No Mutants Allowed Let's Play: Wasteland

Discussion in 'Wasteland Discussion' started by Tagaziel, Mar 26, 2012.

  1. Tagaziel

    Tagaziel Panzerkatze Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Dec 10, 2003
    <center>Of Men, Dogs, Engines and TRADITION!</center>

    "We're going to check out the cave first. Uh, was the kid specific about where it was?"
    "Between the trees near the western canyon wall."

    "We're here... Uh, anyone see it?"

    Our brave party heads to where the cave's supposed to be. Nothing out of the ordinary... Time for some active skill use. Perception is one of the most commonly used skills in Wasteland and one we should practice often.

    "Looks kind of ropey."
    "Bison, get the rope, we're going in."
    "Yessir. Moxie, you stay here, you don't like dark caves, do you?"
    "That's my Moxie."

    Ropes are one of the most useful items in Wasteland. Fallout would repeat that, but to a much smaller degree.

    "Didn't you have a match?"

    Lighting a match here actually makes the encountered dog weaker (instead of Rabid Dog we encounter a Spiked Mut). In the interest of roleplaying (we'll get more than enough XP later), we light it and go forth. Funnily, the game doesn't give you a message about the darkness dissipating: merely stops displaying the Darkness surrounds you message.

    We need to use our Climb skill to get over the rocks. An exercise in tedium, but gives minor xp in the background.


    The Mutt isn't all that dangerous. Comes down with a single, uh, hammering of Bison's knife.

    "Couldn't you use the *pointy* end to kill it?"
    "Hey, where's the fun in that?"

    As with every skill check, there is the potential for failure. Failures are typically minor nuisances.

    "Look out, host-- oh wait, it's that girl, uh, Jackie."

    "You're leaving with us."

    Jackie's useless, expect as a pack mule.

    Checking out the rest of the cave for potential loot (none). After we're done exploring, we're leaving the cave... and thus concludes the first quest Wasteland throws at us. Gee, wasn't that emotional? Now we can get to fix--


    Fun fact: Bobby hits pretty damn hard in combat. However, he failed to account for one thing...


    Now that Jackie earned her stripes, it's time to dump her: she's useless, except as a way to get rid of an obstacle in a deniable manner. I mean, who could blame her, being stuck in a cave with a rabid dog?

    "Child, you better stay here. I'm sure the Highpoolers won't mind taking you back in after you stabbed a fellow child to death in the middle of the village."
    "Tough luck kid. Can't bear to have another child on my conscience."
    "Little punk deserved it."
    "Yeah, Bison, the way he keyed you in the nuts, that must've hurt. Cheer up, maybe you'll come upon a cave full of foul mouthed underage children to vent you rage on."

    Dimissing recruitable NPCs is easy.

    It's also permanent. No loss.

    "What now, Boss?"
    "The way I see it, we should look around for that engine. Czaress, didn't you say the Rail Nomads could have one for sale?"
    "That I did."
    "Wait, the Rail Nomads?"
    "Nomadic group, lives out of a derelict train. The engine is inoperable, so they use cattle to pull it along. They're a bit superstitious and primitive, though very hard working. Even by Ranger standards."
    "Nomads it is then. "

    We leave Highpool the same way we came in: the north!

    "Hey, what's that out there to the west?"
    "It's the Guardian Citadel. The inhabitants are hostile, insane and pack some heavy gear."
    "Sounds like my kind of place."
    "I always knew you liked packing.”

    "Packing. Heh, heh. Get it?”

    And thus we arrive at the Rail Nomads and can enjoy the beautiful scenery, depicted in loving detail in the Paragraph Book.

    You have come upon the rail-nomads' camp. Ornery looking longhorn cattle wander among dusty tents, from which sullen faces peer. In the background, a ramshackle collection of railroad cars, patched with wood, hide, and an odd piece of corrugated aluminum, sits on a rail siding. Two of the cars, the locomotive at the front and the caboose at the rear, appear to be in better condition than the others. As you approach, a strained silence fails over the camp and you grow uncomfortable under the collective gaze of the assembled nomads.

    Finally, one of the nomads steps forward.

    "Welcome, Rangers. I am the Brakeman of this train. I would be honored if you would visit with me in the caboose before leaving our camp. In the meantime, please accept our hospitality."

    The Brakeman turns and strides back into the camp.

    "The Brakeman may have something of value. I suggest we investigate."

    "I have no idea why he would impart something of value to a random of group of people carrying crowbars-"
    "And knives!"
    "And knives, thank you Bison."

    "Take this visa card and give it to Head Crusher in Quartz."

    As the Brakeman passes you the card, the sunlight catches the dove hologram and glints brightly. You slide it into your breast pocket as he turns and leaves without another word.

    "A Visa card?"
    "But the ATMs all failed a while ago... Maybe this is a key to some kind of treasure?"
    "We'll see. Let's look around for that engine."

    The Rail Nomads' camp is pretty easy to understand. The main part is the train, which is composed, from the right, of the caboose, tent storage car, the--

    "Urrkh, what is that smell?"

    As you pass the open doorway of this car you are almost overcome by the strong odor of fermented cactus fruit. As your eyes become accustomed to the darkness of the car you can make out a straw-covered oor littered with numerous bottles of Dr. B. Bilious Balfour's Snake Squeezins. At the back of the car lolls a rotund bearded figure rocking back and forth as if the mere act of sitting offered a difficult feat of balance. Finally, seeming to take notice of you, the shadowy figure issues an invitation:

    "Welcome to my humble abode, gentlefolk. Step on in."
    "Do we *have* to?"
    :slap: "Yes, we do”

    "Enter and be enlightened ...HIC... and amazed by the wisdom of the Hobo! HIC ... SNORT..."

    The Hobo beams at you blearily.

    "Good people, I would like nothing better than to speak to you of things spiritual, but alas I seem to have run short of the ambrosia which inspires my visions!"

    To demonstrate, the Hobo upends an empty bottle of snake squeezins.

    "We'll, uh... look for that ambrosia you mentioned."

    The Hobo is a very interesting source of information. He gives clues to the game plot if given Snake Squeezins, though they are *very* cryptic and mostly just for flavor. We'll have to test him, though.

    Continuing, the next car is...

    "The trading car. Let's check if they have the engine."

    "They do... Kind of pricy."
    "Hey, where's Moxie?"
    "You think we can barter her?"
    "MOXIE D:"
    "You left her in Highpool. We'll get her back. Promise."

    The Nomads' trading car trades in general goods. No guns yet, so we stick to our crowbars.

    Next up is the gambling car.

    "OK people, listen up. No gambling for any of us. Not until--"
    "Hey Boss, look at me, I'm gambling!"
    "What did I s--

    " --hey, that's a bit of cash. Ok, no gambling for anyone except Bolts."

    Gambling's a somewhat decent source of cash at this point in the game. Even with a gamble skill of 1 Bolts manages to get a 100% success rate. The process is tedious and without a macro I don't recommend doing it.

    Last up is the locomotive.

    As you board the locomotive you are met by a short, but solid looking fellow. He is dressed in garishly striped overalls and wears a rather battered and much patched engineer's cap.

    "Greetings, I am the Engineer of this train."

    The Engineer makes a sweeping gesture that encompasses the entire camp.

    "I hope your stay with us will be a pleasant one."

    Note: I'm highlighting conversation keywords for those who play Wasteland.

    "Sure. Care to CHAT?"
    "We have three clans here: the Atchisons, the Topekas, and the Sante Fes. You may acquire provisions for your party at our trading car or amuse yourselves in the casino car. You may, of course, avail yourselves of the services of our Hobo oracle. I am told that you have already met our Brakeman."

    At the mention of the Brakeman a brief scowl crosses the Engineer's face, but his smile quickly returns and he adds:

    "We feel safer with Rangers here, so stay as long as you like!"

    "Got something on the clans? The TOPEKANS, ATCHISONS and SANTE FE?"

    "*shakes head* The Topekan clan is rich and powerful. I hesitate to speak against one of our own clans, but I wouldn't trust 'em as far as you could throw 'em. *smiles* The Atchisons, are a trustworthy and hard working lot. I myself am an Atchison. The Brakeman is too, but I suspect he has some Topekan on his Mother's side. The Sante Fe are the poorest of the clans, but are generally honest folk."

    "Who's that HOBO guy?"

    "We are particularly blessed with our Hobo. Not only does he bring much luck and spiritual blessing but he is a renowned oracle and many come from far away to hear his words. Sadly we lost our last hobo when, befuddled by a divine vision, he fell from his car in Needles."

    "And the BRAKEMAN?"

    "Unfortunately, we have been burdened by a fool for a Brakeman. He insists on dabbling in arcane matters. He actually suggested that we use an engine instead of cattle to pull the train. The idiot will bring the wrath of the gods down upon us yet!"

    "I... see. Know anything about VISA CARDs?"

    "The Head Crusher likes visa cards. He slathers peanut butter on them and eats them. Weird, but then, most everything is weird out here, present company excepted, of course."

    "Don't worry, we'll find you a basement full of smashed electronic gear for you to vent your frustration at."

    "Thanks for your time."

    "Hey, maybe the guy at the tent wants to CHAT?"

    "This isn't going to work--
    "Oh, maybe this 'un?"

    "Oh, great, wanted to--"
    "Halt. Four random characters armed with crowbars-”
    "And knives!”
    "And knives, yes, come over and they just invite them in? Doesn't it feel a little random to you."
    "Seems legit."
    "We can always run if we get into trouble."
    "I've got a bad feeling about this."


    "Out. Now. Smash everyone who tries to stop you."

    "There's too many of th--"

    This is a very... entertaining battle. The Topekans deal enough damage to knock us out, but not enough to actually hurt us seriously.The party is hovering on the edge of consciousness the entire time.

    ] :wtf:


    We've eventually managed to kill five Topekan men and get out...

    "Shit. No way in hell are we going back in there. Remind me not to doubt you again, Czaress."
    "You probably will, Commander. Bolts and Bison are out."
    "At least we managed to drag them out. Did you see those savages? The Engi was right. The next time we go in there, we're bringing automatics."
    "And a flamethrower.”
    "Yeah, a flamethr-- what? There were children in there!”
    "Pistol packing children. Plus, wouldn't you like to see them all burn for what they did? Hear their screams, as they try to put the flames out in vain, the smell of charred flesh filling your nostrils... The dying gargle of the burning victims...”
    "Боже мой...”
    ”Бог не существует, только сила огня.”
    ”I'm glad you're on my side. I think. Errr.. Help me get them up, we need to get them to Highpool.”

    ”Looks like they're back with us.”
    "God dammit... Legit my ass. Where're we, back in Highpool?"
    "Yes. Resting around the Nomad camp would've caused problems. Now... we've got the engine and you're putting it in."
    "Right, right... Man can't even get some sleep.."

    And we get loot. A Mangler, some jewelry, cash and FOUR leather jackets, for each member of RAT5.

    Now here's the catch: the game checks your inventory for a Mangler, to see if you killed any Juvies. The only way to get a Mangler this early into the game, is to kill the kids that appear when you barge into Mr Jumbo's office. In that case, you get significantly less loot.

    Let's divide the spoils.

    "My own leather jacket!"
    "Told ya so."

    We're pretty much done with Highpool. Except...

    "HEY BISON."

    ”Why, I oughta...”

    Oh, this can end not well...

    Note: This took a lot of tries to pull of: the game's quite generous this early with skill check failures.

    Coming up next: Danger! Varmints! Fruit! Vegetables! Farmers! Or infanticide, whatever you guys vote on:

    1. Infanticide
    2. Everything except infanticide
  2. Sub-Human

    Sub-Human -

    May 31, 2011
    Nice read! Also, I'm stuck with the infanticide option at the moment. Just because we want to make this Let's Play something really special.

    Also, ”Бог не существует, только сила огня.” Lol :D
  3. Stanislao Moulinsky

    Stanislao Moulinsky Vault Fossil

    Jul 16, 2009
    One vote for infanticide!

    I don't get it. :oops:
  4. Tagaziel

    Tagaziel Panzerkatze Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Dec 10, 2003
    That's the point :)
  5. Brother None

    Brother None This ghoul has seen it all
    Admin Orderite Board Cop oTO

    Apr 3, 2003
    Haha. Love your writing, Tagz.

    Infanticide? More infanticide?! Aren't you supposed to be, like, saving people? STOP KILLING BABIES.
  6. kgreene

    kgreene First time out of the vault

    Jan 30, 2006
    heh, bolts is more amusing than I was expecting, cool... :)

    Bolts normally doesn't go out of his way for infanticide, but anyone attacking him deserves what they get! "Those bastards almost killed me!" However, Bolts is good at waiting for the right moment and can be patient if needed. So, if the others want to train some first before going back that's fine...

    There is always the lure of giant bunnies...
  7. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign Gonk 0 Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    Nice stuff man. Keep it up!
  8. Brother None

    Brother None This ghoul has seen it all
    Admin Orderite Board Cop oTO

    Apr 3, 2003
    The wasteland is starving for more updates!
  9. Dracon M'Alkir

    Dracon M'Alkir Vault Senior Citizen

    Jul 19, 2004
    This is turning out to be vividly entertaining! Also another vote for infanticide, with fire.

    Also, :rofl: @ Czaress' quote
  10. Ddrenai

    Ddrenai First time out of the vault

    Apr 28, 2011
    I totally agree with Dracon, i'm playing Wasteland and would love to see more updates :)
  11. Tagaziel

    Tagaziel Panzerkatze Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Dec 10, 2003
    Do not be afraid, the updates will be coming. There's a bit of a delay now due to me switching houses, renovating and not having bandwidth to actually upload screenshots. Estimated ETA for the next update is +/- a week. Will cover the Highpool incident, Ag Center and the Mine up to Quartz.
  12. WorstUsernameEver

    WorstUsernameEver But best title ever!

    May 28, 2010
    Oh man, the Agricultural Center. The Agricultural Center :lol:
  13. Tagaziel

    Tagaziel Panzerkatze Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Dec 10, 2003
    <center><s>Of Dead Children, Varmints And Four Angry Men</s> Why People Should Learn To Follow Orders</center>

    Last we saw our intrepid quartet, Bolts pushed our good friend, Mr Bison, into the Highpool Creek. Knowing full well that the latter cannot swim to save his life, Bolts laughed mockingly as Bison splashed in the knee-deep water. The children of Highpool also joined in, further insulting the not-so-gentle giant with their derisive laughter.

    “I don't like the look on his face, Commander.”

    “Why, he looks perfectly normal to m--”

    “Oh, shit

    “Are you out of your God damn mind!? STAND DOWN, BISON.”


    “I'm serious, Bison, you're eventually going to hit one of those kids and there'll--”

    “They laughed at me. Nobody laughs at me.”

    “Bison. Give me the gun. Now.”


    “Ok, keep the gun, Biz. Hey, Moxie would like to keep watch over it, wouldn't she?”


    “Good girl! Now, Biz, let's step in here and cool your head off, get a drink or two may--”

    “Hey, what do ya think ya doing, mister, shooting our friends and all that?!”

    “Oh, shit


    "Боже мой... Oh God, oh God... Bizon, what the hell's wrong with you?”

    With the damage already done, at least the Rangers can capitalize on what's been done, and pick up another Mangler (some kind of improvised AT weapon, no idea what it's supposed to be).

    “Rats, we've got two dead brats.”


    “They laughed...”

    “They didn't even laugh, you nut! This is getting worse by the minute... RAT5, we're getting out of here, before this situation gets any...

    “...worse. NO, BISON NO--”

    Bison again shoots Juvies, but fails to kill any.

    And again...

    “Seriously, why hasn't anyone disarmed him yet?”

    “Try disarming an Indian mass of muscle and bone yourself, comrade.”

    “Christ, could be worse, he could've slotted more than those two back there by n-- hey, what's that chubby kid doin'?”

    “You guys ought to pick on somebody your own size!”

    “Bad feeling. Bison, give me the pistol, absolutely n--”

    Too late.

    “Что в дьявола...”

    “It's the Red Ryder! Where were you, y'bastard when--”

    “Uh, guys, he looks like he's pissed. Hey, he has a gun!”

    “I'm not going down because of you Bison. Fire!”

    Red Ryder is quite the opponent. He hits fast, hard and...


    *throws up blood*

    “Oh shit. We need a medic, fast.”

    “...sorry... I never knew what got into me...”

    “Highpool had a medic... Before you went genocidal on the kids, Bison. Christ. Get me the kit.”

    “Shit, shit, shit... Don't you die on me, Chief!”

    Bolts, despite repeated attempts, is unable to help Optimalus recover. There is only one possible choice.

    “With the Commander out, I'm taking command. The nearest clinic is in Quartz. Long shot, but we have to take the chance. Bison, you carry the Commander. The least you can do to atone.”

    “Yes.. M'am.”

    “Shit, hope he makes it.”

    A few hours later, the team arrives at the Quartz clinic.

    “Dr, we need assistance, quick, our Commander, he-”

    “Ranger... “

    “Wha-- Боже.”


    “I'm sorry.”


    Ten minutes later...

    “I think I'm going to throw up...”

    “You killed our Commander. This pain is trivial compared to what I will do if you endanger men under my command. I'll personally rip out your heart and leave it for Moxie to devour.”



    “Bolts, call HQ, tell them that our Commander is KIA. I'll strip him and then we can bury him. Quartz has a good graveyard, I recall.”

    “Yes. Uh, Command, this is Ranger Team 5, emergency field report. Uh, reporting that our commander, Optimalus, was killed in action. I say again, Ranger Optimalus KIA.”

    “Received and understood, RAT5. Notify Bison of his promotion to Private First Class, Command recognizes his valor in combat.”

    “Uh, okay, Command. RAT5 out.”

    “What's the problem?”

    “Bison's a PFC.”

    “He gets our Commander killed and gets promoted for that? What the hell...”

    “I'm sorry... But doesn't that meant that I outrank--”

    “Biz, you don't want to ever finish that sentence. Not after what happened in Highpool. Let's bury our commander.”

    Fun fact: Optimalus was the only lockpicker in the team. So, yeah.

    Nothing some explosives won't fix.



    The Shamblers are a fixed spawn and are nowhere near as threatening as their Quake equivalent.

    With them dispatched, we can finally bury Optimalus.

    “Bison, in this world there are two types of people. Those who don't screw up and those who dig. Dig.”

    “Hey, one of those ghouls dropped a broken toaster... I wonder what mysterious secrets this ancient technological device may hold...”

    Fun fact: There are three toasters in the game that can be repaired late in the game for an odd assortment of items, very odd at times.

    A few hours later...

    “Done... *huff*”

    “Now bury him. I'm not about to drop a landmine on your head. Yet.”

    “That would've been a blast.”


    An hour later...

    “Done... My back hurts...”

    “As it should. We have buried our Commander... May he rot peacefully and the Earth accept him back. Goodbye... Alex.”

    “Here's to you not running out of ammo in the Ranger afterlife, Boss.”

    “I'm sorry... So, so sorry...”

    “I need a drink.”

    This concludes this update for now... Due to an unforeseen death in the squad, of the team leader, no less, we are going to have to report for a replacement. Next one in the queue? Or do we generate a new squad member?

    Coming up next: Agricultural Center and the Mine Shaft, if more rangers don't die, that is.

    [spoiler:a56573bb9e] [/spoiler:a56573bb9e]

    Addendum: Quartz started the tradition of having funny names on the gravestones. Here's a rundown:

    Ken St. Andre, 4/28/47--4/28/87

    Lester More, shot by a .44. No Les, no more.

    Grave of the Unknown Mutant

    R.I.P. Mediocre Phred

    Reserved for Finster

    In memory of Richard Pickman
  14. Tagaziel

    Tagaziel Panzerkatze Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Dec 10, 2003
    I originally intended to make this a much larger upadte, but the game took off in an unforeseen direction. And since this is a permadeath LP, not a "pre-scripted linear modern RPG game", I've decided to go along with it.

    RIP Optimalus. Infanticide often punishes the innocent, not those that perpetrate it.
  15. Sub-Human

    Sub-Human -

    May 31, 2011
    Bison tells himself about the two types of people (don't screw up, and those who dig). Must have been a mistake right there...

    So fun so good, but in my opinion it's a little unrealistic... Bison would have stepped down despite his initial anger.

    And I'm for taking whoever's next in the queue... I guess.
  16. Tagaziel

    Tagaziel Panzerkatze Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Dec 10, 2003
    Bison's a little mentally unstable... Plus, that was the only way to maintain versimilitude while commiting infanticide.
  17. kgreene

    kgreene First time out of the vault

    Jan 30, 2006
    Cool. I haven't had time to work anymore on my replay so it's nice to see this one. Also, I'm glad bolts barely made it through.

    Plus, broken toaster #1 is in his possession! Bolts can't wait to uncover it's dark secrets...and will take broken toaster skills ASAP. :)

    After some drinking and maybe exploring the bar some, we should go back to pick up the new ranger, then head over to the agricultural center.
  18. Dracon M'Alkir

    Dracon M'Alkir Vault Senior Citizen

    Jul 19, 2004
    :salute: Optimalus :rip:

    He did his duty. Then was subsequently shot by BBs.

    I also vote for whoever is next in the queue. The other characters are memorable enough, esp. Moxie. :)

    Isn't that right, cutestuff?

  19. Stanislao Moulinsky

    Stanislao Moulinsky Vault Fossil

    Jul 16, 2009
    He, hilarious. :D I wonder how many of the original gang will make it to the end. XD
  20. Atomkilla

    Atomkilla Hazel Hegemon oTO Orderite

    Dec 26, 2010
    Great stuff, I'm really enjoying it.
    Now dig.