Daimyo watches a movie

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by Daimyo, Sep 21, 2008.

  1. Daimyo

    Daimyo Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!
    Orderite

    Oct 26, 2007
    Bangkok Dangerous (2008, with Nicolas Cage)

    (Official homepage)

    (Spoilers galore, obviously)

    Today I went to the movies with a friend - we saw the movie and then had a few beers; I went home and made a cup of coffe and got out some chocolate and here we are ...

    [spoiler:ea88c83a64]
    Basically this movie is about Nicolas Cage and his apparent failure to act convincingly, but we'll get to that later - let us sum up this transparent film to give you guys (who could not resist clicking the spoiler tag ) a short run through of the film:

    Intro:
    Cynical assassin with a hairdo from hell and the chemical colouration to back it up, (Nicolas Cage, gasp!), explains the rules of the game:
    1. Don’t ask questions.
    2. Don’t take an interest in people outside of work.
    3. There is no right or wrong.
    4. Know when to get out and walk away rich.

    (And also as a fifth, unspoken one: leave no trace behind)

    The cynical assassin Joe (*chuckle*) kills off his fixers and helpers by injecting them with heroine so that no one will be left behind to tell stories when the various jobs are done and he stops at nothing to get away clean.

    He is of course about to get out of the game for life; he, as every assassin in every movie before him, just needs that last job to make enough money to retire.

    The plan is to do four jobs in Bangkok and then vanish from the grid forever.

    So basically:

    -Cynical assassin has master plan involving following his rules and getting out in time.
    -Cynical assassin breaks his second rule by treating his helper in Bangkok slightly better than normal, and actually taking him on as his apprentice.
    -Cynical assassin professionaly succeeds in 2 out of 4 jobs without much fuzz.

    -Cynical assassin throws away the heroine with which he originally intended to kill his trainee.
    -Cynical assassin falls in love with a deaf girl in a pharmacy and starts experiencing emotional and spiritual wonders like laughter, touching elephants, watching the rain, trying to learn sign language etc. Cynical assassin starts making weird facial expressions while staring at her and the surroundings in general. This continues throughout the film and is ruining the tattered remains that could have been a decent action movie.(Seriously - it's like he has taken acting lessons from Joey Tribiani)

    -Ambient music appears every time the cynical assassin has a flashback or starts questioning his ways (Ah - no questioning, remember? Who is in trouble now, eh?)
    -Bad guys are not always what they seem and Joe, (who is no longer cynical enough to simply be called the cynical assassin), starts questioning his mission and start seeing the error of his ways.

    -Joe's trainee falls in love with a dancer/hooker and gives her expensive gifts.

    -Joe grows fond of his trainee and gives him expensive gifts.

    -Joe's trainee admires his teacher and compares him to a political figure who fights crime and helps the poor.
    -Joe kills two attackers in front of his deaf gilrfriend who had, just 5 seconds prior to the killings, given him a note with the text "I am so happy together with you".
    -Joe's girlfriend freaks out and runs away - leaving him to cry in the rain and contemplate his ways.

    -Joe, in the presence of his trainee, kills the 3rd target in a very bloody and sloppy way, and Joe stand over his body contemplating how his life has turned out.

    -Joe's fourth and last target is the very same political figure that fights crime and helps the poor, leaving Joe to contemplate his ways.

    -Joe's trainee's girlfriend is caught and threatened to give up her boyfriend.

    -Joe's trainee is caught and threatened to give up Joe.

    -Joe kills the bad guys who are out to get him.

    -Joe's trainee and his girlfriend dancer/hooker are held captured and Joe does not give a fuck about them.
    -Joe is a professional though so he decides to go all cynical again - he starts treating his helper like shit again and orders more heroine to eventually kill him. (He also goes to the girl from the pharmacy only to stare at her and leave)
    -Joe does not kill the political figure - after all he helps the poor, remember? - and now the bad guys are going to kill Joe for not doing his job, and it turns out, they had intended this all along as he obviously knows too much!

    -Joe suddenly gives a fuck about his trainee etc after all.
    -Joe saves everyone and kills the bad guys, but when he is left with Badguy nr 1 and the police has arrived he wants to commit suicide since he has lead such a bad life. He pulls the bad guy close and shoots himself through the head and lets the bullet enter the bad guy's head too - blood and braintissue galore as the cynical assassin turned soft suddenly redeems himself by sacrificing himself so that his trainee won't get involved with the police.
    -Fade out as Joe's trainee is seen contemplating his ways on the docks...

    The End.

    [/spoiler:ea88c83a64]

    For fuck's sake, Nicolas.

    Edit: Splleign
     
  2. UniversalWolf

    UniversalWolf eaten by a grue.

    Aug 28, 2005
    For anyone who aims to be a connoisseur of bad Nicholas Cage acting performances, you really can't miss out on Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

    Imagine what the bad Nicholas Cage movie you just saw would be like if he were fumbling an italian accent the whole time.
     
  3. Phil the Nuka-Cola Dude

    Phil the Nuka-Cola Dude Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!

    Jul 9, 2004
    I've heard it's one of those movies that's so terrible you just have to see it.

    *checks rotten tomatoes*

    yep.
     
  4. Brother None

    Brother None This ghoul has seen it all
    Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Apr 3, 2003
    Dude, why the hell did you go to watch a Nicholas Cage movie?



    Also, didn't we already have a catch-all movie opinion/review thread? Someone remind me where it is, I'll merge.
     
  5. Phil the Nuka-Cola Dude

    Phil the Nuka-Cola Dude Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!

    Jul 9, 2004
    Did it get vatted? Can't find it anywhere.
     
  6. Darek

    Darek is currently unavailable

    Jan 7, 2008
    Isn't this just a dumb Americanized remake?
    I remember the original one from 1999 where the hitman himself was deaf, being quite good.
    Nicely filmed and with periods of complete silence to show the hitmans perspective.
    Think I'll give this new one a pass, never liked Cage anyway.
     
  7. Daimyo

    Daimyo Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!
    Orderite

    Oct 26, 2007
    1. My friend called me and said "Wanna go see a movie? We can grab a beer afterwards"

    Obviously he had me at "beer" so I accepted; I only found out what movie it was after I told him I was in.

    Great comic, haha - the hair really is that bad!

    2. I am not sure - I admit I was worked up I just posted this right after I got home - feel free to merge if you find it and sorry for the hassle :)
     
  8. Malky

    Malky Lived Through the Heat Death
    Orderite

    May 7, 2003
    Nic Cage is so weird, man. He has some great performances in him - Leaving Las Vegas left me in tears, and he's terrific in flicks like Face Off and The Rock. Raising Arizona is an obvious one. Sometimes I guess he just phones it in.

    I haven't seen the remake of Bangkok Dangerous but the original is pretty incredible. Hong Kong gunplay movies are always fun.
     
  9. Brother None

    Brother None This ghoul has seen it all
    Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Apr 3, 2003
    He does?

    I wouldn't know. Hate the fucker. Never liked him in any film. 'cept Face/Off.

    Is Bangkok Dangerous a heroic bloodshed film? I love that genre. Y'know, A Better Tomorrow, the Killer, that kind of stuff
     
  10. Stag

    Stag Guest

    I don't think Nicolas Cage has ever made a mistake or given a poor performance. Everything is a precisely calculated move, yielding some of the funniest performances of all time (need I remind you how good the "Wicker Man" remake was.)

    I remember a time when I hated Nicolas Cage, pure and simple. Then, a night of extreme boredom came, a night where Ghost Rider was rented, and a night where I fell in love with a master of the craft.

    Here's to you, Nicolas Cage.
     
  11. Brother None

    Brother None This ghoul has seen it all
    Staff Member Admin Orderite

    Apr 3, 2003
    Wait, you're saying Nicholas Cage is actually a comedic actor, and with his horrible performances is basically trolling all of Hollywood?!

    That...that makes so much sense...the man is a genius!
    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo[/youtube]
     
  12. Stag

    Stag Guest

    See? Nick Cage is an artisan.
     
  13. SimpleMinded

    SimpleMinded Vault Fossil

    Jun 17, 2003
    Ah well, I guess I'm a sap then cuz I love Nicholas Cage.

    Weatherman, Next, Lord of War, City of Angels, Con Air are all some of my favorite movies.

    I saw Bangkok Dangerous, and it was alright. Seemed very much like a B-movie.
     
  14. Stag

    Stag Guest

    I thought Weatherman was genuinely good, and Lord of War was fun enough. Haven't seen the others besides Con Air, but, dude, Con Air is one of the funniest movies of all time.
     
  15. Hoxie

    Hoxie King Queer oTO Orderite

    May 19, 2008
    Meh, I loved cage in "Lord Of War".
     
  16. Yamu

    Yamu Le Fromage Vieux oTO Moderator Orderite

    Jul 26, 2003
    Thirded. Seconded. Fourthed. Whatever. Lord of War was a pretty good flick, all in all. Graded on the Cage curve, it was Oscar-caliber.
     
  17. Daimyo

    Daimyo Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!
    Orderite

    Oct 26, 2007
    I liked Cage in Face/Off, Con Air, Lord of War, The Rock, The Weatherman, and of course Leaving Las Vegas.

    I do not like his efforts in Bangkok Dangerous, however.
     
  18. Hoxie

    Hoxie King Queer oTO Orderite

    May 19, 2008
     
  19. Pope Viper

    Pope Viper This ghoul has seen it all
    Orderite

    Dec 9, 2003
    You guys missed two of his BEST!

    Valley Girl
    ConAir.
     
  20. Hoxie

    Hoxie King Queer oTO Orderite

    May 19, 2008
    You have a point, ConAir was quite good.

    I didn't remember cage in that really though.