The Legend of the Wandering Pair from Vault 101--2013 update

N

Nave_Ninja

First time out of the vault
The Legend of the Wandering Pair from Vault 101

request__lloyd_and_amata_by_rubrik079-d3iuba8.png


Fanfiction Link to Story:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5889623/1/The_Legend_of_the_Wandering_Pair_from_Vault_101
 
Oh shit wait what?

Should have posted in tO.

Will read later.
 
:crazy: i have only recently discovered this fanfic and am already in love with it i'm still a noob to it just finished chapter 3 and have to say is well done. i also enjoy the sappy stuff from your question between Lloyd and Amata, because i believe it brings more character to the story. from a game like fallout 3 by the time i was finishing it i cared a great deal about the characters from the immersion of the story. keep up the amazing work and wouldn't mind to hear some more character development!! :clap:
OFF TO GO READ CHAPTER 4
 
Fucking classic stuff this. You merc your literary colleagues like a dog mercs a cat.
I put this shit straight into my favo file is how good this shit is. One day, in the far future, but not that far 'cause humans have a limited time on Earth, but still considerably far in the future we be talking about Nave_Ninja instead of Turd Funnygut or Jay Joys. Them critics they be saying that the newer generashions don't know how to write because of brainrot and the like (divorshions, drugs and weaker genes because they have been kept alive through their allergic childhood), but they should visit these here boards and see the opposite a-happening right now. Just saying, I love your flow and bars. Keep up the good work!
 
Sorry, couldn't get past the info-dump, the repetition of things just said in the previous paragraph, and the basic recapping of the intro to Fallout 3. How many times did you edit this?
 
Don't be so defensive. Just trying to help you improve, and part of the improvement process is taking criticism and seeing how you can make things better. Comments like "I really like your story!" "It's amazing!" stroke your ego, but do not really help you as a writer.

Your writing style needs to be polished more, there are things said and repeated that don't need to be. I think the Fallout 3 play through parts can be cut down or cut out all together. Get straight to your story.

Perhaps one day I'll read more. But that's the thing, if you can't capture the reader within the first paragraph, then they aren't going to read it.
 
Hi Nave_Ninja, I am half way through your story, I'm up to the Reilly's Heroes part.
I think your story is fantastic, and every time I get to my computer I always read a few chapters, I'm loving the little twists in your story, keep up the excellent work :)
 
I'm back.

When last I was here, it was August of 2010.

Now, well, it's not. It's a little bit past that, and my story is up to 19 Chapters. As of today, it has 274,030 words, 285 reviews, is featured in six collections, has been favorited 225 times, and is on the alert list of 159 Fanfiction users.

Understand that the above is not meant to brag, it's as much for me as it is anyone else, really. I like to look back on old posts I've made, so it'll be nice for me in the future to look back and see how much it's grown since then.

I've also changed the first post to get rid of a lot of the text I once wrote, deeming it unimportant. I posted the fanart of my two protagonists, Lloyd Freeman and Amata Almodovar, done by my friend on DeviantArt, Rubrik079.

I believe the story has grown much since its humble beginnings as a relatively simple Fallout 3 playthrough story, if I may be so bold.

I'd make a list of all the many great things that have happened in my story since I was here last, however, that'd be a list with spoilers aplenty.

Please, read my story. Or don't. Either way, have a nice day.

-Nave
 
It sounds like an ambitious yarn, Nave. When I have time, I'll try to peek my head in over there and give it a look.
 
Hey Nave Ninja, I just finished reading the story so far. It is a very good story, and much better than the canon Fallout 3 plot, specially in somewhat silly parts like The Family's plotline.

Above all, I like how Amata's exit made this story more than simply "Amata goes with the Lone Wanderer, usual Fallout 3 hijinks ensue." No, it was true Alternate Story. The timeline keeps going as normal (including time-travelling tribals acidentaly causing their own existance :lol:), up until Lloyd's leaving the Vault and asking Amata to come with him. Then the Point of Divergence has Amata choosing and accepting Lloyd's offer and coming with him.

THEN even more hijinks ensue. Like:

[spoiler:5ca469c326] Burke's survival, The Overseer's attempts to get his daughter back, eventually leading to contact with The Enclave, the larger size of the party, Harkness' and Lucy joining, etc etc...[/spoiler:5ca469c326]


I like how what happens has lot of emotional consequences. The trauma following the whole vault escapade, learning the truth about Project Purity, the fateful meeting with Mr. James himself, etc.

Also, another interesting thing you did is also show us Lloyd's glimpse of a parallel timeline in "Who is Lloyd Freeman?"

One thing I notice is that although many bad things have happened because of Amata's decision (Like Burke's survival and Alphonse's attempts to retrieve his daughter), this timeline itself seems better and happier than the canon Fallout 3 timeline, where the Lone Wanderer had at best one companion, seemed to be a loner wanderer and somewhat of a outcast himself. I can see the Fallout 3 lone wanderer ending up wandering forever, whereas the Vault Dweller and the Chosen One both choose to lead their new communities. Lloyd and Amata seem more like the types to settle down somewhere, marry and probrably have lots of kids, probrably either with the Brotherhood or somewhere near Megaton.[/spoiler]
 
Slaughter Manslaught said:
Hey Nave Ninja, I just finished reading the story so far. It is a very good story, and much better than the canon Fallout 3 plot, specially in somewhat silly parts like The Family's plotline.

Above all, I like how Amata's exit made this story more than simply "Amata goes with the Lone Wanderer, usual Fallout 3 hijinks ensue." No, it was true Alternate Story. The timeline keeps going as normal (including time-travelling tribals acidentaly causing their own existance :lol:), up until Lloyd's leaving the Vault and asking Amata to come with him. Then the Point of Divergence has Amata choosing and accepting Lloyd's offer and coming with him.

THEN even more hijinks ensue. Like:

[spoiler:1cc0858f5b] Burke's survival, The Overseer's attempts to get his daughter back, eventually leading to contact with The Enclave, the larger size of the party, Harkness' and Lucy joining, etc etc...[/spoiler:1cc0858f5b]


I like how what happens has lot of emotional consequences. The trauma following the whole vault escapade, learning the truth about Project Purity, the fateful meeting with Mr. James himself, etc.

Also, another interesting thing you did is also show us Lloyd's glimpse of a parallel timeline in "Who is Lloyd Freeman?"

One thing I notice is that although many bad things have happened because of Amata's decision (Like Burke's survival and Alphonse's attempts to retrieve his daughter), this timeline itself seems better and happier than the canon Fallout 3 timeline, where the Lone Wanderer had at best one companion, seemed to be a loner wanderer and somewhat of a outcast himself. I can see the Fallout 3 lone wanderer ending up wandering forever, whereas the Vault Dweller and the Chosen One both choose to lead their new communities. Lloyd and Amata seem more like the types to settle down somewhere, marry and probrably have lots of kids, probrably either with the Brotherhood or somewhere near Megaton.[/spoiler]
Click to expand...
Much abliged for the lengthy review.

When you put it that way, it's true that the plot of my story seems a little more optimistic, which is a bit of a by-product of Lloyd's own outlook. It's the world through his, and Amata's, eyes, so there's a lot of light to be found amongst the dark and dreary world of Fallout, but not quite yet reached. I think that's an enduring thought when it comes to all Fallout games and stories, it's knowing that you're working towards something, usually the betterment of your fellow man and helping those in need.

Unless you play evil karma, of course. To each his own.

In any case, I appreciate you taking the time to read and let me know what you thought of the story. Chapter 20 is coming along, eventually. Sometime this week, if I focus hard enough.


EDIT AS OF 7/8/2011:

Chapter Twenty has been released, and the story is now 2/3rds finished.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5889623/20/The_Legend_of_the_Wandering_Pair_from_Vault_101

Chapter 20, "Brothers in Arms and Armor" details many things, and is written unlike how I usually write my chapters, as a lot of hopping around occurs as I attempt to draw in many characters into the main plot once more. The main thing is the Wandering Pair being trained by the Brotherhood of Steel, paralleled by the Enclave training Butch DeLoria.

Enjoy.
 
Just the new chapter, riveting tale.

I like the style of this chapter. Essentially, its a nice heads-up for every group and faction we saw before. I like it because such a big change as a Enclave invasion would ripple though the entire wasteland. Much better than in normal Fallout 3, where the [/spoiler]Enclave popping up and going around with Vertibirds didn't change the people's situation too much.

I like seeing Lloyd and Amata train and know the Brotherhood. Although I still see them as morons who fight a attrition war for twenty years, at least they're standing up against the Enclave.

My only problem with this chapter is that Evergreen Mills' changes seem too fast. Suddently they're raiders and then BAM, they're taking a fast jump to civilization. I thought Jericho and Jared would do something similar to Genghis Khan. Think getting all those bloody raiders to unite, then use them to assault other large raider groups and other people they dislike, using the union brought by such fighting to eventually merge those undisciplined warriors together and civilize them slowly. At least it is clearly show that the raiders are resisting said changes.

I wonder how much time it will take until we see the Enclave making their own regeneration serum for their elite soldiers, and eventually, standard issue. Considering how fiendish advanced they are, its probrably going to happen soon. It would't surprise if they make it even stronger, to limb-regenerating levels.

Nice to see the Outcasts in this story, we didn't see much of them yet. They're probrably turning that fort into a deathtrap right now, Brotherhood style. I hope they get the AA guns out of storage, they gonna need 'em. :twisted:

I wonder how much time until Simms' yelds and surrenders. Lyons' Pride is going their way, but for all we know, they might get overwhelmed by Enclave Firepower and be forced to retreat.

AntAgonizer and The Mechanist united against the Enclave... goddamn that's hilarious. Who knows, maybe both will learn something from the experience. Or they will get back to the fighting as soon as Enclave is gone. From the game, I clearly remember The AntAgonizer was sane enough to change, who knows. I find it a bit strange for the Enclave to go to Canterbury, its a podunk village in the middle of nowhere.

Goddamn, Rivet City is majorly screwed. They got a Enclave camp above them, and the main hub of Enclave activity in the Capital Wasteland right on their main acessway to the rest of the Wasteland. I think they're on a situation worse than Megaton's.

I wonder... what IS Butch becoming? I get this feeling he's going to become the Enclave's pet killer. Perhaps something similar to Frank Horrigan - A custom-built killer for the tech boys to play with. I imagine Butch walking around the wastelands, clad in Advanced Power Armor, full of enhancer chems, high as a kite, crushing the skulls of wastelanders for teh lulz and shooting them with his big plasma gun, and shrugging off anything shot at him. Butch was a bully, but he had a good side. With all that's happening, I think his bully side is going to take over and he's pretty much a crazed killer already. Lloyid and Amata have more experience, but I would keep practisicing those speech skills, just in case Butch turns up.
 
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