My story isn't particularily interesting, but hey you asked for it.
Up to and including elemental school all was fine. Except for the usual stuff like getting teased because you happened to be a friend with some of the girls and that either rendered you "in love" (which I wasn't) or a fag (which I wasn't either).
For some reason I was an easy target in high school (years 5-13), though. I guess it was because I sucked at soccer (heck, both times I "got into it" I ended up with a bloody nose because some jerk kicked a football in my face -- I just don't like sports involving high-velocity projectiles in the vicinity of my face; I rocked at defense though) and absolutely hated school sports.
Of course I also happened to grow my hair longer than others -- I never had a buzzcut or anything, so that's that.
I had only about two people I would call best friends back then. Both of them kids I went to elementary school (yrs 1-4) with. And they didn't exactly defend me or anything, one of them even hung around with the kids that teased me as of year 7 or so onwards.
Of course I thought about suicide. Everybody does at some point or another, but I never actually considered it a viable option (it's not only a total waste if you happen to be an atheist -- and a one-way ticket to hell if you're a Christian or Muslim -- but also it affects everybody who cares about you).
In retrospective, I would say that I suffered from depression quite a lot. I'd shake it off when around others, of course -- pretend I don't care (as your parents always tell you: "they'll stop bothering you if you don't react because it'll get boring for them", but that's bullshit because you know they won't stop and they don't need you to react, they only need a victim to feel better about theirselves) and just think of brutal ways to kill them (of course I wasn't stupid enough to persue any of them, I was angry, not retarded).
Anyway. Turned out the best way to deal with jerks is to piss them off.
I think it happened at some point in year 9 or 10. Someone made an obnoxious comment about me again -- right in front of me, so I could hear it. I just blurted out "Fuck you".
He was a bit irritated to say the least. I had never dared to offend them directly before -- I was sure I'd end up taking a beating.
He turned around and asked "What did you say?".
I was sure he would punch me if I said anything wrong, but I was building up adrenaline, I guess. I just didn't care about the consequence. "I told you to go fuck yourself."
I don't remember what exactly happened next, but that was pretty much the end of it. Nobody attacked me or anything. Not even a snappy comeback. It just pretty much stopped.
Of course someone would occassionally come up with a stupid comment about me every now and again, but by then I had learned to come back with sarcastic remarks or just tell them off.
I'm glad I worked up the courage to overcome the situation on my own and it certainly helped me build up my self-esteem (even though it's still far from what it could be), but that doesn't excuse their behaviours.
Of course they were dumb assholes. They're jocks. What do you expect? I'm sure my adolescence would have been happier without them (heck, I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship -- go figure), but if I wouldn't have worked up the courage (or desperation, or just plain anger) to bark back, it would probably have taken me a lot longer to get back to a healthy level of self-esteem.
Anyway. I'm still pretty much a loner and not the most cheerful person in the world, but at least I've learned to stop worrying so much.
I guess what finally fixed my social habbits, though, was reenactment, not school. I guess any hobby with a diversity of people who hardly know each other could have done that, but in my case, it was reenactment.
Spending your sundays away from all your worries having fun with people you at first hardly know and then grow to consider friends, can be a great experience.
But I digress...
Up to and including elemental school all was fine. Except for the usual stuff like getting teased because you happened to be a friend with some of the girls and that either rendered you "in love" (which I wasn't) or a fag (which I wasn't either).
For some reason I was an easy target in high school (years 5-13), though. I guess it was because I sucked at soccer (heck, both times I "got into it" I ended up with a bloody nose because some jerk kicked a football in my face -- I just don't like sports involving high-velocity projectiles in the vicinity of my face; I rocked at defense though) and absolutely hated school sports.
Of course I also happened to grow my hair longer than others -- I never had a buzzcut or anything, so that's that.
I had only about two people I would call best friends back then. Both of them kids I went to elementary school (yrs 1-4) with. And they didn't exactly defend me or anything, one of them even hung around with the kids that teased me as of year 7 or so onwards.
Of course I thought about suicide. Everybody does at some point or another, but I never actually considered it a viable option (it's not only a total waste if you happen to be an atheist -- and a one-way ticket to hell if you're a Christian or Muslim -- but also it affects everybody who cares about you).
In retrospective, I would say that I suffered from depression quite a lot. I'd shake it off when around others, of course -- pretend I don't care (as your parents always tell you: "they'll stop bothering you if you don't react because it'll get boring for them", but that's bullshit because you know they won't stop and they don't need you to react, they only need a victim to feel better about theirselves) and just think of brutal ways to kill them (of course I wasn't stupid enough to persue any of them, I was angry, not retarded).
Anyway. Turned out the best way to deal with jerks is to piss them off.
I think it happened at some point in year 9 or 10. Someone made an obnoxious comment about me again -- right in front of me, so I could hear it. I just blurted out "Fuck you".
He was a bit irritated to say the least. I had never dared to offend them directly before -- I was sure I'd end up taking a beating.
He turned around and asked "What did you say?".
I was sure he would punch me if I said anything wrong, but I was building up adrenaline, I guess. I just didn't care about the consequence. "I told you to go fuck yourself."
I don't remember what exactly happened next, but that was pretty much the end of it. Nobody attacked me or anything. Not even a snappy comeback. It just pretty much stopped.
Of course someone would occassionally come up with a stupid comment about me every now and again, but by then I had learned to come back with sarcastic remarks or just tell them off.
I'm glad I worked up the courage to overcome the situation on my own and it certainly helped me build up my self-esteem (even though it's still far from what it could be), but that doesn't excuse their behaviours.
Of course they were dumb assholes. They're jocks. What do you expect? I'm sure my adolescence would have been happier without them (heck, I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship -- go figure), but if I wouldn't have worked up the courage (or desperation, or just plain anger) to bark back, it would probably have taken me a lot longer to get back to a healthy level of self-esteem.
Anyway. I'm still pretty much a loner and not the most cheerful person in the world, but at least I've learned to stop worrying so much.
I guess what finally fixed my social habbits, though, was reenactment, not school. I guess any hobby with a diversity of people who hardly know each other could have done that, but in my case, it was reenactment.
Spending your sundays away from all your worries having fun with people you at first hardly know and then grow to consider friends, can be a great experience.
But I digress...
