A Vault Dweller's First Time Out

Mr Krepe

Water Chip? Been There, Done That
Episode 1

Vault 12, situated in the Mississippi Delta, a vast marshland, with near constant rain. Inside Vault 12 was not troubled as this was one of the vaults the Enclave chose not to experiment on, but trouble was brewing. Overseer Gerald Silverdale was facing a revolution, the vault dwellers were getting angry that they weren't allowed out, even though it has been 2 centuries since the atomic fallout (2279). So the Overseer promised he would start a raffle to choose 3 people to be the first vault dwellers out into the marshes.

Raymond "Ray" Greendale, was eating spaghetti in the cafeteria when over the announcer it came, "Raymond Greendale, David McGreghin and Pablo Mendez have been chosen for the Vault Reconnaissance Team", Ray spewed his spaghetti all over his nephew who was eating with him, in the General Practitioners office, David was being inoculated then he jumped off the chair and the doctor nearly stabbed him in the chest with the syringe, and Pablo was on the guards shooting range when he overheard the announcer he used up all the rounds in his magazine by spreading all over the place.

Later that day, the three met in the Overseer's office, the three were all very different to each other, Ray was a polite family man, David kept to himself but was always getting ill, and Pablo was a cocky trigger-happy guard. The Overseer walked in, "You three are unbelievably lucky, the good things is, you get to leave today, the bad thing is there's lots of precautions to take".

The Overseer put 3 Handguns on the table, with full magazines, he pulled out 10 Stimpacks and put them on the table, "That didn't take long as I thought it would" the Overseer said while chuckling. The three men looked at each other nervously. The Overseer pulled a lever and the desk pulled apart and a staircase appeared down to a tunnel. The three were escorted to the vault door by the Overseer, the door guards were looking at them with awe. The vault door started to churn apart, the siren was beyond deafening.

The three started walking out the tunnel, everybody behind them was cheering, the three heard something behind, "Jesus I Forgot!!!" the Overseer shouted, the Overseer sprinted over to them, "Report back to the vault in two weeks, we will see you on the CCTV Camera outside". The Overseer's forgetfulness scared the lucky 3.

The men got out of the tunnel, but the enviroment was stunning. Dead trees everywhere, but the floor was wet and covered and moss, the fog was extremely dense, you could not see twenty metres in front of you.

"Better get going then!" Pablo shouted arrogantly. The three started running through the marshes, it wasn't long until a problem arose. "What the Fuck is That?" Pablo whispered. "It's like a scorpion, but it's not" Ray replied.

The group hid behind a rock, but David stood on a twig, "Sorry Guys", the large scorpion started running at them. "Shit, Shit, Shit!!!" the scorpion charged after David.

"Eat lead mother fucker!!!" Pablo launched 3 rounds into the tough hide of the scorpion, the scorpion turned around a dived at Pablo, he started sprinting away shouting several curse words.

The scorpion snapped at Ray, who almost instinctively shot at the scorpion face, score, Ray hit it in one of it's eyes. Pablo charged back with what appeared to be a long metal pole. He impaled the huge scorpion on the rod, then pulled it out, then he stabbed it back in it's head, "Fuck Yeah Mother Fucker!!!" shouted Pablo.
"Easy on the F word there Pablo" Ray said sharply to Pablo.
Pablo walked over to Ray and pushed him other, "What the Fuck Pablo!!!" Ray shouted.
"I can use that fucking word as much as I can fucking want, and if you can't 'handle' that then go fuck off back to the fucking vault!!!". Pablo stormed off ahead while David pulled up Ray, "Don't worry about him, he's a dick" David said to Ray quietly.

It was getting dark, they set up camp on a bank near small stream, but after the scorpion incident, none of them felt like sleeping.

Episode 2

The sun was glaring above the trees of the delta, but the constant thick fog blurred it to near invisibility. David got up from a log on the bank, "You guys seen anything last night?" he said in a calm undertone voice.

"Nah nothing over here" Pablo reloaded his magazine for the seventh time in the hour, David continued "What 'bout you Ray?".

"I didn't see anything that seemed dangerous, but I thought I saw some silhouettes in the night, human shaped not scorpion shaped" Ray sounded nervous. Pablo peered behind Ray to see if he could see anything, "You've been seeing things you wimp!"

The group kept close as they trekked through the dense swampy marshland of the delta, occasionally stumbling across old ruins, but nothing of interest.

It was getting late, and the three were starting to get tired after no sleep for 38 hours, they walked past some more ruins, that didn't appear to be of interest.

"Oi, hey you guys!" the voice startled the group, especially Pablo who nearly shot a round in the direction of the voice. A man clad in a leather jacket ran over to the group, "You guys want to sleep with me tonight?"

The group crowded round a small flare lit on the floor, "So what's yer' names?" the stranger asked. "I'm Pablo, these to are David and Ray, they is shit scared!" Pablo sniggered away to himself.

"Being scared out in the wasteland..." the man was interrupted by Ray. "You said wasteland, where is everyone?".

The man continued, "Everybody either lives on the west coast in the big towns or just camp around places of interest, by the way I ain't told you guys my name yet, i'm Jacob, I come from the north way up next to D.C, I wandered down here, where are you from?"

"Where all from Vault 22, about 2 miles away" David said to Jacob.
Jacob replied with glee on his face, "Nice, I hear those vaults' are pretty swanky, but I guess it's getting late, better get to sleep".

Ray was the first to nod of, then David, but Pablo pretended to go to sleep. Jacob walked away into the shadows, but sleepiness claimed Pablo.

The group was awoken by the sound of a voice of what appeared to be shouting at them, "Wake up yer' filthy vault dwelling bitches!!!", a filthy old man with a huge beard was looking at them, "You's work for us now you mother fucking bastard pure breeds!!!!".

The three were in a cage that was being towed by what appeared to be a cow with two heads, "What the Hell is that thing, and where are we!?!?" shouted Ray to the old man, but he just ignored him, but David answered his questions, "That must be some sort of irradiated cow, and we appear to be in a slaving community of some sort".

The cage was opened and the three was thrown into a small compound with other slaves who were smoking, playing cards or just having fun with themselves in the shadows.

Pablo still appeared to be asleep, Ray tried to wake him up, but it turned out Pablo was awake, "Shhh, i've smuggled my gun in, if we time it right we should be able to get outta' here!".

The old man came back in the compound and locked the door, he had a baseball bat, and unfortunately everyone new what was going to happen. All the slaves were shouting at Pablo "Get up, he'll hit you, get up!", the slaves didn't know what Ray and David knew though.

"Well looke' here, looks like I got me a sleeping fucking beauty!" the slaver went in for a hit. Pablo rolled over and pointed the gun straight at the slavers head, "I'd think twice about hitting me you fucking old man!"

Episode 3

Episode 3 will be postponed due to Mr. Krepe going on holiday for 2 weeks to New Zealand.
 
Episode 2 is now up and running on the main post.

Thanks Alec for the compliment, why is it so bad to you SuAside?
 
It has punctuation, grammar, sentence, paragraph errors. Only one exclamation point is needed to get the point across.
 
With exclamation marks, I was told by my english teacher that if a character is using speech, they can have several levels of exclamation, and you can use several exclamation marks, and if a characters is in speech you can use grammar errors if they are talking in slang. But, I thought people read things to get some sort of enjoyment out of it, I don't get how people can read something and the first thing that pops into their head is, 'Oh my, that exclamation mark is very out of place, and my word that comma shouldn't be there!".
 
Well, your teacher is wrong about the exclamation points. And there is no need to put a period outside the ending quotation; it should always be inside the quotes, but if you are using an exclamation or question mark, the period isn't needed at all. And, yes, showing that you know how to use the language is very important to the reader, mistakes can be jarring and distracting, making the reader not fully immersed in the story.

(Sorry, English major :P )

That aside, it's interesting. I assume you have a whole series?
 
Okay, i'm only quite young (one year away from ending secondary school) so I understand how I could be wrong. I'll make sure to correct these errors in future episodes. Yeah, I have a whole series in mind (didn't bother to write them down before I put them on this forum, that is what is probably accountable for the terrible grammar).
 
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