TerminallyChill-does it still have words? or is it just a backing track now then?
Atomkilla? thanks, me too. Worst thing thats ever happened to me in my life. Worse than things like falling off a bridge after being chased by chavs that came running out of a pub baying for blood, shouting 'wot! wot! wot nigger! (shows how stupid they are. I'm no blacker skinned than I am a three-legged duck), vaulted a 'fence' only to find it was a railway bridge parapet with about 40 feet of 'oh shit my life is flashing before my eyes' passing in a second or so. Or having my cornea scorched off after some police prick set up an 'accident *?* for me that involved searing hot, very potent corrosive alkalies [think sodamide and alkoxides level of potent] and got hit right in the eye.
Or when I was a kid, poisoning by, after sustaining a white phosphorus burn. Nothing has ever come even close. Because injuries like that go away OR you die from them. This, it will go away only when I die, unless I am successful in tracking her down and at least, recementing a friendship. We were...its as if we were two halves of a bar magnet. Indivisible, even if cut into a thousand tiny pieces. In this case I think I might at least guess who has the larger piece of what started as this pole. oIn truth I'm not even sure there is much left of me anymore. Its just pain, every day and nights spent dreaming of her.
I know she was young, and I don't make a rule of dating people who are 14, and at that not knowing how long for, but maybe once in a lifetime, if somebody is very, very, very lucky indeed, they might find someone who is their lady C, in terms of a bond between them, where it is more akin to voodoo magic than it is to somebody taking a mate.
It breaks my heart to tatters, and worse, I can't know that she is not suffering in the same way, and that....that is something more terrible than the human species, across all of it's language, has the words to express. To think that she, may be like me, a body and spirit ruined and weeping which can see out only in shades of greyscale, good god! it makes me shake all and tear up more than otherwise, over even to contemplate and in all honesty, there is not one thing worse in this world which I can ever even picture, much less speak, write, or sign. There is no lovecraftian abortion that could be fouller, were it to knock on my door after pissing through the letterbox to rip the information of how far it burnt through the floor from my brain)
If nobody minds...another song that again, can't help but make me think ever more deeply of Lady C.
Novembers Doom-twilight innocence