You know you're bored.

Pope Viper

Pope Viper

This ghoul has seen it all
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When you start teaching your 3 year old to say "No Mutants Allowed."

What's the funniest thing you've heard a kid say?
 
When my little cousin was playing GTA4, he went through the following discussion with the game.

(He walks up to a car)

"'Sup homie, come over here so I can rob you"

(he shoots the driver and pulls him out)

"Oh man, he looked white when he was driving"

(He slams into a crowd of black people)

"Take that you stupid Jamaicans!"
 
Similar to generalissimo, I used to let my young cousin play GTA III, and one time he told me "My mumma's my sister" :lol:

I think that's what he told me anyway, I'm sure it's a phrase from GTA III.
 
A friend in the UK told me he had turned the kid into a deadly weapon of irritation and that it always focused on the hell-spawn's own mother ...


Dad: "Kid - what sound does mommy make?"

Kid: "Nag, nag"
 
One other thing I taught my nieces when they were kids.

Instead of calling me "Uncle" I made them call me "Master".

Talk about pissing my brother off.
 
Well, I had nieces at a young age (like 13-14), so torture was a way of life.

I used to threaten/chase them with a sword replica I had. If I didn't want them to bother me, the sword got hauled out, and the fun ensued.
 
I used to trick both my youngest siblings when they were around 3-4 to go around and chant "Luke is the Best! No protest!" (with my real name).

There is video proof of this somewhere in the family archives.
 
here's a song i'm planning on singing and teaching to my younger sister's boys. one is still a baby, so lost cause unless i make him laugh...but the other is almost 3 and from my sister's description, he'd learn any song in about a day and never shut up about it.

thus this song which i'm threatening my sister with:

cringle, cringle, krackle, krackle!
dancing bunny, dancing snashel!
cringle, cringle, krackle, kroishel!
dancing hammers, dancing sproigel!
 
i teached bogus songs to people on the icu after they recovered from coma. i did night shifts on an emergency ward while i studied which had surprisingly often quiet nights, so me and my fellow docs had to do something, since german tv really sucks. either that, or we dressed up as dietary assistants and confused gomers with night-shift diet plans. well, there were a lot of other things we did, but teaching them the songs was hilarious. imagine an icu ward with 5 patients ENDLESSLY repeating extremely annoying song snippets. heh.
 
(while not involving boredom, it involves kids:)

a long time ago i lived for a short stint in France. my parents, my brother (5yo) and I (4yo) were visiting the Louvre and there was this painting from Miro.

as soon as we walked into the room, i went straight over, said "Miro!" very loudly and started pointing.

everyone in the room stood in rockstar awe of the 4 year old kid that knew the painter without even trying to read the little note on the side of the painting.

was pretty damn funny. but i only knew because i had a simplified drawing of it on my mug (the peace pigeon thing). :)
 
Once my friend and I made some french fries for his little brother, and decided to play a joke on him. Instead of ketchup, we gave him hot sauce. When he ate his first one or two fries dipped in it, he stated, "Mmm. This ketchup hurts."
 
So, one day I'm sitting at the kitchen table all bored. My 3 year old nephew comes in and starts looking up at the table and the kitchen counter looking for something. I'm sitting there all in a weird mood, watching him, and I go "Danny, what do you want out of life?" just to be a smartass I guess.
His reply: "an orange"

Could there possibly be a better answer?
 
When I was a kid I had just heard of E-substances in food, and I held this long speech at the dinner table during desert as to why I should not eat the horrible raspberry jelly.(damned store stuff, tasted like shit) all while I still was eating fake vanilla sauce with a spoon. When my father commented that the vanilla sauce contained far much more e-substances, I replied shamelessly. "Yeah, but it tastes good."
 
Well, I didn't really say anything silly, just misunderstood something entirely. When I was about 4 or 5, I was taking a bath when I heard the news in the other room mention something along the lines of: "...several recent deaths due to 'the invisible killer' entering homes..." They were referring to carbon monoxide leaks, of course. But I was a child, and thought that there was some maniac with the power of invisibility. It scared me pretty good, until my dad told me what they meant. I wasn't a dumb kid, but come on, the words "invisible killer?"
 
Me and my two nephews (aged 3 and 4) were playing Peter Pan about a month ago.

The younger one went 'I want to be Peter Pan! I want to be Peter Pan!'; to which I replied 'Then I will be Captain Hook, and I will CATCH you!'

After which I started chasing him - y'know how it works.

Then, I asked 4-year old nephew what he wanted to be, and he replied, with the sweetest look on his face, 'Tinker Bell'.

I looked over at my brother (the father), and we both burst out laughing.
His wife was very upset that we made fun of him, of course.


Seriously though, I think the little guy is gonna grow up gay. This, his preference for playing with dolls etc. - it's getting a bit obvious.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course - I still love the little guy to death! *





* Not in that way
 
I love hiding around the house, jumping out, yelling and scaring the shit out of my wife. She's really skitish, it doesn't take much. Sometimes, when she's taking a shower, I just sneak in and stand there, when she pulls the curtain back and sees me she freaks out.

I've been doing it to my 3 y.o. lately, she's even easier because she's totally predicatbale, you can hear her coming a mile away as she's humming some kid's tune, and totally unsuspecting. BAM! I usually get a punch in the face from her.

Yawgmoth43 said:
Well, I didn't really say anything silly, just misunderstood something entirely. When I was about 4 or 5, I was taking a bath when I heard the news in the other room mention something along the lines of: "...several recent deaths due to 'the invisible killer' entering homes..." They were referring to carbon monoxide leaks, of course. But I was a child, and thought that there was some maniac with the power of invisibility. It scared me pretty good, until my dad told me what they meant. I wasn't a dumb kid, but come on, the words "invisible killer?"
Click to expand...
Same thing. I remember being warned when we went to the beach about "undertow" - that when there are very big waves you can get pulled under and drown. Anyway I thought I heard "UnderToad" (kind of like UnderDog)
200px-Underdog.jpg

So I thought some evil, caped frog would pull me underwater.

Then there was that wild bar in our town called the Monkey Farm, I can't tell you how long I thought there were drunken monkeys swinging around in there throwing chairs around and shit.
 
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