The Wasteland Part One

Millim

Venerable Relic of the Wastes
Orderite
[REDACTED]
Hey, I know this one's fairly short, hopefully the next will be longer. But what do you guys think? I'm thinking of also doing a soundtrack to this FanFic as well.
So, enjoy

The Wasteland
Part One

Who is it to question what we believe, to question how we think? This is the question that has bothered man for many years, since time first begun, how do we act when the unthinkable happens? Who will save us? Man has always fought, even where there is nothing to fight about. It’s been our nature to strike down those who get in our way. But what if we took away everything? Would we still fight? Would we still kill to protect nothing?

Central London
2116
The sun hit the tall burnt out buildings. The streets were silent. The roads sat broken with half of the House of Commons spread miles around it. The only sign of life was man standing opposite what was left of the once famous building. He looked at it, his eyes studying the ancient bricks. He was a young man, wearing a dirty green trench coat and black sunglasses that reflected the bright morning sun. He turned round and walked on, leaving behind the past of English heritage.

A few miles east
“Breakfast is ready”
Nineteen year old Stan woke up. The sun hitting his eyelids. He got up slowly walked downstairs, he still wasn’t fully awake. He reached the kitchen where he saw his girlfriend handing him a plate of bacon and eggs.
“Thanks Rebecca” he smiled.
She took a plate and they both sat on a table with many cracks.
“So, you got anything planned for us today?” Rebecca asked, cutting into the yolk of the egg.
“I was wondering how you felt about seeing the ruins of central London today” Stan replied looking at the plate.
They sat in silence for a while.
“Here you go” Stan said once he finished his breakfast.

Kent
Fred sat in his chair, listening to the radio. He had a cold beer in one hand and a bag of cocaine in the other. He put the bag on the table next to him and took a small sip of beer. The news came on the radio.
Welcome to the news at nine. Reports are flying in about a serial killer in the west of London. So far eight people have been killed. Four people have been charged. Also, Frank Thompson, the man who murdered Adam Hensley has not been charged. The case leader has said that the crime was not dangerous enough.
That is all, the news will return at nine-thirty.
“Fuck!” Fred shouted, throwing the beer across the room. He stood up, dust falling from his ripped jeans and dirty white T-shirt. He walked over to a shotgun and picked it up.
“I’m gonna get that sun of a bitch” he said, walking out the door.

Unidentified Location
The man walked up a long road, his feet kicking his trench coat as he passed by.
“Mark” a voice called.
It was a faint voice, sounded female.
He turned round to see a figure in the distance. The figure got closer. He saw a tall blonde haired girl. Looked about mid-twenties.
“Mark!” she called again.
It didn’t take much longer for him to work out who it was.
“Sarah!” he called.
Then, a gunshot was fired. Sarah’s neck was covered in blood.
It took a few moments for Mark to realise what had happened.
She lay in front of him, not moving. She was as still as you could be.

Now let me take your mind back to the beginning. What will happen if Man had nothing to fight about? He will find something. He will create wars to look for a pitiful excuse. Why? Cause man doesn’t fight for love or peace. Man fights for himself, for greed.
But what if man wasn’t the end of the world, what if woman was, but we didn’t except it?
This morning, these three people are unconnected, never gazed upon each other. But what they don’t know is that by the end of today, these three people will change the wasteland for a good few years to come…

End of Part One
 
fair enough.
some constructive criticism:

some issues with punctuation, add a comma here and there, to let the reader know where a sentence ends.
"He got up slowly, and walked downstairs. He still wasn't fully awake."

dont always stick to your guns, be prepared to rewrite things,
"a table with many cracks" reads better as "an old unkept table" or something.
"She was as still as you could be." me!? imo reads better as "She was as still as one could be."

story-wise, i feel its very rushed, to the point of oddly unrealistic. why would he be so eager to run off and catch a serial killer? why would he take that upon himself, surely every citizen is upset about a serial killer - why does he stand out so much?

the philosophy in the end, imo, needs to be a bit cleaned up.
be careful to state philosophical facts about life-and-everything, because readers may not agree with you (me for one. imo man fights for survival, not greed. greed is a byproduct, a symptom of the need to survive. survival comes first, greed later.)

take your time. build more atmosphere. i wondered why he had cocaine and a working radio, and what seemed like fully functional law enforcement units in his time and place, considering its a post-nuclear setting. cocaine comes from the jungles of colombia, you need to successfully cultivate these plants.
its your fiction, but it really doesnt hurt to put a little effort into being more convincing. build a bit more. same with your protagonist. let the reader know how he functions with some background, before you launch him out on less-than-credible vigilante missions :D

keep it up.
 
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