On the Literary Achievements of the Human Race

[Tannhauser]

All too often, with the hectic pace and stresses of modern life, we neglect to familiarize ourselves with the great literary works. It is important to remember, no matter what human stupidity is in the news today, that man is also proven capable of great works over his history. Among those great legacies, we inherent seminal works of literature. Time and time again, we have been blessed with those who can master language, such as Poe, Bester, and Theis,

In that vein, I would like to take this opportunity to introduce The Eye of Argon. It is a short story written by Jim Theis and published in 1970. While widely known in certain circles (and Roshambo is of course familiar with it), I hope that it is something new for most of you. I envy anyone who is reading this work for the first time.

Without further ado, The Eye of Argon. Don't worry, it won't eat up much of your time.

 

[Pajari]

Somebody needs to get that man some hyphens.

 

[Lazarus Plus]

I'm more partial to stuff that's you know, good.

Foundation series for life.

 

[alec]

By the surly beard of Mrifk, that story sucks.

Really.

 

[Tannhauser]

Ah, but that is the very point.

Its not that the story is merely bad or sucks, but that it does so to such an incredible degree. Anyone can write mediocre fantasy, but it takes a special mind to come up with "The flickering torches cast weird shafts of luminescence dancing over the half naked harlot of his choice, her stringy orchid twines of hair swaying gracefully over the lithe opaque nose, as she raised a half drained mug to her pale red lips."

Edward Bulwer-Lytton himself would be ashamed at such competition. To steal a quote from David Langford about our young Jim Theis:

...a malaprop genius, a McGonagall of prose with an eerie gift for choosing the wrong word and then misapplying it.

 

[SnaX]

He was only 16 when he wrote this story... surprise, surprise. He was probably thinking "how many adjectives and adverbs can I fit into one simple sentence to make this thing look good? Unless you're a poet or extremely gifted, write tight dammit!

I will admit I couldn't have written such a thing at 16, but don't get me wrong, it's still shit

 

[Per]

I've only read it in the MST3K version, which made it entertaining at least. Even so, I don't think I had the patience to go through it all.