We're all DOOMED

S

Sovz

Vault Dweller
PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!
It was spewed from a black hole 28,000 light years from Earth and is vaporizing everything in its path, astronomers say!

By MIKE FOSTER

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!

Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.

"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."

Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.

"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.

"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.

"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.

"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.

"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.

Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.

"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."

But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.

"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.

Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.

"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.

"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.

"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.

"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."
Click to expand...


oh noes

start the massive orgies right now before its going to be too late
 
There is something I don't get. If the cloud is 28,000 light years ago, and is traveling near light speed. How is it going to be here by 2014?!

Inconsistences easily betrays lies. (or jokes... or science fiction stories) :wink:
 
I once read a "story" in that rag about gigantic tobacco spitting grasshoppers...

The picture was of a farmer with a shotgun holding a photo chopped, blown up, pixelated, grasshopper by the legs.
 
welsh said:
I love the weekly world news. Some of the best stuff in print-

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/61501
Click to expand...

Thank God you said that, because I was seriously about to freak...

Com on Sovz. Though posting an article that obviously isnt true (the source is a joke magazine) you should put something on the bottom that says where its from...though I dont blame you.

Actually in being happily misleading that was one of the most memorable things I've seen on a forum...ever. I'm impressed.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

P.S.

Is it just me or was anyone else half-looking forward to it?

Oh and April 6 is my birthday.
 
I kind of believed it too, and was a litle freaked, but I knew it had to bee a joke, and if it was true, it would be one of those with a note near the end "the earth has a 0.1% chance of beeing hit, if circumstances are right"
 
What's hilarious is the fact that the "black hole" is emitting things out of it, even when they clearly state that such things tend to absorb any kind of matter, radiation, or even light into them.

Talk about a paradox.
 
People With Senses Of Humor. The international conspiracy.

If you see someone laugh about a quadrisyllabical sentence, beat the shit out of them.
 
Hey, I never said I don't find those types of articles amusing. I have laughed hysterically numerous times at many articles they have published.

What pains me is the fact that someone is actually getting paid to write things like that and people actually BELIEVE IT. (I know a few people (not personally) that frequently buy and believe what they read in the Weekly World News.)
 
Eheh, then your question, my friend, would be:
"Who could actually believe this rubbish"

;)
 
..Thomas is already at work on related studies, including what gays and lesbians think about during sex, what animals think about during sex, and what space aliens think about during sex. )
Click to expand...
:rofl:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top