Postapocalyptic movie, AFTERLIFE

[Adrenaline_movie]

Greetings, i would like to present here, of course if i can,
my latest video.
It is first part of postapocalyptic project AFTERLIFE.
Year 2221, after 3th world war, 5% of population survived.
Most valuable thing in whole earth is place untouched by radiation, where one can start new life.
Main hero is sent by his village to find this garden eden.
He is traveling trough wastelands for weeks,without sucess,
exhausted, running low with food and water, he wants to get in raiders camp.
In first part we can see trough what is main hero going, whats going on in his head.
There is not much action, instead of that there is confrontation:
Main hero VS solitude and his own mind.

Second part that im planing to shoot this year would be about his trip to the raiders camp where he would find friend from his village.
He would findout that his village s been burned down by riders, and villagers been sold to slavers.
Now he needs to find slavers and release his friends, his people.
In this journey he will meet lot of interesting people, creatures mutated by radiation.
We would see firefights between him and his party members against slavers, raiders, wasteland beasts, etc.
It would be like role playing movie.
Quests, adventure, story, everything shooted with profesional movie equipment, blank firing weapons, to add max. realism.

Stay tuned, any critism and comments are appreciated.
Have a nice day

here is link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66omkFyY4cg

 

[Lord Elden]

1. The first voice over narration is hard to comprehend.

2. It almost never works for the character to "think the dialogue". In film noir (and in neo noir) voiceover is used to narrate extensively. That works. The voiceover in Apocalypse Now! works. Your idea doesn't, it feels cheaper than a soap opera where they also use the idiotic idea of using "voice over thoughts". Also, pointless to have the first narration if the protagonist is also going to narrate by his thoughts (I got the impression it's not the same voice). Always use one character to narrate by voiceover. Unless you're Scorsese, he actually broke that "rule" in Goodfellas.

3. Sometimes you have the character actually talking to himself instead of using voice over thinking...

4. Why would he say that finally something reminds him of the good old times as he takes the cigarette from his pocket or belt? Doesn't make any sense at all since he has been carrying it around all the time...

5. Why does the protagonist try to shoot the bird with the pistol first? It's obvious that he should use the assault rifle which has a better chance to hit than the pistol. The bird would fly away after the first shot. That's what birds do when they hear a bang. Also, burst firing more than 3 shots isn't something you do because you won't hit anything due to the recoil (most Hollywood films don't take this in account though).

6. When the other character says "help me", we move towards the character. That camera angle POV is pointless since the protagonist is sitting still.

7. Why doesn't the other character hear the gun shots?

8. When he meets the other guy we hear a gun shot (or at least I get that impression) yet instead of shooting the bastard our protagonist makes a warning shot. Makes zero sense. He would attempt to take down the other guy directly after he has opened fire. In fact, since it would be about survival he should be ready to shoot the other guy before he turns around, so why does he put away the rifle? The wasteland is a hostile place after all...

9. The protagonist cocks the pistol twice.

10. In the shootout they miss most shots (or all). We don't see how far away they're from each other but since the protagonist isn't shouting he's obviously close enough to make most of the shots count. If the mentioned camera angle is to be taken in consideration (and it definitely should although the timing is totally off), since it's obviously in the protagonist's POV, we are close enough to smell the blood on the other character's face.

11. Having the character sitting down to smoke a cig is rather pointless, every frame should contain useful information. A film is (usually) a trip from location A to B. Every scene must be useful, it most either take the plot further and/or develop the character.

12. Boring camera angles. No real storytelling either. There's stuff going on (shooting at bird and guy) but yet it's extremely boring. A long scene by Tarkovsky where nothing happens is interesting to watch. This isn't even when stuff *is* actually happening...

13. The "actor" couldn't act if he's life depended on it...


All in all, extremely amateurish. And did you ask Mark Morgan if you could "borrow" the music from Fallout?
Don't let my criticism stop you from having fun though.

 

[Adrenaline_movie]

1. The first voice over narration is hard to comprehend.
I know, i just had hard time to record it with cheap microphone and with my slovak accent.

2.. It almost never works for the character to "think the dialogue".
After watching it all finished and rendered, i have same toughts about this. thanks for advice

3.. Sometimes you have the character actually talking to himself instead of using voice over thinking...
Yes, he is alone and he is frustrated, so he is talking to him self, to hear voice, his own voice in his mind is not enough for him sometimes.

4: Why would he say that finally something reminds him of the good old times as he takes the cigarette from his pocket or belt? Doesn't make any sense at all since he has been carrying it around all the time.
It does make a sence becase when he is about to fire ciggaret, it reminds him old flavour of ciggarets, ciggarets are not common there, so it is something enjoyable and something that reminds good old times...

5. Why does the protagonist try to shoot the bird with the pistol first?
Because he lost his mind, he is starwing, he is thirsty, he dosnt think clearly.
Then again, he cant shot down the bird cuz he barely can see cuz of sunlight and cuz he is exhausted and cant properly aim.
Burst fire is his hopeless calling.

6. When the other character says "help me", we move towards the character. That camera angle POV is pointless since the protagonist is sitting still.
Camera can move without protagonist, its not first person view, it appears to be but its not, its fault of cameraman and composition. i agree, but protagonist is not mentioned to move with camera.

7. Why doesn't the other character hear the gun shots?
Simply because he dosnt exist, he is only halucination in his mind, that attacks him when he is completly exhausted.
Its normal to have fatamorgana during sucha heat and when one is dehydrated.

8. When he meets the other guy we hear a gun shot (or at least I get that impression) yet instead of shooting the bastard our protagonist makes a warning shot. Makes zero sense
I agree, protagonist should take him down, unless he isnt someone who looks familiar or well known to him, what is not our case .

9. The protagonist cocks the pistol twice.
Didnt saw that, i will check that again and fix it

10. In the shootout they miss most shots (or all).
Both missing shots, because second guy-attacker is just ghost of wastelands, he is only in his mind.
So he cant shoot him, and neither main protagonist cant shoot him.

11 Having the character sitting down to smoke a cig is rather pointless, every frame should contain useful information.
Iam only human, iam learning, nobody is perfect.

12. Boring camera angles. No real storytelling either.There's stuff going on (shooting at bird and guy) but yet it's extremely boring. A long scene by Tarkovsky where nothing happens is interesting to watch. This isn't even when stuff *is* actually happening...
I will definetly consider that when i will do next storyboard and setting up camera angles, etc.

13.The "actor" couldn't act if he's life depended on it...
Iam afraid iam not understanding this sentence, can you explain me please.

All in all, extremely amateurish. And did you ask Mark Morgan if you could "borrow" the music from Fallout?
Don't let my criticism stop you from having fun though.
-----
All in all, lot of more watchable and interesting then most of the postapo movies out there on youtube.
This is first attempt, only attempt, between this and part two is lot of time, time to learn and improve.
I saw some movie projects also here, and they had common or different problems, we are learning.

did you ask Mark Morgan if you could "borrow" the music from Fallout?
I cant remember single video that had his own original music, i had no time to compose original music, i could do it in FL studio, but i focused to different things.
Everybody using music of someone different without asking.
However, this was only for first part, in next project i will consider that and i will make original music, to be different from others and to improve in this field also.

THank you for your critism, you helped me verry much.
Have a nice day and sorry for my grammar.

 

[Lord Elden]

Yes, he is alone and he is frustrated, so he is talking to him self, to hear voice, his own voice in his mind is not enough for him sometimes.

That might work in a book, but not in a movie... I'd suggest you have him talking to himself all the time instead. Or just have some voice over narration like in the film noir genre (although that requires a good voice). If the latter is what you're going to do, don't have the VO telling things you can see on the screen anyway. If for instance the character gets hold on some water don't make the VO say it, instead VO something like: "Water. My grandpa used to tell that in the ancient days they used to have so much of it people could wash themselves with it. Crazy." Or something like that, you get the drift.

It does make a sence becase when he is about to fire ciggaret, it reminds him old flavour of ciggarets, ciggarets are not common there, so it is something enjoyable and something that reminds good old times...

I understand the point. However, he takes an item he has been carrying around and utters "Finally" like he would have found an item that would made him remember the good old days.

Because he lost his mind, he is starwing, he is thirsty, he dosnt think clearly.

That's not clear from watching the film. He might have said something to indicate that which I could've missed but I didn't get a clear impression of that.
Maybe have him take out a flask earlier on only to notice there are only a couple of drops in the flask left. And make his face and lips dry (okay, this might be a budget issue, in which case I'd do a proper short film instead and hope someone will notice it and help you get a bigger budget instead of a no budget full film which hardly no one will bother to watch) so we can see that he's thirsty. Or make him drag himself forward or have his face down because the actor doesn't look thirsty at all. Make the guy dry and dirty and roughed up.

Simply because he dosnt exist, he is only halucination in his mind, that attacks him when he is completly exhausted.
Its normal to have fatamorgana during sucha heat and when one is dehydrated.

Okay, but again, I don't get that impression. Maybe it would've been clear in the followup.

11 Having the character sitting down to smoke a cig is rather pointless, every frame should contain useful information.
Iam only human, iam learning, nobody is perfect.

Don't take it too hard, I'm just telling how to improve the film. Of course, if this is just a hobby project then it hardly matters at all...

All in all, lot of more watchable and interesting then most of the postapo movies out there on youtube.
This is first attempt, only attempt, between this and part two is lot of time, time to learn and improve.

Honestly, most PA films suck period. Even those with some budget. There are only a few outstanding ones.

Everybody using music of someone different without asking.
However, this was only for first part, in next project i will consider that and i will make original music, to be different from others and to improve in this field also.

True, everyone does that and a again if this is just some small project you're having fun with it hardly matters. However, using other peoples work without asking isn't nice.

 

[InTheOnlineAsbestosSuit]

If you just cut out maybe a third of it, it'd make a pretty alright gunfight sequence. Do away with the opening narration entirely: rather than waste three minutes that the viewer will probably skip through, you're better off establishing all that information in back story throughout the movie. Or, if you're like me, leave the back story entirely to the audience's imagination. The voice overs too, since if you must have them you should make them into an actual narration rather than stream of consciousness non sense.