Dixie Wasteland

Discussion in 'Fan Art/Fan Fiction' started by YeeCop, Mar 22, 2017.

  1. YeeCop

    YeeCop Just a Sweet Irradiated Transvestite

    281
    Jan 26, 2017
    A little shameless self-promotion. So I wrote a fan fiction a couple years about the Midwest Enclave, called The Dixie Wasteland. It follows the story of an Enclave soldier named Miles Barfoot who is sent to the Southeastern Commonwealth to help the Enclave liberate the Georgia-Alabama region, with the help of a local militia. The Enclave's efforts are hindered by a powerful Neo-Nazi fascist power led by a tyrannous dictator.
    Here's the prologue: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10289698/1/The-Dixie-Wasteland
    Any writing infrequencies you can blame on the fact that I wrote it back in high school. It's not finished, but in the meantime, if you guys like it or hate it, let me know. Any feedback I get will help me out. Thanks!
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2017
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  2. Mutant Screg

    Mutant Screg Totally not a mutant

    126
    Jun 27, 2015
    I think the premise is interesting, but I have a couple of nitpicks if you'll humor me:

    I think the whole "War. War never changes" prologue bit is a little redundant, since I'm sure most people that will read this stuff would know the general background story.

    If you intend to keep that bit, however, I feel like the line about slavers could be either redacted or downsized and merged into the sentence just before that.

    The second person PoV in the last paragraph sounds a bit game-y to me, but if that's what you were going for, then awesome!

    Best of luck in your writing.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2017
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  3. rogerdv

    rogerdv First time out of the vault

    65
    Dec 18, 2007
    Im writer, but I dont feel myself qualified to properly criticize english texts. But I also think that the second paragraph doesnt fits the rest of the text point of view. Keep working, practice helps to improve.