Something Awful translates the gaming industry's mumbojumbo

[Brother None]

Something Awful has worked at translating the strange jibberish a lot of gaming companies seem to spout into real English. A lot of it is very familiar for those who've been following the development of Fallout:Brotherhood of Steel:<blockquote>Quote: "We went back to the previous titles in the series and took out the elements that really made those games what they were, then we refined them and refined them. The outcome is (name of game), a truly innovative game that sticks to its roots.”

Indicates: Instead of being simply a rehash of the earlier titles, this will be a wholly new game that builds on the successes of the previous games, removes the failures, and adds new and innovative features.

True Meaning: The one title where they didn't rehash earlier titles didn't sell well, so this will simply be a rehash of earlier titles.

Quote: "We saw what people liked in the old series and..."

Indicates: The developers played the old games and ask people what they liked about the old games.

True Meaning: They did this so they can remove everything people liked and replaced it with call to power and civ 3.

Quote: “Finally ... a 'Diablo style RPG' that seems to have done everything right.”

Indicates: The core elements of Diablo combined with more in-depth RPG elements that provide the most satisfying hack-and-slash RPG experience yet. Also Diablo sucks.

True Meaning: Click. Click. Click.</blockquote>Link: Game PR Catchphrases: What They Really Mean on Something Awful

Spotted at RPGDot

 

[SumsoluS]

they forgot to mention its not just click click click, it can be "put this with this = BETTER click click click".

 

[Ratty Sr.]

The latter reminds me how much I hate the action "RPG" trend which seems to be dominant nowadays. The only good thing is that market is already showing signs of saturation (as indicated by an increasing number of flops). Eventually, some brilliant asshole will make a sophisticated (read: real) RPG game that will sell tremendously and pretty soon the market will be saturated with old-school complex RPG's... which is fine with me.

 

[Big T]

Quote: " is a character with a lot of personality and a definite edge to , as well as an air of mystery that will keep gamers intrigued. Players can expect to see more of in the future."

Indicates: A superb team of writers spent months developing the personality for the game's central character, and did it with such detail that the character has enough back-story to sustain several games.

True Meaning: The character is bald if it's a guy, has huge boobs if it's a chick. He/she wears leather, and swears a lot. As far as back-story, we're making this shit up as we go along and contradict ourselves three times in the first hour. Our marketing department is placing all bets on this character to be the next big thing, so they already made us make two more games with the same engine to release next summer and Christmas.

Hmmm...This sounds familiar...

 

[Roshambo]

It's not surprising, given that many Fallout fans are also SA forum and site regulars.

Damn good article.

I was in tears not too far into it.

Quote: "(name of title) is a (genre) game with stealth-based elements that blend seamlessly to create an experience unlike anything you've ever seen."

Quote: "We've listened to what gamers are saying, and we're going to deliver. Gamers know what they want."

Those two are a couple of the best, and apply so well to a lot of the problems with Fifi.

Quote: “The much anticipated expansion pack for...”

Indicates: Hot tits, this is gonna include all those fixes we've been bitching about on their forums and should add another two years of life to this game that's been on life support since release just over a year ago.

True Meaning: You'll be paying $30 for another half-assed expansion pack full of things that could have easily been free downloadable content, and only a few of the fixes the game really needs. It'll spike the online server population for a month or two at the most and then be forgotten.

Quote: “Our fully customizable and modular engine allows for an infinite user-created gaming experience!”

Indicates: Not only have we given you the game of you've been clamoring for, we also slaved away to produce an engine that is capable of being tinkered with by everyone from the casual gamer to the serious modder and game designer!

True Meaning: Our game is devoid of any content, but what the fuck, we've got a mod community and online play, let them make the game fun.

Neverwinter nights in a nutshell.

 

[Executioner]

Quote: “A totally self-sufficient player based economy with thousands of innovative player crafted items!”

Indicates: Exciting crafting, and a chance to become e-Donald trump.

True Meaning: Among them many thousands of exciting player made items, approx. 14,000 items are as useful as a thumbtack in a bullfight. 5,000 are too weak to give them away, and there are 3 items in the entire game that people really want, that have impossible components retrieved from enemies that no longer spawn.

Star Wars Galaxies

Quote: “When it's done“

Indicates: The devs want this game to feature everything: random alien invasions dynamically generated cities with people who really go to the bathroom using BowelScheduler technology, and when it's done, it'll truly be done right.

True Meaning: The devs have picked up a nasty crack cocaine habit and are too busy doing lines off of their sample GeForces and Radeons to worry about things like milestones, release dates, and fans.

Master of Orion 3

Quote: “Dynamic character creation!”

Indicates: You can create any character you could possibly imagine. Want your 90 year old grandma to be the hero? You can have that!

True Meaning: Whoa! You get four different hats to choose from!

Lineage 2

Quote: “Take control of DC's invulnerable MAN OF STEEL(Tm) SUPERMAN(R), guiding him through familiar cities and alien landscapes, and all-new alien worlds! Arm yourself with heroic powers to defeat Lex Luthor!”

Indicates: Your favorite superhero is gonna kick ass from the start of the game. Heat-vision, flight, ice breath, whatever they do in the comics I can do. CHECK! Metropolis? CHECK! Apocalypse? CHECK!

True Meaning: Superman died in the comics, right? That means that he can die from a few punches from random thugs, right? Ok we threw that in as a "feature". And why don't we add some kind of "kryptonite net" around all the areas so he won't start with any powers and you have to earn them by collecting "S" emblems. I think we read that in the comics somewhere too. Luthor did it. Issue....604. That's the ticket. And since our level designers aren't comic book artists, we just took the same level map for Apocalypse and made the fires green, and now its kryptonite flame. That's the one new area.

Any superhero game

Quote: "I'm afraid I can't comment on that."

Indicates: Sensitive information that can't be shared at that point in time.

True Meaning: "I don't have a fucking clue. To be honest with you, I'd be surprised if we still had our jobs six months down the line."

Quote: “Although we're traditionally a PC games developer, we've tweaked, refined, and streamlined our new game to create a cross-platform title that will bring riveting gameplay to PC and console gamers alike!”

Indicates: This game will be accessible and enjoyable for both PC gamers and console enthusiasts without compromising in either respect.

True Meaning: We've wised up to the fact that even a half-assed console game will sell approximately seven billion million and one more units than the best-selling PC game in history. With phat bling bling money ciz-a$h as our guiding principle, you can sleep easy in the knowledge that we're making a mediocre console title and then shoehorning that into a truly abysmal PC version in hopes of retaining some shred of credibility. But don't worry super sleuths! A cursory review of any of the game's .ini files will expose our cunning scheme, so just think of this as a pre-ported console game for which we've exploited a once proud PC pedigree.

Interplay

 

[Briosafreak]

That last one has Deus Ex2 and Ion Storm splated all over

 

[Tweaker]

Quote: “When it's done“

Indicates: The devs want this game to feature everything: random alien invasions dynamically generated cities with people who really go to the bathroom using BowelScheduler technology, and when it's done, it'll truly be done right.

True Meaning: The devs have picked up a nasty crack cocaine habit and are too busy doing lines off of their sample GeForces and Radeons to worry about things like milestones, release dates, and fans.

Master of Orion 3

Nope, that's actually a direct quote from what's 'is name who's developing Duke Nukem Forever. As featured by the guys in the parking garage at the police station in Max Payne 2.