Hello guys!
I've been away for quite some time now, for a variety of reasons.
[1] I was in hospital for a couple of weeks because I was suffering from the worst depression I've ever had (and I've had quite a few in my life, trust me). The depression was a result of the lame job I had at the Federal Department of Justice where I worked as a journalist. Only problem was: there was no work for me or my French colleague (communication isn't exactly a priority for the Justice Department in Belgium). Result: months of boredom, stress and agony resulting in the both of us quitting our jobs. In an other, older thread I already wrote about the misery that accompanied that process. I guess I just kind of stored all of these problems in a backroom of my brain where it grew and grew and grew, eating away at my mental health and self-esteem.
[2] My mom had several epileptic fits during December which caused me a lot of grief. She has epilepsy, but hadn't had any fits for the last 5 years. The fact that they reappeared is my dad's fault. He's retired now, following her every move and constantly putting her under a lot of pressure and stress. See: my dad suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and is unwilling to go into therapy, making everyone's life a living hell. My sister's daughters aren't welcome, because he can't stand them being curious, touching cupboards and stuff (which is a normal thing for little children to do). He's basically alienating his children and grandchildren from him and his wife, who has become his lapdog.
[3] When I came home from hospital, my flat was half empty and my girlfriend had left. For good. Her mom and her other daughter called me the next day to tell me they're sorry that her daughter (my gf) did this to me and that I'm always welcome to pay them a visit. Why did she leave? I don't really know. There wasn't even a letter explaining her decision, but her mom told me that her daughter is unable to cope and care for sick or depressed people. This, of course, threw me back into the hole I was and am still trying to crawl out.
I'm seeing a shrink now (on a weekly basis) who has put me on a 'diet' of 4mg Alprazolam, 80 mg Inderal and 20mg Paroxetine (also known as Xerox, I think) per day. Unnecessary to say that this cocktail of anti-depressants and stress-relievers has turned me into a mental zombie. But I need it for the moment, 'cause otherwise I'm constantly weeping and grieving and not eating. The stress and medication has also resulted in some form of eczema on my hands making it practically impossible for me to draw or write with a pen/biro.
I have a whole lot of things to do and it'll take some time for me to do them, so don't expect to see me around very often. Typing this post, for instance, feels like running around the block a couple of times and is very tiring for me. So no: I can't be bothered with the cartoons I made for this site for a while, and I doubt I will be doing more of them in the near or even far future. I'm truly sorry for that, 'cause I enjoyed making them, but other things (like recovering) are much more important now.
The physical symptoms I had and talked about in a older post somewhere (losing weight, insomnia, diarrhea) weren't caused by some weird physical disease I was suffering from, but were all symptoms of this gigantic depression that I wasn't really aware of until it was too late.
That's all I have to say, really. I'm not dead yet and I'm not planning to do so anytime soon. And we'll meet again when I think and feel the time is right. Don't forget good ol' wishy-washy alec, but don't say prayers for me either, 'cause you know I hate your fucking omnipotent bastard gods.
-- alec, leaving the building
I've been away for quite some time now, for a variety of reasons.
[1] I was in hospital for a couple of weeks because I was suffering from the worst depression I've ever had (and I've had quite a few in my life, trust me). The depression was a result of the lame job I had at the Federal Department of Justice where I worked as a journalist. Only problem was: there was no work for me or my French colleague (communication isn't exactly a priority for the Justice Department in Belgium). Result: months of boredom, stress and agony resulting in the both of us quitting our jobs. In an other, older thread I already wrote about the misery that accompanied that process. I guess I just kind of stored all of these problems in a backroom of my brain where it grew and grew and grew, eating away at my mental health and self-esteem.
[2] My mom had several epileptic fits during December which caused me a lot of grief. She has epilepsy, but hadn't had any fits for the last 5 years. The fact that they reappeared is my dad's fault. He's retired now, following her every move and constantly putting her under a lot of pressure and stress. See: my dad suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and is unwilling to go into therapy, making everyone's life a living hell. My sister's daughters aren't welcome, because he can't stand them being curious, touching cupboards and stuff (which is a normal thing for little children to do). He's basically alienating his children and grandchildren from him and his wife, who has become his lapdog.
[3] When I came home from hospital, my flat was half empty and my girlfriend had left. For good. Her mom and her other daughter called me the next day to tell me they're sorry that her daughter (my gf) did this to me and that I'm always welcome to pay them a visit. Why did she leave? I don't really know. There wasn't even a letter explaining her decision, but her mom told me that her daughter is unable to cope and care for sick or depressed people. This, of course, threw me back into the hole I was and am still trying to crawl out.
I'm seeing a shrink now (on a weekly basis) who has put me on a 'diet' of 4mg Alprazolam, 80 mg Inderal and 20mg Paroxetine (also known as Xerox, I think) per day. Unnecessary to say that this cocktail of anti-depressants and stress-relievers has turned me into a mental zombie. But I need it for the moment, 'cause otherwise I'm constantly weeping and grieving and not eating. The stress and medication has also resulted in some form of eczema on my hands making it practically impossible for me to draw or write with a pen/biro.
I have a whole lot of things to do and it'll take some time for me to do them, so don't expect to see me around very often. Typing this post, for instance, feels like running around the block a couple of times and is very tiring for me. So no: I can't be bothered with the cartoons I made for this site for a while, and I doubt I will be doing more of them in the near or even far future. I'm truly sorry for that, 'cause I enjoyed making them, but other things (like recovering) are much more important now.
The physical symptoms I had and talked about in a older post somewhere (losing weight, insomnia, diarrhea) weren't caused by some weird physical disease I was suffering from, but were all symptoms of this gigantic depression that I wasn't really aware of until it was too late.
That's all I have to say, really. I'm not dead yet and I'm not planning to do so anytime soon. And we'll meet again when I think and feel the time is right. Don't forget good ol' wishy-washy alec, but don't say prayers for me either, 'cause you know I hate your fucking omnipotent bastard gods.
-- alec, leaving the building
