Here it is, the first part of the awesome project no one ever asked for: Risewild's Amazing Fallout 3 Playthrough (sponsored by mfkndggrfll). So, since I heard so many good things about Fallout 3, I decided I needed to experience this game in it's pure form (not part of TTW), so I am recording it here, uncut and uncensored, for future generations to experience it too. So... I open the game. The Main Menu Screen stares at me while playing ominous music. I consider if I should do this or not... But it has to be done, I will play this game and see all the interesting locations and talk to all the interesting characters. I will roleplay any character I want to. I will prove once and for all that Fallout 3 is the proper sequel to Fallout! I will help erase Fallout 2 from history books and show as fact, that Fallout 3 is a cRPG masterpiece. This will be a totally vanilla playthrough. No mods at all, because mods would just stain a masterpiece. I clicked the "New" option in the Main Screen Title. I am presented with a video, an old radio in a destroyed bus husk starts playing "I don't want to set the world on fire" from the Ink Spots. Damn, I know that Black Isle wanted to use this song as Fallout intro song. I guess Bethesda is stealing honoring the original game idea. The intro shows some ruins and a Brotherhood of Steel guy with a Laser Rifle. Oooooh, the suspense is killing me. Then it comes the overused iconic "War. War never changes." narration: Oh man, I don't know why but that really sounds off somehow. Well, doesn't matter. Also it (sounds like a 5 years old wrote it) is a much weaker take on the Fallout intro narration. Then the narration continues: Wait a second, I might have self learned English language when I was a kid, but this part "In the year 2077, after millennia of armed conflict" makes it sound like they are telling us that humanity has been involved in one armed conflict for 1000 years. Does Bethesda just told us that humanity has been involved into a giant war for the last one thousand years? Oh well, I just want to play this awesome game so I won't think about it. After the narration there is a black screen for a minute or so, then it turns into a white screen and apparently I was just born. And not only was I just born, but I understand English right away. I guess I can roleplay as a genius kid, that will fit in the role. I am such a genius that my own dad has to ask me if I am a boy or a girl (Professor Oak, are you my dad?): I answer that I am a boy (because do girls even play Fallout lol), by somehow making the choice in a popup menu saying "Boy" and "Girl". After that my dad tells me I am gonna need a name, and being the genius I am, I am allowed to type my own name in a popup window: Obviously I pick a perfect name for the useless that every one bosses main character in Fallout 3: Better than FO2 After that my dad puts in my face a gene projector or something like that, and that apparatus is supposed to tell everyone how I will look when I am older. But for some reason I can change how I will look. Of course I pick a strapping look: I can have a beard! Take that Fallout 2! After that my mom dies... So sad... Sniff Sniff. And apparently I fall unconscious from the sadness or shock, that I only become conscious again one year later. I open my eyes for the first time in one year and I am standing up looking at my dad, he is making gestures telling me to walk to him. Somehow I possess an internal compass, because stuck to what I see, there is a bar that shows which direction I am facing... I now know why I am a genius, I must be a cyborg or android. My compass also tells me how wounded I am and the location of nearby people/creatures. I will call it Cyborg Sense: I start to have second thoughts about doing this playthrough, but the game seems to know my feelings and thoughts, so it uses dad to encourage me to not give up: Feeling revitalized by my dad's encouragement, I push forward. But since I am roleplaying a genius but bratty kid, I ignore him and go and play with some toys. I look at a teddy bear and it starts to rise in front of me. I guess I have telekinesis or something. When I want to grab something, I just stare at it and it starts floating in the air. Anyway, I lift the teddy with my brain power and to my astonishment, the teddy starts spinning without me moving or doing anything at all: I stare at that for 10 minutes, but then a RL noise breaks my hypnotic state. Dad seems to have locked me in this room, because when I try to open the door behind me, the door replies: The game is feeling impatient, and thinking I don't know what to do to advance the story, it decides to order me to walk to dad by showing a menacing message on the top left screen: Feeling trapped, I guess I am forced to do what my dad wants me to do... So I walk to him while pouting. But being one year old, I get distracted by a big red ball, so I walk to it instead. After I clumsily kicked it the wrong way, it rolls behind my dad, so I try to chase it and the game stops me... Putting dad in a very awkward position while he is talking to me: Hmm If I could talk, I would inform my dad that he can just turn his body to face me, but since I press the action button and all I can do is say "Da da", I guess I can't inform him of this useful life knowledge. After telling me that my mother would be so proud because I can walk like a normal kid. Dad has to leave for a bit: I am immediately ordered by the game again: (I knew that my character is a loser that gets ordered around by everything, even by some mysterious voices in his head) As soon as I obey, I am bombarded by another order: Thanks captain obvious, I had already exited it by the time you ordered me to: Damn game is treating me like I am a nitwit or something... I guess they know who they are targeting the game for. Oh no... Make it STOP: It's already bossing me to do more things... GAHHH... Fine, I look at it, just leave me alone: Oooooh its a baby book. After I somehow manage to alter the print on the baby book, I make so it suits a genius cyborg kid: I'm a genius, so I have 9 INT, I am a cyborg so I am strong and tough, I also have an internal compass/radar thing so I am more perceptive than the average human. I suck at talking to others because I say stupid shit and I have no agility because I am clunky in my metal enhanced body. Ahahahah. Cyborg "Better than FO2" is ready to conquer the game. I close the book and look around the room. Then my handy Cyborg sense tells me that someone is coming! I run to my playpen and close the door. It's like I never left. Thanks Cyborg Sense! I have plenty of time to be inside my playpen until my dad arrives. I even got bored waiting. But then: WTF? How the hell does he know I went outside the playpen? I didn't touch anything except the baby book, and it is still sitting there on the ground in the exact same place and position as it was before, closed and everything. I am inside the playpen and the door is closed... How does he know???? Now, we are being ordered once again by someone else. Don't we do anything on our own free will in this game? And... Oh crap! He wants to show me something... That doesn't sound good... I start to sweat while I plan my escape. I run past him and keep running, but I reach the next room and the door is locked... While I am staring at the door he starts talking in the other room as if I'm there with him, in the same room or something: I am frantically trying to activate the door, but all my character does is say "Da da" and "Blherrrb da". My delusional dad keeps talking to the imaginary me. I look at the door that leads to the room where my dad is still talking to himself. I am terrified that he will realize I am not there, and comes to "show me something": I really don't want him to "give unto me that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life", that sounds so pervy I am having an aneurysm. I decide to keep an eye on him, just so he won't get me by surprise, so I move behind a chair where I can see him still talking to imaginary me: But he is saying he wants me to go and visit my friend Amata. I hate her, she is annoying, I don't want to visit her... Wait, that means my dad is coming this way!!! I have to find a better hiding spot! I found a couch and hide behind it, with my back against the wall: Oh no! He saw me! It's the end... And look the game is already ordering me again: Then the screen gets white. Once I can see again, Amata is in front of me and apparently walking from my room to the refectory took nine years. Damn, that is a big Vault. It's my tenth birthday, I don't have any memories of my last nine years... Something fishy is going on in this Vault. Doesn't matter, since I have a party! After a small speech about how I am ten now, I get my own pipboy 3000. But I kid you not, the Overseer just took it out of his ass: I decide to save the game and take a long deserved rest from this. I will continue the adventures of "Better than FO2" another day.