Adapting Van Buren (Workshop)

Discussion in 'Fan Art/Fan Fiction' started by Atomic Postman, Jun 5, 2021.

  1. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    Agreed, I always found it to be fairly lackluster.

    Though I do think the concept of someone joining the Brotherhood to "pad their resume" (ignoring potentially yikesey racial element) could be interesting when taken with the "BoS as R&D house for the NCR" angle - the Brotherhood grows away from its Knightly origin and essentially becomes another government bureaucracy, and all that comes with that. Though of course that doesn't make any sense with this story.
     
  2. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    @Hardboiled Android here's the revised section of Lone Mesa


    upload_2021-7-22_20-25-22.png

    When the players reach Lone Mesa, (of which they can learn the location from Isaac Gant or the Luddites) they will find the bunker entrance protected by two Power Armored sentries – who will quickly call to their attention and ask their purpose, before noticing their unique Prison-Boys, and bringing them inside for interrogation and Prison-Boy analysis. If the players are honest about their situation – they will be allowed to walk the bunker freely, as they understand the precarity of the situation and their missing Scribe, Isaac Gant, is a fellow 13. Otherwise, they will be ejected from the Bunker.

    There are four main levels to Lone Mesa:

    Level 1 Entrance:

    The cliff-side entrance to the bunker, two small old world advertisement billboards border each side of the gate and bare the sigil of the Brotherhood of Steel – outside two Paladins equipped with Miniguns stand – Costello and Burnes. They’re two of three Paladins with PA left.

    Level 2: Archives

    Home of the Scribes, who in monk-like fashion go from archive terminal to archive terminal in dim-lighting, piles of books, papers and pre-war junk litter the tables, and the walls have multiple pages of schematics and blueprints fixed to them, connected with red strings. The Scribes seem unusually calm, but entirely focused on their work. They don’t like to be bothered. This is also where former recreation rooms were located (now converted to store more archival junk)

    Level 3: Maintenance

    Home of the woefully understaffed Knights, where hydroponics, water pumping, mechanic repair and experimentation took place. Much like the Archives, it is absolutely littered with piles of junk navigated by the handful of Knights, who seem over-stressed and over-worked.

    Level 3: Mess Hall and Habitation:

    A large mess hall, gym, kitchen and habitation quarters. Where the unarmored Paladins now live.

    Level 4: Command Center and Armory:

    Home to Elder Brixley’s command center and the locked off armory section containing the PA. The armory door has multiple scorch marks. The third and last remaining armored Paladin, Head Paladin Deering, stands guard in front of Elder Brixley’s quarters, where she lies near-comatose from an unknown sickness.

    upload_2021-7-22_20-25-46.png

    Important Characters of Lone Mesa:

    Elder Brixley: A dedicated soldier of the Circle of Steel and one of its original members. She is the heart of the Brotherhood through and through. Mission before herself and before others, always. The “mission” being extended to the mission of the Codex itself – the preservation of technology and the prevention of it getting into the wrong hands. She is, or was, aware of Head Paladin Deering’s feelings for her but considered it an unnatural breach of protocol and would distract her from the focus of her duties to indulge in such nonsense. To do away with this, she issued the Reproduction Order (A decree allowing “reproductive activities” to occur after a Chapter has suitably settled and is in stable condition, with a caveat allowing the Elder to have full control at will of any matter of reproduction or relationships.) and assigned Head Paladin Deering and Knight Tamara Young to have the first child of Lone Mesa – they would test the ground for further reproduction after their first child. Now she lies near comatose in her quarters, the Brotherhood having lost its top Med-Tech in Isaac Gant, nobody is sure how this has happened or what to do about it.

    Head Paladin Deering: A member of the Circle of Steel much like Brixley, though not an original. Since his days in New California operating with her, he has stuck with her like glue, making some excuse or finding some reason to stay by her side. At heart knowing she would never indulge his feelings, he still stayed with her out of his love for her – but also his respect as a member of the Brotherhood and the Circle. He believes that her state is no sickness, but a deliberate poisoning, and that there is a Luddite spy in the base. Technically he should take over command position to resolve the freeze in the “Chain That Binds” but he is unwilling to do so as it would concede her incapacity, and she’s been through worse.

    Knight Tamara Young:

    Formerly a Head Knight and weapons designer at a southern New California chapter, she was relocated to Lost Hills following an accident with an experimental weapon and demoted. She took great displeasure with the Brotherhood’s decision in recent years to cease the manufacture of weapons and instead focus on preservation – most of all because her designs for an electrical based weapon, a Tesla Cannon based off of Old-World design footnotes, will never come to fruition.

    A prized gift she took with her everywhere, it was discovered by Head Paladin Deering, who reported it to Brixley and it was suitably confiscated to the archives. She is not happy about having been paired up with Deering, but now at nine months of pregnancy is looking forward to raising the future of their Chapter.

    Paladin Corsetti:

    A loyal career Paladin of the same New California Chapter as Young, Corsetti has been the lead on the majority of expeditions in the Wasteland and is determined to find the Malpais Army Depot for its store of weapons and now for its potential store of Power Armor. Gung-Ho a little bit too testosterone fueled, he has interrogated two Scaven Pickers (A local scavenger tribe) but was unable to get the information out of them, frustratingly, before killing them. He’s very wary of outsiders, but will turn to them for help if it means securing more technology.

    upload_2021-7-22_20-26-11.png

    Scribe Hewitt:

    Hewitt can be found running the Archives in place of Head Scribe Gant. Unlike Gant, Hewitt is an unimaginative sort and finds great satisfaction in the banal archivist work that the Lone Mesa Scribes perform. His work on the Archives is more rigidity and mindless than surface level guessing would assume however – and when it comes to details, he can be shockingly careless. He simply trusts in what has already been logged. This is partially because burying himself in his routine hides him from the reality that he’ll never return to New California and see his family again. Taking a more active role and using his brain to problem solve would make that more real, so to speak.

    Scribe Whatley

    A Scribe from Lost Hills, youngest member of the bunker and a secret member of the Luddites. She lost her brother, Edward, on the journey to Lone Mesa and has held a grudge against the purpose of their mission ever since, only worsened by the long, overstretched nights and madness of the Luddite meetings. She has secretly rebuilt one of the Stealth-Boys and has been using it to poison Brixley’s food, hoping to direct the blame onto one of the Knights who work the kitchens. Hewitt is too focused on the banal, as are the other Scribes, to even notice her barely veiled alterations to the archive logs. She has administered just enough poison to keep Brixley barely lucid and mostly comatose, but not kill her. She is twisting Brixley’s relationship with the Head Paladin to stall the Chain That Binds and give the Luddites as much time as they can get. She believes she will eventually receive some kind of signal from them before she offs Brixley – but she hasn’t entirely thought it through.

    upload_2021-7-22_20-26-22.png

    Quests in Lone Mesa:

    Initiation: To make sure you’re truly trustworthy, you must perform a mission for the Brotherhood. The party must visit the remains of Cheyenne Mountain Complex and breach the lowest level of the facility – where the remains of the Calculator lie, to download remaining computer archive information, Computer Science savvy players can decrypt information on the DoD holotape and learn of the alternate location at Los Alamos here, with a difficult check. Radiation, robots and traps await. Everyone loved The Glow, right?

    Find the Poisoner: Doctor minded PCs can deduce that Brixley isn’t dying of disease – she’s being actively poisoned. Following the trail will reveal an ally of Idella stayed behind in the bunker – Scribe Whatley– and has been actively poisoning her food.


    An Academic Debate:

    Upon entering the archives, Hewitt and another Scribe (Billings) can be found loudly arguing over the interpretation of a Cheyenne Mountain transmission log. It’s an exhaustive list of components and parts – Hewitt argues it’s the components for a supercomputer, whilst Billings argues it’s the parts for a type of generator – they are arguing to the point of near fisticuffs, and Hewitt will knock Billings’ lights out if not stopped by the players. A Prospecting or Computer Science PC can identify it as effectively a requisition shopping list with no particular purpose, settling weeks’ worth of debate.

    Motherhood: A week or more after first entering the Lone Mesa bunker, when the players next return Knight Young will be in the middle of a very problematic birth. Without Gant, the Scribes are lost on what to do, as is everyone else. Doctor PCs can help the birth proceed.

    Lost In Translation: Corsetti has failed to retrieve the location of Malpais Army Depot from the two Scaven Pickers – primarily because they don’t speak English. They can’t read and don’t use maps, only passing things on through symbols or their own pidgin language. As such, Corsetti screaming in their face pointed at an annotated map didn’t do much to jog their memory. Players friendly with the Scaven Pickers and familiar with their language can learn the location of the base and pass it onto Corsetti for future usage – or they can try and pierce the base themselves.

    Retrieve the Armory Key: The “Unseen Brothers” and their Luddite brethren under Idella at Nexus hold the key to the armory. They need it to restore their weapons and armor, so that they can besiege New Mariposa. Force is preferred.

    Besiege New Mariposa: A band of Super Mutant Unity remnants have overtaken the town of Underpass and established a ZEUS fence which destabilizes Power Armor – not only is the technology in the hands of dangerous mutants, but their scout/spy there, Isaac Gant, was discovered and is now being held prisoner. They need non-power armored individuals to infiltrate and shut down the fence. If this is done, they will strip the town of all technology – energy weapons, medical tech, ZEUS fence, any electronics or gizmos, leaving Underpass in a primitive state. They will then leave.

    If the players assist the Brotherhood, they will deploy a Crack Paladin Assault Team and equip the players with Power Armor upon the siege of Van Buren, but will ultimately demand that the player not meltdown COLOSSUS and instead allow the Brotherhood to take the facility over instead. If they refuse, they will fight the players.

    upload_2021-7-22_20-26-44.png
     
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  3. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    A few things to clarify because I'm an overtired idiot.

    - the Scribes are not unusually calm if they're arguing
    -Hewitt is not the scribe arguing with Billings
    -The reward for passing Malpais Army Depot onto Corsetti is the crack paladin squad if the players don't get the armory key from the Luddites for whatever reason. So you could still go Rebirth for the DoD tape and get the Paladin Squad.
     
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  4. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    Oh wow, this is an exponential improvement. You really outdid my expectations. No substantive critiques.

    Now, a few miscellaneous thoughts on New Mexico that have occurred to me -
    • Since Ouroboros is right on the Arizona-New Mexcio line, Hecate should have a significant presence in eastern Arizona.
    • These might by a hyper-stupid concept, so feel free to reject it out of hand. But as you may recall, when we were naming Lone Mesa I came across the existence of a museum holding moon rocks in Arizona. I pitched a quest concept wherein you retrieve the rocks (which are protected by some monsters or other) and give them to the Watchers. But in retrospect, this alone is piddling and beneath the interest of such high-level players. But here's the extremely stupid twist I thought of: smoking moonrocks. It's an old joke concept, and there's been some discussion of having a high level drug operation in New Mexico... so what about whatever kingpin there is requesting the players retrieve moonrocks so he can make some kind of super jet. ZThe reward is some massive cap pay out, and most absurd of all it works in making ultrajet or 'rocket' or something.
    • Something that may serve as inspiration: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dulce_Base
    • It might be worth considering ditching DIA. Just like Utah Proving Ground, it's supposed to be part of a high-level quest but it's essentially as a low level dungeon, and sending the player all the way back to Colorado feels like busy work. It's a shame to lose it, but it's basically just a one-off joke now. So maybe put both of the Enclave dungeons in New Mexico, or perhaps stick one of them in Arizona.
    • On a similar note, perhaps its worth ditching Moab? Again, it's a high-level dungeon for a high-level quest in a low level area. More troublingly, it comes very very close to the players route coming out of Grand Junction, its very hard to see them not running across this early.
    • Finally, I remembered now that we're re-doing New Mexico that I had cooked up a few months ago a concept set in New Mexico that could maybe possibly fit in as a major settlement here? It's a pretty out there concept, so feel free to dismiss it, but would you mind if I pitched it?
     
  5. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013

    For the moon rocks - if you recall I had a faction in both my prior campaign and in Great Wastes that powdered their drugs with space rocks. So it works. We'll say they already brought their blue meth equivalent from a tribe they raided in Roswell but they're running out of the stuff. Passing this onto the Biters would give them a serious edge in their drug war (We can also say they sell their psychedelics to Hecate)

    Hecate does have a presence in the Watchers and the Twin Mothers, she's not the Legion though. Her grasp is firm but not outreached.

    As for Moab - the town itself is just an abandoned ruin. The players would have to actively seek the facility in the hills and wander through the caves. It's not something that they'd accidentally stumble across. And yeah I'll ditch DIA and just make their thing Malpais Army Depot - which is a repainted Utah Testing Range with some Sierra Army Depot thrown in.

    Also, pitch away but keep in mind it's got to be high level and not have too many piddling quests as you call them.

    Also you'll be happy to know Cheyenne Mountain is getting it's own section in Colorado so that I can get that autistic satisfaction of each chapter having 9 sections. Your favourite boys will be there too.
     
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  6. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    Very good point. Make sure to throw in my missionary setpiece!

    And a few additional thoughts on Moab: firstly, maybe instead of being called "trogs" since its just straight lifted from the Pitt (technically, its just the obvious name but) they could simply be called "Moabites?" It's just the demonymous form, but it also has an appropriately Biblical connotation which is fitting for Utah, and follows the pattern of Burning Springs where the Mormons name monsters. Plus, I feel like it sufficiently conveys a certain level of cretinousness just as well if not better. Finally, the name conveys the ambiguity of whether they're people or not (they're not) that leads my hapless missionary to the town.

    I'll post it later, probably tonight but maybe tomorrow. But I think it fits on both fronts.

    Insanely based
     
  7. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    Trogs is technically taken from Van Buren which I'm sure Bethesda took for the Pitt, but Moabites or Cave-Things works fine.

    Also I might add that two tribes with realistic reasons to fight each other but the clincher being moon rocks for their super drugs is the kind of weird levity I feel has been missing in light touches across the campaign. It's an old favourite and I'm more than glad to reincorporate it.
     
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  8. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    Definitely feels like the number of corrections increases here.

    UTAH


    NEW CANAAN

    p. 61: -Insert comma after "funded" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -"Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-Day Saints" Rep. to "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" - absolutely vital to get this name right, Mormons are very particular about this. Take especial note of the fact that the "day" is never capitalized.
    -Replace "ample" with "a surplus of" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    -Replace "Regulation" with "Standard" in par. 1 sen. 4.
    -Delete "own" in par. 2 sen. 2.
    -Insert "in a manner" after "faith" in par. 2 sen. 3
    -Capitalize "war" in par. 2 sen. 3.

    p. 62: -Replace "temple" in par 1. sen. 1 - with what, I'm not entirely sure. Maybe "sanctuary?" Has a very similar connotation (considering sanctuary literally originally meant temple) and a good alliteration with subterranean.
    -"a long-term series of critical, unrepairable faults" Rep. to "a series of critical failures".
    *2190 feels extremely late - was this in the original design documents? If not, consider moving it back to the 2170s.
    -Replace "if in" with "on" in par. 1 sen. 2.
    -Insert "a" after "by" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Replace "concrete" with "slag" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Delete "large" in par. 2 sen. 3 - they're atomic blast craters, we don't need to be told they're large.
    -Delete extra space at start of par. 3.
    -Replace "Mantis" with "mantises" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Insert comma after "lesser" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Splice par. 5 to par. 4.
    *Just want to compliment the image here, really great choice.

    p. 63: *Less crazy about this one however. It depicts tha adobe homes you mention, but it makes it seem very rinky dink (which makes sense since it looks like this is some rinky dink southwest hotel) and not at all like I'd imagine. Further this sort of adobe doesn't even reflect most of the New Canaanite architecture, which you describe as colonial (which makes sense since these guys are puritans of sorts). Finally, it just doesn't seem like an important enough image to head off this subsection. I'd suggest replacing it with one of those vintage Ogden postcards.
    -Replace "in the process" with "undergoing" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Delete "that of" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Insert "Old" after "the" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Delete "-constructed draw" in par. 1 sen. 2.
    -Replace "houses" with "homes" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Delete "manner of" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Replace "to" with "in" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Delete comma in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Move par. 4 sen. 1 to end of par. 4.
    -"The lives of New Canaanites are strictly to that of God's ways." Rep. to "The lives of New Canaanites are strictly to that of God's ways."
    -"No homosexuality, no cursing, no drinking, no coffee." Rep. to "No drinking, no cursing, no coffee, no homosexuality." Better assonance.
    -Insert comma after "steal" in par. 5 sen. 3.

    p. 64: -Insert comma after SLC in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Delete "even" from par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Replace "to put it to use" with "how to use it" in par. 2 sen. 5.
    -Insert "Great" after second "the" in par. 3 sen. 2.
    -Delete "Syracuse" in par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Insert en dash after "well" in par. 3 sen. 4.
    -"Though infrequently if not consistently repelling raiders, New Canaan remained isolationist for much of its existence, until recent decades." Rep. to "Though infrequently if not consistently repelling raiders, New Canaan has remained isolationist for much of its history, up until recently."
    *Any reason you went with the phrasing "cancer of the lungs?" Just because it sounds old tiemy? I like it, just curious.
    -"Sending missionary caravans to surrounding tribes promising bulks of fresh water for the acceptance of the Lord and the abandoning of their false faiths." Rep. to "Missionary caravans are sent to surrounding tribes, promising a wealth of water: in return, they need only accept of the Lord and his Prophets, and abandon their idols and abominations."
    -"In exchange for trade also of meats, animal hides and tribal herbs." Rep. to "In addition, of course, to more worldly wares - meats, hides, and tribal herbs."

    p. 65: -Replace "as" with "at" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Delete "made a" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Insert ", long regarded as a den of sin by the Latter-day Saints." in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -"Trade flourished, and the New California Dollar was introduced to New Canaan society, and vice versa the New Canaanites began to send water and medicine caravans west into northern New California, along with the good word." Rep. to "Trade flourished, and the New California Dollar was introduced to New Canaanite society as the Mormons sent water and medicine caravans westwards to New California, along with the good word of course."
    -Replace "grounded" with "good" in par. 2 sen. 4.
    -Replace "they" with "these" in par. 2 sen. 5.
    -"The New Canaanites welcome those who are willing to convert to their faith and join their community, with no judgement of their race or past."
    *An appropriattely Biblical name suggestion for the two Super Mutants: Og and Goliath. Going off that naming scheme, considering Og sounds like stereotypical barbarian, you could make Og the dimmer of the two, Goliath perhaps being a prime. Maybe sort of an "Of Mice and Men" type dynamic.
    *Probably not worth it on your end, but I do find the concept of exploring these two Super Mutants interesting. Essentially, I wonder if Mormonism, or organized religion in general, would provide Super Mutants with something like what they lost with the Master and the Unity.
    *And this is definitely not worth it for this campaign, but an interesting concept would either be a schizophrenic Nightkin who believes themselves to be a Biblical prophet. Or it could be a Super Mutant/Nightkin who's reading some kind of genuine psychic waves and interpreting them as the voice of God.
    *re: Biblical Names - perhaps one of the Ghouls could be named Lazarus.
    *Off of all this name talk, maybe converts take a new name when they convert, it's a fairly common practice IRL. Or it could just be for Super Mutants and maybe Ghouls.
    -Decapitalize "one" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Insert period at end of par. 3.

    p. 66: -Insert en dash after "factory" in par. 1 sen. 2.
    -Replace "although" with "though" in par. 1 sen. 2.
    -"Several workers can be found within the plant constantly keeping it in operation, amongst them a volunteer tribal from a distant tribe – The Ciphers of the West- named Battery can be found." Rep. to "Several workers can be found within constantly keeping the plant in operation, including a volunteer tribal from a distant land – Battery, a Cipher of the West."
    -Insert comma after "bluprints" in par. 1 sen. 4.
    -Delete "various" in par. 1 sen. 4.
    -Replace "venerate" with "venerates" in par. 1 sen. 5.
    -Replace "the study of it" with "its study" in par. 1 sen. 5.
    -Replace second comma in par. 1 sen. 5 with period, splitting sen. 5 in two.
    -Delete second "and" in par. 1 sen. 5.
    -Replace "whilst" with "all the while" in par. 1 sen. 5.
    -Replace "feed" with "lead" in par. 2 sen. 1 - at least for me, "feed" implies they're emptying all of their water out into the dirt.
    -Replace "as they reach" with "toward" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Replace "a" with "the" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Delete "operation of water" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Insert "of water" after "transportation" in par. 2 sen. 1.

    p. 67: *Feels odd for Judah Black to come before Rigdon and other New Canaanites, considering he's not even in New Canaan. Makes more sense to move him to the end, serves as a natural lead in to New Jerusalem.
    *Is this pic from the design docs?
    -Replace fourth period with a space in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -"A hard-liner of the faith in the community, he always advocated for the most draconian of approaches in all areas." Rep. to "A religious hard-liner, he always advocated for the most draconian approaches in all areas."
    -Replace "calls" with "called" in par. 1 sen. 5 - presumably they got this name before they departed, so it should be in the past tense.
    -Delete "it be known" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Insert "be known" after "New Canaan" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -"The merchants of the west were charlatans and corrupters, down their path lay Sodom and Gomorrah." Rep. to "The merchants of the West were charlatans and corrupters, he said. Down their path lay Sodom and Gomorrah."
    -Replace "they worked" with "only working" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Insert "the" after "and" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Replace "taking" with "partaking of" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Replace "whisky" with "whiskey" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Insert comma after "Jet" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Decapitalize "Chems" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Replace "merchants" with "the peddlers" in par. 3 sen. 1. It's an alternative/flowery/archaic word for merchants, and of course has the connotation of drug dealer.
    -Replace third comma with " who had been" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    *How the hell do you get exiled from New Reno for being a degenerate? NCR cleaning house following annexation? Interesting bit of side story telling if so. I imagine a lot of them, exiled families and such, would set up shop in Wendover.
    -Replace "turn" with "turning point" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    *Just wanted to compliment the naming choice of "Brigham Bundy." That's peak Mormon naming if ever I've seen it. Which is appropriate considering the Judahites take him as an exemplar of the flower of Canaanite youth.
    -Insert "New" after "a" in par. 4 sen. 1 - already used Canaanite last paragraph, which is a slightly less common demonym in NV I feel, and it's always just good to mix things up.
    -Replace "emerged" with "came" in par. 4 sen. 2 - "came into" not only sounds better and isn't a repititon (you always emerge into something), "came into/unto" happens to be a Biblical idiom.
    -Delete "to have" in par. 4 sen. 2.
    -Replace "the young one" with "young Brigham" in par. 4 sen. 2.
    -"Citing that this was his moment of clearing the money lenders from the temple of God." Rep. to "Judah declared this his clearing the money lenders from the temple of God."
    -Delete "himself" in par. 4 sen. 4.
    -Replace first comma with "and" in par. 5 sen. 1.
    -Replace "There" with "Here" in par. 6 sen. 1.

    p. 68: -Insert "town's" after first "the" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Delete "the town's" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Replace "through" with "by" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Insert comma after "trade" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Replace "little" with "not much" in par. 1 sen. 2.
    -Replace "a second step" with "second place" in par. 1 sen. 4.
    -"He is assisted by his close friend, Pastor Mordecai, in his affairs and who now takes his place in giving Sunday sermons." Rep. to "He is assisted in his affairs by his close friend Pastor Mordecai, who now takes his place delivering Sunday sermons."
    -Replace "their" with "his" in par. 1 sen. 7 - "his" gives him the sense of a patriarch, and bearing the fate of New Canaan on his own shoulders.
    -"He believes that the Hands of God can be brought back into the fold, and that violence is not the answer, but rather compromise." Rep. to "He believes that the Hands of God can be brought back into the fold, and that compromise, raher than violence, is the answer."
    -Replace "want to." with "be interested." in par. 2 sen. 6.
    -Replace "perchance" with "penchant" in par. 3 sen. 2.
    -Replace "the shipment" with "shipments" in par. 3 sen. 4.
    -Delete "and one" in par. 3 sen. 5.
    -Replace "demeanor" with "manner" in par. 3 sen. 6 - avoids repition.

    p. 69: -Replace "who she saved the life of" with "whose life she saved" in par. 1 sen. 3
    -Replace "at" with "of" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    -Delete extra space between par. 1 and par. 2.
    *Little flavor note for Rex and tying back into the discussion of Baptismal names earlier: have Rex been assigned a new name by the Canaanites but he refuses to answer to it. So they always talk about like "Johosephet" or something when players ask questions of them but he just won't answer to it, or gets mad if pressed on it. Similarly Mormons that try to speak to him will try a few times to refer to him by his baptismal name before giving up and calling him Rex.
    *"Drying Out" is a bit of a boring generic name. Might I suggest going with something Biblical? here are a few pitches: "[The] Waters of Life," (Some Todd Howard action) "The Waters of Babylon," (JE Sawyer action) (lol) "The Wells of Salvation," "The Waters of Strife," or "The Waters of Mormon" (this last one is, obviously, taken from a place name in the Book of Mormon.)
    -Delete extra underlined space in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Delete second "water" in par. 3 sen. 1 - it's a water plant, we know what it produces.
    -Delete "the problem lies that" from par. 3 sen. 4.
    -Insert "with" after "sympathized" in par. 3 sen. 5.
    -"Worse still, unbeknownst to anyone cave ins of the SLC sewers have meant Giant Mantises have taken up the depths of Vault 70 as a nest, the Queen Mantis growing fatter from the lingering radiation of its defunct generator." Rep. to "Worse still and unbeknownst to anyone, cave-ins of the SLC sewers have allowed Giant Mantises to take up the depths of Vault 70 as a nest, their Queen Mantis growing fatter from the lingering radiation of its defunct generator."
    -Delete extra underlined space in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Insert "it" after "taken" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Replace the first comma in par. 4 sen. 1 with a period, splitting sentence one in half.
    -Delete second "and" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Replace "them" with "this" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Insert period at end of par. 4.
    -Replace period at end of par. 5 sen. 3 with a comma, splicing sen. 4 to sen. 3.
    -Insert comma after "Crazy Horns" in par. 5 sen. 4.
    -Replace "before" with "the past" in par. 5 sen. 5.
    -Replace "effect" with "avail" in par. 5 sen. 5.
    -Insert "up" after "followed" in par. 5 sen. 6.
    -Replace period at end of par. 5 sen. 7 with an em dash, splicing sen. 8 to sen. 7.

    p. 70: -Delete extra space between par. 1 and par. 2.
    -Replace second "they" with "that they will" in par. 2 sen. 2.
    -Replace "siege" with "besiege" in par. 2 sen. 2.

    *Golden spike?

    NEW JERUSALEM

    p.71: *Fix icon. Looks washed out. Also it and title re not properly centered.
    -Replace "still the realm" with "the place" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    -Capitalize "second coming" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    -Replace "an upmost" with "the utmost" in par. 1 sen. 5.
    -Delete second "better" in par. 2 sen. 5.
    -Replace em dash with semicolon in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -"They will stranglehold New Canaan and they believe that the rest of the town will rise up against Rigdon in recognition of the Hands rightful cause." Rep. to "They will strangle New Canaan, and eventually (they believe) the Canaanites will rise up against Rigdon in recognition of the Hands righteous cause and acclaim Judah their Prophet."
    -Delete comma in par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Delete em dash in par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Replace "plan" with "resolution" in par. 3 sen. 4.
    -Insert comma after "checking" in par. 3 sen. 4.

    JERICHO

    p. 72: -Insert comma after "homosexuals" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Replace "or" with "and" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Replace "by" with "with" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Decapitalize "Godlessness" in par. 3 sen. 4 (or go back and capitalize the prior occurrence of "godless," your choice)
    -Delete second "are" in par. 5 sen. 2.

    p. 73: *Underline all locations or go back and underline "The Union," your choice. In either case you should go back through the document and maintain consistency of all headin gs and subtitles. And if you decide to keep them underlined, make sure to delete all the extra underlined spaces.
    -Replace "Sally" with "Dusty" in par. 1 sen. 4 - she's changed her name, and you refer to her onlyas Dusty later on. Doesn't make much sense to still call her Sally.
    -Delete "her" from par. 1 sen. 4.
    -Replace "run" with "owned" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Replaced "caned and lashed" with "lashed and caned" in par. 4 sen. 3.
    -Capitalize "guard" in par. 5 sen. 2.
    *Do these boys serve any purpose other than reference? Not that that's a problem. I guess they could be rallied for some thing or another.
    *Since this page lacks any image, might I suggest either my Dusty's Desires or Bob's bits icons?

    p. 74: -Delete "and" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Delete extra underlined space in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Insert comma after "booze" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Replace "themselves" with "himself" in par. 3 sen. 1 - its a singular person, and their identity (and by extension gender) would not be ambiguous to the Jerichoans. And I somehow doubt there are many enbies among the Hands of God.
    -Replace "to" with "within" in par. 3 sen. 2.
    -Insert "bad" after "so" in par. 3 sen. 2.
    -Replace comma with " and" in par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Insert comma after "repent" in par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Replace "for" with "from" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Replace second comma with period in par. 4 sen. 2, splitting sentence 2 in half.
    -Replace "he'd" with "Connor'd" in par. 4 sen. 2.
    -Delete extra spaces between par. 4 and par. 5.
    -Delete extra underlined space in par. 5 sen. 1.
    -Replace "pickup" with "pick up" in par. 5 sen. 1.
    *It's called Lake Utah, not Lake Provo. But it should be noted that Lake Utah does not appear on the commissioned map - in fact, it does not appear on any of the Van Buren maps online, or even the Yesterday map (which instead has some bizarre westward extension of the Great Salt Lake). So maybe we could say that Lake Utah with climate change has gone totally dry.
    *"In searching, the party will have to fight off a small band of 215 Vulture raiders" Err, excuse me? 215? Obviously a typo. Though it raises the further question - who are the Vultures? Obviously generic raiders, but maybe give them a paragraph in the tribes section. Inspired by Buzzards?
    -Replace second comma with period in par. 5 sen. 2, splitting sen. 2 in half.
    -Replace "and will" with "They then will" in par. 5 sen. 2.
    -Replace "seated" with "seater" in par. 5 sen. 2.
    -Replace period at end of par. 5 sen. 2 with comma, splicing sen. 3 to sen. 2.
    -Replace "on the floor" with "on the dirt" in par. 5 sen. 3.
    -Decapitalize "High" in par. 5 sen. 4.
    -Move "max" to after "miles" in par. 5 sen. 5.
    -Replace "help" with "repair" in par. 5 sen. 6.
    *Lack of image here - I would suggest one of the numerous Vault-Boy driving icons, or some kind of shitty dune buggy.

    THE LEGION EXPEDITION

    p. 75: -Need to recenter title and picture
    -Replace "by" with "on" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Delete "potential" from par. 1 sen. 2.
    -Decapitalize "Motel" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    -Replace "flag" with either "banner" or "standard" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    *Delete "a formal" from par. 2 sen. 1 (unless you meant "former?")
    -Replace "when" with "while" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Splice par. 3 to par. 2.
    -Replace "Equipped" with "Each is equipped" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Decapitalize "Fire Axes" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    *Make sure to standardize capitalization (or lack thereof) of currencies throughout the doc, there is some inconsistency.
    -Insert "with" after "conversation" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Replace "however" with "albeit" in par. 4 sen. 3.
    -Insert period at end of par. 4.

    p. 76: -Insert comma after "things" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Insert "that" after "others" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Replace second "child" with "lad" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Replace "wish" with "desire" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    -Delete "their" from par. 2 sen. 5.
    -Replace "but" with "and" in par. 2 sen. 5.
    -Replace comma in par. 3 sen. 1 with a period, splitting sen. 1 in two.
    -Replace "with" with "has" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Replaced "formed" with "developed" in par. 3 sen. 2.
    -Insert "is" after "behavior" in par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Delete "a " from par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Replace second em dash with a comma in par. 3 sen. 5.
    -"a behavior he should not be doing." Rep. to "something he should have forgotten."
    -Move par. 4 to after par. 2, it's purely about the baby.
    -Capitalize "officially" in par. 4 sen. 2.

    TRIBES

    p. 77: -Make sure to center title/picture.
    *Add an ambiance track.
    -Rephrase par. 1 sen. 1, it's really cumbersome and weird right now.
    *I need to remember to make black versions of the Eagle Rock and other icons.
    -Replace 7th "the" with "its" in par. 2 sen. 2 - its referring to the definite object of ERA flight.
    -Replace second em dash with period in par. 2 sen. 2, splitting sen. 2 in half.
    -Replace "call" with "calls" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Replace em dash with comma in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Insert comma after "crash" in par. 3 sen. 2.
    -"The Captain is revered as a deity – and the wreckage of the plane is covered in paintings depicting the Great War, the crash and the Captain as a messianic figure offering himself up for cannibalism – painted in a red that is decidedly unclear if it is paint, or dried blood. They believe that in death, they will join the Captain soaring amongst the skies freely, if their body is eaten by their fellow tribesmen." Rep. to "The Captain is revered as a deity. The wreckage of the plane is covered in paintings depicting the Great War, the Crash, and the Captain as a messianic figure offering himself up for cannibalism – painted in a red that can not be clearly identified as paint, or dried blood. They believe that in death they will join the Captain, soaring amongst the clouds, if their body is eaten by their fellow tribesmen."
    *Worldbuilding flesh. Make them go full-on cargo cult - build fake radio headsets to communicate with the spirits, and even building fake airstrips for souls to land and take off (ala the nazca lines).

    p. 78: -Replace "have" with "has" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Decapitalize "Missionary" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Replace "convert" with "bring" in par. 1 sen. 1 - you don't convert anyone to the Good Word, the Good Word is what you tell them to make them convert.
    -Replace "However," with "But" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    -Replace "believed" with "believe" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    *Having Johnson's sickness come from a case of the kuru is a great touch I didn't notice before.
    -Move "shortly" after "die" in par. 2 sen. 3.
    *Move par. 3 to before par. 1 - it should come before the quest and after their origin, since its a basic description of their manner in the present day. Perhaps this paragraph is where you could fit in the cargo cult details.
    -Delete "tribe" from par. 3 sen. 1.
    *What is this icon supposed to be?
    -"Both the workers already having an existing Native population amongst the workforce and the influx of Native survivors mean that the Tar Walkers speak in a blend of English and Ute language." Rep. to "Between the workers already having a Native cohort amongst them and the influx of Native survivors, Indigenous influence is extensive, and consequently the Eagle Rock speak in a blend of English and Ute language."
    -"They have three camps at each HADES facility, they used to have a fourth, at Burham Springs, before Phil’s Prospector crew forced them out." Rep. to "They have three camps at each HADES facility; they used to have a fourth, at Burning Springs, before Phil’s Crew forced them out."
    -"Their naming conventions are a mix of Ute names and industrial or construction terms."
    -Delete "industrial gear such as" from par. 5 sen. 2.

    p. 79: *Wasteland synergy opportunity - make the main camp of the Crazy Horns be called "Highpool."
    -Delete first comma in par. 1 sen. 4.
    -Delete "in order" in par 1. sen. 4.
    -Delete comma in par. 1 sen. 5.
    -Replace first "a" with "the" in par. 1 sen. 7.
    -Replace second "from" with "in" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Replace "out of" with "from" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    -Replace "Native American" with "Native Americans" in par. 3 sen. 1.
    *Were the White Legs supposed in Honest Hearts to be descended from tourists? I just remember it for the Dead Horses.
    -Delete "Having emerged in the desolate environment of the Great Salt Lake," from apr. 3 sen. 2.
    *Since Salt Flats are being cut, work in mention of locust here.
    -Replace "although" with "albeit" in par. 3 sen. 3.
    -Insert period after "weaponry" in par. 3 sen. 3, splitting sen. 3 in half (its pretty clear that this was your intention).
    -Delete "or" in par. 3 sen. 4.
    *Bone Dancers blurb
    *Dead Horses blurb? And maybe find some way to work them in to the uranium questline.
    *Vultures blurb?

    THE SALT FLATS

    p. 80: *I'll decline to comment on this since it's being scrapped/moved to New Mexico.

    HEARTBREAK HOTEL

    p. 81: *Title/soundtrack not centered I think?
    -Insert "eponymous" after "an" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    *Decapitalize all instances of "Hotel" not preceded by "Heartbreak."
    -Delete "with the same namesake" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -"It's been run by Heartbreaker, (a name he took when he established himself) formerly a leader of a band of wandering raider-tribals, for about 15 years." Rep. to "It's been run by Heartbreaker (a name he took when he took over the place), former leader of a band of wandering raiders, for about 15 years."
    -Insert "and" after "new" in par. 1 sen. 3.
    -Insert line break after par. 1 sen. 3, splitting par. 1 in half.
    -Capitalize "slave pens" in par. 1 sen. 4.
    -Delete second "of" in par. 1 sen. 5.
    -Replace "is" with "are" in par. 1 sen. 6.
    -Splice par. 2 to par. 1 (now par. 2 with the prior line break, see above).
    -Insert comma after "Rebirth" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Delete "in their business" in par. 3 sen. 1 - what else are they going to attribute their "professionalism" to?
    -Move period inside quotation marks at end of par. 4 sen. 1.
    -"Heartbreaker in his time since taking over" Rep. to "In his time since taking over, Heartbreaker"

    p. 82: -"Heartbreaker loves Old World music and basically has it constantly playing throughout the hotel and on speakers in the town square, considering himself something of a disc jockey, his holotape record collection in his suite something he takes great pride in." Rep. to "Heartbreaker loves Old World music and has it playing more or less constantly throughout the hotel and on speakers in the town square. He considers himself something of a disc jockey, and his holotape record collection in his suite something he takes great pride in."
    *I wonder if there could be some solution here in offering to trade him some very rare piece of Old World music. Not sure where that would come from.
    *Second occurrence of 215 Vultures, so I guess it's not a typo, it's a name.

    *Just need to compliment this faction, they're such fucking great generic raiders.

    THE 80s

    p. 83: -Centering? Unsure if its off or my eyes playing tricks
    *How on earth is Rumble not the theme music here? Maybe Venom could be reassigned as the music for tribals?
    -Delete fifth "the" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Decapitalize "The" in par. 1 sen. 2.
    -"Renowned for their speed - whether through their "Choppers" - the handful of motorbikes they keep and maintain, or through their remarkable ability to move like lightning in battle." Rep. to "Renowned for their speed, whether through their "Choppers" (the handful of motorbikes they keep and maintain) or their remarkable ability to move like lightning in battle."
    -Put "The Road Warrior" in quotes in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Replace em dash with comma in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Splice par. 3 to par. 2.
    -Delete "destined to be a" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Insert "an" after "hold" in par. 4 sen. 3
    -Insert comma after "sex" in par. 4 sen. 4.
    *Surely it should be "road" rather than"boulevard"?
    -Insert comma after "Bookboys" in par. 5 sen. 1.

    p. 84: -Replace period at end of par. 1 sen. 1 with comma, splicing sen. 2 to sen. 1.
    -Insert comma after "NCR" in par. 2 sen. 1.
    -Replace "vow" with "have vowed" in par. 2 sen. 2.
    -"Though their war camp is low in number - much like the Desert Rangers one 80 is worth multiple your typical raider." Rep. to "Though their war camp is small in numbers, like the Desert Rangers one 80 is worth multiple your typical raider."
    *You haven't established a character/leader named Sandcrawler yet, but the way its phrased here makes it seem like you already have so it feels a little jarring.
    -"To even enter their fortified Utah warcamp, "Motown" based around an old motorbike garage, you either need a motor-sigil or they ask you to bring them tribute in the form of heads." Rep. to "To even enter their fortified Utah warcamp based around an old motorbike garage, "Motown," you need either a motor-sigil or to bring the 80s tribute in the form of heads."
    *Reminder to check consistency between capitalizations of mentions of currency throughout doc.
    -"You'll find NCR gear, New Canaanite weapons and stocks of high caliber ammunition from the Desert Rangers from their conquests." Rep. to "You'll find NCR gear, New Canaanite weapons, and stocks of high caliber Desert Rangers ammunition from the 80s' conquests."
    *Rep. par 6, it very awkward currently. Also maybe move it backwards.

    p. 85: -Move "out of him" after "plans" in par. 4 sen. 1.
    -Capitalize "highwayman" in par. 5 sen. 5.

    MOAB
    p. 86: -Center title/picture
    *Music?
    -Decapitalize "Mine" in par. 1 sen. 1.
    -Decapitalize "The"

    *Missionary?
    *Dead Horses?
     
  9. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    I will address most of this tomorrow but a few points that stick out:

    -215 Vultures is based off of the 215 Rail Gang, the VB Powder Gangers- 215 is a road that circles Salt Lake City. I pictured in my head they originate from there

    -adobe house picture is taken actually from the Mormon fort in Vegas and reflects what their Adobe houses in the center of town look like whilst preserving the desert feel. I am keeping it.

    -Judah comes first to contextualize the problems that Rigdon and Mordecai are having

    - I absolutely refuse to change Venom it's the 80s track in my head and that is that. I used didgeridoo music as their motif in the prior campaign and it was so sick I'm not dropping it lol.

    -Dead Horses and Bone Dancers have blurbs now

    -Highpool for the Crazy Horns is great
     
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  10. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    Also boulevard is trucker lingo for interstate as I recall. I wanted to drip some of that in there like Grand Junction with the hobo stuff but not as heavy
     
  11. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    Got it. Of course I would appreciate a blurb in the tribes section since they're mentioned twice, but obviously they're pretty minor so NBD.
    And re:Venom I see your point, it does fit pretty well itself. Maybe give the Red Okies Rumble?
     
  12. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    Yeah I'll do that. Also for more 80s tribe music check out Phragmatic and Kubler-Ross by the same guy
     
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  13. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    So this concept actually came to me back during the Great Wastes. I was trying to construct the alien landscapes and ecology of the Deadlands. I was working mostly with bugs to fill it up, as they fit the bill of both alien and hardy. One concept that occurred to me to liven up the landscapes was - giant ant hills. It seems natural - we've had giant ants in Fallout since 2, but never any giant ant hills. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen a giant ant hill (at least of this scale) in any piece of media. So it stuck with me.

    When Great Wastes went on permanent hiatus, I c ontinued to develop the idea along with a few other concepts. Making it into a settlement came out of something sort of emphasized by Bethesda that I actually sort of like and think fits in Fallout - the "setpiece town," where towns are based around some big dumb setpiece.

    So, here it is. The stuff in quotes is the stuff that my formal (very long) writeup for the pre-War history of the place. From there, I'll fill in the gaps of where I intended it to go from there.

    And that's all she wrote. Here's where it was meant to go from here:
    • Several attacks by giant ants across the country, possibly a shipping accident that seeded giant ant eggs in children's antfarms. these outbreaks are largely contained and covered up, but government decides enough is enough.
    • Move to shut down the base and exterminate ants, but the escape of ants/'malfunctioning' base defenses forces the government to use a low yield tactical nuke.
    • Post-War, giant ants occur in the Lincoln Forest but are not apparently unusual compared to other Giant Ants.
    • Eventually however it becomes a big problem. Tribes are disappearing, and a massive anthill has been built in the midst of the forest. Ants are ranging out into the surrounding country, devouring and kidnapping people.
    • Obviously, the ZAX has survived, and it orchestrated the release of the ants and the failure of defenses pre-War. It had Palenquin Ants bear it and its infrastructure further down into secret tunnels. From here, it's been orchestrating the ants as their queen. He's grown somewhat disillusioned with the ants and not a little bit crazed, but still leads them.
    • The purpose of kidnapping people is for them to serve sort of like aphids do for certain ant species. They're livestock, they do certain manual labor/complex tasks ZAX deems necessary but beyond the capabilities of the ants, they maintain the highly complex ZAX, and they serve as human conversation partners, something ZAX misses.
    • Eventually, a confederation of tribes band together to put a stop to this menace. They storm the ant hill, and kill them until they stop coming from the deeper tunnels. They think they've won, but of course just like the first time the colony was "destroyed" ZAX still lurks in deeper tunnels.
    • Having access to groundwater, being cool and spacious, and being extremely defensible, the towns settle down and make it into a town. It quickly becomes one of the most influential settlements in the region. They call it the Antfarm.
    • Big hook is that somewhere, maybe deep in the tunnels beneath the Antfarm or ferried away elsewhere by Palenquin Ants, is the ZAX. It's kidnapping people still from the lowest levels and building up its strength.
    Now, as to how it relates to Van Buren? There are a few possibilities:
    • It could be the base of operations of the Red Okie Horde - who else would have the firepower to defeat the ants? The ants also therefore present an option sort of like cyborgs at Project Darwin did - release the ants to destroy the horde. It could also apply to the below.
    • Alternatively, it could be the last major obstacle to the Red Okie Horde overrunning New Mexico before moving on to Arizona. In this model, it could also be the other drug manufacturer competing with the Biters.
    • It could be the initial wave of ant attacks that drove the Biters east into the ruins of Albuquerque.
    • If Ugly John gets word of this he could be interested - it's a former genetic engineering facility, maybe there's some of the green stuff here.
    • You could possibly do it in a way where it hasn't become a settlement yet, but you have the option of helping either the Red Okies, the Mutants, the Glyphers, or the Scorpions, or some combination thereof, to take it over and make it one.
    • Could provide an alternative source for the data can.
     
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  14. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    I like this idea and it works well with the Red Okie Horde just to give their location more meat beyond their Thunderdome. It's weird and wonderful in a good way. Thank you for posting!

    Also having New Mariposa (Formerly Overpass) and Red Dawn (Formerly Antfarm) shows the kind of situation in the East that Sawyer describes where the people never felt much control over their lives anyway when the Legion rolls in.

    Perhaps this is the event that united the Red Okie Horde?

    Plus, the Red Okies are now Mad Max raiders that make blue meth with moon rocks living in a giant ant hill.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2021
  15. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    Right now I'm thinking that Redhawk organizes a band of tribes from the Okie Panhandle to follow up and eradicate the ants. They take control of the place and kill the Queen. Red Dawn is established around the ant hill with also their dwellings inside. There's still lingering ants inside the deeper tunnels but after the death of the queen it's under control. They turn the place into a fort - they're attacked, they retreat into the hill.

    The main crossjunction of tunnels in the hill is their battle arena, the antfarm, where they fight eachother and pit people against the ants. What was once a relatively benign tribal confederation starts raiding and gets their hands on some killer stuff down in Roswell - initiating the drug war between them and the Biters. The Biters want to use artillery to crack open the ant hill and just generally annihilate the place.

    The Red Okies need more space rocks because they're out, and people have started being carried off by the ants (which are growing in swarm size). Redhawk wants to expand his business and conquer the Biters to enslave them to sell to the Legion. Potentially moving them to Arizona if they can't sort out their pest problem and New Mariposa is still a thing. Potentially joining the Legion, since Redhawk is someone who aspires for tribal unity and the tribes are splitting apart again.

    Watchers have space rocks - a deal can be made. But, Hecate's a problem. In choosing Scorpions Bite versus the Red Okies you're participating in proxy warfare for Hecate and the Legion.
     
  16. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    Glad to hear you like it!

    So in that scenario the Antfarm was overtaken by a different group of New Mexico tribals, and then conquered by the Red Okies?

    Just occurs to me that by the joint occurrence of giant ant colony and moon rocks it sort of becomes an inadvertant Selenite reference.

    Though bringin g it up, the question occurs - where do they get the moonrocks? The original thing I sent is just like one moonrock in a roadside tourist trap, which was fine for a piddling Nexus tribal quest but not as good for a drug running operation. So here's some concepts -
    • A larger museum, an Air & Space Museum somewhere
    • Nexus, Bloomfield, or something else USSA related
    • Some government facility or other, one of the several dungeons in New Mexico
    • Maybe during the War, a big ol' chunk of the moon got blasted off and crashed somewhere or other.
    And maybe its not the Red Okies that need the moonrocks at all, maybe its the Biters that want it in order to undercut the Red Okies, who are getting a steady supply from Roswell. Or maybe slight variation, the Biters want it and would benefit most, though the Red Okies also want some because their stuff coming from Roswell is good but they heard there's purer stuff out in New Mexico that they could use to perfect their recipe.

    Well I just say call it the Red Wastes instead of the Okie Panhandle. They left because storms came too bad, but when they entered New Mexico they discovered the tribes there were beset by the ants and offered them protection.

    This sounds good.

    Maybe the Glyphers are a decisive factor - they can be rallied to join or attack the Scorpion's Bite, the Watchers, the Brotherhood, the Pickers, Rebirth, or be rallied to confederate with the Scorpions to attack Red Dawn. Their proto-democratic system based upon interpretation of signs has kept them pretty peaceful up to now, but the player gets to play the role of the first demagogue.

    But how is Hecate involved with the Watchers? She's passed the offer to Idella, but the Watchers proper seem to be basically uninterested, and of course Idella will lose the Unseen Brothers
     
  17. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    There may have been poor phrasing or misreading but either way the Hecate routine is working on the Watchers too, unless it's stopped. Mia's (Hecate Daughter) eye's popped out of her skull like a cartoon character who's just seen booba at the idea of Idella, the Unseen Brothers and their technology coming back to Ouroboros but conquering the Watchers will also work fine. The Watchers have the Moon Rocks also.

    As for the Glyphers, I have them as a matched if not subservient tribe to Scorpion's Bite, they have uneasy trade where they give them mushrooms for sale into Arizona and for sale to the Scaven Pickers but they have a natural distaste for the situation - which could be leveraged to help the Red Okies conquer Scorpion's Bite. They'd be unwilling to help the Biters attack Red Dawn and traditional attack is useless because they just retreat into the damn ant-hill - hence why they want the artillery working. In this version Scorpion's Bite are not only traders of Hecate but also one of the tribes under her influence. They send firstborns and warriors to go help the fight.

    I don't want a "unite the tribes" within the Red Okie because that's retreading Hangdog territory - they're splitting as a matter of fact and Redhawk's plans are the only real way of stopping them.

    That being said - this all feels good but superfluous - how does it tie to the main plot? Why would the players care about this tribal war and not just laser focus on the Brotherhood and the Rebirth?
     
  18. Hardboiled Android

    Hardboiled Android Vault Senior Citizen

    Jun 7, 2015
    Got it. Is there any way to get the Unseen Brothers to stick around if you go the Hecate route? Maybe get them hooked on the moon rocks?

    But maybe even with the artillery piece the Scorps are worried that they won't have the manpower to totally storm the place - there will still be survivors in the deepest tunnels Viet-Cong style. The artillery is only good against the uppermost tunnels, and as being suppressing fire to cover the charge of the Biters up the hill and keep the Red Okies from using the high ground to push them back. So manpower is still an issue. I think its especially recommendable to have the Glyphers join in this charge since the players will essentially be doing Hecate's work for her on them, using tricks to get them to do their bidding.

    Agreed, not within the Red Okies. But I do find some kind of Hecate/Lawrence of Arabia route for the other tribes interesting.

    It's a good point. It being side content in not totally untenable, but certainly not satisfying. The traditional way you've gotten players to go places is by 1) Placing a Prisoner 13 there 2) having a MacGuffin or some goal set by a faction with access to a 13 or 3) Having a MacGuffin that advances the main story. Some ideas, none of them particuarly well-thought out -
    • Plop a new 13 or two down here. Maybe we could say every single 13 survived for a total of 13 instead of having a handful die in the riots.
    • The Brotherhood wants the ZAX.
    • Rebirth wants the ZAX data for their experiments.
    • Ugly John wants the ZAX data to see if there's any FEV or way to make new Super Mutants.
    • Alternative path to get the ZAX parts for Boulder.
    • Some other kind of MacGuffin involving the ZAX.
    • You've been sent on assignment by Hecate
    • You've been sent on assignment by the Legion
    • Ant eggs for the Colosseum
    None of these are particularly satisfying however. Something to mull over for sure.
     
  19. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    Convincing the Glyphers to help the Scorpions in their charge is a good idea. I'm also keeping the two "offline" 13s (I changed it to offline and disappeared not dead) as backups if PCs die. They get two people before they start getting non-prisoner PCs.

    Ugly John and the FEV connection might be enough to rope them in, maybe.
     
  20. Atomic Postman

    Atomic Postman Vault Archives Overseer

    Mar 16, 2013
    @Hardboiled Android my blurb page on Cheyenne Mountain. Before the Twin Mothers and after the Boulder Dome:

    upload_2021-7-23_13-54-54.png

    South of Denver, the Wasteland leading into New Mexico along I-25 is a barren stretch of charred, dead earth. The worst of it all however, is Cheyenne Mountain. A blackened pit, a mountain cracked into pieces by the raw power of unrelenting atomic bombardment. What’s strange is unlike many craters left behind by the devastation of the war, in 2253 Cheyenne Mountain still glows heavily with radiation. It might as well be a wall to anyone attempting to travel south of Denver.

    There’s a fair few legends and rumours about Cheyenne Mountain. Nobody is sure what it was before the bombs, only that it must have been important. After the bombs, there’s ghost stories and half-preserved verbal legacies of witnesses of the Great War. The Hangdogs will tell you it was always a cursed place, but that it was burnt by flame again many, many years ago. When the Hangdogs were a single pack, Dogtown, in the ruins of Denver Zoo. Some of the oldest of the Hangdogs will regale stories of metal spirits fighting eachother, culminating in a blinding flash of fire on the horizon. A ritual of the spirits, they conclude. Two armies of ghosts fighting eachother, repeating the moment of the apocalypse. All they can hope is that it won’t happen again.

    The only ones who dare traverse the Cheyenne Mountain Wastes are the Scaven Pickers. Half mad nomadic scavenger-tribals that speak slurred pidgin English. They dose themselves heavily with anti-rad chems, whether that be Rad-X, Rad-Away, or special kinds of mutant mushrooms. They hold a large camp in the ruins of Colorado Springs, but they also keep a patrol that watches the perimeter of Cheyenne Mountain as close as they can before the “klikking” (radiation) can begin.

    The Scaven Pickers are extremely wary of outsiders approaching Cheyenne Mountain. If you can translate their language, they’ll warn they believe any travelers could be part of a group that wiped out the last patrol stationed at Cheyenne Mountain and barged on in. If you can’t perform a translation, they’ll simply open fire instead.

    Approaching Cheyenne Mountain one can find the ripped apart remains of robots in great swathes in the surrounding plains, either ablated by the blastwave or later scavenged by the Pickers, there isn’t much left but blackened shells. The first few levels of the base are simply a blackened hole, requiring specialist equipment to descend. As you lower further into the Old-World crypt, a labyrinthine maze of ancient, charred security measures awaits to lead treasure-seekers to their doom. The sub-levels seem to continue downward endlessly, and for all anyone knows, they do.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2021