Someday you'll all be saying "Shti! That guy was on a forum I go to on the internets! His name was Jarno Mikkola or something like that! I think I'm going to be sick!".
And shit.
And shit.
Modern Cannibalism
- Thread starter welsh
- Start date
I'm actually glad that sicko is around. He kinda draws the attention away from my criminally twisted mind.
Why, just the other day I was sitting in the train, going home from a hard day's work at the office and suddenly this really purty brunette comes in and sits next to me, reading her magazine, chewing her chewing gum, adjusting her skirt, and all I could think about was what it would feel like to brutally rape her. I'm not kidding. I don't often think about raping women, you see, I rarely think more than twice a week about that subject and never on the train, but this hot brunette just triggered it. Her whole body screamed 'abuse me' in Dutch as well as in my local dialect (which made it quite easy to understand her intentions). Whilst my eyes were scanning every detail of her well-made body, my creative mind was already constructing horrible, Hellraiser-like machines and contraptions that would prove perfectly suitable to contain her gorgeous body and bend it and twist it into positions that were all but anatomically correct. This machine should of course be build and placed in the cellar, my brains were thinking, but how would I get her still living and breathing body in there? Chloroform? A whack in the back of her head with a blunt object? Ropes? That's the kind of stuff that I was thinking, just yesterday, while I was listening to The Streets on my iPod, trying to read A Confederacy of Dunces (for the third time this year) and eating a Snickers. I am not going to go into details about how I imagined I would have to mutilate and torture her body to achieve the ultimate sexual climax imaginable, because that would freak you guys out (and - after all - this isn't The Order), but I can say that it involved a pair of scissors, lots of needles, a funnel and a bottle of vinager.
The fact that I didn't do it (didn't abduct and rape her) goes to show that good ol' wishy-washy alec is still as sane as he used to be, but I somehow doubt that this state of stability and common sense will last a lifetime. The voices are becoming louder and clearer as we speak.
As for eating human meat: I eat, about twice to thrice a week, my girlfriend's pussy which is actually quite nice in flavour. A little salty sometimes, sure, but if one washes the salt away with some whiskey or some vodka, the taste is quite bearable. I can recommend it to everyone. Unless you prefer cock, of course. In that case I am afraid I can not give you any advise since I've never tasted cock before. My girlfriend, however, says it is quite good and that it has a pleasant aftertaste not unlike the taste of oysters.
Why, just the other day I was sitting in the train, going home from a hard day's work at the office and suddenly this really purty brunette comes in and sits next to me, reading her magazine, chewing her chewing gum, adjusting her skirt, and all I could think about was what it would feel like to brutally rape her. I'm not kidding. I don't often think about raping women, you see, I rarely think more than twice a week about that subject and never on the train, but this hot brunette just triggered it. Her whole body screamed 'abuse me' in Dutch as well as in my local dialect (which made it quite easy to understand her intentions). Whilst my eyes were scanning every detail of her well-made body, my creative mind was already constructing horrible, Hellraiser-like machines and contraptions that would prove perfectly suitable to contain her gorgeous body and bend it and twist it into positions that were all but anatomically correct. This machine should of course be build and placed in the cellar, my brains were thinking, but how would I get her still living and breathing body in there? Chloroform? A whack in the back of her head with a blunt object? Ropes? That's the kind of stuff that I was thinking, just yesterday, while I was listening to The Streets on my iPod, trying to read A Confederacy of Dunces (for the third time this year) and eating a Snickers. I am not going to go into details about how I imagined I would have to mutilate and torture her body to achieve the ultimate sexual climax imaginable, because that would freak you guys out (and - after all - this isn't The Order), but I can say that it involved a pair of scissors, lots of needles, a funnel and a bottle of vinager.
The fact that I didn't do it (didn't abduct and rape her) goes to show that good ol' wishy-washy alec is still as sane as he used to be, but I somehow doubt that this state of stability and common sense will last a lifetime. The voices are becoming louder and clearer as we speak.
As for eating human meat: I eat, about twice to thrice a week, my girlfriend's pussy which is actually quite nice in flavour. A little salty sometimes, sure, but if one washes the salt away with some whiskey or some vodka, the taste is quite bearable. I can recommend it to everyone. Unless you prefer cock, of course. In that case I am afraid I can not give you any advise since I've never tasted cock before. My girlfriend, however, says it is quite good and that it has a pleasant aftertaste not unlike the taste of oysters.
[Rusty Chopper]
Vault Dweller
alec said:
So that's what induces those ideas of yours!
Does you GF know the address of this forum, Alec?
Silencer said:
And perhaps more importantly, does your government know? I mean, you work for them, right? Plus, we know your real name and what department you work in. Perhaps your employers might be interested in what's going on in your head. Maybe some angry NMA member could act as a link?
But on second thought nah....everyone here loves alec....right?
EDIT: Whoah, hold on a sec!!!
Silencer said:
He has a motive!!!1 Stop him!
well, i could call his work (even though i dont know his real name, i know where he works, what he does & his defining features), but what would be the fun in that?
i'd rather have the phone number of his girlfriend really...
i'd rather have the phone number of his girlfriend really...
She does. She thinks it's a gay forum, though. One evening she caught me looking at the "Ozrat's Woodland Outing" Caption Contest thread and she was like 'wtf, mate! wtf are you doing now?' and I was like 'chill it, bitch! that's just Ozzy, he's a cyber buddy of mine' and she was like 'I don't fucking believe this! you're a faggot, aren't you? you're a buttfucker and a cocksucker, aren't you?' and I was like 'whatever bitch, Jezus fucking Christ, forget it!' after which I went to the pub and got drunk.Silencer said:
As for my job as a journalist for the Department of Justice: no one gives a rat's arse about whether or not I think about rape or not. Why, just yesterday I asked around and people were pretty damn stoic about it.
'Hey boss, do you mind if I sit here doing jack shit?'
'Why yes, I'd rather you did something, anything, you know.'
'So instead of doing nill, you'd rather have me fantasizing and daydreaming about shit?'
'Sure, that's a start. It beats doing nothing, I guess.'
'Hm... so tell me boss: would you mind if I sat here all day fanatsizing about raping women and shit? You know, like fantasizing about kidnapping some fit young girl, hiding her in my cellar and abusing her just to get off on it?'
'Hehehe, you're a crazy one, you.'
'Yeah, whatever, but would you mind?'
'No, I guess not. Imagination is a great thing. It's a trait I was not blessed with alas. You should cherish and nourish your imagination, it is a wonderful thing.'
'Okay then. I'm going to take a shit now, but when I'm back I think I'm going to fantasize a little about raping that girl from the Selection Service, you know whom I'm talking about, I think her name is Tina.'
'Ah yes, Tina. A fine girl that. Always friendly, always glad to help someone out.'
'You think she might be willing to help me out? Give me a hand, so to speak, so I don't have to beat my own meat whilst thinking up a variety of ways of tying her up and inserting household appliances into her cavities?'
'Well, I think she might be able to give you a hand. You should ask her. Tell her I told you that you two should work together on this project of yours.'
'Oh, that's nice of you, boss. I'm going to ask her right after I took that shit.'
'Good. Have fun!'
'Don't worry, I will.'*
* This is a fictional conversation. It didn't really happen, but it might fool some of you into thinking it did.
Anyway: I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks about crazy shit like that. Have you taken a good look at girls and women these days? They're asking for it, man. They wear these clothes and shoes that even fulltime whores don't dare to wear nowadays. And don't tell me that they wear these things because they are comfortable, because there is nothing comfortable about thongs, mini skirts and plateau shoes with 5 inch heels. Trust me, 'cause I know. Why, just the other day, I tried on some of my girlfriend's lingerie and that shit doesn't feel comfortable at all. A thong makes you feel like there's constantly something sneaking up on your sphincter, threatening to invade it with brute force. And stockings are the shit. Your feet get all sweaty in them and they make your legs itch like crazy. I'm not even going to mention how it feels to walk on 5 inch heels. So why do women wear these abominations? Because they feel horny all day long (no need to wear crap like that when your frigid, now is there?) and because they totally dig it if men fantasize about them in broad daylight. Hell, I'm sure some of these women would actually appreciate it if I were to tell them that I fantasize about raping the living daylights out of them.
'You do?'
'Yes, mam. I was looking at you just now and I thought: wouldn't it be nice to tie her up, sodomize her in the most brutal way and gently strangle her until she pees on herself and makes me cum?'
'Oh my, that's about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you very much.'
'No need to thank me, mam. Just doing my job.'
Oh, fuck it, maybe I am crazy.
brandons1313
It Wandered In From the Wastes
Theres no maybe about it.
of course not, but a funnel and a bottle of vinager? that's crazy shit man!alec said:
scissors are weird,
needles are out there,
a funnel and a bottle of vinager is just 'Order-ish' & way beyond my comprehension...