storything. More to come unless you guys REALLY REALLY hate

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Prelogue: The Chosen One simply delayed The Project. The other strongholds of the Enclave's power made their scheduled postwar contact and began to rebuild without their president. The Project was soon to be performed. It was the beginning of the end.


"DIE, PIGS!" I called out as my Bozar let loose an entire clip on a couple of Enclave troopers. The first went down with a tattered headpiece, the second with a spray of bullets to the torso. I jumped on a ledge and climbed to the top. Glancing down at the deserted valley, I engaged my powered armor's zoom sequence. There I spotted another pair of troopers, one with a suit emblazened with the US flag. He went first. The other looked around, straight up into the bullet which smacked a hole in his headpiece and sent down the gallant trooper. I jumped and turned to spot an incoming jeep, host to a trio of troopers, firing guns at me.
Letting loose a spray of bullets, I knocked one trooper off, gradually stepping back... until I fell right off.
Falling. Down. Down.
They say your life flashes in front of your eyes before you die. Well, I just spent a hell of a long time in that 50-year fall wondering how in the name of God I ended up here.

* * *

Glancing at his watch, Enclave Sergeant Brimstone called out to the group.
"Prepare for drop! Vertibird reaching zone in 10! Newbies, time for you to get a taste of the action!"

Looking down at my new set of powered armor from the headpiece, I was somewhat scared. This resistance group, called "The Avengers of Liberty," was responsible for the death of two Enclave squads. However, this was accomplished not without huge losses on their part. We were attacking their last, measly stronghold. I pray to god that he will forgive me for what I did next.
The squad jumped from the 'bird and engaged parachutes quickly enough. One of my 8 squaddies, Rapidfire, went down pretty fast. I rushed to help him, but sarge stopped me. Threatened me with endangering the squad if I stopped to slow them down. Regretfully turning from my dying friend, I marched on.
The 7 of us took up strategic positions at the ground. Sarge mounted a rocked launcher and let loose a rocket at the AA cannon that brought down RF. Boy was that a pretty sight. He then got down and joined us in sniping off the remaining members of the resistance. Some were wearing half-cannibalised powered armor, most wearing nothing but thin leather.
We were trained to kill. Desensitization out the ass. I hesitated to shoot until Sarge, ever my aggressor, ordered me to kill at least one or be turned over for sympathy for enemy cause. So I did. Shot the most wounded one. He would have lived, too, but at this point I didn't really care. They were the enemy. They would die.
Jumping up, we continued inward, taking up more sniping positions. My powered armor located a few guys inside the building with infrared scanning. They were praying. Praying. Down they went, one by one. All on the hothead BangBang's watch. We called him BB, even though BangBang was his official nickname.
Continuing in, we were only about a mile from the base when only the most squeamish guy in the squad got hit. Bobby Valdez. He was fine, too. His headpiece had just gotten blown off by sniper fire, leaving Bobby unhurt. But he wasn't pure anymore. Sarge pulled out his sidearm. Rushing up to stop him, sarge turned and blasted my front armor panel, seriously denting the armor. I was knocked back as he again turned and ended Valdez's life.
Sarge would have killed me, too, if I hadn't gotten hit by fire. I stayed low, acted dead. Didn't want sarge shooting poor little incompetent me. He didn't even pay attention. The rest of the gang kept on moving, losing more and more members. Except they actually died, unlike me. I was bleeding badly and blacking out.
I didn't see any light at the end of any damn tunnel. I woke up without my armor on, being studied by a group of tribals. I reached for my weapon out of shock, but could not locate it. I then tried remaining calm. Then I realized that there was nothing wrong with me. I wasn't hurting. Looking at my body, I saw that they had actually fixed me up.
I got to know the elder. Lived among them. Healed completely. I found out that these people managed to live on nothing but the land. That they didn't need to kill for survival. I realized that the radiation wasn't really effecting anything out there. I didn't want these people to die. They didn't deserve it. I left after living five whole years with them.
I decided not to wash off my old powered armor and keep the paintings I had put on it before leaving. The torso had a picture of a magic 8-Ball on it. Upon the fists were written "Absolutely... NOT!" On the ammunition packed hanging under the barrel of the gun was written, "Ask Again Later!" I thought that this would piss off the enclave idiots. So I set off into the wasteland, hoping to join a resistance group. That was the last day of the beginning of my life. I wanted to go out there and do some bad things to the enclave, maybe even going down fighting.
I wanted to fuck shit up.


Yup, more to come. Sucks huh? Wrote it in about 30 minutes. I think. :)
 
RE: storything. More to come unless you guys REALLY REALLY h

Not bad for 30 minutes! :) Hhehe, more than I could do in 30 minutes, that's for sure ;). You've got a good style, I'm eager for more of this story...keep it up!

-Slinky Avenger
 
RE: storything. More to come unless you guys REALLY REALLY h

I love your plot, however, I do have some suggestions that I hope may help you.

1) I simply love your idea, but you need to give it a little more drama so that it hits harder for the reader.

2)Too short. It would have been much better if it was about 10 times larger, so that you could have gone in to more detail.

3)That's about it. I really hope you don't take these ideas a criticism, but I wanna give you a few pointers, and I don't want to blow smoke up your butt ;)

And no, it didn't suck. A little refinement is needed, but it definately does not suck. Just spend a little more time on the next part, and I'm sure you will come out with some truly great stuff.




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RE: storything. More to come unless you guys REALLY REALLY h

and more gore, please




"shichisho hokoku"
 
RE: storything. More to come unless you guys REALLY REALLY h

More gore? Actually, the "feel" I'm trying to get here is somewhat derivant of Robert Heinlein's Starship Troopers, where PA came from. I'm working on another version right now, too. A few more people die and there's more style to it all. Well, whatever. Gore it is.

Nader it is. Nader. Not Gore. People like Gore and Clinton make me wanna wretch. More Nader in this story.

www.newgrounds.com/politics.html
 
RE: storything. More to come unless you guys REALLY REALLY h

So why don`t you try a more political background, like you could discover a war between the tipper and the zappa factions in the BOS, or a george bush university in new reno, or a demonstration against the monopoly of iguana-on-a-stick by the naderish ghouls :-) :-) :-)


"shichisho hokoku"
 
RE: storything. More to come unless you guys REALLY REALLY h

Zappa? You mean FRANK Zappa? Ah, yes. Zappa's three members could try and kill the Tippers while she slowly screws them over to her side.
 
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