FacetiousF*ckBoy's Fallout 4 review

Discussion in 'Fallout 4' started by SarcasticGoodGuy, Sep 20, 2016.

  1. SarcasticGoodGuy

    SarcasticGoodGuy *R O T T E N*

    Aug 31, 2016
    Ignore my username, this is my serious review of vanilla Fallout 4, not another shitpost (I'm good at them though).
    After seeing CT Phipps review I learnt, no offense to CT Phipps, that opinions can be wrong.
    I'll be marking 10 categories out of 10 each, to give a score of 100- like Metacritic. We all love Metacritic right?

    I'll start it off with gameplay, because I feel that this is the Bethesdrone's last line of defense- that above all, bethesda improved the gameplay. But did it? No, no it really didn't. Certain weapons have better handling- the 10mm pistol, rifles and the plasma weapons to name a few. Modifying weapons seems nice, until you realize that the only modifications you want are the ones that do more damage. Plus there are now less weapons in Fallout 4 than there were in Fallout New Vegas. "Legendary" weapons are a fucking joke, and to rub salt in the wound they didn't even bother to change the effects in the game files- they're still recognized as "enchantments". Stealth is horrible. Enemies detect your footsteps even if you have maxed out every single stealth perk, are carrying less than 30kg and equipped in light/no armour. Plus being stealthy means your bullets do more damage.
    Enemy AI is a step up, but it's still horrible for a 2015 game. New features from New Vegas were completely removed- like new ammo types. You can change receivers on guns to change the ammo... sigh. The animations are improved, but much like the AI it's really not impressive for a 2015 game. It's been dumbed down like most of the game to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Give me crap gameplay and an amazing story over Fallout 4 any day.


    So you're living in a suburban paradise, away from all previously established plagues and crippling inflation when suddenly there's a giant nuclear explosion, that doesn't blind you. Oh no, better go run to the fallout shelter that you've only just heard about that's probably taken years to build and is 25 feet away from your house. I hope you've gotten attached to the spouse you've spoken to twice because they're dead now. Go find your horribly animated child. What a hook.
    So through several "clues" you find out that there's a detective that can help you find your son. You save him from these gangsters who are never mentioned again and hop on down to the antagonist's house to look for him. At this point in the story you learn your son has been taken by the "Institute"- a mysterious faction full of scientists that create human replicas to do... things. And the antagonist works for them. Now, what if you want to go straight to the antagonist's house before finding good ol' Nicky Valentine? Well the clue doesn't spawn until you save your detective buddy. Then your dog, who's named Dogmeat (for nostalgia I guess), helps you track down the antagonist- from central Boston to Natick using only his doggy sense of smell. Wait, why am I getting mad about this? Bethesda are the same guys that had you ride a minecart from D.C to Pittsburgh. Long story short, you find the antagonist, and you have to kill him. But then you get a piece of his brain- and the story gets better from here, I promise. spoilers it doesn't
    You're introduced to the Brotherhood of Steel - a militaristic group led by some 19 year old that looks like he's 45. They are equipped with super armour, that if you wanted it you could've obtained it within 15 minutes of the game (I'll get back to that quest later). They want to defeat the Institute to... fuck I don't want to say it but I know I have to... they want to save humanity from itself. I could write better crap than this.
    I'll spare you the rest of the details but the game ends with you either nuking the Institute, the Brotherhood of Steel- or if you're feeling edgy and rebellious both. Then there's an end game slideshow with no Ron Perlman. They had him in a cameo at the start of the game, so why would they need the voice of Fallout anyway? I'm sure generic white guy and generic white girl are just as good.

    2/10 - the two points are for cool shit. I have to admit, the Brotherhood's entrance was cool, if completely out of character.

    Non-story content/quests
    The first side quest you'll likely come across is saving 5 people cornered by generic raider bad guys. You have to find the best armour in the game (it's in the same building as them, don't worry you won't have to put effort in) and a minigun. Then you kill the bad guys but there's a deathclaw- a mutated lizard that looks more like a dragon than it does a mutated lizard. Cheeky Bethesda, reusing those dragon models are we?
    Most of the quests boil down to: talk to guy, clear out x, or find x, then return to guy. Those that don't follow this formula I can count on one hand. Lets talk about them.
    The Linear Voyage of the USS Constitution: Speak to robots, kill bad guys, speak to robots, speak to scavenger, help scavenger and then kill them all, or alternatively: kill scavengers, go to dungeon and retrieve special equipment or fix it yourself if you're character has maxed out intelligence, speak to robots.
    Diamond City Blues: Initiate a heist with this adulterer. Or don't- you can go alone or enlist help. The adulterer has a score to settle so he won't take any of the haul, but this random guy who shows up in casual-wear and the worst gun in the game demands half of the loot for essentially doing nothing but turn up. Later you frame it on this drug dealer and kill him. Except that's what the quest should be, because it breaks every time I try to complete it. More on that later.
    There's a quest where you dress up as a comic book character and go around punishing drug dealers and murderers. It's fun, and one of the few instances with good dialogue. There's another where you find a guy possessed by aliens and he uses telekinesis...

    2.5/10 - radiant quests can be done right. In Fallout 4, they weren't.

    Look at Novigrad (The Witcher 3). Look at Diamond City. Take a look at Novigrad's inhabitants. Take a look at Diamond City's inhabitants. Listen to the inhabitants of Novigrad talk about their laws, history, culture, society etc. Listen to... there's no equivalent. Because Bethesda's engine is incapable of having all of this extra stuff talked about or at the very least shown.
    The gamebryo engine is old. Bethesda need to unplug the life support. They need to seriously get to work on a new engine or just cough up and buy one. There are like 6 NPCs in Goodneighbour. Boston Airport is virtually empty. The "stands" in Diamond City are empty. It can hardly render birds. There's no fish in the water, loading times are atrocious- this game is horribly optimized.
    Not to rip on the graphics too hard, they're at least a step up from 3/NV (not that that's something to be proud of since those games looked like shit.) They've removed the green filter, and replaced it with nothing. The game looks bland- they throw in all these colours, but there's no shadow lighting. They have "godrays" which are the dumbest trade off I've ever seen.

    1.5/10 - it runs worse than TW3. That right there is enough said.

    The soundtrack can be summed up in one word- forgettable. These heroic combat themes are dull, I'd say they belong in CoD, but at least CoD's music is tense and upbeat. 90% of tracks in 4's OST are just drums with long drawn out string instruments added over them- listen to the soundtrack then tell me otherwise. There's one I can remember from the combat theme- and it was a dark, synthetic style track that played when you were in stealth; maybe if the bass was boosted it could've been better, but considering the only good combat track needs work done to be better, it's really not a compliment. Ambient music is just meh. I'm going to quote MrMatty here and say it's "painfully average", because it is. The Institute theme sounds like one of those amateurish tracks that never made it into Mass Effect- only 100 times worse.
    Sound effects are good at least. That'll bump the score up a few points.
    The art style is decent. What I mean by this is even though most of the models are bland, a few nice set pieces looked really nice. People described the art style as "cartoony", but it's really just Bethesda's terrible attempt at photo-realism. I could get lynched for saying this, but for Fallout 4, I think a Borderlands art style would've worked great. They're both repetitive dungeon grinds, the only difference being one of them is also a good game.

    4/10 - majority is shit, but those few pieces of music/art that stand out are really good. It's a shame because Inon Zur can make good music- I think he's been told to make it "heroic" rather than dark.

    Character Customization
    So they added new hairstyles. That's pretty good.
    But they removed traits. That's bad.
    There's tons of new scars! That's alright.
    But they removed skills. That's horrible and worse than-
    BUT THEY ADDED insert facial feature here
    Fallout 4's new character customization means that whilst you can you create two characters that look incredibly different, when it comes to play styles they'll act very similar. You can eventually gain every perk in the game- which turns you into an invincible god, removing any "challenge" in the game.
    In older games if you put one too many points into one skill tree, you could not have enough for others and be locked out of certain perks. This is choice and consequence- something Fallout 4 lacks.

    But here's the real reason Fallout 4's character customization is shit. Every time you start the game, you're either a male soldier or a female lawyer (wow for a politically correct company you sure are playing into those gender stereotypes Bethesda, and don't use the "50s" excuse, you've already butchered everything else about Fallout) looking for their lost son. Your character has a voice- it's either a white guy or a white girl. You want a black/asian/hispanic character? You can't. These voices are white people's voices. Are they bad voice actors? No, I think they're both good, but Fallout should never have a voiced character. We're meant to be their voice. Coupled with the terrible dialogue wheel that even Toddie admitted was a mistake and you have a recipe for a shit game. They tried to rectify this with the DLC, but even if I was reviewing the DLC as well, it'd lose more points given how feeble their attempt at improvements were.

    0/10 - you control a pre-made character each time. I cannot award any positives for any of these changes.

    Enemies have casual banter if you sneak past them. It's funny at times. Then you have the arbitrary yelling at you during combat. That's about all the depth enemies have. I mean you could read their about tragic backstories on their computers, but that's just Bethesda's lazy way of trying to add depth to their shallow world.
    Most of the NPCs you meet are quite rude with you *the Railroad*, but they'll generally warm up to you when you tell them about your missing son and offer no proof whatsoever. I mean, if some guy wearing a armour made from barbered wire and street signs came up to me holding a minigun and asked directions to the nearest town populated with people because they were looking for their "son", I'd be shitting bricks. My point being, the NPCs don't react to you until you decide to take that minigun and start shooting it. The mayor of Diamond City will say "you look like Diamond City material" regardless of what you're wearing. A minor complaint? Not when you're wearing his suit that you pickpocketed off of him and wore whilst speaking to him. I think if someone stole my clothes that I was wearing, and then talked to me whilst wearing them, I'd fucking notice.
    But wait! There are NPCs that react to you! They're your companions. And they suck. Whenever they don't like something you'll get a nice popup message telling you they didn't like it. If you want to impress them, do things they like. Piper likes it when you picks locks- if you pick 150 locks you can have sex with her. No, really, you can. There's the depressed cowboy who spawned that settlement meme. There's an Irish drug addict with a shit accent... the list goes on and on. But none of the companions are evil- sure Hancock "the guy that became an irradiated freak from taking some magic drug" and the Irish fighter like you taking drugs and beating people up. But murder someone and they detest you. Strong the incredibly dumb mutant likes it though.
    I could discuss how stupid the faction's motivations are, but that'd add more space to this already long thread. In fact, I have a nearly finished segment here just on the Railroad, but it's more of a Nuka rant format than a review.

    1/10 - not immersive enough.

    The World
    I want to go into detail on this, I really do, but look at my thread ratio of raiders to settlers. As far as I'm aware, it's the most detailed comparison of enemy placements/non-hostile NPC placements in NV and F4. And it shows just how lazy Bethesda are. This world could never exist. Ignore things like mutated lizards and sentient robots for a minute, but if there are 15 raider groups for every non raider groups, what do they eat/ who do they raid? None of this makes any sense, but I don't think anyone wants to listen to a discussion on realism in a post apocalyptic game with talking mutants...
    There's a ton of amazing locations in the game. A fight club in an abandoned theater, a robot racetrack, the Salem Museum of Witchcraft etc. It's just a shame they're filled with nameless enemies for you to kill. Exploration in this game isn't rewarding. All you're doing is looking for duct tape so you can finish that 4 story house you've been working on (I wish I was making this up, but if you've been living under a rock for the past year, Fallout 4 has a minecraft mode wherein you build structures to be occupied by nameless settlers).
    I'll cover settlements in this segment- they're fun, albeit pointless and unrewarding. I enjoyed building stuff in F4. But it served no purpose and was a last minute addition cobbled together by Bethesda to further appeal to the lowest common denominator. That's all I can say on them, there's the DLC but like I've stated before this is a review of the vanilla game.
    There is one last thing I can add- there is only 1 large town, 3 small towns, a couple of rooms mashed together that counts as a settlement, and 5/6 farms with ~4 NPCs each. Everything else you have the honour of building yourself! Whoa! I love it when the developers make me do their job for them.


    This game is buggy as hell.
    Quests that can't be completed to simple graphical errors- this game has the lot. I don't think they even play tested it. Mods can't even fix the mess that is Fallout 4- it's been nearly a year and whenever I hop back on to try out some new mods it's still broken. And don't blame the mods, they're made by people that put effort into what they do.*

    *I do want to clarify I'm sure there are a ton of cool people passionate about their work at Bethesda, but they're overshadowed by Toddie, Petey and Emilio.

    3.5/10 - if the proper critics want to judge games like NV on their release state I'll do the same.

    I won't lie- I had to force myself to replay the game. The temptation of using console commands to skip the main story was overwhelming. Then I realized- there's nothing new this game offers. Most of the quest endings give similar/equal rewards to their counterparts, and the ending to the game is nearly identical- you just choose where you want the nuke to go off. Every character I made was the same. You can't be a bad guy, you're always the good guy (you can throw in a bit of sarcasm and unfunny jokes every once in a while).

    2/10 - when you have to force yourself to replay the game, you know it's bad.

    Total: 25.5 / 100

    Just over 25%. Thanks Toddie, you blessed us with a great game, and in return we blessed you with great reviews (not mine though, pretty sure at some point it devolved into swearing and ranting). Tell me if I made any mistakes, I'm terrible at checking.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2016
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  2. CT Phipps

    CT Phipps Venerable Relic of the Wastes

    Sep 17, 2016
    I remind you, we don't exactly get a deep and lengthy look at the Sole Survivor's life in the short time we see it but it seems to be: 1. Concern about money. 2. Going to VA meeting. 3. Nuclear war. 4. Getting used in a horrific experiment. Aside from the fact they're happy they have a home with a functional robot butler as well as their newborn baby, they don't really have time to be too idyllic. The Pre-War world can't be shit 24/7 or it never would have functioned.

    This is just confusing and something I had an issue with in the Raiders vs. Settlement issue. It's understandable because the game engine does not attempt to reflect "realiity." Diamond City has more than 50 or so inhabitants and ditto for Goodneighbor but the Raider outposts are probably literally true. The Raiders in the Commonwealth appear to be small bands or a dozen or so people like the Wild West which have dozens of farming communities to prey upon, scattered across the region.
  3. Hassknecht

    Hassknecht For hate's sake. Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Aug 16, 2010
    This is supposed to be a modern AAA game. We shouldn't need headcanon and massive suspension of disbelief to make a game work. This isn't the original Fallout (which did quite a good job at at least alluding to towns being bigger than they were shown) or Morrowind. It's just fucking lazy.
    • [Like] [Like] x 12
  4. SarcasticGoodGuy

    SarcasticGoodGuy *R O T T E N*

    Aug 31, 2016
    Then they should get a better game engine. It's over 10 years old and it shows. The Witcher 3's world made sense. NV's world made sense. Fallout 4 has no excuse.
    I'm fine with suspension of disbelief, but when there are tons of raider outposts but only a handful of actual farms/settlements it really breaks the immersion and takes me out of the game. It's fine if you can turn off your brain but I prefer more thought provoking experiences in games. Each to their own I guess.
    • [Like] [Like] x 3
  5. cratchety ol joe

    cratchety ol joe Where'd That 6th Toe Come From?

    Sep 2, 2008
    Perhaps a little too harsh for the sake of being harsh at points, but in general I think I'd have to agree with the OP.
    • [Like] [Like] x 2
  6. CT Phipps

    CT Phipps Venerable Relic of the Wastes

    Sep 17, 2016
    Okay, seriously, I can't let this slide. Are you serious? The Witcher 3 had one of the single most generic game worlds in the entire fucking history of sandbox gaming. It had a MASSIVE wonderful amazing plot and tremendously fun characters but the game is about 80% the same copy pasted village of samey wandering peasants in samey wandering viillages with notice boards.

    You have Novigrad, Velen, Skellige's city, that one nice village in the beginning and like TWO HUNDRED identical villages. It was genuinely WORSE than Fallout 4 and this was one of my biggest criticisms of the game. Make a smaller damn world if you have nothing to populate it with.

    Also, just about everyone on CD Projekt Red agreed the world had been massively dumbed down in terms of politics, world-building, and moral ambiguity from Witcher 2. I still loved it but the villages are terrible in The Witcher 2 and filled with every bit the same number of bandit camps all over the place you're describing in Fallout.

    Except they're generically created with "campfire, crates, guys with pots on their head and swords."
  7. SarcasticGoodGuy

    SarcasticGoodGuy *R O T T E N*

    Aug 31, 2016
    Hahaha, good one. Holy shit I'm dying. I thought I was the sarcastic one. You got me good then, it was... it was a good joke.

    Makes me wonder if you played TW3. People react to your actions, you clear out a location, people move in. Towns grow, people take up jobs. They have things to say- is it useful? Most of the time no, but it's this excess dialogue that contributes to the world and makes it feel real. As for copy/paste villages you're not seriously bringing that up whilst defending Fallout 4? An unborn child has more personality than F4's "towns".
    • [Like] [Like] x 3
  8. DirtyOldShoe

    DirtyOldShoe Some kind of lucky

    Dec 15, 2015
    Well said and you actually gave them I higher score then me :)
    If there are any errors it would be.

    Hancock "the guy that became an irradiated freak from taking too many drugs"

    It was one specific radiation drug, but your point was dead on. It is a shit story and his story is about him killing people and his development of character, but he will not permit the same respect to the player, a real, on the rails companion, who all basically act like the Fallout cops.
    I agree with it all and it was a refreshing read.
    • [Like] [Like] x 1
  9. SarcasticGoodGuy

    SarcasticGoodGuy *R O T T E N*

    Aug 31, 2016
    Thanks, will fix it now.
    • [Like] [Like] x 1
  10. DR_LaZer

    DR_LaZer Donacdum

    Jul 7, 2016
    ..... That's the point, genius. Pre-War life wasn't functioning, it was killing itself. But instead of going out with a whimper it went out in a bang in a big ol' mushroom cloud. It's not like oil is one of the biggest sources of power, and the sudden shortage of it would completely fuck the world two times to Saturday. It's not like an entire world war was started over this. Honestly, all of it really was just a minor inconvenience, and not the events to the END OF THE WORD.
    • [Like] [Like] x 3
  11. CT Phipps

    CT Phipps Venerable Relic of the Wastes

    Sep 17, 2016
    You go, kill a bunch of bandits or whatever, Geralt sits down in the middle of the field, and then a bunch of people come in and go "Praise the Witcher!" "I will name my son, Geralt." You know, despite the game being explicit people loathe Witchers and consider them monsters not too disimilar from what they hunt.

    And the fact they're EXACTLY like Fallout 4's worst element (settlements) is why I'm bringing it up.

    Which....happened in the flashback, didn't they?
  12. DR_LaZer

    DR_LaZer Donacdum

    Jul 7, 2016
    Seriously though man, top notch review. I'm to lazy to put it better myself. I noticed no problems, but I was probably shaking my head enough to notice it. Buuuut,
    I didn't find the soundtrack forgettable. But for all the wrong reasons. All I remember was that one theme that played in the trailers. And the actiony part playing OVER AND OVER again when you fight something. And that one kinda slow quiet part playing OVER AND OVER, EVERY SINGLE TIME you find a new location.
  13. SarcasticGoodGuy

    SarcasticGoodGuy *R O T T E N*

    Aug 31, 2016
    But the world reacts to this. No one gives a shit if you've pulled 30 large towns out of your ass and have created your own economic superpower backed by Bunker Hill that completely shits on Diamond City.
  14. DR_LaZer

    DR_LaZer Donacdum

    Jul 7, 2016
    W-what? What are you talking about? What's this guy talking about?
    • [Like] [Like] x 1
  15. SarcasticGoodGuy

    SarcasticGoodGuy *R O T T E N*

    Aug 31, 2016
    Just go with the flow. The pre-war sequence is what he was talking about (I think?) Great, now I'm confused.
  16. Hassknecht

    Hassknecht For hate's sake. Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Aug 16, 2010
    Pre-war life going out in a mushroom cloud. It's the beginning of the game.
  17. DR_LaZer

    DR_LaZer Donacdum

    Jul 7, 2016
    ..... OH! Shoot, that's what he meant. That makes more sense..... I think.

    NO! They did not show it in the flashback! They showed typical modern America suburbia with a 90s aesthetics to it! The world was tearing itself apart. If anything, instead of the PCs worrying about if they can carve a pumpkin in time for Halloween they should be worrying if they have enough gas to go to their job, and hope that their job just doesn't go out of business. But no! Everything was all hunky dory until suddenly for seemingly no reason they were getting bombed!

    Let's look at this in the context of some newby who's first Fallout game was 4. And they skipped the intro because it was boring them, or by accident. You start out, fucking about and shape shifting in the bathroom with your spouse. You go out to happily have your coffee with your robot, and read the newspaper. Then a door to door salesman pops up and is all like "hey! The world might end soon! And you have a safe spot in your local vault to keep you safe!"

    Suddenly, you've just been told the world might end. You have no idea why, it just will. Then you go set your synth baby to vibrate and talk to your spouse about carving pumpkins, or some other mundane thing you'd do in a normal life. Then suddenly, your robot butler tells you to look at the TV. The underused Ron Pearlman appearance tells you that the world is ending. Again, you have no clue why, it just is. Then you run off to the vault and get frozen.

    Boy, from all of that it sure seems like the world was getting fucked two times to friday! I was really shown how bad the world was, and totally not just TOLD the world was dying! *sarcasm*
    • [Like] [Like] x 5
  18. CT Phipps

    CT Phipps Venerable Relic of the Wastes

    Sep 17, 2016
    While I believe the introduction was too short, the couple does discuss the money issues of the fact the husband is a traumatized war veteran with no income and she's a lawyer who retired for her child to be had.

    Alas, the segment is too short to show things have gone completely to shit.

    I do think it's important to establish people still had happiness and the ability to enjoy themselves in the Faux-Fifties.

    You don't want people thinking the Nuclear War destroying the Old World was anything but a tragedy.
  19. 0wing

    0wing Все умрут, а я волномут

    Mar 23, 2015
    You're being too hard on Scottish folks. That's not cool.
    /EDIT: Alright, I'll be clear - Cait is voiced by scottish actress.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2016
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  20. DR_LaZer

    DR_LaZer Donacdum

    Jul 7, 2016
    There's a difference between people finding happiness in the world going to shit, and an entire way of living being shown that looks like something I, a spoiled rich white girl, would be OK with living in. People don't need luxury to be happy, they just need to live. If that was the case, then no one would be happy ever at all in the post war world.

    My point being, this is still stupid and does not represent the world we've been told about for a minimum of four games to be a horrible way of living. And then suddenly we got a perfect modern day suburbia. I think a better opening would be you have your character in the slums, maybe in an ally way in Boston. Shit's going to shit, riots are happening. You nearly get mugged. Bad things are happening at least. And because all the bad things are happening, you can learn about the bad things. Reports of the lack of oil in the widow of a TV store showing the news, rioters complaining about the shortage. Maybe not enough food to go around. Wives an widows crying about how their husband left for the war, and probably died in it. Then, there's suddenly a lottery. You have been a lucky chosen one to go into the local vault for drawing the right number! You are then escorted to the vault and get frozen! And then there is no Shaun or spouse, because those are dumb!
    • [Like] [Like] x 6