Who remembers this? From the good old days, of WebBBS 3.22...
God, this is so funny...Brings back some memories.
PART 1
"Hey guys." Marcus mumbled. "I think the Chosen One is dead."
"Well then." Skynet looked at the scorched remains of the Chosen One. "I guess he shouldn't have continued playing after he finished the game. Off course he'll just reload now."
"But he can't die. He's a hero! Heroes never die." Miria said.
"Shut up." Goris grumbled. "What are we going to do now?"
"Well." K-9 brought in. "We could find a nice house, with a white fence and two cars in the garage. And after ten years, when we've finally paid every last bill…we'll blow the shit out of it."
"Grampy Bone not be liking that plan one bit." Sulik said.
"But…But, how can we live without him!" Miria cried out.
"We are computer-animated inanimate pictures, in other words, we aren't alive." Skynet said.
"We aren't?" Goris looked surprised, then took out his diary and started writing:
"Dear diary, today Skynet told us we're not alive. He's so smart, I think I'm in love with him. Maybe I'll marry him one day and we'll have little cyber-deathclaws."
"Uh guys." The Chosen One mumbled. "Could you please help me? I'm in great pain."
"No K-9." Marcus said. "I don't think that's a good idea. Hey wait a minute, K-9, canine, I get it!" He falls to the ground and laughs hysterically.
"I'm in really, really great pain." The Chosen One said
"As long as we get to blow something up I'm happy." K-9's tail wagged.
"We and I still have to find sis." Sulik said sadly.
"You still don't get it do you tribal." Marcus rumbled. "Your sis was kidnapped by the Enclave. You should have figured that out."
"That be a good thing. But we and I still have to find sis." Sulik said with a smile.
"Don't mind him Marcus." Goris interrupted. "He's programmed to say that."
"Could someone get me a medic, I'm still in great pain." The Chosen One cried out in pain.
"I know." K-9 jumped up and down excitedly. "Let's blow up the Chosen One!" Before anyone could stop him he took the dynamite from Marcus' inventory, placed it on the Chosen One's chest and set the timer.
"Oh my god." Miria cried and ran away, followed on foot by the others. They all turned when in save distance. With a great "kaboom" the Chosen One was blown to bits.
"Dar she blows!" Marcus hollered.
"That takes care of that problem." Skynet said, watching K-9 who was still jumping up and down excitedly.
"Yes, but we and I still have to find sis." Sulik said.
"If he doesn't stop that quick I'm going to squish him by sitting on him!" Marcus mumbled.
"Ewww," Miria said with a disgusted look on her face. "That's disgusting."
"Why? My ass is clean, just look."
"No, no! Spare me!" Miria cried.
"I know, we can quest for the holy…um…the holy…thingy." Skynet said.
"The what?" Marcus said.
"The holy thingy." Skynet said.
"Oh, that's brilliant Skynet" Goris said happily. "Quest for the Holy...Oh, no, wait, why would we quest for the holy thingy?"
"I don't know. We'll just do, ok?"
"And what does the holy thingy look like?" Marcus asked.
"I don't know. I suppose it should look like a…thingy, or no, a holy thingy."
"And when we find it…" K-9 said joyously. "We can blow it up!" K-9 started jumping around excitedly again.
"You know." Goris said. "I really can't remember him jumping up and down excitedly before."
In answer, K-9 continued to jump up and down excitedly.
"We and I will help you quest for the holy thingy. Grampy bone say it be important. But we and I still have to…"
"Find sis" Marcus interrupted quickly. "Aha, beat you there didn't I?"
"Actually, I wanted to say we and I still have to find sis." Sulik smiled.
Marcus was dumbfounded. K-9 was still jumping up and down. Goris was still staring a Skynet, Skynet was still staring at K-9, K-9 was still staring at Marcus, Marcus was still staring at Sulik, Sulik was still staring at Marcus, Marcus was still staring at Sulik, Sulik was…
"Hey wait a minute!" Miria cried. "Who am I staring at?"
Everyone looked up angrily as they were interrupted from there staring. "Shut up." Goris said. "Are we going to quest or what?"
"God," Skynet muttered. "I'm getting a brainache."
"Woof." K-9 barked (but that's pretty obvious). "I'll blow something up, if it'll make you feel better?"
"Are you sure you don't want to see my ass? It's real pretty." Marcus told Miria.
"No!" Miria cried (she doesn't seem to do much but cry).
"My brainache is getting worse." Skynet murmured. "I'm glad I don't have a head to ache too."
"What did the holy thingy look like again?" Goris asked.
"A thingy, or wait, a holy thingy." Skynet answered.
"And there's a difference?" Miria asked.
"Uh, sure. A thingy is just a…thingy. But a holy thingy is real, um, shiny and radiant and uh, stuff." Skynet said.
"Ok, so we have to find a thingy that's shiny and radiant and…what was that last thing again?" Marcus inquired.
"Stuff." Skynet answered.
"Yeah, what he said." Marcus said. "This should be easy. Let's go!"
"We and I still have to find sis." Sulik muttered as the party left.
END OF PART 1
Narrator (he's a demon you know): Did you enjoy part 1? No? Me too. Now hold your breath, because here is part 3!
Person from the audience: Part 3? What happened to part 2?
Narrator (still a demon): This is part 2 you idiot!
Other person from the audience: Is that so?
Narrator-demon: Enough, now I will take your souls!
Person from the audience: I knew it, you demons always want souls. What do you do with them anyway?
Narrator: To tell you the truth, they make great toilet-cleaners.
Owner of the damn bar: Stop it goddamn! Just get on with the damn story!
Narrator: I knew it, never get to take any souls (mumble) (mumble). Ok, now for part 3!
Part 2, or 3.
"I'm hungry." Miria muttered.
Marcus nodded, "She's right you know. We haven't eaten for days. I'm famished."
"Wow!" K-9 howled. "Let's blow something up.'
"I'm afraid that won't help us now." Skynet said. "Does anyone have a suggestion?"
"I know!" Marcus exclaimed. "Let's eat the extra, he doesn't serve any other purpose."
"I always thought extra's were supposed to be eaten by the monster." Goris said. "What's your name anyway extra?"
"Kenny." The extra replied.
"Why does this seem vaguely familiar?" Skynet muttered. "Something from before the war."
"Ok." Marcus grinned. "Let's eat."
A few moments later…
"Ah, that was delicious." Marcus licked his fingers. "Finger-licking good. Could someone pass me the cheesy poofs."
"I should remember where I know that from. It seems so familiar." Skynet continued muttering.
"Yes." Miria said fearfully. "But it will only sustain us for a few hours, then, we must feed again."
"Jesus what are you people diarrhoea sufferers?" Goris asked/
"I should recognise this, I really should!" Skynet continued muttering.
"Poor Kenny, he didn't deserve this. Burp." Goris said.
"Now I remember." Skynet exclaimed. "Hum, hum. Sorry people, but this needs to be done. Oh my god, they killed Kenny! You, um, what was it again?"
"Bastards." Goris filled in.
"What? But I like you guys." Skynet said.
"Um, remember? We were questing?" Miria said impatiently.
"Yeah, yeah. Alright people, let's get a move on." Marcus said.
The group wanders along for a while. Until, at the edge of the over-populated capitol of NCR they stumble upon an ancient artefact.
"What's this then?" Marcus muttered as he overturned the hand grenade in his hand. On it's side was a strange inscription.
Skynet peered at the hand grenade. "I think it's the holy hand grenade of Antioch. Just leave it there, the knights will find it."
"Alright." Marcus muttered as he tossed the grenade over his shoulder. An enormous crack like thunder followed and a huge vortex of death swept across the city of NCR dragging the crying people with it.
"Hmm," Marcus paused for a moment. "Well, that sure takes care of the over-population problem."
President Tandi came running out of the town. Hair on fire and hands burned into cinders. "What do you want?" She cried near tears.
"Um, we're looking for the holy thingy." Marcus replied.
"It's that way." Tandi pointed east. "South of Vault 15."
"Thank you kindly ma'am." Marcus said and walked away, followed by the rest.
Despite the pain Tandi smiled. "That'll teach you to destroy my town." She whispered before turning back to the crater that was NCR.
"We and I still have to find sis." Sulik muttered as they continued towards their impending doom. For waiting in the shadows south of Vault 15 was a horror, so unspeakable that I barely dare to describe it, for there was the land of the Teletubbies.
PART 3
"oooh",marcus said,"dinner,just look at those cute litle bunny-rabbits.They'll taste great on the BBQ"he continued as he pulled out a flamethrower"
"why not blow them up and make shishkebab?"K-9 asked"
"the Sis I have to find liked cute little bunny's"sulik replied
"We can't kill those little rabbits they're so cute"Miria cried"besides don't we have some questing to do?"
"Eat first"marcus answered"Now be vewy,vewy quiet,I'm hunting wabbits"
look"Goris screamed"look at those idiotic little round creatures with those thingqs on their heads on those weird coloured belly.Wouldn't they taste delicious?"
No, "Skynet said while examening the strange beings"by the looks of them they've had way to much radiation.An A-Bomb has probabmy exploded right next to them.it's the only possible sollution or"he continued" they're left overs from the first FEV testing.
PART 4
One of the things dribbled up towards Marcus.
"Uh-oh" it said.
The strange creature was all yellow and had an ancient prewar television where its stomach should be. It was carrying a handbag.
"LaaLaa!!" it said to Marcus while jumping, smiling and pointing at itself.
The other things were engaged in a group hug and didn't seem to notice LaaLaa being so close to the mutant.
"Awww, it's so cute", Miria said, "Just looking at it makes me all warm, fuzzy and happy inside"
Marcus glanced at Miria for a moment. A smile appeared on the burly mutants face as he torched the thing.
"I am NOT a merry mutant", Marcus said.
"Woohoo, K-9 howled, "let's blow them up!!"
"But we and I still have to find sis" Sulik said.
The other three teletubbies, alerted by the wooshing sound of the flamethrower looked at the remains of what was left of LaaLaa. First they seemed sad. They formed a circle around the ashes of LaaLaa and grouphugged eachother one more time. Then the look on their faces turned from sad to angry. One of the teletubbies pulled a plasma rifle from its backpack.
"Uh-Oh, you're gonna die!!!" it said.
"Yay!!!", the other two screamed.
Part 5 (on top for convenience).
"YEEEOWCH!!.." Marcus exclaimed as he felt the burn of Plasma on his skin, "OH YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT!"
Marcus held his flamethrower by the nozzel and, wielding it like a bat, swung it at the freaky little mutant. With a satisfying crush the imploded head of the teletubby flew, with its body, over the hill.
The other two Teletubbies ran off screaming.
"Hahaha nice way to show em Marcus", laughed Miria.
---
The group sat around the campfire that night..
"Hmm.. this is a bit rubbery doncha think?" mumbled Marcus, taking another bite of some roasted teletubby.
"Like eating brahmin fries back in Modoc," said Miria, "I wonder how they make em.."
*SNAP*
"Yikes! What was that!" exclaimed Marcus.
"We be thinkin we should check it out," said Sulik.
"But only I can see, I'm the only one with Infrared night vision," informed Skynet.
"I've got that handled," said Marcus stepping forward, "I drank a bit of Gamma Gulp beer, and it says it makes your piss glow."
"Yuck, I don't want to see your, um.. schlong.." muttered Miria.
"You sure did last night, hehehe," laughed Marcus, "Let's go."
So they went in the direction of the sound, Marcus leading and peeing the way through. Suddenly they saw two glowing eyes.
"EEEEK WHAT IS IT!" barked K-9.
"Seem's humanoid," replied Skynet.
"I'll handle this," said Marcus, setting his nozzel, and not his flamethrower's, on full spray and covered the area where the eyes were with glowing liquid.
"HEY! What the fuck do you think you're doing!" said a voice where the eyes were.
* * * POW * * *
A well landed fist of Marcus' soon silenced the the voice.
"We be thinkin wes should carry it back", said Sulik.
"We should blow it up!" replied K-9.
They decided to drag the knocked out person back to the campfire.
They soon found that it was one of the ugliest humans they had ever laid eyes on. He had bright green eyes, pale zitty skin, greasy hair, stank of BO, and had bright yellow teeth.
"Ugh.. where am I.." said the newcommer.
"You're in hell! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed K-9 maliciously.
"We wantin to be knowin your name." said Sulik.
"I'm Myron, haven't you people heard of the great Myron?"
"Uh no, not really" said Miria.
"Sheesh, what've you people been doing? Saving the World?" questioned Myron.
"Well actually, yes." replied Skynet, "why were you out here."
"Well," said Myron, "I was in New Reno, you know, the center of the world, and I was like livin like a king. I had all te whore and a drugs and shit, hell I made Jet, you know jet? Yeah everyone does. Anyway, those whores in New Reno just get old after a while. No Kama Sutra books up there so it gets pretty boring."
"And you..?" interrupted Marcus.
"I'm getting to it!", yelled Myron, "well I heard that some certain 'teletubbies' give the 'Ultimate Oragasm' so I treked out here once I escaped the Mordinos."
"I'll bet you want that purple homosexual teletubby with the triangle on its head and a purse huh?" laughed Miria.
"Well actually I wa.. HEY!", said Myron.
They slept that night with Myron sleeping downwind from them to stem the smell.
END OF PART 5
The next morning the entire group (except for Myron, who had to stay downwind) was gathered around the remains of the campfire.
"Now" marcus said while chewing on the remains of last night's dinner "what are we gonna do? where are we supposed to find that Holy Thingy?"
"Uhm" Myron interupted "what is this Holy Thingy we're looking for?
"Bwahahaha" Marcus laughed "don't you know anything? The Holy Thingy is uhmmu... a thingy and it's like uhm Holy and stuff and uhmmmm Skynet knows all that kinda stuff. I'm just here to kill stuff,to eat the killed stuff, to get drunk and to have some fun with Miria"
"That's right...HEY" Miria screamed "I'm not here for your pleasure I'm just here because I didn't want my brother to get his hands on that goodlooking Chosen One"
"ok,ok,ok already" Myron said "Jezus I just wanted to know what we're gonna do, so Skynet or whatever what or who is the Holy Thingy?"
"Well" Skynet explained" like Marcus said it's a thingy but not just A thingy it's holy and it's shiny and very glittery and it's radiant but not because of the radiation"
"And don't forget we and I have to find Sis too "Sulik continued"
"Well", Myron replied, "I can handle the Thingy part and I'm sure finding Sis wont be too hard, now Miria just said something about a brother I'd like to hear more about him.Is he good looking? Tall, dark and handsome?"
"Well,to be honest "Miria said with a very nasal voice(The wind had turned and Myron's stench was becoming unbearable) "I think he's about as goodlooking as Marcus's ass..."
"Aha o you admit you have seen my ass" Marcus shouted
"Unfortunately yes", Miria continued, "But I was telling about my brother,so he's incredibly ugly. He smells like the stuff that comes out of marcus' ass. He defenitely isn't tall, he looks a bit shrunken. Dark? Maybe because of all the dirt,he doesn't even know the meaning of the work bathing and I quess I already explained the hansom part"
Part 7
Our heroes left the land of teletubbies and went on their search for the "Holy Thingy". Who knows what troubles lie ahead in their perilous journey, what dangers lurk around the corner, how will they survive? how will they live? Are they destined.. ***RATATATATATATATA*** *splatter*
"Damned narrator.. never liked him.." said Marcus as he put away his Bozar.
"Whoa, what the hell...?" said Myron suddenly, "What's that thing over there?"
They turned their heads and peered into the distance. What they saw was.. ***RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA***
"Geez, still not dead.. Those narrators keep coming back!" said Marcus as he blew the smoke from his... **RATATATATATATATATA***, "Shut up will ya? No more descriptions unless they're complimenting ME ok?"
"It appears to be the Sierra Army Depot where the Chosen One found me, " said Skynet.
"Whew, good I've been needing to take a piss in a REAL bathroom for a WHILE!" said Miria, "I'll meet you back here in a few minutes.."
"Sounds good!" said Sulik.
"You know, I wonder why we don't have Cassidy with us? I mean he IS the best NPC, " Skynet asked..
"We DID have Cassidy, but that moron player up there made us leave him for K-9!" replied Marcus.
"Oh yeah?!?!" said the player, "eat lead Marcus!"
Suddenly Myron started to shoot Marcus with his needler cartridge.
"You're joking right?" said Marcus, "Ouch.."
"Yeah feel my wrath!!" said the player.
"Oh so you think you can battle that Myron against me huh? Well watch this!" said Marcus as cut Myron in two with his Bozar. Myron made a big mess all over the sand.
"Hey! That was my best player!" said the player.
"Eat lead player!" yelled Marcus as he shot his bozar in the direction of the player's voice.
"AUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!! MY EYE!!! YOU BASTARD!! WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" they heard the player scream. The voice got farther and farther away.
"He won't be coming back for a while.." laughed Marcus.
"Bark! I've got to say SOMETHING" said K-9.
"Hey I'm back!" said Miria, "did I miss anything?"
She saw the bloody mess that used to by Myron.
"Geez, *I* wanted to him.." she said angrily.
"Well we can stick his brain in a robot like me!" said Skynet.
"Hey yeah, one of those big one!" said Miria, "The ones with the rockets.."
"We and I think that would be cool" said Sulik.
So they all marched off to the depot with Myron's brain...
What new adventure awaits our heroes tomorrow? Will they ever find that "Holy Thingy"? Will Myron's brain be safely.. ***RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA*** Ugh, oh my chest.. oh ugh..
"He just doesn't quit!"
Part 8
"Hey guys," Miria cried, "I think Myron's brain is drooling."
"Wait, I'll show him my ass, that ought to set him up right and pretty." Marcus smiled and added word to deed. Miria looked away, K-9 jumped up and down at all the explosions he could see. Myron's brain drooled even more. They quickly attached him to a big, fat robot in hope he would stop that infernal drooling.
"Owww, it hurts, it hurts, oh, no, no, drools a little." Myron/the robot said.
"Suck it in Myron," the apparently owning every damn big gun on this planet mutant said, "Or I'll stick a straw in your head and suck out your brain."
"Hey, look." K-9 was jumping up and down again as he spoke, "this place has a self-destruct sequence."
And wouldn't you know it, in a few moments they were all running for their lives, except off course K-9, who was jumping up and down for his life. SAD went up with a huge kaboom, K-9 looked as if he'd just smoked a ton of pot.
"Hey wait one damn minute," Goris exclaimed. "Weren't we near NCR when we blew up those fuzzy things?" Goris scratched his head. "How the hell did we get here?"
"Well," Miria started. "There were these sounds, and buzzing things and they went all buzz, buzz, buzz, and then we were here."
"That was the educational part of this show kids," the narrator (he's still a demon!) said.
"That's it!" Marcus bellowed, which caused a very disturbing aroma. "Eat this narrator-dude,"
"Don't shoot me!" The narrator screamed. "I know where the holy thiny is!"
"Where!?" They all asked as one.
"Right…here!" The narrator said, proudly displaying his behind.
"Jesus Christ," Miria screamed, "look at that! It's all flat and covered with dents! God, I hope my ass is never going to look like that!"
"What? That ass looks perfectly normal to me." Marcus added to the "very interesting" conversation.
"Wooh! Let's blow it up." I suppose you could guess who said that, but for the mentally disordered amongst you: K-9 barked.
""No, look more closely." The demon said in an enchanting voice.
They all bent over to take a closer looks at his ass. And indeed, up close it still looked like Marcus' ass.
"I don't get it," Miria looked surprised. "What ARE we supposed to see?"
"I don't suppose we're just supposed to see an ass?" Marcus asked in the direction of the ass.
"Noohooo." The demon sang while shaking his ass in front of them, "I'll give you three guesses."
"Are we supposed to see…" Skynet thought for a while, "an incredibly deadly nuclear device?
"Noohooo." The demon sang. "That's one," he stuck up two fingers, "guess, but you were close. Next!"
Skynet leaned against Goris as he cried about his failure. Goris whispered soft comforting words.
"Is it," Miria thought, "A picture off Bill Gates?"
"Noohooo." The demon sang. "But it has to do with both things, it a combo, now that's two," he stuck up eleven (?) fingers, "guesses. NEXT!!!"
What will happen next? Will the demon prevail? Will Marcus shoot the narrator again? And who is the narrator anyway? I mean come on, am I the narrator or is this demon-guy the narrator? I'm getting an identity crisis. And ah headache. Oh well, I'll just ask my beautiful secretary to give me a massage, it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.
Part 9:
"To hell with this!" yelled Marcus as he took aim at the bumpy ass with his rocket launcher.
"NO! DON'T!" screamed Myron and he pushed Marcus with his Extendo-arms™.
Marcus fell over pulling the trigger as he fell. The rocket went flying into the horizon.
"What the hell did you do that for?!?!" shouted Marcus angrily.
"I've got the answer!" said Myron in his Pseudo-Voice™.
"Well then what is it?" said Goris, still comforting Skynet.
"It's one of those worthless radioactive fruits that the Chosen One would find in those chests during random enounters!" said Myron energetically from the Hyper-Cells™ he used.
"Hmm.. well.. um.. no.. actually it isn't," said the demon,"but that one was pretty good, I'll have to write it down..."
"Um, before you do, what *IS* it?" said Miria.
"Let's see if you can guess it from this!" said the demon.
Suddenly they heard, smelled, and tasted the most disgusting, wettest, flappiest, soggiest, vomit inducing, miscarriage promoting, brain numbing fart that lasted for twelve seconds and caused the sand around them to blow away. They all gagged and passed out from lack of oxygen.
When they woke up they looked around and couldn't see the demon.
"Yuck, I can still taste it!" said Goris.
"I sure am glad I'm just a robot" said Skynet.
"Hey why did you pass out if you don't breathe," asked Miria, pulling some fecal matter out of her hair.
"Oh, the sight of seeing that anal cavity opening up was more than enough to jar some circuts." said Skynet, "and it appears that Myron still hasn't awoken.."
"So it really WAS an ass," said Marcus, "Sulik, what does your instant help say about this."
"The wind blows from an ass not unlike the ass of one named Sucram," said Sulik in his sort of way.
"Oh duh, 'Sucram' is just backwards for 'Marcus', " said Skynet.
"We and I be thinking Grampy bone needs to work on more confusing advice," replied Sulik.
"Hmm.. if that's backwards, maybe Grampy means that the air comes from Marcus' mouth," said Goris stroking his chin.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" yelled Marcus.
Suddenly everyone around Marcus gagged and collapsed.
"Hmm.. hey, that means *I'M* the 'holy thingy' " said Marcus. Then he added: "All right!"
Where will the next adventure take them? Will Marcus realize his new powers? Will.. uh oh.. um.. demon.. help.. Marcus is coming, ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! HELP!! AHHHHH!!
Part 10:
"Whooohooo," Miria sighed as she recovered, "that Marcus has some semi-super powers. Where is he anyway?"
"Oh, he just went after the narrator." Skynet answered.
"Wooh, and when he catches him," K-9 jumped up and down, "we'll blow him up, and Marcus too, and Myron too!"
"What?" Myron said, "what did I do?"
"You're damn annoying" Miria said.
"Hey beautiful, you know you want me, let's go up to my appartment and have a little fun."
"Myron, you're a robot." Miria said simply.
"Oh yeah, I forgot."
"Wooh, wooh," K-9 kept jumping up and down, "look who's comming."
"The passing of the winds brought the flower of my soul back to the desolate soil, reviel to me the nature of your eternal search." Hakunin's spirit spoke.
"We're looking for the holy thingy," Goris said.
"Ah, the thingy which is holy has always been amongst you, for the one named in Latin carries the power if both worlds."
"Say what? What the fuck are you talking about you motherfucking shithead." Myron said, or in the UK version of the game: "Say what? What the #%&* are you talking about you &!@#*&#%&@*# #$!*^?$%"
"Such demeaning language from one only such a short time brought the breath of life. Be at piece, young one, for you will live long and prosperous."
"What did you say? Listen, old man, talk to me like that again and I'll blow your fucking (*@#$!&*) brains out." He said.
"Shut up, Myron," Miria yelled, "you're just a worthless robot with trademarked body parts. Pah, they aren't even registered."
"The one named in latin? That Marcus (Marcum in the accusativus), we've got find him." SLynet said.
"Oh, wise guy, he Skynet?" Myron said, pointing his rocket launcher at Skynet, "be a smart-ass like that again and I'll blow your cybernettic brains out."
With a roar like thunder, Goris threw himself forward and atop Myron. "Be at piece, grey one," Hakunin interrupted. "For the one with the brain, your true love, is safe from the clutches of the young one."
"What did you say," Skynet sounded surprised. "True love? That doesn't make sense."
"Yes, I love you," Goris said to skynet, "What light trough jonder (?) window breaks," he recited, "it's 32,5 degrees south-east, and Skynet is the sun."
"Oh," Miria cried, "how romantic, I wish the Chosen One was here."
"He is not?" Hakunin said. "Where is he?"
"He's dead." Miria cried even louder.
"What;s this then," an annoyingly calm voice said, and lo, for it was Marcus! "A spirit, well we'll just see about that." And he pulled an oversized Bozar-Vindicator combo out of his overly big arsenal, and released a burst at Hakunin, that, off course, didn't do anything, because Hakunin is a ghost.
"Do not be foolish, he who is named in Latin," Hakunin said, "now, if you'll exuse me, I left some bacon on the griddle." And away he was.
So, they have found the holy thingy, and so Goris has proclaimed his love, and so Myron has once again proved he's an annoying little idiot, and so K-9 wants to blow more up, and so Miria cries, and so Skynet is surprised, and so (who's left?) Sulik hasn't said a word in the entire chapter (but is stil looking for sis), and so Marcus tried to shoot more things to pieces. Now, what will happen next, hopefully, nothing, but maybo something will happen, and if it does, it will happen, for things that happen happen, and so do not not happen, are you following this, because I'm not.
God, this is so funny...Brings back some memories.
PART 1
"Hey guys." Marcus mumbled. "I think the Chosen One is dead."
"Well then." Skynet looked at the scorched remains of the Chosen One. "I guess he shouldn't have continued playing after he finished the game. Off course he'll just reload now."
"But he can't die. He's a hero! Heroes never die." Miria said.
"Shut up." Goris grumbled. "What are we going to do now?"
"Well." K-9 brought in. "We could find a nice house, with a white fence and two cars in the garage. And after ten years, when we've finally paid every last bill…we'll blow the shit out of it."
"Grampy Bone not be liking that plan one bit." Sulik said.
"But…But, how can we live without him!" Miria cried out.
"We are computer-animated inanimate pictures, in other words, we aren't alive." Skynet said.
"We aren't?" Goris looked surprised, then took out his diary and started writing:
"Dear diary, today Skynet told us we're not alive. He's so smart, I think I'm in love with him. Maybe I'll marry him one day and we'll have little cyber-deathclaws."
"Uh guys." The Chosen One mumbled. "Could you please help me? I'm in great pain."
"No K-9." Marcus said. "I don't think that's a good idea. Hey wait a minute, K-9, canine, I get it!" He falls to the ground and laughs hysterically.
"I'm in really, really great pain." The Chosen One said
"As long as we get to blow something up I'm happy." K-9's tail wagged.
"We and I still have to find sis." Sulik said sadly.
"You still don't get it do you tribal." Marcus rumbled. "Your sis was kidnapped by the Enclave. You should have figured that out."
"That be a good thing. But we and I still have to find sis." Sulik said with a smile.
"Don't mind him Marcus." Goris interrupted. "He's programmed to say that."
"Could someone get me a medic, I'm still in great pain." The Chosen One cried out in pain.
"I know." K-9 jumped up and down excitedly. "Let's blow up the Chosen One!" Before anyone could stop him he took the dynamite from Marcus' inventory, placed it on the Chosen One's chest and set the timer.
"Oh my god." Miria cried and ran away, followed on foot by the others. They all turned when in save distance. With a great "kaboom" the Chosen One was blown to bits.
"Dar she blows!" Marcus hollered.
"That takes care of that problem." Skynet said, watching K-9 who was still jumping up and down excitedly.
"Yes, but we and I still have to find sis." Sulik said.
"If he doesn't stop that quick I'm going to squish him by sitting on him!" Marcus mumbled.
"Ewww," Miria said with a disgusted look on her face. "That's disgusting."
"Why? My ass is clean, just look."
"No, no! Spare me!" Miria cried.
"I know, we can quest for the holy…um…the holy…thingy." Skynet said.
"The what?" Marcus said.
"The holy thingy." Skynet said.
"Oh, that's brilliant Skynet" Goris said happily. "Quest for the Holy...Oh, no, wait, why would we quest for the holy thingy?"
"I don't know. We'll just do, ok?"
"And what does the holy thingy look like?" Marcus asked.
"I don't know. I suppose it should look like a…thingy, or no, a holy thingy."
"And when we find it…" K-9 said joyously. "We can blow it up!" K-9 started jumping around excitedly again.
"You know." Goris said. "I really can't remember him jumping up and down excitedly before."
In answer, K-9 continued to jump up and down excitedly.
"We and I will help you quest for the holy thingy. Grampy bone say it be important. But we and I still have to…"
"Find sis" Marcus interrupted quickly. "Aha, beat you there didn't I?"
"Actually, I wanted to say we and I still have to find sis." Sulik smiled.
Marcus was dumbfounded. K-9 was still jumping up and down. Goris was still staring a Skynet, Skynet was still staring at K-9, K-9 was still staring at Marcus, Marcus was still staring at Sulik, Sulik was still staring at Marcus, Marcus was still staring at Sulik, Sulik was…
"Hey wait a minute!" Miria cried. "Who am I staring at?"
Everyone looked up angrily as they were interrupted from there staring. "Shut up." Goris said. "Are we going to quest or what?"
"God," Skynet muttered. "I'm getting a brainache."
"Woof." K-9 barked (but that's pretty obvious). "I'll blow something up, if it'll make you feel better?"
"Are you sure you don't want to see my ass? It's real pretty." Marcus told Miria.
"No!" Miria cried (she doesn't seem to do much but cry).
"My brainache is getting worse." Skynet murmured. "I'm glad I don't have a head to ache too."
"What did the holy thingy look like again?" Goris asked.
"A thingy, or wait, a holy thingy." Skynet answered.
"And there's a difference?" Miria asked.
"Uh, sure. A thingy is just a…thingy. But a holy thingy is real, um, shiny and radiant and uh, stuff." Skynet said.
"Ok, so we have to find a thingy that's shiny and radiant and…what was that last thing again?" Marcus inquired.
"Stuff." Skynet answered.
"Yeah, what he said." Marcus said. "This should be easy. Let's go!"
"We and I still have to find sis." Sulik muttered as the party left.
END OF PART 1
Narrator (he's a demon you know): Did you enjoy part 1? No? Me too. Now hold your breath, because here is part 3!
Person from the audience: Part 3? What happened to part 2?
Narrator (still a demon): This is part 2 you idiot!
Other person from the audience: Is that so?
Narrator-demon: Enough, now I will take your souls!
Person from the audience: I knew it, you demons always want souls. What do you do with them anyway?
Narrator: To tell you the truth, they make great toilet-cleaners.
Owner of the damn bar: Stop it goddamn! Just get on with the damn story!
Narrator: I knew it, never get to take any souls (mumble) (mumble). Ok, now for part 3!
Part 2, or 3.
"I'm hungry." Miria muttered.
Marcus nodded, "She's right you know. We haven't eaten for days. I'm famished."
"Wow!" K-9 howled. "Let's blow something up.'
"I'm afraid that won't help us now." Skynet said. "Does anyone have a suggestion?"
"I know!" Marcus exclaimed. "Let's eat the extra, he doesn't serve any other purpose."
"I always thought extra's were supposed to be eaten by the monster." Goris said. "What's your name anyway extra?"
"Kenny." The extra replied.
"Why does this seem vaguely familiar?" Skynet muttered. "Something from before the war."
"Ok." Marcus grinned. "Let's eat."
A few moments later…
"Ah, that was delicious." Marcus licked his fingers. "Finger-licking good. Could someone pass me the cheesy poofs."
"I should remember where I know that from. It seems so familiar." Skynet continued muttering.
"Yes." Miria said fearfully. "But it will only sustain us for a few hours, then, we must feed again."
"Jesus what are you people diarrhoea sufferers?" Goris asked/
"I should recognise this, I really should!" Skynet continued muttering.
"Poor Kenny, he didn't deserve this. Burp." Goris said.
"Now I remember." Skynet exclaimed. "Hum, hum. Sorry people, but this needs to be done. Oh my god, they killed Kenny! You, um, what was it again?"
"Bastards." Goris filled in.
"What? But I like you guys." Skynet said.
"Um, remember? We were questing?" Miria said impatiently.
"Yeah, yeah. Alright people, let's get a move on." Marcus said.
The group wanders along for a while. Until, at the edge of the over-populated capitol of NCR they stumble upon an ancient artefact.
"What's this then?" Marcus muttered as he overturned the hand grenade in his hand. On it's side was a strange inscription.
Skynet peered at the hand grenade. "I think it's the holy hand grenade of Antioch. Just leave it there, the knights will find it."
"Alright." Marcus muttered as he tossed the grenade over his shoulder. An enormous crack like thunder followed and a huge vortex of death swept across the city of NCR dragging the crying people with it.
"Hmm," Marcus paused for a moment. "Well, that sure takes care of the over-population problem."
President Tandi came running out of the town. Hair on fire and hands burned into cinders. "What do you want?" She cried near tears.
"Um, we're looking for the holy thingy." Marcus replied.
"It's that way." Tandi pointed east. "South of Vault 15."
"Thank you kindly ma'am." Marcus said and walked away, followed by the rest.
Despite the pain Tandi smiled. "That'll teach you to destroy my town." She whispered before turning back to the crater that was NCR.
"We and I still have to find sis." Sulik muttered as they continued towards their impending doom. For waiting in the shadows south of Vault 15 was a horror, so unspeakable that I barely dare to describe it, for there was the land of the Teletubbies.
PART 3
"oooh",marcus said,"dinner,just look at those cute litle bunny-rabbits.They'll taste great on the BBQ"he continued as he pulled out a flamethrower"
"why not blow them up and make shishkebab?"K-9 asked"
"the Sis I have to find liked cute little bunny's"sulik replied
"We can't kill those little rabbits they're so cute"Miria cried"besides don't we have some questing to do?"
"Eat first"marcus answered"Now be vewy,vewy quiet,I'm hunting wabbits"
look"Goris screamed"look at those idiotic little round creatures with those thingqs on their heads on those weird coloured belly.Wouldn't they taste delicious?"
No, "Skynet said while examening the strange beings"by the looks of them they've had way to much radiation.An A-Bomb has probabmy exploded right next to them.it's the only possible sollution or"he continued" they're left overs from the first FEV testing.
PART 4
One of the things dribbled up towards Marcus.
"Uh-oh" it said.
The strange creature was all yellow and had an ancient prewar television where its stomach should be. It was carrying a handbag.
"LaaLaa!!" it said to Marcus while jumping, smiling and pointing at itself.
The other things were engaged in a group hug and didn't seem to notice LaaLaa being so close to the mutant.
"Awww, it's so cute", Miria said, "Just looking at it makes me all warm, fuzzy and happy inside"
Marcus glanced at Miria for a moment. A smile appeared on the burly mutants face as he torched the thing.
"I am NOT a merry mutant", Marcus said.
"Woohoo, K-9 howled, "let's blow them up!!"
"But we and I still have to find sis" Sulik said.
The other three teletubbies, alerted by the wooshing sound of the flamethrower looked at the remains of what was left of LaaLaa. First they seemed sad. They formed a circle around the ashes of LaaLaa and grouphugged eachother one more time. Then the look on their faces turned from sad to angry. One of the teletubbies pulled a plasma rifle from its backpack.
"Uh-Oh, you're gonna die!!!" it said.
"Yay!!!", the other two screamed.
Part 5 (on top for convenience).
"YEEEOWCH!!.." Marcus exclaimed as he felt the burn of Plasma on his skin, "OH YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT!"
Marcus held his flamethrower by the nozzel and, wielding it like a bat, swung it at the freaky little mutant. With a satisfying crush the imploded head of the teletubby flew, with its body, over the hill.
The other two Teletubbies ran off screaming.
"Hahaha nice way to show em Marcus", laughed Miria.
---
The group sat around the campfire that night..
"Hmm.. this is a bit rubbery doncha think?" mumbled Marcus, taking another bite of some roasted teletubby.
"Like eating brahmin fries back in Modoc," said Miria, "I wonder how they make em.."
*SNAP*
"Yikes! What was that!" exclaimed Marcus.
"We be thinkin we should check it out," said Sulik.
"But only I can see, I'm the only one with Infrared night vision," informed Skynet.
"I've got that handled," said Marcus stepping forward, "I drank a bit of Gamma Gulp beer, and it says it makes your piss glow."
"Yuck, I don't want to see your, um.. schlong.." muttered Miria.
"You sure did last night, hehehe," laughed Marcus, "Let's go."
So they went in the direction of the sound, Marcus leading and peeing the way through. Suddenly they saw two glowing eyes.
"EEEEK WHAT IS IT!" barked K-9.
"Seem's humanoid," replied Skynet.
"I'll handle this," said Marcus, setting his nozzel, and not his flamethrower's, on full spray and covered the area where the eyes were with glowing liquid.
"HEY! What the fuck do you think you're doing!" said a voice where the eyes were.
* * * POW * * *
A well landed fist of Marcus' soon silenced the the voice.
"We be thinkin wes should carry it back", said Sulik.
"We should blow it up!" replied K-9.
They decided to drag the knocked out person back to the campfire.
They soon found that it was one of the ugliest humans they had ever laid eyes on. He had bright green eyes, pale zitty skin, greasy hair, stank of BO, and had bright yellow teeth.
"Ugh.. where am I.." said the newcommer.
"You're in hell! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed K-9 maliciously.
"We wantin to be knowin your name." said Sulik.
"I'm Myron, haven't you people heard of the great Myron?"
"Uh no, not really" said Miria.
"Sheesh, what've you people been doing? Saving the World?" questioned Myron.
"Well actually, yes." replied Skynet, "why were you out here."
"Well," said Myron, "I was in New Reno, you know, the center of the world, and I was like livin like a king. I had all te whore and a drugs and shit, hell I made Jet, you know jet? Yeah everyone does. Anyway, those whores in New Reno just get old after a while. No Kama Sutra books up there so it gets pretty boring."
"And you..?" interrupted Marcus.
"I'm getting to it!", yelled Myron, "well I heard that some certain 'teletubbies' give the 'Ultimate Oragasm' so I treked out here once I escaped the Mordinos."
"I'll bet you want that purple homosexual teletubby with the triangle on its head and a purse huh?" laughed Miria.
"Well actually I wa.. HEY!", said Myron.
They slept that night with Myron sleeping downwind from them to stem the smell.
END OF PART 5
The next morning the entire group (except for Myron, who had to stay downwind) was gathered around the remains of the campfire.
"Now" marcus said while chewing on the remains of last night's dinner "what are we gonna do? where are we supposed to find that Holy Thingy?"
"Uhm" Myron interupted "what is this Holy Thingy we're looking for?
"Bwahahaha" Marcus laughed "don't you know anything? The Holy Thingy is uhmmu... a thingy and it's like uhm Holy and stuff and uhmmmm Skynet knows all that kinda stuff. I'm just here to kill stuff,to eat the killed stuff, to get drunk and to have some fun with Miria"
"That's right...HEY" Miria screamed "I'm not here for your pleasure I'm just here because I didn't want my brother to get his hands on that goodlooking Chosen One"
"ok,ok,ok already" Myron said "Jezus I just wanted to know what we're gonna do, so Skynet or whatever what or who is the Holy Thingy?"
"Well" Skynet explained" like Marcus said it's a thingy but not just A thingy it's holy and it's shiny and very glittery and it's radiant but not because of the radiation"
"And don't forget we and I have to find Sis too "Sulik continued"
"Well", Myron replied, "I can handle the Thingy part and I'm sure finding Sis wont be too hard, now Miria just said something about a brother I'd like to hear more about him.Is he good looking? Tall, dark and handsome?"
"Well,to be honest "Miria said with a very nasal voice(The wind had turned and Myron's stench was becoming unbearable) "I think he's about as goodlooking as Marcus's ass..."
"Aha o you admit you have seen my ass" Marcus shouted
"Unfortunately yes", Miria continued, "But I was telling about my brother,so he's incredibly ugly. He smells like the stuff that comes out of marcus' ass. He defenitely isn't tall, he looks a bit shrunken. Dark? Maybe because of all the dirt,he doesn't even know the meaning of the work bathing and I quess I already explained the hansom part"
Part 7
Our heroes left the land of teletubbies and went on their search for the "Holy Thingy". Who knows what troubles lie ahead in their perilous journey, what dangers lurk around the corner, how will they survive? how will they live? Are they destined.. ***RATATATATATATATA*** *splatter*
"Damned narrator.. never liked him.." said Marcus as he put away his Bozar.
"Whoa, what the hell...?" said Myron suddenly, "What's that thing over there?"
They turned their heads and peered into the distance. What they saw was.. ***RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA***
"Geez, still not dead.. Those narrators keep coming back!" said Marcus as he blew the smoke from his... **RATATATATATATATATA***, "Shut up will ya? No more descriptions unless they're complimenting ME ok?"
"It appears to be the Sierra Army Depot where the Chosen One found me, " said Skynet.
"Whew, good I've been needing to take a piss in a REAL bathroom for a WHILE!" said Miria, "I'll meet you back here in a few minutes.."
"Sounds good!" said Sulik.
"You know, I wonder why we don't have Cassidy with us? I mean he IS the best NPC, " Skynet asked..
"We DID have Cassidy, but that moron player up there made us leave him for K-9!" replied Marcus.
"Oh yeah?!?!" said the player, "eat lead Marcus!"
Suddenly Myron started to shoot Marcus with his needler cartridge.
"You're joking right?" said Marcus, "Ouch.."
"Yeah feel my wrath!!" said the player.
"Oh so you think you can battle that Myron against me huh? Well watch this!" said Marcus as cut Myron in two with his Bozar. Myron made a big mess all over the sand.
"Hey! That was my best player!" said the player.
"Eat lead player!" yelled Marcus as he shot his bozar in the direction of the player's voice.
"AUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!! MY EYE!!! YOU BASTARD!! WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" they heard the player scream. The voice got farther and farther away.
"He won't be coming back for a while.." laughed Marcus.
"Bark! I've got to say SOMETHING" said K-9.
"Hey I'm back!" said Miria, "did I miss anything?"
She saw the bloody mess that used to by Myron.
"Geez, *I* wanted to him.." she said angrily.
"Well we can stick his brain in a robot like me!" said Skynet.
"Hey yeah, one of those big one!" said Miria, "The ones with the rockets.."
"We and I think that would be cool" said Sulik.
So they all marched off to the depot with Myron's brain...
What new adventure awaits our heroes tomorrow? Will they ever find that "Holy Thingy"? Will Myron's brain be safely.. ***RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA*** Ugh, oh my chest.. oh ugh..
"He just doesn't quit!"
Part 8
"Hey guys," Miria cried, "I think Myron's brain is drooling."
"Wait, I'll show him my ass, that ought to set him up right and pretty." Marcus smiled and added word to deed. Miria looked away, K-9 jumped up and down at all the explosions he could see. Myron's brain drooled even more. They quickly attached him to a big, fat robot in hope he would stop that infernal drooling.
"Owww, it hurts, it hurts, oh, no, no, drools a little." Myron/the robot said.
"Suck it in Myron," the apparently owning every damn big gun on this planet mutant said, "Or I'll stick a straw in your head and suck out your brain."
"Hey, look." K-9 was jumping up and down again as he spoke, "this place has a self-destruct sequence."
And wouldn't you know it, in a few moments they were all running for their lives, except off course K-9, who was jumping up and down for his life. SAD went up with a huge kaboom, K-9 looked as if he'd just smoked a ton of pot.
"Hey wait one damn minute," Goris exclaimed. "Weren't we near NCR when we blew up those fuzzy things?" Goris scratched his head. "How the hell did we get here?"
"Well," Miria started. "There were these sounds, and buzzing things and they went all buzz, buzz, buzz, and then we were here."
"That was the educational part of this show kids," the narrator (he's still a demon!) said.
"That's it!" Marcus bellowed, which caused a very disturbing aroma. "Eat this narrator-dude,"
"Don't shoot me!" The narrator screamed. "I know where the holy thiny is!"
"Where!?" They all asked as one.
"Right…here!" The narrator said, proudly displaying his behind.
"Jesus Christ," Miria screamed, "look at that! It's all flat and covered with dents! God, I hope my ass is never going to look like that!"
"What? That ass looks perfectly normal to me." Marcus added to the "very interesting" conversation.
"Wooh! Let's blow it up." I suppose you could guess who said that, but for the mentally disordered amongst you: K-9 barked.
""No, look more closely." The demon said in an enchanting voice.
They all bent over to take a closer looks at his ass. And indeed, up close it still looked like Marcus' ass.
"I don't get it," Miria looked surprised. "What ARE we supposed to see?"
"I don't suppose we're just supposed to see an ass?" Marcus asked in the direction of the ass.
"Noohooo." The demon sang while shaking his ass in front of them, "I'll give you three guesses."
"Are we supposed to see…" Skynet thought for a while, "an incredibly deadly nuclear device?
"Noohooo." The demon sang. "That's one," he stuck up two fingers, "guess, but you were close. Next!"
Skynet leaned against Goris as he cried about his failure. Goris whispered soft comforting words.
"Is it," Miria thought, "A picture off Bill Gates?"
"Noohooo." The demon sang. "But it has to do with both things, it a combo, now that's two," he stuck up eleven (?) fingers, "guesses. NEXT!!!"
What will happen next? Will the demon prevail? Will Marcus shoot the narrator again? And who is the narrator anyway? I mean come on, am I the narrator or is this demon-guy the narrator? I'm getting an identity crisis. And ah headache. Oh well, I'll just ask my beautiful secretary to give me a massage, it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.
Part 9:
"To hell with this!" yelled Marcus as he took aim at the bumpy ass with his rocket launcher.
"NO! DON'T!" screamed Myron and he pushed Marcus with his Extendo-arms™.
Marcus fell over pulling the trigger as he fell. The rocket went flying into the horizon.
"What the hell did you do that for?!?!" shouted Marcus angrily.
"I've got the answer!" said Myron in his Pseudo-Voice™.
"Well then what is it?" said Goris, still comforting Skynet.
"It's one of those worthless radioactive fruits that the Chosen One would find in those chests during random enounters!" said Myron energetically from the Hyper-Cells™ he used.
"Hmm.. well.. um.. no.. actually it isn't," said the demon,"but that one was pretty good, I'll have to write it down..."
"Um, before you do, what *IS* it?" said Miria.
"Let's see if you can guess it from this!" said the demon.
Suddenly they heard, smelled, and tasted the most disgusting, wettest, flappiest, soggiest, vomit inducing, miscarriage promoting, brain numbing fart that lasted for twelve seconds and caused the sand around them to blow away. They all gagged and passed out from lack of oxygen.
When they woke up they looked around and couldn't see the demon.
"Yuck, I can still taste it!" said Goris.
"I sure am glad I'm just a robot" said Skynet.
"Hey why did you pass out if you don't breathe," asked Miria, pulling some fecal matter out of her hair.
"Oh, the sight of seeing that anal cavity opening up was more than enough to jar some circuts." said Skynet, "and it appears that Myron still hasn't awoken.."
"So it really WAS an ass," said Marcus, "Sulik, what does your instant help say about this."
"The wind blows from an ass not unlike the ass of one named Sucram," said Sulik in his sort of way.
"Oh duh, 'Sucram' is just backwards for 'Marcus', " said Skynet.
"We and I be thinking Grampy bone needs to work on more confusing advice," replied Sulik.
"Hmm.. if that's backwards, maybe Grampy means that the air comes from Marcus' mouth," said Goris stroking his chin.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" yelled Marcus.
Suddenly everyone around Marcus gagged and collapsed.
"Hmm.. hey, that means *I'M* the 'holy thingy' " said Marcus. Then he added: "All right!"
Where will the next adventure take them? Will Marcus realize his new powers? Will.. uh oh.. um.. demon.. help.. Marcus is coming, ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! HELP!! AHHHHH!!
Part 10:
"Whooohooo," Miria sighed as she recovered, "that Marcus has some semi-super powers. Where is he anyway?"
"Oh, he just went after the narrator." Skynet answered.
"Wooh, and when he catches him," K-9 jumped up and down, "we'll blow him up, and Marcus too, and Myron too!"
"What?" Myron said, "what did I do?"
"You're damn annoying" Miria said.
"Hey beautiful, you know you want me, let's go up to my appartment and have a little fun."
"Myron, you're a robot." Miria said simply.
"Oh yeah, I forgot."
"Wooh, wooh," K-9 kept jumping up and down, "look who's comming."
"The passing of the winds brought the flower of my soul back to the desolate soil, reviel to me the nature of your eternal search." Hakunin's spirit spoke.
"We're looking for the holy thingy," Goris said.
"Ah, the thingy which is holy has always been amongst you, for the one named in Latin carries the power if both worlds."
"Say what? What the fuck are you talking about you motherfucking shithead." Myron said, or in the UK version of the game: "Say what? What the #%&* are you talking about you &!@#*&#%&@*# #$!*^?$%"
"Such demeaning language from one only such a short time brought the breath of life. Be at piece, young one, for you will live long and prosperous."
"What did you say? Listen, old man, talk to me like that again and I'll blow your fucking (*@#$!&*) brains out." He said.
"Shut up, Myron," Miria yelled, "you're just a worthless robot with trademarked body parts. Pah, they aren't even registered."
"The one named in latin? That Marcus (Marcum in the accusativus), we've got find him." SLynet said.
"Oh, wise guy, he Skynet?" Myron said, pointing his rocket launcher at Skynet, "be a smart-ass like that again and I'll blow your cybernettic brains out."
With a roar like thunder, Goris threw himself forward and atop Myron. "Be at piece, grey one," Hakunin interrupted. "For the one with the brain, your true love, is safe from the clutches of the young one."
"What did you say," Skynet sounded surprised. "True love? That doesn't make sense."
"Yes, I love you," Goris said to skynet, "What light trough jonder (?) window breaks," he recited, "it's 32,5 degrees south-east, and Skynet is the sun."
"Oh," Miria cried, "how romantic, I wish the Chosen One was here."
"He is not?" Hakunin said. "Where is he?"
"He's dead." Miria cried even louder.
"What;s this then," an annoyingly calm voice said, and lo, for it was Marcus! "A spirit, well we'll just see about that." And he pulled an oversized Bozar-Vindicator combo out of his overly big arsenal, and released a burst at Hakunin, that, off course, didn't do anything, because Hakunin is a ghost.
"Do not be foolish, he who is named in Latin," Hakunin said, "now, if you'll exuse me, I left some bacon on the griddle." And away he was.
So, they have found the holy thingy, and so Goris has proclaimed his love, and so Myron has once again proved he's an annoying little idiot, and so K-9 wants to blow more up, and so Miria cries, and so Skynet is surprised, and so (who's left?) Sulik hasn't said a word in the entire chapter (but is stil looking for sis), and so Marcus tried to shoot more things to pieces. Now, what will happen next, hopefully, nothing, but maybo something will happen, and if it does, it will happen, for things that happen happen, and so do not not happen, are you following this, because I'm not.
