Iran- and the nukes

[welsh]

On our last episode of Yankee Imperialism- The Series, the US found itself struggling with an entractable war in Iraq as it tries to impose democracy on an Islamic people. As car bombs explode, American taxpayers discover that they have a a $2 trillion debt that they will have to pay for. Santa puts coal in Rumsfeld and W's stockings. Rumsfeld is broken hearted by W doesn't believe in Santa.

In our next episode, Iranian religious fanatics tell European leaders, "What will you do now, you fucking pussies! Close by Nuclear Program! You can Blow me!." European and American diplomats meet to discuss what they will do with Iran. Will the European pussies back down? Will Americans be stuck in another hopeless war? In the background Chinese leaders laugh and laugh while North Korea moves eagerly to launch another outragious plot at global domination.

In a future episode
North Korea's Kim- "You do what we say or we Nuke Japan!"

W- "Make my Day."

and still latter.

China's Hu Jintao - "You do what we want or we Nuke Taiwan"

W- "Make my Day."

Moving towards a nuclear showdown
Jan 13th 2006
From The Economist Global Agenda

The prospect of some form of sanctions against Iran is growing after the Islamic country resumed work at its nuclear plants this week. A crisis meeting between Britain, France, Germany, Russia, China and the United States has been called in London for January 16th. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he will not back down “one iota” as Iran waits to be referred to the UN Security Council

But you have to respect the Chutzpah of the Iranians. Not only does the name look unpronouncable, but he's got the balls to tell the rest of the world to "blow me."

I mean, hasn't anyone learned that this is what Iranians do? Remember the Hostage Crisis in the late 1970s, when the Iranians took a bunch of Americans hostage at the embassy? Threats will not work.

Or as the old Persian maxim goes, "Man who accepts threat from infidels has balls of small goat."

INTERNATIONAL tension continues to rise after Iran's government decided to break the seals at its uranium-enrichment plant at Natanz this week, provoking widespread criticism from friends and opponents alike. The decision is likely to prove momentous. It marks an end to the Islamic republic's two-year, voluntary suspension of nuclear research agreed with European countries and the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), the UN's nuclear watchdog. It also suggests that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is set on a showdown—rather than more negotiation—with western countries over his country's nuclear ambitions.

And the Europeans say, "This is bad. Bad, bad, Bad. Very bad. Naughty bad. Bad Iran. Tsk tsk tsk."

As Mahmoud laughs with evil glee.

Meanwhile in Washington DC,

W stares watching the Washinton Monument in deep and serious meditation. "Washington... W. Washington... W... Bush.... W. Am I Washington?"

The Chief of Staff enters the Room. "Mr. President. The Joint Chiefs are waiting for an answer."

W turns in his seat, puts his hand on the Bible as if looking for guidance from some supernatural force, and nods purposefully. "Tell them, 'We're going in.'"

The Chief of Staff nods, approvingly. "Very good sir." And exits the room.

Bush returns to his contemplation.

A few moments later the Chief of Staff re-enters.

Bush asks, "How was that?"

"Pretty good sir. Shall we do it again?" The Chief of Staff looks at his watch for the 8th time that hour and wonders how long this will go on, and remember the last time he went through this exercise.

"Yes, Andy, until we get it right." And Bush reassumes his pose.

The pressing question now is how the rest of the world handles Iran. Several European countries have voiced alarm at Iran's decision to restart nuclear work. France's president, Jacques Chirac, immediately called the decision “a serious error”.

Naughty, naughty, naughty Iran.

A spokesperson for the European Union expressed extreme concern that Iran is violating an international agreement not to pursue sensitive nuclear activities, notably the enrichment of uranium. Even Russia, which is seen as an ally of Iran and the country most likely to broker a compromise, said it was worried by the move and called on Iran to stick to its international commitments.

On Thursday January 12th, the foreign ministers of Britain, Germany and France (the so-called EU3) met in Berlin to consider what steps to take. They and the United States want the matter of Iran's nuclear efforts to be referred—perhaps by the board of the IAEA—to the Security Council at the United Nations. Germany's foreign minister, Frank-Walter Steinmeier, said “talks with Iran have reached a dead end”. America's vice-president, Dick Cheney, had earlier told Fox News that the Bush administration wants to see a resolution that could be enforced by sanctions. Britain's Tony Blair told Parliament that no measures would be ruled out in considering how to handle Iran.

Cheney spends his time practicing pushing the button for another war that he will never see and doesn't even think for a moment about how many times he skipped out of going to Vietnam when it was his turn.

On Friday Mr Ahmadinejad responded that “Iran is not frightened by the threat of any country and it will continue the path of production of nuclear energy”, according to state radio. He added that the “government will not back down one iota”. The same day Iran's foreign minister, Manuchehr Mottaki, said the country would “be obliged to end all…voluntary measures” if referred to the Security Council, indicating that the IAEA would be stopped from conducting short-notice inspections of Iran's nuclear sites—an essential task if the programme is to be supervised by the UN body.

At least Saddam denied that he had a weapons program. The Irans won't even do that.

That's Chutzpah.

If the Security Council does consider a resolution against Iran, much will depend on the positions of Russia and China. Some believe Russia now supports limited sanctions. China might be willing to abstain rather than be isolated after making clear it opposes the spread of nuclear weapons, though on Friday its ambassador to the UN sounded wary of complicating the situation by referring Iran to the council.

Ah China. The insidious dragon....

Presumably to hammer out an agreed response, a crisis meeting has been called for Monday in London between the EU3, the United States, Russia and China. Nor are diplomats the only ones concerned: the price of crude ticked up to a three-month high this week largely because of the nuclear impasse with Iran, which is one of the world's biggest oil producers.

Why bother with nukes when you have an oil weapon?

Because nukes can really piss of the West.

This makes for great Persian nationalism.

Few governments in Europe and America doubt that Iran is using its civilian atomic-energy efforts as a cover for a nuclear weapons programme. Western suspicions are based on Iran’s record of hiding nuclear work from IAEA inspectors for 18 years until discovered in 2003. Now Tehran has spurned a Russian proposal to enrich uranium on its behalf which would have provided material to be used for civilian, but not military, ends. The evidence is piling up that Mr Ahmadinejad is unwilling to compromise.

Considering how the Russians used to negotiate, they should be experienced in this kind of thing.

Last week Ali Larijani, the senior Iranian official in charge of nuclear issues, said his country had a non-negotiable right to resume research. Mr Ahmadinejad added that “the Iranian nation and government will defend the right to nuclear research and technology and will go forward prudently.” But Iranian delegates then failed to show up to a meeting with the IAEA in Vienna, where they were to explain the purpose of the renewed work. The IAEA’s boss, Mohamed ElBaradei, is said to be exasperated by Iran’s behaviour and its “regrettable” decision to restart research.

Diplomatically, not showing up at meeting might be interpreted as "Blow me."

The likelihood of diplomatic confrontation has been growing for months. Iran resumed production of uranium gas in August, to European and American disapproval. Then it announced plans to enrich the gas in centrifuge machines at the plant in Natanz. Efforts by Russian diplomats to broker a compromise have got nowhere. At the same time Mr Ahmadinejad has been taking an ever tougher public stance. He has replaced many moderate diplomats with hardliners. This month he told a gathering of lawmakers that any policy of détente is not in Iran’s best interests. He fulminates against Israel with almost clockwork regularity. Last week he willed an early death for Israel's ill prime minister, Ariel Sharon. Previously he called Israel a “tumour” and suggested it should be wiped “off the map” or else reconstituted in Europe. In December he called the Holocaust a “myth”, stirring up wide international criticism.

Oh this guys a kick.

Information seems to be accruing that the Islamic country is up to no good. A British newspaper, the Guardian, last week said European intelligence agencies had produced a lengthy report that fingered Iran (and other would-be nuclear powers) for running a network of traders, phoney companies, state institutions and diplomatic missions to procure the means to develop chemical, biological, nuclear and conventional weapons. Iran is said to be especially active in Azerbaijan, Armenia and Russia as it tries to develop “very ambitious” missile programmes. The European spies suggested that 16 Russian firms and academic institutes are helping—and profiting from—the Iranian military effort.

Ah Russia. What do you expect when you put nuclear, missile and rocket scientists out of work.

Much seems now to depend on the belligerent Mr Ahmadinejad, who feels he has a mission to reject the West’s “frail civilisation” and instead, with Iran’s bumper oil revenues, build a “model Islamic” country. Though he does not enjoy unanimous support at home, he is backed by the hardline Revolutionary Guard—the same institution that America and its allies suspect of using a civilian nuclear programme as cover to build a bomb. The Guard wields much influence on Iran’s behalf in next-door Iraq, and could stir up more trouble there for America if the superpower were ever to threaten to clobber Iran’s nuclear facilities.

Anyone remember this tune?

Bomb, bomb, bomb,
Bomb, bomb, bomb Iran....

 

[frissy]

Somehow I have a feeling that the world should be divided more into permanent solutions.

We have yanks messing about in Asia, Asians messing around Asia and generally everyone is poking their heads into places there shouldn't be from the beginning. This goes for the whole world.

Usa, keep to your own bloody problems. You are being ruled by a idiot with balls.

Europe, try to unite and stick to those problems.

Asia, come on! Try to figure who's ruling whome and who is da'boss country. We got nukes, we rule. No, we have nukes also, we rule. Blah blah blah. Nuke a few neighbours and sort the shit out.

Russia, try and decide if criminals are terrorists, or just plain criminals, or people who want to live in an independent nation, not ruled by Russia.

China, Japan...hmm..try to sort out your minions and keep out of bigger trouble. Don't start a mess with anyone. Just sell them products and nice automated toilets.
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Breakup Advice Forum

 

[S]

REMOVE ALL NUCLEAR WEAPONS FROM EARTH.

STOP Iran from developing such mad weapon, at all costs. Just for the safety of the world its wise to stop them. Earth cannot risk having nuclear bombs going off. and the only way to ensure this, it to strip Iran from its nuclear weapon's plan. Such country cannot be trusted to have such weapon, (especially when the president of Iran said that israel should be whipped off the map (and a good tool to do this is nuclear bombs))

 

[frissy]

Weapons don't kill people. People do.

There have been SO MANY nukes set off that I don't fear nukes will cause the end of the world. Unless they literally bomb every frigging squarefeet.

If not nukes today, viruses tomorrow and something else in the future. Killing the people who use them is better.
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JEEP LIBERTY HISTORY

 

[welsh]

Oh, you people- so idealistic, so naive!

WHat I love is Iran. That this religious fanatic whacko has the ability to tell the entire world to "Lick my balls, I am going nuclear, motherfuckers" is fucking great.

This is chutzpah!

He might be a nut, and he might be evil, but I like him!

 

[frissy]

Oh, you people- so idealistic, so naive!

WHat I love is Iran. That this religious fanatic whacko has the ability to tell the entire world to "Lick my balls, I am going nuclear, motherfuckers" is fucking great.

This is chutzpah!

He might be a nut, and he might be evil, but I like him!

I know what you mean. That's why I like Bush (I really do)
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Subaru Ff-1 Star

 

[Ashmo]

Naw, Bush is just dumb.

Who cares about the nukes anymore anyway?

The war has been due for more than fifty years.

It's not like anybody would really be surprised if it finally happend.

 

[frissy]

I do agree with Ashmo (god heaves!). Yes Bush is a idiot, but being in the "charge" of USA and telling it to go into war demands you have balls. He's got those (too ba dhe hasn't got brain...).

True. Who needs nukes. Those really aren't THAT good.
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Xl75

 

[Brother None]

Oh, you people- so idealistic, so naive!

WHat I love is Iran. That this religious fanatic whacko has the ability to tell the entire world to "Lick my balls, I am going nuclear, motherfuckers" is fucking great.

This is chutzpah!

He might be a nut, and he might be evil, but I like him!

You have balls. I like your balls.

Seems an appropriate quote.

The big winner is the Religious Wingnut actually leading the operation, though. But hell, who cares about him?

 

[bob_the_rambler]

REMOVE ALL NUCLEAR WEAPONS FROM EARTH.

STOP Iran from developing such mad weapon, at all costs. Just for the safety of the world its wise to stop them. Earth cannot risk having nuclear bombs going off. and the only way to ensure this, it to strip Iran from its nuclear weapon's plan. Such country cannot be trusted to have such weapon, (especially when the president of Iran said that israel should be whipped off the map (and a good tool to do this is nuclear bombs))

Hmmmm stop iran from getting Nukes......why didnt i think of that? It never stops amazing me how many people declare their wishes for "Global Peace" and an end to "Nuclear Terror" but whenever the United States steps up to the plate nobody wants to fight the fight. A nation of hypocrites screams war and action but preaches peace and tolorance.

 

[Tannhauser]

I wonder if Israel will take action against Iran first.

 

[bob_the_rambler]

If they were smart, Iran wouldnt mind blowing the shit out of Israel the first chance they got.

 

[Ashmo]

At least it would solve the Israeli/Palestinian conflict for good...

 

[DirtyDreamDesigner]

It never stops amazing me how many people declare their wishes for "Global Peace" and an end to "Nuclear Terror" but whenever the United States steps up to the plate nobody wants to fight the fight.

Uhh, dude, bombing weddings in random coutries is neither fighting for "Global peace" or against "Nuclear Terror"...

 

[Starseeker]

Here is an idea for a swing vote -

The US can secretly promise the Chinese some pre-set amount of barrels of oils a day, and China would probably vote for nukeing Iran in UN. China is energy starved anyway, some barrels/day for free/or lowest preset prices would probably save some money that they spend in the western Asian nations to try to get something, anything.

IIRC, they just bought at least 1 Canadian oil company that owns a nice (not really tested) reserve in central Asia. There is a joke about TW, CN and JP's fight over a tiny island called fisherman's island. There is nothing ON the island, and there isn't much of an island left after the tide. But there is possibility of a huge oil reserve underneath. *ding, ding, ding, round 1, fight!*

Or, to hell with nukes, we just need to send some BJ duck, Chinese KFC or even some nice "chicken soup" over to Iran, and all will be peachy.

 

[welsh]

You have balls. I like your balls.

Seems an appropriate quote.

The big winner is the Religious Wingnut actually leading the operation, though. But hell, who cares about him?

Bak. Derk-derk-Allah. Derka derka, Mohammed Jihad. Baka sherpa-sherpa. Abaka-la.!

I wonder who Bush thinks God wants him to vaporize?

Starseeker- Not sure the Chinese would take the deal. If they did more likely they would sell the fuel to North Korea for twice the price.

Besides, aren't they making a nice big highway across China to the oil fields in Central Asia?

 

[S]

Besides, aren't they making a nice big highway across China to the oil fields in Central Asia?

you mean a pipeline, where LPG is pumped into Cn.

 

[welsh]

Well a pipeline and a highway. I remember reading something about it.

China expands west, conquers Central Asia in rush to fuel appetites for fuel.... etc.

 

[DirtyDreamDesigner]

"in rush to fuel appetites for fuel" ?

First Kharn and Silencer and now welsh? Will there be a sane Admin left here?



B&,
The DDD

 

[welsh]

"in rush to fuel appetites for fuel" ?

First Kharn and Silencer and now welsh? Will there be a sane Admin left here?



B&,
The DDD

Ok, so "fuel appetites for fuel" sounds a bit off.

But yes... Consider the consumption of fossil fuels of China. Consider that the economy is growing at about 8% a year. Consider that people don't like riding bikes to work when its cold and would rather have cars, and then consider how far away China is from the Persian Gulf.

If you consider all of that, than it makes sense, rationally, for China to seek to expand its sphere of influence over Central Asia.

Likewise, see Japan's expansion over Dutch territory in Indonesia back in 1940s.