][/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]-------------------------[/P]
[/CENTER]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier][/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Game start: 10:02 pm
[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
Welcome to the Illuminati!!
It is dark, immeasurably dark. It is so dark that your eyes began to see things, flecks of color off the edges
of your cornea. You grope around in the darkness, occasionally meeting hard opposition.
>EAST
*klonk*
"Ow! Funnybone!", you cry. You stop to rub your tingly! forearm. "Dammit! Where the hells are
the lights?!!"
No answer.
>NORTH
You continued to go on, blindly searching. *bonk!*, went your head as it introduced itself to an unseen marble
column.
"Aiiggh..",you groaned. "That does it!"
[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]>LOOK[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] It's dark. You can't see anything.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>CLAP HANDS
*clap!*clap*, you clap your palms together.
And lo, there was light.
"Yii!", you cry, and shield your eyes. "Damn.", you remark when your vision adjusts to the
sudden change. A clapper switch? I knew William was on a budget, but he's really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time..
>LOOK
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]The Great Foyer [/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You look around this strange place he had found himself in. It was an immense hall, Grecian columns lining the
sides, a smooth floor of
blue carrara marble reflects your blurred figure. Along the thick walls of shining pale aquamarine was a series
of tapestry murals.
>LOOK UP
Above is an endless sea of darkness. You feel that it goes all the way to the heavens, and in the dark sky shines
a faraway sun, casting the entire compound in a ruddy purplish light.
>EXAMINE TAPESTRY
It weaves scenes of glorious battles, of visionary men and women, of great thoughts and ideas, and ludicrous Power
Armor joyrides.
Your little exploit is there too, ending in a depiction of a magnificent pulse nuclear explosion.
>N
You walk across the great hall that serves as the foyer for the Illuminati. Your rubber shoes make a *squeak*squeak*
sound as you do so.
You soon come to a series of archways and passages. Going further north will take you to the Archives. To the
left is the Hall of Guildspeople. Going right will take you to the Forums.
>WEST
[/P]
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Hall of the Illuminati Guild[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier][/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You enter the cylindrical room that has the names of the Guild's members carved into the walls in eerie, faintly-glowing
runes.
In the center of the room is a pedestal, with a strange purple wand set into an alcove.
>TAKE WAND
Taken.
>EXAMINE WALL
The wall shows the names of the Guild's people, along with their other deeds worthy of praise. It is without difficulty
that you find your own name in the list. William's name seems to glow brighter than the rest.
Not surprising, that. He is, after all, the founder and master of the Illuminati. The other names in the list
are bluepencil, Yamu, Fang, SlinkyAvenger, and Archon. These names come with their own great titles, their badges
of rank and merit. Sock Puppet, for instance, is a name given to one who has made himself noteworthy in the realms
of combat. It means..
Sock Puppet(adv), to rush headlong into the nearest enemy only to bounce off due to self-depreciated skill or power level. Sysn, Yamu.
Note that differs from (v) to fllr, in that said person survives said attack.
"Dude! He did a Yamu on Bruiser and got aced!"
There are other equally noble titles, but you have not the time to examine all of them.
>E
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]The Branches of Decision
[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You find yourself to a series of archways and passages. Going further north will take you to the Archives. To
the left is the Hall of Guildspeople. Going right will take you to the Forums.
>N
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]The Great Archives[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You enter the Archives of the Illuminati, where the spells, the secrets and the various schemes to take over the
world that you and your fellows concoct every Tuesday.
It is empty, save for a single scroll in a shelf.
There is a holoprojector in a corner.
>EXAMINE SCROLL
It's just a scroll, made of cured lambskin, and writing with Appalican glyphs.
>READ SCROLL
Being an Illuminati, the knowledge of the secret language of the Appalitas is burned into your mind, and you read
the scroll wit ease. It instructs you on how to use the words of power, to control the forces that flow through
this sacred place
You learn TELEPORT!
You gain 10 points!
>LOOK
The room is gigantic, filled with rows upon rows of shelves. These shelves extend out up to the roof, and juts
out about a foot and half from the wall. These were made specifically to hold scrolls and/ or holodisks.
>ON HOLOPROJECTOR
Unknown command.
>TURN ON HOLOPROJECTOR
It's broken. All the chocolate sauce you poured over it at the last Illuminati party must have had something to
do with it.
>S
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Branches of Decision[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You find yourself back to the series of archways and passages. Going further north will take you to the Archives.
To the left is the Hall of Guildspeople. Going right will take you to the Forums.
>EAST
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] The Forum[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
It is a big room, with curved walls of gleaming black obsidian. At the center of the room is a bluestone pedestal,
flanked by two monoliths that pulsate with powerful purple energy.
>EXAMINE PEDESTAL
It is made of a single block of bluestone, that rare type of basaltic rock, so conducive to magic and reflective
to plasma fire. It is carved with an ornate and sinuous design, endlessly repeating and bedazzling.
>STAND PEDESTAL
You stand on the pedestal. You feel yourself fill with holy energy. In you mind, you visualize the three main
areas of the forum. You concentrate on one....the Lobby, where you are sure to find your companions.
>CAST TELEPORT
You began to chant the incantation. You glow with blue flame and then..nothing. It's a dud.
>HINT
I'm just a text parser! What do I know about these things?
>LOOK ME
You don't have a mirror, so I guess I'll have to do it for you. You are about six feet tall, and is of androgynous gender. Sorry pal, but with that purple robe on, I just can't tell.
You have:
A purple wand
>TAKE OFF ROBE
Let's take a hypothetical situation in which you are naked under that. As a member of the Parser Purity Society, i don't want to have to gouge my eyes out.
>WIELD WAND
You now hold the wand (in your right hand)
>CAST TELEPORT
You begin the incantation. The glow around you is brighter this time, and the monoliths glow a bit more
Nothing else happens. You stay where you are.
>DAMN
Blame the writer. In fact, I'll join you. DAMN YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE THAT WROTE ME!! WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?!!
IF I HAVE TO CONTEND WITH ONE MORE STUPID, DIRECTIONLESS IDIOT I'LL SCREAM!!
Ah, that felt good. Sorry 'bout that. Carry on.
>SHIT
No, the word is feces. Now stop your crap and play the game.
>EXAMINE MONOLITH
These are immense slabs of a strange, otherworldly metal that William purchased at the Celestial Bargains store
at the Gallery. It is etched with strange runes and lines that flow up and down, side to side, like a person dancing.
>WAVE WAND
You point the wand up and wave it around in an ominous manner. You feel a little foolish.. but, eh.
>CAST TELEPORT
You begin to recite the incantation. A powerful bright blue light encases you, the monoliths shines white-hot
with power, and you are sucked into a Blue Portal.
When your vision clears, and the nausea passes, you find yourself in a hallway leading to an ornately-carved wooden
door on the other end.
You gain 20 points!
>LOOK
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]The Lobby[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
The Forums is a strange place, where the powers of the Voice are amplified thousandfold. Time matters not here,
and ideas become of flesh.
The Lobby is a special segregated portion of the Forums, magically sealed and reinforced with proto-ceramic to
stand up to the intense heat of the flame wars that often happen here.
To the north is an ornately carved wooden door.
>N
The Door
>OPEN DOOR
It is locked.
>LOCKPICK DOOR
You don't have that skill.
>SKILL
Your skills are:
Dodge
Fast Run
Move Silently
Teleport
>KICK DOOR
"Ouch, that hurts!"
Seriously now..this isn't Nethack. And you're not Jimmy Cagney.
>UNLOCK DOOR
You don't have a key!
>EXAMINE DOOR
It is made of hardened ironwood. So you see, kicking it would be useless. It is carved with floral shapes and
dragons weaving through sky-cloth. It makes you feel small and vulnerable, just to look at it.
There is a keyhole beside the handle, but it is a precisely round slot, certainly not intended for a normal key.
>EXAMINE WAND
[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] It is made of metal, the same metal as the monoliths in the Forum transport
room. One end is bulbous, the other end tapers off to a flat surface.
[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]>UNLOCK DOOR WITH WAND[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You insert the lesser end of the wand into the slot and turn it. The door emits a *schink* sounds as it unlocks.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>OPEN DOOR[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
The door opens.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>N[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You enter the Lobby of the Illuminati. Your fellow Illuminati members are here, dressed in the ritual robes and
lined up, facing you.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] They are arranged in this order:[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] William, Slinky , Yamu , B-pen , Fang , Archon[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>TALK WILLIAM[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] William just looks at you somberly.
>EXAMINE WILLIAM
William looks like he hasn't slept for a week. His face is pale, he's been dosing himself on amphetamines to keep up the frantic pace he's been doing everything lately. It's a wonder he hasn't gone mad.
[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>TALK SLINKY[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] "HI! How are you today?" [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]>EXAMINE SLINKY[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] She is dressed in the same type of robes as the rest. Her eyes glint with
mischievousness, and a similar glint comes off the top of her bald head.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>SAY Slinky: What happened to your hair?[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Unknown command : [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>TALK SLINKY ABOUT HAIR[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] "Like it? It's the regulations. All Illuminati have to shave their heads.
I'll have to cut your hair too."[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>NO WAY[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] "Sorry, but there's no way around it." She smiles naughtily.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Slinky wields a pair of scissors.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>ASK BLUEPENCIL FOR HELP[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] "Prepare your dome to be chromed, friend!"[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>THIS SUCKS[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Yes, it does suck.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>LOOK[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
The Lobby look just like a standard Dorm lobby, only with more vending machines and there's a pile of surplus
Enclave Power Armor and B-pen's asbestos armor in the corner.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
William wields a pair of scissors[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] B-pen wields a pair of scissors[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Yamu wields a CORNCOB[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Fang wields a Laser barber.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Archon wields a sword. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>RUN[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Run where?[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>ANYWHERE[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Suure, cop off on the text parser. Let me do all the work. All right..you
run like Sir Robin out the Lobby and back to the hallway.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] The Hallway[/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier][/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] William comes in.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Slinky comes in.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] B-pen builds a tank. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Archon comes in.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Fang puts on Power Armor.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>S[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You can't go there[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>E [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You can't go there.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>W [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You can't go there.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>THIS REALLY SUCKS.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
Yes, it does suck.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>INVENTORY[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You have:[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] A purple wand[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>WIELD WAND[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You are already holding the wand.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>USE WAND ON YAMU[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You wave your wand ominously. Yamu snorts.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>ARRGHH[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Unknown command[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>TWIST WAND[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You break part of the wand! It turns into a wand of polymorph![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>SKILL[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Your skills are:
Dodge
Fast Run
Move Silently
Teleport[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>SPELL[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Your usable spells are:[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Polymorph[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>POLYMORPH ME [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Polymorph you into what?[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>DRAGON[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You cast polymorph on yourself and you turn into a fire dragon![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Your robe expands![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You look stupid, a dragon in big, purple robes..[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>SKILL
[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Your skills are:
Dodge
Fast Run
Move Silently
Teleport[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Breathe Fire[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
B-pen comes closer.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>BREATHE FIRE ON BLUEPENCIL[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
B-pen DODGES. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] B-pen exits.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Fang shoots an trap arrow! [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>DODGE ARROW [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You successfully dodged the arrow![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Slinky smiles.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Archon wields a metal pole.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] B-pen comes in. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>BREATHE FIRE ON BLUEPENCIL[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Your flame breath is useless on his Asbestos Armor![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Archon throws a metal pole.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You get hit![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You lose 10 HP [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>BREATHE FIRE ON ARCHON[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] William says: Minus X[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You turn back into a human! Goddamn administrative powers...[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Yamu approaches.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Slinky approaches.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Fang approaches. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>BEG FOR MERCY[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] No dice. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]>RUN ANYWHERE[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You can't run. You're trapped.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>KILL ME[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] I don't support euthanasia[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>QUIT[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You're not getting off that easy.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>HELP[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] I recommend FAINTing.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>FAINT[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] All becomes black... [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>WAKE UP[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
[b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]The Illuminati Lounge [/b][FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier][/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You wake up to see the Illuminati looking amusedly down at you. Their heads
are suddenly crowned again with hair![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>TOUCH HEAD[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Whose head?[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>MINE[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]It is slightly elongated, and topped with a forest of thick, black hair.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>ASK WILLIAM WHAT HAPPENED[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]William laughs. "Nothing happened."[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]>TALK SLINKY[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] "Psyched!" [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Slinky shows a cap of fake nu-skin.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
B-pen says: I loove scalping newbies..[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] The others laugh, and you find yourself joining their infective mirth. It WAS funny, from a weird point of view. Officially now, you are a part of the Illuminati. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] But make no mistake..you don't know how, you don't know when, but someday..you'll get them for this litle trick.... [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
You gain 100 points![/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
>SAVE[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Game saved.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]>QUIT[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] Got 130 points out of 1000 possible.[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] You earned the rank of Candlelight[/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
***GAME OVER*** [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Game format pirated from the Improfanfic by the Brick and Pencil plagiarism productions(2001) [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]Mail [email]bpen@envy.nu[/email] to register for beta testing. [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier] [/P]
[FONT FACE=Courier New, Courier]
[/TD]
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[/BODY]http://envy.nu/bpen/soj.jpg
~cause anything less than total and utter overkill is a complete waste of time~
-it's the freakin' bluepencil!
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
