Tarzan and the birds and the bees....

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When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, She was very
attracted to him and during her questions about his life she
asked him how he managed for sex.
"Tarzan not know sex" he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use a hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will
show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid
down on the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said,
"You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her
an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, "What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Tarzan check for bees."
Nekron
 
supposed to be racist joke, should be polish tarzan

two immigrants immigrate to America, and the first thing they do after filling out their papers is to get a hot dog.

the first says to the other, "hey, they eat dogs in america."

the other is also astonshed. shrugging, they both buy wrapped hot dogs and sit down at a bench.

one opens the wrapping and immediately closes it with a look of terror on his face.

the other, without opening his own wrapping or seeing the contents of his friend's, asks, "so what part of the dog did you get?"
 
Racist Jokes

Ok i`ll go on a limb and tell it anyway...

Three guys sitting in a bar in an airport; a Scotsman, a British and an American.

The british tell the other two "I miss my pub around the corner where i live, when you buy a drink they give you one free!"

The Scotsman respond "That`s nothing, where i come from you buy two drink and they give you the whole bottle!"

The American respond " You guys have it hard, where i come from they GIVE you the booze, make you drink all night and they bring you back to their place and have sex all night sometimes with two or three persons, and all that for free!"

The Scot and the British are asthonished "You must tell us where where this place is!"

The american " well i dont really know where it is but it happens to my sister all the time"

"I'm Ugly and I AM CANADIAN!"
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Thank you, I`ll be here all week be sure to tip your waitres

Ok well the last one wasn`t really racist but i`ll do better this time.

Three guys sitting at an airport bar; A British, a Scotsman and an Irishman.

They all order a pint of Guiness, just as their beers arrives three flys fall into their glasses.

The Brit pushed his glass away in disgust.

The Scot takes the fly out when nobody`s looking and drink hapilly.

The Irish mad as hell takes the fly out and yell "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT I TELL YOU!"

"I'm Ugly and I AM CANADIAN!"
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irish

Okay, here's one:

An Irishman moves into town, and the first thing he does after settling down in his house is going to the local pub.

He grabs a seat, and asks for three mugs of beer. The bartender looks shocked, and asks him, "Don't you want to order three at a time, then? The way you're drinking, the other two'll lose their punch!"

The Irishman looks up and says, "When I was still in old Dublin town, I lived with my two brothers. One went to America, one went to France, and I came here. We decided before we left to always drink three cups at a time, to remind us of our old memories in Dublin."

The bartender smiles, telling him that it's a great story. Some time passes, and the Irishman becomes a regular at the pub...

Until one day, when he walks in and orders only two mugs. The whole bar goes silent. The bartender slowly tells him, "I don't mean to disturb you, but I want to let you know that you have the deepest condolensces from all of us."

The Irishman looks up and smiles. "No! How silly of you! No one died; I'm off the grog!"
 
irish

Okay, here's one:

An Irishman moves into town, and the first thing he does after settling down in his house is going to the local pub.

He grabs a seat, and asks for three mugs of beer. The bartender looks shocked, and asks him, "Don't you want to order three at a time, then? The way you're drinking, the other two'll lose their punch!"

The Irishman looks up and says, "When I was still in old Dublin town, I lived with my two brothers. One went to America, one went to France, and I came here. We decided before we left to always drink three cups at a time, to remind us of our old memories in Dublin."

The bartender smiles, telling him that it's a great story. Some time passes, and the Irishman becomes a regular at the pub...

Until one day, when he walks in and orders only two mugs. The whole bar goes silent. The bartender slowly tells him, "I don't mean to disturb you, but I want to let you know that you have the deepest condolensces from all of us."

The Irishman looks up and smiles. "No! How silly of you! No one died; I'm off the grog!"
 
RE: irish

Ok my turn. Just because those jokes are about black people and norwegians I'm not a rasist.
First the one about norwegians:
Why do norwegians carry car doors thru the desert?
So they can open the window when it get's to hot.

And the one about black persons:
Three typical, great white hunter stereotypes sat in a djungle. They bragged about what they've shot during the day. The first one goes:
I've shot three lions this day.
The second one says:
Ha! I have shot FOUR rhinos this day what do you say about THAT?!
The third one looks at the other two and smiles:
Well gents, I think I win the contest. I've shot ten nopleases.
The other two looks at eachother. Both are very confused. One of them asks:
What's a noplease?
The one who said he'd won says:
You know. It's those small dark ape-like animals who run around and when you're about to shoot one they fall down on one knee and begs. No please, no please.

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"Call me a vagabond, and I'll smile. Call me a thief, and I'll laugh. Call me a liar, and I feed you your liver."
 
Another racist joke...

Alright, this is gonna get me banned... but it's funny... I didn't start with the racist jokes anyway :-)

"What's the difference between ET and a ni... err, black person?"
"ET came alone, he had his own bicycle, he learned the language, and he went back home."

This is a swedish joke, americans may not find it as funny...we have a lot of immigrants you see...

I apologize if I've offended any black people here, but I don't see why I couldn't post it as there are other offensive jokes about british people or whatever.

Another good one:
"What do you get if you put two black people in one sleeping bag?"
"Twix"

Hehe... alright just one more (I know lots of these :-) )

"What's the difference between a black person and a basketball?"
"You're not allowed to kick a basketball."

Again, I apologize for the offensive jokes, but you gotta admit they're funny.

"Blessed are those who break the rules."
 
RE: Another racist joke...

>"What's the difference between a black
>person and a basketball?"
>"You're not allowed to kick a
>basketball."

Actually, you're not allowed to kick a black man. Hell, don't mess with blacks - if they won't cut you up, you'll be in a lawsuit easier than if some crazy girl decides to punish you and yells "Rape!". They just have to say you were calling them "nigger", and BAM - no one will even ask if you did or not, you're in a lot of trouble.

Then again, as I like to say there are Negroes and niggers, and that's two very different things.




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[font color=#666666]Íàäåæäà ñàìîîáìàí íî ýòî âñå ÷òî ó íàñ åñòü
[font color=#777777]Îíà õîäèò ïî ðóêàì ïðîäàâàÿ ñâîþ ÷åñòü
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[font color=#CCCCCC]ß áåç íàäåæäû óáèò òîñêîé íàâûëåò ïðîñòðåëåí
[font color=#DDDDDD]Ïîòîìó ÷òî ÿ íàäåÿëñÿ à íå áûë óâåðåí
 
RE: Another racist joke...

O.K. I've inadvertedly created a monster here with my original post as it was not ment to offend anyone and I apologize if it did.For the sake of the ignorant,in the story Tarzan,he is white and so is Jane,so how this got turned into a racist joke is beyond me.
Nekron
 
Yes you did.

How easily 'innocent' jokes can turn into a lot of mess you will be held responsible for...




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[font color=#DDDDDD]Íå îñòàëîñü íè ñèë îùóùåíèÿ áîëè
[font color=#CCCCCC]Òîñêîé èçúåäåíà äóøà êàê ëè÷èíêàìè ìîëè
[font color=#BBBBBB]Âñå êàòèòñÿ â ïðîïàñòü ïðè÷åì óæå íå â ïåðâûé ðàç
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[font color=#777777]Îñòàëàñü òîëüêî ãðÿçü íà äíå êàðìàíîâ îäåæä
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[font color=#BBBBBB]Âñåãäà äåðæà íà ðàññòîÿíèè çàâåòíûé àëìàç
[font color=#CCCCCC]ß áåç íàäåæäû óáèò òîñêîé íàâûëåò ïðîñòðåëåí
[font color=#DDDDDD]Ïîòîìó ÷òî ÿ íàäåÿëñÿ à íå áûë óâåðåí
 
>Uh, immigrants from where?

Does it really matter?

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[font style=font-family:arial;font-size: 9pt;color:#008DE6;]The Modding Kingpin​
 
Alright, as I said earlier I have nothing against black people or immigrants, but I just think those jokes are funny anyway and posted a couple as there were some already.

"Blessed are those who break the rules."
 
BULL!!

Ok off with the racist jokes ...on with the sexist jokes!!!
Here`s a couple out of my repertoire.

A man takes his wife to the county livestock show, and they head down the aisle that houses the bulls. The sign on the first stall states, THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR.
The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year. Isn’t that nice!” After passing a bull that had mated 65 times, she grinningly quips, “You could learn from this one!”

They reach the last bull, whose ownder is stroking the massive beast’s head. “How many times has your bull mated this year?” asks the wife.

“This here’s the pride of Laypipe County: 365 times, ma’am.”

The wife’s jaw drops, and she turns to her husband. “Wow! You could really learn from this one. You should ask him what his secret is!”

The fed-up man turns to the breeder and says, “Hey, mister—was it all with the same cow?”


And now No.2 Dumb blonde jokes

Q: What is safe sex for a blonde ?
A: Locking the car`s doors

Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel?
A: An airbag

Q: How do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever

Q: hoe does a blonde turns on the lights after sex
A: She opens the car`s door

Q: What does a blonde ask after sex?
A: So are you guys all from the same team?


Man i could go on forever but just one more.

My little sister is blond.
This christhmass she calls me and ask me to come to her house cause she bought a puzzle and she can`t even fit two pieces together. So i ask her is it one of those impossible puzzle with two sides and no border? No she tells me it`s a rooster.
So after work i go to her house and ask to see the puzzle she points to the kitchen table.
After a quick look i just told her to put the Corn Falkes back in the box.


"I'm Ugly and I AM CANADIAN!"
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Racism, sexism, hairism etc.

Heh heh heh... I couldn't care less if a joke is racist or whatever, as long as it makes me laugh it has acomplished it's purpose. And now for my racist jokes... you could see it coming, couldn't you?

Why don't negroes like aspirin?
Because it's white, it works, and they have to pick cotton to get it.

If an American, an Irishman and a Chinaman jumped off a cliff, would anyone care?

What do you say to a black man in a suit?
A. Double cheeseburger and a large fries thanks.
B. Will the defendant please rise.

Hah hah I really hope we don't get banned.

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Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
 
RE: Another racist joke...

Hörru Sweaty är inte den med ET om turkar?
Sorry about that one just a thing between swedes.
Here's another one:
An american, a swede and a turk is sitting in an airplane. Suddenly the american starts to throw out dollarbills.
The swede asks: Why did you do that?
The american: It's okey. We have a lot of these where I come from.
Then the turk throws out a lot of carpets.
The swede asks: Why do you do that?
It's okey, the turk answers. We have alot of those where i come from.
Then the swede throws out the turk and the american asks:
Why did you do that?
Guess what the swede said? That's right!
It's okey, We have a lot of these where I come from.

And a blonde joke:
What do you call a brain-cell in a blondes head?
Answer: On vacation.
What do you call a blonde with two brain-cells?
Answer: Pregnant!

And again I wan't to say that I have nothing against black people or blondes. I didn't start this, I just continue.

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"Call me a vagabond, and I'll smile. Call me a thief, and I'll laugh. Call me a liar, and I feed you your liver."
 
RE: Racism, sexism, hairism etc.

OKI
No rasist jokes from my part only facts.:)

What does Sweden have that Norway do not have

God neighbours;-)


Why does Swedes cary ladders to the mall?

Just in case the prices rise.

But seriously I have nothing against Swedes.
Swedes are cool they have cheap alkohole and smoke and snus(I don't use the last one.)

Please do not use rasist jokes that peapole might find offending.
keep the rasism on a low level.
Roses are red violes are blue, my dogs are ugly and so are u.
 
This is a trap.

set by moderators to pull every racist and sexist together instead of tracking everybody down individually. Stop.




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[font color=#CCCCCC]Òîñêîé èçúåäåíà äóøà êàê ëè÷èíêàìè ìîëè
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[font color=#777777]Îíà õîäèò ïî ðóêàì ïðîäàâàÿ ñâîþ ÷åñòü
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[font color=#CCCCCC]ß áåç íàäåæäû óáèò òîñêîé íàâûëåò ïðîñòðåëåí
[font color=#DDDDDD]Ïîòîìó ÷òî ÿ íàäåÿëñÿ à íå áûë óâåðåí
 
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