Tarzan and the birds and the bees....

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RE: This is a trap.

What is racism?
In my country French tell jokes about English speaking Canadians and Newfoundlanders. English speaking Canadians tell jokes about french (French Frogs). Newfoundlander are to dumb to understand (joke).
Americans laugh about our English. No i don't say aboot i say about.
Blacks tell jokes about whites, whites vs blacks and so on....

these are jokes.

What is sexism?
Telling a joke about women? about blondes?
I know that women tell as many jokes against men as men do against women.
In fact most of the dumb blonde jokes i learned from women (especially my sister wich is blonde).

Again these are jokes.

I'm not a racist and i'm not a sexist either i just like telling jokes. And the jokes i tell are funny, drunk or sober!

I say we keep this thread going till it breaks the 100 mark.
I know that i can post at least a 100 jokes, so in order to keep it brief i will from now on in this thread only forgo half of my sig.

"I'm Ugly and I AM CANADIAN!"

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RE: This is a trap.

mexican-hating guy at my school said:

your momma's like a brick, she's flat, heavy, and gets laid by mexicans

why are mexicans so fast? all the slow ones are in jail

(and a non-racist one)

your momma's like a vacuum cleaner. she sucks, she blows, she gets laid in the closet.
 
How do you count the number of Pakistani's living in a certain town?
You count the number of cellar windows, and multiply that number by 36.

"Blessed are those who break the rules."
 
Okay here's some jokes... (somewhat sick)

[font size=1" color="#FF0000]LAST EDITED ON Jan-18-01 AT 06:19PM (GMT)[p]Here's a semi-sick joke:

A man driving down the highway in the middle of nowhere notices a burning wreck and a boy standing near it. So he pulls over.

"What happened here?" he asks the kid.

"We got into an accident," cries the boy.

"Really! So where's your dad?" asks the man.

The boy points towards the wreck.

"I see.. how about your mom?"

Again, the boy points towards the wreck.

"That's too bad... any siblings?"

Once again, the kid, with tears streaming down his face points towards the wreck.

"So there's nobody to look after you now?"

The boy nods.

"Well I guess this isn't your lucky day then.." and the man drops his pants.

-Xotor-

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A nurse is doing her rounds on the psychiatric ward one night. On her first round she stops to check on Dave, who is sitting on the end of the bed holding on to an imaginary steering wheel. The nurse says, "Dave, what are you doing?" He replied, " I'm driving to Chicago!" The nurse smiles and moves on.

Later in the evening, she rounds again to find Dave still sitting on the edge of his bed, 'driving'; then abruptly makes a gear-shift move and stops. The nurse asks, "Dave, what are you doing now?" Dave replies, "I'm in Chicago!" The nurse smiles and continues her rounds.

Across the hall, the nurse walks in on Rob and is horrified to see him sitting on the edge of his bed, masturbating. She exclaims, "Rob! What are you doing?!" Rob grins and says "I heard Dave's out of town, so I'm fucking his wife!"
Nekron
 
RE: Okay here's some jokes... (somewhat sick)

Hahahahaha! >:]

>[font size=1" color="#FF0000]LAST EDITED ON Jan-18-01
>AT 06:19 PM (GMT)
>
>Here's a semi-sick joke:
>
>A man driving down the highway
>in the middle of nowhere
>notices a burning wreck and
>a boy standing near it.
> So he pulls over.
>
>
>"What happened here?" he asks the
>kid.
>
>"We got into an accident," cries
>the boy.
>
>"Really! So where's your dad?"
>asks the man.
>
>The boy points towards the wreck.
>
>
>"I see.. how about your mom?"
>
>
>Again, the boy points towards the
>wreck.
>
>"That's too bad... any siblings?"
>
>Once again, the kid, with tears
>streaming down his face points
>towards the wreck.
>
>"So there's nobody to look after
>you now?"
>
>The boy nods.
>
>"Well I guess this isn't your
>lucky day then.." and the
>man drops his pants.
>
>-Xotor-
>
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[a href=//fallout.gamestats.com/pipboy2000le/][IMG SRC=//fallout.gamestats.com/pipboy2000le/img/tmslogo.gif" border=0][/a]

[a href="mailto: Smackrazor@mailandnews.com" style="font-family:arial;font-size: 9pt;color:#008DE6;text-decoration:underline;]Smackrazor[/a]

[font style=font-family:arial;font-size: 9pt;color:#008DE6;]The Modding Kingpin​
 
Huh?

So, you mean the boy is gonna do the guys laundry by cleaning his pants?
 
Get Naked

Try it i dare you

"Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked"
10. No one ever steals your chair.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

5. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

1. Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.


"I'm Ugly and I AM CANADIAN!"

http://www.poseidonet.f2s.com/files/nostupid.gif
 
Shorts

Q:Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A:ask your mom.

Q:How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
A:Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

Q:What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A:Say, "Nice dick."

Q:How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A:When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Q:Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A:Because they have cotton balls.

Q:Mom's have Mother's Day,Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A:Palm Sunday

Q:Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A:The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q:What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A:Miracle Whip

Q:What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
A:Her navel.

Q:What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A:A bingo machine.

Q:What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A:The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

Q:What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A:"Are you sure it's mine?"

Q:What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A:Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.

Q:Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A:Mace will do that to you.

Q:Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A:Everyone has the same DNA.

Q:Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A:A different bar.

Q:Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A:They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Q:What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A:They're hiring.

Q:Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A:Breasts don't have eyes.

Q:What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A:A pimp.

Q:Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A:Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it

Q:What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A:A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage,along with a recipe.

Q:How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say "f*ck"?
A:Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Q:What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A:northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...."
Nekron
___________________________________________________
 
RE: Okay here's some jokes... (somewhat sick)

Smackrazor, do you always have to quote the entire post into your replies?

"Blessed are those who break the rules."
 
RE: Racism, sexism, hairism etc.

>What does Sweden have that Norway
>do not have
>
>God neighbours;-)
>
>
>Why does Swedes cary ladders to
>the mall?
>
>Just in case the prices rise.
>
>
>But seriously I have nothing against
>Swedes.
>Swedes are cool they have cheap
>alkohole and smoke and snus(I
>don't use the last one.)
Actually We swedes tell the same jokes about norwegians as they tell about us. It's like with siblings: Only I can tease my brother. And here's a realy farfetched about Hitler:
Two men were talking about WW2:
-Did you know that Hitler was raised in a chicken farm? one of them says.
-No i didn't, but now it all makes sence.
-What makes sence?
-Well you know that he cooperated with the japanese.
-Yes.
- Well of course the white and the yellow should work together.

He-he. Bad isn't it. If you can't understand think EGGS.

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"Call me a vagabond, and I'll smile. Call me a thief, and I'll laugh. Call me a liar, and I feed you your liver."
 
Racist joke

A swedish racist joke:

A swedish family, a turkish family and a yugoslavian family lived in a house. One day the house fell down. What family survived?

The shedish family.

Why?

The parents were at work and the kids in school.

Sorry, couldnt resist.
 
RE: Get Naked part II

I blonde woman enter a pet store and yell to the owner i want my money back.
The owner trying to calm her down ask why
She says "you told me that this frog would satisdfy all my sexual needs, and it's not doing anything!"
The man asks "did you do what i told you to do?"
"Yes damnit i laid down naked on my bed with my legs spread and i putted the frogs between my legs... It did nothing"
The owner then brings the woman in the back store ask the lady to lie down on the bed and to remove her panties.
He then put the frog on a table next to the bed and tell it " Look carefully now This is the LAST time i'm showing you this"


"I'm Ugly and I AM CANADIAN!"

http://www.poseidonet.f2s.com/files/nostupid.gif
 
A Russian, an American, and a Mexican are sitting at a table. The Russian suddenly takes a bottle of vodka and throws it away. The Mexican and American ask him why did he do this. The Russian replies:

“In my country there is so much vodka that we can afford to throw some away.”

Then, the Mexican takes a taco and throws it away. The American and Russian ask him why did he do this. The Mexican replies:

“In my country there are so many tacos that we can afford to throw some away.”

Then, the American stands up, lifts the Mexican from his chair and throws him away.
 
Hehe... I know another version of that joke, where it's a Swede, and American and a Turk who stand at the edge of a cliff. The Turk throws down a bag of potatoes, the American throws down a bag of dollars and the Swede throws down the Turk.

"Blessed are those who break the rules."
 
RE: Racist joke

>The parents were at work and
>the kids in school.

Or you could modify that for the Mid-East crisis:

"The Palestinian parents were waiting at the roadblock to enter Jerusalem to go to work and the Palestinian children were all outside throwing rocks at soldiers."

-Xotor-

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[font size=1" color="#FF0000]LAST EDITED ON Jan-22-01 AT 07:58PM (GMT)[p]It's funny to see that the exact same joke circulates here in holland too, with the swede switched for a dutchman.

Ok, here's one from me :

How do you know a (insert something like immigrant) tried to break into your house ?

Your bike's gone, he trash can's empty and the dog is pregnant.

Or how about this one :

One day a guy enters a bar. When he orders a beer he notices a small cardboard box on the bar, and asks the bartender :
"Bartender, what is in that box ?"
"It's a frog"
"A frog ? Why do you need a frog in a box in your bar ?"
"Well, this isn't an ordinary frog. This one can give you a blowjob that'll make you wonder why god invented women"
"Huh ?"
"You know what, I'll let you test her, and if you like her, you can buy her"
The guy liked that offer, so he takes the box to a back room, and puts the frog to it's work. A short time later he re-enters the bar with his collar loose and his hair messed up.
"Man, that's really something ! I'll buy her !"
So the guy buys the frog and returns home later that evening, with the frog in the box under his arm. His wife asks :
"What's in that under your arm ?"
"It's a frog"
"A frog ? Why do you need a frog ?"
"I'm gonna teach it to cook, and then I'm gonna kick you out of this house !"

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"Don't worry men, they can't hit us here"
 
Barman!

I guy walks into a bar goes to the bartender and ask
- Got any bananas?
-No man this is a bar not a kitchen! answers the barman
- Ok Ok sorry to bother you! and the guy leaves.

Half an hour later the man comes back looks around go to the bartender and whisper to him
- Got any Bananas?
- I already told you NO! replies the frustrated barman
- Ok sorry! and then leaves

An hour later, same man go stragiht to bar bar and yells
- Barman oen banana please!
- Ok buddy this is the last time you ask me about bananas, Next time you even mention bananas to me i'm nailling you to the wall!!
- Ok sorry sorry! and he leaves.

five minutes later he comes back goes to the bartender and ask him
- Got any nails?
-No ! answers the barman.
- Then, got any bananas?

"I'm Ugly and I AM CANADIAN!"
http://www.iam.ca/images/iam.ca_logo.gif
http://www.poseidonet.f2s.com/files/nostupid.gif
 
There's an Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman all talking
about their teenage daughters.

The Englishman says: " I was cleaning my daughter's room
the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really
shocked as I didn't even know she smokes!

The Scotsman says: "That's nothing. I was cleaning my
daughter's room the other days when I found a half full bottle
of Vodka. I was really shocked as didn't even know she
drank!"

With that the Irishman says: "Both of you have got nothing
to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other
day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really
shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!"
Nekron
 
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