Yet another potential way civilization is going to end

Per

Vault Consort
Staff member
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http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/12/15/jellyfish_gone_wild/

The US government has warned that enormous swarms of killer jellyfish - some the size of fridges and weighing up to a quarter of a ton - are ravaging the world's oceans. Particularly aggressive specimens are said to be capable of causing serious damage to ships, and have even managed to knacker nuclear power plants.

News of the challenge to humanity's dominance over planet Earth comes from the US National Science Foundation, which has put out a chilling warning entitled - rather beautifully - Jellyfish Gone Wild!

"When jellyfish populations run wild," the NSF jellyboffins warn, "they may jam thousands of square miles with their pulsing, gelatinous bodies."

It seems that no less than half a billion "refrigerator sized" slimy horrors weighing 450 pounds each invade the Sea of Japan daily, while Australian waters are plagued with "deadly, peanut-sized" Jellybabies of Death. It took the scyphozoan (or possibly hydrozoan) hordes just eight years to seize control of the Black Sea, apparently.

The NSF boffins warn that the gelatinous global usurpers are spawned in hundreds of vast "Dead Zones" in the world's oceans, where nothing but jelly-based lifeforms can live. These frightful blancmange sargassos send out their wobbling hordes on fearful expeditions of destruction, probing the strength of humanity's defences in preparation for the long-planned Time of Slime.

You don't want to, um, trifle with these fellows. Forty people are killed by jellyfish gangs each year "in the Phillipines alone", according to the NSF. Assuming this is typical, one might extrapolate wildly to a worldwide jelly death toll of several thousand - that's the equivalent of a 9/11 every year, as the human race is gradually slimed into extinction by unstoppable liquescent assassins.

One might think that we could weather this one with only the loss of the sea and shoreline, but I ask you, what happens the day these monstrosities invent hot air balloons?
 
I know the article is exaggerating and the tone of voice of it is quite humorous, but the whole jellyfish thing is based on facts, people.

Fact: thanks to global warming, jellyfish are expanding their territory, usually eliminating other lifeforms in that region.

Fact: the sting of a jellyfish is comparable to a regular gunshot in speed and impact, it just works with complex neurotoxins instead of bold pieces of metal (which is a clear indication that they are a more evolved species than humans!).

Fact: jellyfish use complex strategies when attacking an enemy, which has given rise to the assumption they might be telepathically connected with each other or even controlled by a brain jellyfish we have not yet discovered. And they always attack in huge swarms.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJ2uqElPbco&NR=1[/youtube]

Fact: the sting of a jellyfish is fucking painful. And the best method to ease the pain is to degrade ourselves (jellyfish probably know this):
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uImYGwRgs2k[/youtube]
 
I do not know about you guys but I find it amazingly disturbing there could be a giant "brain" Jellyfish marshaling its forces deep under the waves.

We have been warned! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloop


This is all the more reason for the government to fund a secret project in Dolphin mind control.


20hlmi9.jpg


Skree'ee--eee, eeek!
 
That's a sonic projector on it's back actually, which while great against giant mind controlled squids hasn't been tested on jellyfish.
 
There was a documentary on possible post-human scenarios on TV some months ago.

One of them had the oceans full of meta-jellyfish floating islands like beehives where every jellyfish fulfilled a certain role.

Fear the meta-jellyfish floaters!
 
Probably one of the most ridiculous end-time scenarios I have ever read. Also one of the coolest. Does anyone else grow tired of the end-time scenarios on the History channel though? I get tired of seeing the Asteroid,Nuclear War,and Global Warming shit. I think I have watched them so many times that I can predict what the hell they are going to say before they say it.

The one about the all-devouring nanobots is pretty cool.
 
alec said:
Fact: thanks to global warming, jellyfish are expanding their territory, usually eliminating other lifeforms in that region.

That is, humans.

Fact: the sting of a jellyfish is comparable to a regular gunshot in speed and impact,

And range and accuracy.

Bal-Sagoth said:
This is all the more reason for the government to fund a secret project in Dolphin mind control.

And then all will be fine, unless we realize the dolphins are mind controlling the government. Ehe! He. Eh...

TorontRayne said:
Does anyone else grow tired of the end-time scenarios on the History channel though?

Shouldn't a "history" channel be running end-time scenarios that already happened?
 
^^ Yes they do. I think last week was apocalyptic week or some shit. They just jammed it full of end-time scenarios and the like. I see your point though.
 
With the economic crisis and all, stories about destruction and world end sell well. Gotta give it to History channel, they found a smart way to exploit that.
 
the history channel is crap it doesn't even tell history half the time, how is the end of the world history hasn't happened yet and might not happen for a long time therefore they cant show you what would happen i hate them they can burn in in a vat of F.E.V :vatted:
 
Anyone calling Global warming a real and human-induced fact, is somewhat of a pariah in my eyes.

Fact: Temperatures have been rising since 1850, long before the first industrial revolution, and have been at a steady rate ever since(0.6 Degrees per 100 years afaik)

Crazy OBAMA-PETA-kid fact: THAT MEANS THAT GLOBUL WARMING IS REAL, AL GOAR WAS RIGHT, DRIVE HYBRIDS FFS

Fact: Cars only add a absymal ammount of CO2 to the current stock of Co2 in the atmosphere.

Crazy OBAMA-PETA-Kid fact: NO U!
 
The Industrial revolution started in the mid 1700's actually.
Also lumping about 95% of the climate scientists with the PETA isn't very nice towards the scientists :P
 
Alphadrop said:
The Industrial revolution started in the mid 1700's actually.
Also lumping about 95% of the climate scientists with the PETA isn't very nice towards the scientists :P

Heavy poluting industries weren't the first step, but your point is valid, still;

Lumping in Al gore with ALL the previous nobel PEACE prize winners isn't nice either, but nobel-committee did it anyway.

I'm not saying the entire concept is a hoax, but why are the PETA-kids so reluctant to admit that Gore used lies and manipulation to get what he wanted; attention?

Only recently the "general" scientific populace adopted the global warming idea as a PROBABLE cause(not a definite one, mind you).

this was almost a few YEARS after Gore started his fascist-esque fear-tactics.

Anyone still hear anything about "SOUR RAIN"; the big thing to be scared of in 1990's?
Didn't think so, global warming will go the same route, this time with a WASTED nobel prize and a sense of self satisfaction for a complete twat.
 
Spoonfeed said:
Anyone still hear anything about "SOUR RAIN"; the big thing to be scared of in 1990's?
Didn't think so, global warming will go the same route, this time with a WASTED nobel prize and a sense of self satisfaction for a complete twat.
I actually agree with most of your post, but are you talking about acid rain here? I don't know if people in the 1990's were saying acid rain would melt the planet or something else crazy, but acid rain is real. It forms when sulfur dioxide (usually from coal power plants or diesel engines) reacts with water vapor to form sulfuric acid, or alternately nitrogen dioxide (from any high temperature combustion) reacts to form nitric acid.

It has been shown to slowly melt outdoor statues and other stone structures, it's bad for fish, trees, insects, and soil. Yes it does occur naturally with volcanic eruptions and wild fires, but to ignore the capacity of man to overproduce enough acid rain to really screw up the environment is stupid. The only reason that it's not such a big issue anymore is because of government regulation chiefly to ensure that exhaust flues for coal power plants have most of the sulfur dioxide scrubbed and the catalytic converters that are on most cars.
 
I am not saying acid(sour was freely translated) rain is fake, it's just that the general populace that was screaming about it a while back seems to have forgotten it; because there's a new fad that will allow smugness in "intellectual liberals" and other mentally deficit monkeys.

If acid rain was so disastrous, why have all the "save the planet" social rejects forgotten about it?
Simple; they are just as big sheeple as the "FOXNEWS RIGHTWING BASTARDS ZOMGOMZOMG" that ignore such dangers.
 
Spoonfeed said:
Anyone still hear anything about "SOUR RAIN"; the big thing to be scared of in 1990's?
Didn't think so, global warming will go the same route, this time with a WASTED nobel prize and a sense of self satisfaction for a complete twat.
I still hear about sour rain. Because I know someone that run this chalk thing that pumps chalk into a river in norway. The reason is so that the salamon will not die in those rivers. Now it has slowed down somewhat mostly due to goverment demands to lower sulphur exhaust in britain, but there are some extreme examples here and there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikel

My brother rode a car through the polluted area. The top meter of the ground is polluted so that it have to be removed for there to be any chance for life. Acid rain is a real threat if not taken seriously.
 
Per said:
And then all will be fine, unless we realize the dolphins are mind controlling the government. Ehe! He. Eh...
Mice my friend. Mice. The Dolphins only said "thx for all the fish".
Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy


Anyway. It seems nature finally starts to fight back.
 
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