Satan on elections

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by Shadowman, Nov 21, 2000.

  1. Shadowman

    Shadowman Water Chip? Been There, Done That

    904
    Apr 24, 2003
    [font face="verdana" color=silver size=3] This top 15 was brought to you by:

    http://fallout.gamestats.com/forum/User_files/3a1ad59b0763dbce.jpg


    The Top 15 Problems With Holding an Election in Hell
    (Part I)

    15> Hey, *you* try to hand-count the ballots by the deadline
    with wolves and serpents gnawing at your genitals!!

    14> Due to the use of pitchforks, *all* ballots are discarded
    as showing votes for three candidates.

    13> If you think Nixon sweated a lot during earthly debates,
    wait till you get a load of him down here.

    12> All candidates -- not just George W. Bush -- are covered
    with festering facial boils.

    11> Ballots with improperly-punched chads result in Gervon winning
    the White House and George W. getting elected ruler of the
    Maleborge region of Hell, with a landslide victory in the
    areas of Hypocrites, Thieves and Sowers of Scandal and Schism.

    10> During debates, both candidates must wear those big,
    foam-rubber "We're #1" hands.

    9> Low voter turnout due to residents being preoccupied with
    creating new "reality shows" for FOX.

    8> Wacky third-party candidates aren't feather boa-clad
    professional wrestlers -- they're mini-mustachioed
    tyrannical despots.

    7> Lawyers always decide the elections -- then again,
    *everyone* in Hell is a lawyer.

    6> Confused Democrats always mistake the waiting line for the
    voting booth with the waiting line to get your larynx cut
    out with a rusty nail.

    5> Gates and Trump are always late with their absentee ballots.

    4> Satan's younger brother, Beezlejeb, plays fast and loose
    with the rules.

    3> Smell of brimstone never enough to mask the stench of an
    election.

    2> While you're trying to decide, confusing "Giant, Rabid Bat"
    style ballots puncture *you*.

    1> Ballot instructions read, "Cleanly punch chad in
    appropriate hole." Your name? Chad.


    http://www.dribbleglass.com/images/satan-pro.gif

    "The best trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
     
  2. Shadowman

    Shadowman Water Chip? Been There, Done That

    904
    Apr 24, 2003
    And another Top 15

    [font face="verdana" color=silver size=3] This top 15 was brought to you by:

    http://fallout.gamestats.com/forum/User_files/3a1ad59b0763dbce.jpg

    The Top 15 Problems With Holding an Election in Hell
    (Part II)


    15> No elections at all -- instead, Regis Philbin hosts "Who
    Wants to Be the Prince of Darkness?"

    14> Always limited to two choices: A) Fire, B) Brimstone.

    13> The results are held up until Strom Thurmond arrives to
    certify the re-count.

    12> The powerful "Dead Supporters of Mayor Daley from Chicago"
    voting bloc is ineligible, since they've already voted in
    the earthly elections.

    11> Results are always the same:
    49.9% - Hitler
    49.9% - Dr. Laura
    0.2% - Carrot Top

    10> Secretary of State in Hell? Still Katherine Harris!

    9> The elderly evil souls can't figure which eye to poke out
    on the election official.

    8> You'd think Satan would take your "Write-in Jesus!" gag
    campaign pin in the spirit it was intended, but the
    thousand rabid possums feeding upon your charred flesh
    would suggest otherwise.

    7> Difficult to get unbiased election results by radio with
    all the stations set to Limbaugh, 24/7.

    6> It's hard to dupe the electorate when 86% are former
    politicians themselves.

    5> Every candidate promises the same thing: Lower taxes,
    protect social security, more ice water.

    4> Low voter turnout because the first Tuesday in November
    is also "Disembowel a Telemarketer Day."

    3> Having to shovel snow after a Buchanan victory.

    2> Who cares who wins? You're in Hell! There's still that
    little matter of eternal damnation.

    1> Due to confusing ballot layout, many voters who intended to
    select "Beer and a Cheeseburger" mistakenly choose "Rectal
    Banjo Insertion."


    http://www.dribbleglass.com/images/satan-pro.gif

    "The best trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
     
  3. Guest

    Guest Guest

    RE: And another Top 15

    dont take this the wrong way but i dont know what speaks more about you, the fact you posted those terrible jokes, or the fact you have that badass graphic.
     
  4. Hell Patrol

    Hell Patrol It Wandered In From the Wastes

    156
    Apr 2, 2003
    *~` Youu... you got what i neeeed... but you say he's just

    I think it's the fact that miroslav trusted him enough for him to be a moderator, a seriously serious job in which he does a seriously fine job of keeping a fine atmosphere in the Fallout community's hub (i.e - he hasn't deleted any of my painfully insightful posts, so I like him.)

    YOU, on the other hand, do not remind me of Samuel L. Jackson, so I expect an immediate 360 degree attitude change from you, and do not forget to brush your hands, stripling. Flattery is good, but urine will get you nowhere.

    - WTF?? Patrol -
    Hell_Patrol@juno.com
     
  5. Guest

    Guest Guest

    RE: *~` Youu... you got what i neeeed... but you say he's j

    unless its one of those spaceships that uses urine as fuel. AH HA!!! you lose agian.
     
  6. Hell Patrol

    Hell Patrol It Wandered In From the Wastes

    156
    Apr 2, 2003
    SOMEONE SET ME UP THE BOMB!!!!!!!11111 Oh NO!!!

    >unless its one of those spaceships
    >that uses urine as fuel.
    >AH HA!!! you lose agian.
    >

    NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you, thou saucy fellow!!

    YOU'LL ***PAY*** FOR THIS, CAPTAIN PLANET!!!!!!

    - Pr0n Patrol -
    Hell_Patrol@juno.com
     
  7. Guest

    Guest Guest

    RE: *~` Youu... you got what i neeeed... but you say he's j

    >YOU, on the other hand, do
    >not remind me of Samuel
    >L. Jackson, so I expect
    >an immediate 360 degree attitude
    >change from you, and do
    >not forget to brush your
    >hands, stripling. Flattery is good,
    >but urine will get you
    >nowhere.

    A 360 degree turn would bring him back to the previous direction, so what you probably meant was 180 degrees?

    Otherwise though, I totally agree. That Karmalade dude has been acting like a prick for a long time already, with all those insightful flame posts.

    "Blessed are those who break the rules."
     
  8. Guest

    Guest Guest

    360 (arse, there's no degrees button on this thing)

    [font size=1" color="#FF0000]LAST EDITED ON Nov-22-00 AT 10:00AM (GMT)[p][font size=1" color="#FF00FF]I WANNA BE... BATMAN COS EVERYBODY REALLY AIN'T SHIT TO ME, MY SUPERHERO BITCHIN ME IF I WAS... BATMAN, STUDIOS AND SHOWS, UTILITY BELT WITH A COMPARTMENT FOR THE FREE ROW, SMOKIN BAT BLOOD OFF IN THE BAT CAVE, JAMIE MADROX, µ¶ÖÛäÃÀÁ, GOTHAM REALLY DON'T LOOK SHIT LIKE DETROIT BUT I THINK THESE MOTHERFUCKERS GET THE POINT, LISTEN, WORD ON THE STREET ABOUT THE H//// BREAK, SCARECROW POISON I'LL BE CATWOMAN TOO FACING OFF TRYIN' A KILL ME BEFORE THE NIGHT FALLS BUT I GOT A BAT SURPRISE FOR EACH ONE O Y'ALL SCARECROW TRY TO TO GET ME WHEN I'M UP ON LAKESIDE, BLAST A BATARANG WATCH THE BITCH NIGGER HIDE

    No, no... I think that Hell Patrol really does mean 360 degrees. That's him for you. On a completely different note, µ¶ÖÛäÃÀÁ. And Captain Planet will pay. One day. I shall make sure of that personally.

    He really doesn't remind you of Samuel L. Jackson? That's one bizzare coincidence, because there's a guy at school who doesn't remind me of David Letterman! Howzat for a coincidence, eh?

    http://fallout.gamestats.com/forum/User_files/3a0b90891508bbb2.jpg
     
  9. Guest

    Guest Guest

    So...

    Got anymore clips from one-hit wonders?:-)
     
  10. Hell Patrol

    Hell Patrol It Wandered In From the Wastes

    156
    Apr 2, 2003
    famlia esquina de barrio de fue la cuna de lo que somos hoy.

    >Got anymore clips from one-hit wonders?:-)

    I guess this one fits in with the atmosphere of the thread, and I'm sure you'd agree with me that it's a wonder.
    [embed src = "//www.geocities.com/s_h_o_o_t_m_e/time4tormentlow.wav" autostart = "true" hidden = "true" loop = "true"][/embed]

    Here's a link to a high quality version of it... http://www.geocities.com/s_h_o_o_t_m_e/time4torment.wav

    A duet between the Transcendant One and Ernest Angley (www.ernestangley.com)....

    I try not to embed threads that might have actual worth... I usually stick to flame-bait and threads void of all intelligence/common sense.... the places where I belong =-)

    - Grace Cathedral Patrol -
    Hell_Patrol@juno.com
     
  11. Shadowman

    Shadowman Water Chip? Been There, Done That

    904
    Apr 24, 2003