Advice

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WaterGirl

Where'd That 6th Toe Come From?
My brother Craig is 21 years old, and a few days ago I found out that he is into cocaine. Craig also has been smoking pot for the last few years. I know he has, and that doesn't bother me as much as the cocaine. There is also some evidence that he might be into other heavier drugs.

He lives with our older brother William, who is 28 (he and I don't do any drugs). I want to approach Craig about the situation, but I prefer to avoid confrontation. Has anybody been in a similar situation? I haven't talked to William about it much, but seeing as he and Craig live together I'm sure he'll help me.

Has anybody been in a similar situation with a friend or family member? Anybody have any advice on how I should approach this?
 
Well, my situation is a little different than yours, and the method we used was a little unorthodox, but I hope it helps all the same.

One of my good friends tried experimenting with cocaine about a year ago. He thought that he wasn't going anywhere in life, so why not. That's not a very good attitude to begine with. So when he brought it to our attention, we immediately told him not to do it. He, of course, did it anyways. So after about the third or fourth time he did, me and my other friends just started to make fun of him for it. Being made fun of by your peers can be a pretty harsh thing, and usually if you're made fun of something you do or something you wear or whatever, you try to change it. So we purposely made it as harsh as possible for him. After a while, he just couldn't take the shamings anymore, and he stopped using coke. He hasn't done it since.

Now, i'm not sure if this is something you want to do with your brother, but you should at least confront him about it. Coke is definitely not a good thing.
 
ya, if he doesnt care about life and does coke make fun of him. He'll either kill himself or change, good idea creation.
 
There is a possibility, if you confront your older brother, that you are telling him something he already knows.

William might be aware of this and hasn't wanted to tell you. William might, despite what he says, be toking as well. It's pretty common in families to keep secrets, especially about things we know will disappoint or concern our siblings.

That said, at 28, he might be the more mature person to call in on this.

That said, I used to work in a place where a lot of cocaine was being used. It eats up a hell of a lot of money and once you get the habit it will be hard to break. He might be doing it just for the high and not for some more personal issues. That said, it's worth getting off of.
 
POOPERSCOOPER said:
ya, if he doesnt care about life and does coke make fun of him. He'll either kill himself or change, good idea creation.
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You really are a bastard scooper. You also don't know anything about people.
Most people don't actually want to die or waste away their life. In my friend's case, it was more of an attention thing, if anything. He didn't know what he was getting himself into, and we got him out of it. We also didn't make fun of him as person, just his using coke. And if someone actually thought they're life wasn't worth living, they're not going to do coke. They're going to kill themselves.
Learn some basic psych, you worthless pile of garbage. Its a perfect example of conditioning. By us using punishment, his response(using coke) became extinct.
 
If people want to die it doesnt mean there going to just kill themselves. A lot of teenagers have depression and want to die but are scared of actually killing themselves because they end up thinking "wats after dis?" "what about family, lewl?" and stuff like that. If people killed themselves when they felt like it we wouldnt have a lot of depressed people, now would we? Attacking what someone is doing is attacking them, if you make fun of his coke use you are making fun of him. If someone makes fun of my extensive computer use, i would consider that attack and probably feel bad.

With coke being such a serious drug, the method of helping your friend would be something no "pysch" person would ever do unless they have tried all others. Alot of people use drugs for attention, kinda like cigs? Then when it gets to a certain point were they're doing it because it makes them feel good it stops being an attention whore thing.

"LEARN SAOME BASICE" SIKE< MAN YOU SUCH NEWB LOL"
 
I'm thinking it might be a good idea to talk to other family members, (Mum, Dad, your brother William etc) and any of his close friends. See what they know/think about it, then maybe confront him as a group. The problem with this approach is that it might seem that you're ganging up on him.
Also, try to confront him gently, my brother was (& maybe still is, don't speak to him now) into drugs, and he'd fly off the handle if we mentioned it..
Sorry I can't help more, but I don't know your brother, so there's not alot I can say.

Hope you find a way to help him.
 
WaterGirl said:
My brother Craig is 21 years old, and a few days ago I found out that he is into cocaine. Craig also has been smoking pot for the last few years. I know he has, and that doesn't bother me as much as the cocaine. There is also some evidence that he might be into other heavier drugs.

He lives with our older brother William, who is 28 (he and I don't do any drugs). I want to approach Craig about the situation, but I prefer to avoid confrontation. Has anybody been in a similar situation? I haven't talked to William about it much, but seeing as he and Craig live together I'm sure he'll help me.

Has anybody been in a similar situation with a friend or family member? Anybody have any advice on how I should approach this?
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It seems like it would be kinda hard to give advice on something like this, without knowing a bit about your brother's personality. How well do you know him?
 
First I'd like to say thank you to everybody who has had suggestions. I talked to my mom today, but the only place we got was near tears. Craig hasn't been home for about two weeks now, and doesn't really return his phone calls, so it's really difficult to get a hold of him. I'll call William when I get a chance to see if we can work something out. I wish my mom could help William and I talk to him, but she recently moved out of state, and probably won't be back to visit for a while.

Bugeisha said:
How well do you know him?
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Until a few days ago I thought I knew him really well. He's only two years older than I am, and my only full brother, so I always felt closer to him than anybody else. I don't think I know anything about him anymore though...

welsh said:
William might, despite what he says, be toking as well.
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I know this is a possibility. William used to be really into pot, in fact he's partially responsible for introducing Craig to it, but for the last few years he's been trying to clean up his act. He doesn't drink very often, and hasn't done pot "for a while." I trust him when he says that he doesn't do anything heavier.

Something that I should have mentioned in the beginning, and as some of you may know, my dad died as a result of being a heroin user several years ago. He contracted HIV from sharing needles and having promiscuous sex. I just hope that Craig has the intelligence to stay away from that. Knowing the experiences my dad had is enough to scare me away from all drugs... I just wish it had the same effect on my brother.
 
Whatever you choose to do watergirl, just do it. The major harm you would do to your brother would be through innaction. If you don't want to talk it out with your mother try confronting him directly about it (just let the other brother know you are going to do it). I really hope this works out for you, people who sell drugs and their families should be grinded into fertilizer. The pain they cause on humanity is far too great to ignore and condone.
 
I'm sorry I brought your Dad up, now you mention it, I remember you mentioning in another thread about it (quite a while ago). It would help explain why you and your Mum were so upset by this, and I apologise if I've upset you further.
The only thing I can think of right now is to speak to a doctor, social worker, youth worker or someone of that ilk. Speaking to somebody who knows more about these things will give you a better understanding of what is going on, and how to help. Possibly try to get your brother to come along with you, or pick up some pamphlets for him. Whilst often ignored, just the sight of them sat on his kitchen table, or pinned up on the wall will remind himof the problem with what he's doing.

Also, is he doing the coke alone, with a few friends or is it a "Normal" thing to do amongst his peers?
 
This might seem a bit cruel, but I've seen several different people approach drug-using friends different ways. There have been two different cases that stick out in my mind, both of them friends of someone I knew, not my personal friends. In one, the guy tried compassion and reason, and it simply didn't work. The drug-user ended up "borrowing" a shotgun and a motorcycle, sold both of them, and used all the money on further drugs. The drug-user is still alive, and still addicted. In the other case, the friend and the family took the drug user to a remote farm and left him there for half a year. This farm specialized in such cases, and treated him like a prisoner for that time. The drug-user tried to run away, they tracked him down and took him back. At the end though, the drug-user overcame his addiction, and for six years now has been clean. He has a nice job and a good life.

Drugs really affect people, they change drastically. I really don't think people can "overcome" drugs on their own, because they are not themselves. My only advice is to find one of these harsh places (not a "halfway house" too much freedom). It's cruel, but it's what I would do if I found one of my friends addicted to anything stronger than marijuana. It's not something I really expect you to do though, it's just my personal advice.
 
Don't make fun of him. That's a dumb idea, unless your friend/brother has no fucking spine and does everything he's told.

I'd just get some men with sticks to put him in rehab. rhubarb. If he wanted help.

Is it an actual problem anyway? Mebbe he's experimenting.

Perhaps just talking to him might be better instead of tip-toeing about. Perhaps a teary conversation with his sister would be better than his big brother?
 
like Kotario said: rehab. And perhaps you could stress the fact that you will turn away from him if he doesn't clean up his act. And if he tries to break the habit offer your full support, but don't cut him too much slack. If he cares about you more than he cares for the drug you have a decent chance. Some medical help if things get ugly... and he has to want, even a bit, to go straight, otherwise it is pointless. I hope he manages to pull through, and we are all here for you...
 
Just have Dove scare him straight.



On a serious note - I suggest you confront him and start crying with the "I don't want you to die" stuff. Unless he's a heartless grinch, he should give in. And make sure you get him to promise to take a drug test every 3 weeks.

Good luck.
 
I talked to William yesterday. He still hasn't heard from Craig or the $600 that Craig owes him. Craig still isn't answering his phone, his voicemail is full, he hasn't been home, and he either calls in sick to work or leaves early whenever William tries to go see him there. I'm ready to just give up and wait for him to fall flat on his face.
 
WaterGirl said:
I talked to William yesterday. He still hasn't heard from Craig or the $600 that Craig owes him. Craig still isn't answering his phone, his voicemail is full, he hasn't been home, and he either calls in sick to work or leaves early whenever William tries to go see him there. I'm ready to just give up and wait for him to fall flat on his face.
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That sounds just like my oldest brother.
He owes everyone in our family money, he owes thousand of pounds for car loans, bank overdrafts, credit cards, personal loans, etc.
He's "dabbled" (at least) in pretty much everydrug there is (including heroin & crack) and, last I heard, he was dealing as well. Last time he tried that, he smoked all his profits, meaning he owed money to several drug dealers.
We haven't seen him since christmas, he'll only speak on the phone to my Mum, and only then at 6PM on a sunday. If she phones even five minutes late he won't answer.
We've pretty much given up on him, but my Mum can't. He's already put her through a nervous breakdown, but he's her first born, her favourite, and she cannot let go.

I sincerely hope you are able to help your brother, My heart goes out to you and your family.
 
Pipboy2000 said:
On a serious note - I suggest you confront him and start crying with the "I don't want you to die" stuff. Unless he's a heartless grinch, he should give in.
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Heartless grinch has nothing to do with it. A cocaine addiction is STRONG - some people will give up everything they have just to get ahold of the stuff.

It may work for a few hours, but withdrawl will set in and he'll go back to it. Let's just say I went through this with a very good friend.

Ultimately, a person has to want to stop. And that's the problem with drug addiction - many people don't want to quit.
 
I've known several people like that, and it sounds like your brother is definitely a cokehead. I recommend you confront him as quickly as possible before things get worse.

The worst thing you can do is make fun of a cokehead; especially since it really wouldn't work, and will only succeed in alienating him and driving him deeper into his addiction (if he has one). As for crying and begging him to stop, it probably won't work either. Hard drugs like coke tend to change their users into totally different people once they've become addicted to them. In a sense, the powder has stolen his soul. The only thing that can help him is either drug rehab, or a strong will to quit, which in his case, probably isn't going to work.

I would recommend that you try an intevention and make him go to rehab. He's trying to avoid people from his pre-addiciton life, so it might be a bit dificult to catch up with him. Maybe you or your brother know some of his drug buddies, and can find him through them..

Deep down inside, he knows what he's doing is fucked up, and he's probably going through a lot of self-loathing. Hopefully, he isn't so self-destructive that he would be willing to kill himself. Get all your friends and family together, confront him with his problem, and let him know that they all care for him, and that they want him to go to rehab. This might break him down and get him to enter a drug-center that will help him through the worst of his disease.

Anyways, good luck and I hope that everything goes for the best.
 
Coke is good stuff, though. Tried it myself a couple of times and gotta tell'ya: it's the good stuff. Yep, sure is. It's the stuff that makes you go wee-wee-pezoink-pezoink-pwiet-pwiet-and so on. It's a buzz and I loved it, hey, sue me. But it's poison, of course, you're absolutely right. It's less addictive than I thought, though. A lot of people I know use it a couple of times a year and they never show any withdrawl symptoms or whatever.

But this is your brother of course, right... :roll:

Ask him why he think he needs cocaine then. I know defining the problem isn't exactly the same as solving it, but it's the direction to follow in any case.
 
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