Corny PA movies
Found this little piece at
http://www.post-apocalypse.co.uk/barbarians.html
Funny stuff.
TIMELINE OF AMERICA 2007-2019:
2007: Congress passes a law demanding that all new cars must resemble home-built dune buggies or retro-piece of shit 1978 Monte Carlos. The auto industry collapses almost immediately.
2008: Congress mandates that all cars, new and old, be painted spacey NASA silver. This is to be applied on thick with industrial sprayers, trim included. Asian kids in Malibu revolt and are all shot.
2009: Punk returns as the fashion norm, with metal-studded leather panties, see-through plastic bras, and ass-less chaps insanely popular with the kids. Hairstyles also go punk and everyone under the age of 20 looks like Adam Ant. Older folks are not amused.
2010: The Pentagon develops new ammunition for the M-16 rifle, allowing for high-explosive rounds that make a techno-reverb sound when fired, with no ejected brass. Pistols firing similar rounds are developed as well, modeled after Junior Spaceman Ray Guns sold at retail stores.
January 2011: A new law demands that all paved roads be broken up and replaced with rutted, muddy, uneven dirt roads. The staff of the Department of Transportation rebels and is put to death.
February 2011: An amendment to the road bill calls for all previously open woodland areas to be replaced with rock quarries.
March 2011: A new law states that all Hispanics, Asians and Eskimos are rounded up and shipped to Brazil, leaving only whites and a token number of blacks in America.
April 2011: A new law declares that everyone must speak with an Italian accent. An amendment clarifies that all remaining black men in the country must also talk like Richard Roundtree from Shaft.
May 2011: A new law is passed that forbids hot women to wear anything other than black leather dominatrix outfits and clear plastic pants. Ugly women may continue to dress normally.
June 2011: A new law demands that all telephone poles, power lines, street signs and billboards along every stretch of road be taken down and scraggly shrubs planted in their place.
July 2011: A new law states that all cars must be converted to run on hydrogen fuel cells, which causes them to whine like a weed eater on crack when driven. An amendment excludes vintage American V-8 muscle cars, which can still thrum and rumble on gas with manly strength and glass packs.
August 2011: A new law mandates the return of shoulder pads for men, along with cod pieces and feathered mullets. Leather and black metal are the vogue.
September 2011: A new law authorizes the silver spray-painting of just about everything, from buildings to trash cans to radio headsets. The red, white and blue American flag is replaced by one that is all silver and has Mel Gibson's face in the center.
October 2011: A new law makes it illegal to remember anything about modern Western civilization prior to October 2011, regardless of what year you were born in. People are forced to forget everything and wistfully reminisce about the good ole' days (September 2011, that is).
November 2011: A final congressional law decries that all men must have perms that make them look like Bea Arthur.
December 2011: During the Christmas recess, all members of congress are lynched by their constituents when they return to their home districts. The President is rather pleased.
January 1, 2012: War Day. A global nuclear exchange wipes away civilization and kills 99.9999% of the human race. Keith Richards walks out of a smoking atomic crater unscathed and wanders off into the woods to find some pot.
2019: Seven years after the War, the remnants of humanity battle for survival in the harsh land...