TerminallyChill-I am no rap fan, its one of my most disliked kinds of...well sometimes it is music sometimes its just an abortion that needs incinerating with white phosphorus liquefied in boiling toluene with styrofoam dissolved in it and packed into a flamethrower. But the beat is ok, and unlike the rap I really, really HATE, its not 'nigger nigger nigger nigger brap brap gun driveby crack whores bitches more niggers slag fuck shit arse bitch cunt nigger took my bitch now I shiv the cunt and drive by his family brap brap that nasty ho too mufuggah'
Stereotypical? possibly. Probably in fact. But, it is not an untrue stereotype. A lot of it is just that. Foul.
That track gets a 3.5-4/10, not my thing, but gets that for not being disgusting like that and for actually being about love rather than 'rapin bitches in me crib nigga brudda rape 'er too mofo now we cap her ass'
My auditory contribution:
Draconian 'persefone'
Not the more familiar band (who I also like, and who are surprisingly difficult to tell apart, from this, especially in songs of the swedish band like 'the amaranth', which for comparison I'll also post. This first band is from colombia, the second of the two tracks is 'The Amaranth' by the swedish, far better known Draconian) Gotta love the vocals, of both, especially the female vocals, amazing.
The swedish lot, also called Draconian. Song title 'The Amaranth', guess this will make obvious why I did not know there were two different bands writing these two songs, until I sifted through the discographies, hunted for bootlegs or rare demos, or anything, until eventually finding out this other lot were from colombia, and I've not been able to find much about them, only heard a tiny handful of songs, but 'persefone' especially is one of my all time favourite songs. That, the Novembers Doom one (plus one other vying for the position) and 'laura' by fields of the nephilim would be my top three favourite music tracks of all time, that I have ever thus far heard. Just-WOW. Whattavoice. Thats a voice you could take to the skies on, flying like a falcon in it's bullet-like dive as the Peregrine tucks in it's wings and plunges through the skies like a GPS-guided crossbow bolt fired from above.
As for your first sentence, atomkilla, I take it from the fact you directly restated what I said, that it is not an issue of miscomprehension of my statement, but shock, possibly. I'll make it simple then tell the tale of us in a bit more detail, if you want to know.
Long version short-we met, she decided I was her property, forced her tongue down my throat after using a tree to knock me sideways into next week. I came to, found her still doing so, and I, after first being absolutely captivated by her anyway from the second we locked eyes. Yeah, I know, two Kanner's auties locking eye contact. But the rulebook for being autistic was temporarily thrown out the window after being soaked in petrol and set on fire and followed up with a carboy full of freshly made piranha solution.
Week or so later, maybe a bit more maybe a bit less, we were engaged. She did tell me her name, after a while post her eating me alive, and we swapped details. It went on from there. I ache inside, every waking moment, and many while I sleep. I'm sometimes glad my pain meds make me dream less, because it lessens that pain too, or rather it doesn't, it makes it less frequent because the dreams that would bear the agony would be less frequent.
In short, I was hers, hers alone and hers utterly. Devoted, and her property, a stunningly, astonishingly gorgeous young lady who was warm, kind, funny, classically autistic, sexy as fuck, caring, loving, sweet as one could ever imagine, nice and stimmy too, soooooooo hawt watching her rock and flap and twist and twirl in delight at the sensory stimulation as she did, and make the cutest little sounds when we'd..err..well she'd make them and they were cute.
As for 'not seen her since she was 14' that was the age at which she was when I last set eyes upon the woman I should have spent my life with, had kids with, grown old and eventually be buried with our arms in each other's, in the same high-quality hardwood coffin. For she is fit for no less when comes the tragic day the world no longer has her essence as part of it. Me? no. But if she says I'm fit to share her company then I'm happy enough to extend that to being buried with her. Or would be. Will be if I can as I dearly hope, track her down and reunify us as one soul, not a majority of one given to another and still there. But both halves equally shared between the two of us. Not a shattered remnant, that still cannot ever forget the intensity and sheer fire that bound me to the love of my life.
Thats the short story. Be shocked by it if you must. But really, nothing and nobody but her, would have been capable of changing the outcome of the day we met. No way, no how, no god-damned way in hell. Her age group isn't my 'type', and I am no pervert. Not in any way she didn't want anyway
, but would, in her specific, individual and sole single instance, at over 30, now, agree to date her, and ask for her hand in marriage, and until the marriage could legally be sworn, to become each other's fiancees, after she'd finished with the stuff with her tongue and hands that I could have pressed charges for if I'd been minded to? yes. Without hesitation. I'd promise myself, and dedicate myself to her right now, if we'd never met before, as surely as I type this very post using a computer, on a forum for fallout fans.
Yeah, well I'm always in a mood for them
but especially that song and 'twilight innocence', because 'what could have been', if its on, I can
see her more clearly, even hear that cute as hell spesh-sounding voice, the one that sent shivers up my spine at the least word, when she'd call my name and come bombing down the road, me doing the same, crashing into each other and spinning each other around to dissipate the mass of energy we'd pack into the moments of every joyful reunion and just for the sheer delight to be together. See her, hear her, feel the electric tingle running through me as if at a huge electric field, not harming us, just crackling and arcing and zapping around us.
She's the girl I should have married. Had kids with, grown old with and eventually, although I would have hoped for her to die almost in synchrony with me but a femtosecond before, after a full, joyful and long, long life, so she would never know the pain of being apart from me.
Every single second we were together, we were on fire, ecstatic, its like the way a first week or so of love is explosive almost, power unrestrained, but that continued as long as we knew each other, not dissipating with time. I've had one relationship (with a NT, mostly, girl with some aspie ish tendencies) and it was a disaster, plus a long distance one, and a relationship with my stalker, a 53yo brunette classic autie, long, near waist length hair, smart as hell and doesn't give a flying fuck what the world would throw at her she just won't let it faze her. Think 'mother' in fallout-tactics only after buffout, the methphet chewing gum and psycho. Only not a mental case, but damned well a trooper. 3 kids, one spesh the other two NT. No longer kids as in children but we still talked of them as 'the kids'. Her, too, I loved, almost could have been another I could have spent the rest of my life with. But it wasn't to be. She wasn't a people person enough.
Since then, nothing, nobody. I can't. Not anymore. The girl, my fiancee, she meant too much to me, too, when I give of myself to a woman who desires it, I either see someone worth giving everything for, or nothing. There is nothing in between. If someone isn't worth giving everything then that I don't think is the mark of a healthy relationship, one worth entering into. I gave that girl my soul, absolutely, wholly, without the slightest fraction of hestitation or holding back. She literally, owned EVERYTHING. I devoted my life to elevating the sum total of joy that she experienced in life. I would have died for her, and still would.
That is how much she meant to me, this funny, warm, sweet, loving, passionate, fiery, drop-dead sexy young Kanner's lady. Petite black haired lass, perfect in every way. Our parting was due to the worst of circumstances all coming together outside my control, that I couldn't prevent or know was coming.
I've been meaning to, after certain things have been done, changed in my life, to track her down. See how she is doing. I think I have some possible leads. Or leads to leads. Plan is to invite her out for a drink, dinner, all on me if I can find her again. If she is either single, or in a relationship she is willing, and most importantly, that it'd make her happy to leave for me, then to ask her hand in marriage once again.
Because there just ain't anyone like that about, they broke the mold when they made that lady. As for the age difference, well she didn't give a damn about a fiancee nearing 20, why should her property give a damn about her being 14? she began the relationship. Taking me as her own, in the most forceful way you can imagine. Charged over and threw herself into me, bodyslamming me into a tree so hard she stunned me big time. When I came to again I found a tongue down my throat as deep as it's owner could insert it. Literally. Didn't even know her name, not until later. She told me later. Then we exchanged details, to find each other. Phone, email. We'd talk every moment we were capable. Sneaking calls if we had to. (I.e her mom complaining about the length of time she was using the phone, phone bill etc.).
Eventually, after we got engaged a short time later, a week to a bit over that, she introduced me to her mom, came home, with her fiancee on her arm, big stomping newrock boots on, comfy, natty punk-ified combat pants with strips cut out of the knees in horizontal stripes, leather trench, leather gauntlets spiked with steel points and my collar, with its long metal spikes. My baby liked me to wear it. Wish she'd got me a chain to put on it so she could have brought me in that way.
Although m..HER heart was in my mouth, my fiancee's mother actually didn't call the cops, fly at me in a blind rage trying to chop me into a thousand tiny pieces. She accepted me. At least, she never said anything, even when the two of us (no, not her mom and I...fuck no! I could never have cheated on her, not like that, not any way, I'd rather have died than have been unfaithful to her. You wouldn't even have gotten me comment on another girl's looks if you were with me in a bar, all guys present.
Because that wasn't even a worldview I could physically entertain in my head at the same time as knowing I belonged to who I did. To who my soul still does.), I think she realized that come what may, I'd never stray (her mom, I mean), I'd never hurt her, I'd never back down or give ground if others would try, not until my bones were broken and I was rendered unable to fight, or else killed outright. She had me, and for someone one would give anything and everything for, thats not someone who is likely to hurt you precious daughter, not somebody who will take from her what is not desired to be given. It's someone who will stand to the last and not go down easily (well, in one sense yes but thats a different definition of 'to go down' entirely
)
Her mom could tell, it was obvious, that I loved the fucking hell out of that girl. She wouldn't otherwise have let me through the front door, or treated me civilly, or not even turned her head when she knew that her daughter was dragging down the ladder to her loft conversion bedroom and hearing two sets of footsteps near enough setting the wood alight in our hurry to get some privacy.
Her mom didn't strike me as a negligent cunt, and my other half would have said something if she had wanted me to intervene in anything, knowing that she'd only to have had to say she was in trouble and I'd be there, if needs be, armed to the teeth and bringing backup. She knew alright, I guess I was kind of both loving fiancee, waiting for the day it would be legal to marry her when travelling over the scottish border or else with her mother's blessing, and while never used in anger, both a bodyguard, attack dog and if needs be, explosives..not expert as in military training but certainly competent enough, damn well versed in toxicology, and someone she could unleash like a cruise missile if she really had to.
I'm glad she never gave that order. But she knew exactly how much I adore/d her and that one word would be all it took, that and to tell me the target to be ended.
One this is for sure though, age difference can go to hell. Both of us decided that, her first. And nobody preyed on the other, aside from our first meeting when she didn't give me a choice about having my kidneys licked. It didn't matter though, was my logical conclusion, because if she had asked me, the end result would be exactly the same.
My answer would have been 'absofuckinglutely', and I'd have run to her open arms like a bullet flying towards a target after being fired by an SAS sniper using a low recoil round at a very short distance. She'd have got me. If she didn't ask me, I'd have asked her. But it would have been a matter of time only, as to who did so first, because from the first moment we crossed lines of sight, never mind auties and disliking eye contact, we locked onto each other like an IR guidance system on a heat-seeker and we just KNEW. As it happened, it was her that launched first. Because she just didn't give a flying fuck. She was like that. She did about ME, certainly, but about obstacles in her path, she tended to treat them as though they do not exist.
Stick her in a FO game, and I could see her running not to FIGHT a fully grown deathclaw matriarch, but because the deathclaw was in between her, and where she wanted to be. And either the deathclaw moves out of the way, or she leaves a lady C (I'll not give her full name for reasons of respect for her, it is not my place to do so without her explicitly telling me to do so, and she isn't here, as awful as that is, and for over a decade has been, but a first initial, that isn't a problem, it isn't as if it rules anyone in, only a vast swathe of the human, classically autistic, female of our species.)-shaped hole in the middle of a gargantuan predatory lizard. It'd have had to be too stupid to move the hell out of the way, and wouldn't have got a warning, just need to depend on its agility and speed alone. Girl didn't announce anything to bystanders when we met, aside from collaterally, we just howled each other's names and took off at top speed, and with Lady C, if people didn't get out of the way, then smack it would be. Not exactly the most polite of ways to have someone make way, but that girl...after the one she obviously gave for me, she was completely and utterly out of even the smallest fractions of a little baby flying (or throwing someone from a standing position for that matter, or kneeing or otherwise putting somebody on the floor and leaving them to their shrieking) fuck to give.
Lovely girl. Not what you'd call 'subtle' in that area at least, but wonderful all the same. Just wonderful that didn't DO subtlety if it meant being subtle to someone, or something other than an animal, who she was always gentle to, in between me and her when we wanted to move closer to each other. I.e at first meetings, because after there was no closer or further to BE bar the distinction between 'external' and 'internal'.
/10. Don't ask me what the fuck that means.
