Favorite movie lines

[Max Demian]

From ConAir , with "Sweet Home Alabama" playing in the background:

"Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash."

 

[Dapper Dan Man]

Edmond: There are 72,519 stones in my walls. I've counted them many times.
Abbe Faria: But have you named them yet?

Abbe Faria: Define Economics.
Edmond: Economics is a science dealing with the production, distribution and consumption of commodities.
Abbe Faria: Translation?
Edmond: Dig first, money later.

Albert Mondego: Who are you, and why are you doing this?
Luigi: We are bad men, and for the money!

Luigi: So, mi amici, I would ask who you are, but in view of your shredded clothes and the fact that the Chateau d'If is two miles away... what's the point? As for me, I am Luigi Vampa, a smuggler and a thief. My men and I have come to this island to bury alive one of our number who attempted to keep some stolen gold for himself instead of sharing it with his comrades. Interestingly enough, there are some of his more loyal friends who are insisting that I grant him mercy. Which, of course, I cannot do, or I would quickly lose control of the whole crew. That is why you are such a fortunate find.
Edmond: How's that?
Luigi: You provide me with a way to show a little mercy to Jacopo - that maggot you see tied up over there - while at the same time not appearing weak. And as a bonus, the lads will get to see a little sport as well.
Edmond: How do I accomplish all this?
Luigi: We watch you and Jacopo fight to the death. If Jacopo wins, we welcome him back to the crew. If you win, I have given Jacopo the chance to live, even if he did not take advantage of it, and you can take his place on the boat.
Edmond: What if I win and I don't want to be a smuggler?
Luigi: Then we slit your throat, and we're a bit shorthanded.
[pause]
Edmond: I find that smuggling is the life for me, and would be delighted to kill your friend the maggot!

Count of Monte Cristo....good movie, surprisingly.

 

[[PCE]el_Prez]

"No offense, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be?! I mean, he'll see everything! He'll see the big board!"

"What are these cells - 8x8? Ours our 9x9... no big deal."

 

[Brother None]

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.

 

[Demonslayer]

TURKISH (CONT'D)
Fuck me, hold tight, what's that?

TOMMY
It's my Gucci belt, Turkish.
Pointing quite clearly at the gun.

TURKISH
No Tommy, there's a gun in your
trousers. What is a gun doing in
your trousers?

TOMMY
It's for protection.

TURKISH
Protection from what, the Germans?
The war ended fifty years ago. Err
what's to stop it blowing your balls
off every time you sit down? Where
did you get it?

-----------------------------------------------------

SOL
Stand up!

BTT
Excuse me, but who the fuck are you?

SOL
You hear what .1 said? Stand up, unless you're crippled.

BTT
Do I look crippled?

SOL
You'll look fucking dead, unless you stand up.
(Sol cocks the gun and Tony pulls a sarcastic 'I am shocked' face.)

BTT
You got balls

SOL
You want to test em?

BTT
There are two types of balls, there are big brave balls and there are little mincy faggot balls.

VINNY
You're a dead man talking. These are your last words so make them a prayer.
(Vinny takes aim.)

BTT
So you're obviously the big dick, and they on either side of you, must be your balls.
(Vin goes to hit him with the gun but it's caught by Tony,
Vin tries to pull the nose out of Tony's hand but he can't
move it. Sol steps forward and raises his gun.)

SOL
Let go of the gun.

(Vinny cocks his gun. There is a pause and eventually Tony lets go of it.)

BTT
I am talking for your benefit. Now dicks have drive, and clarity of
vision.
(Tony starts to build himself a complicated looking weapon under the table, unseen by the black guys. He takes bits out of one sock and bits out of another sock.)

BTT (CONT'D)
But they're not clever, they smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action, and the dimmer the dick, the less he cares about the consequences, and you thought you smelt gooood ol pussy, and have brought your little mincy faggot balls along for a gooood ol time, but you have got your parties muddled up, there is no pussy here, just a dose to make you wish you were born a woman.. . . We cut to the shell shocked brothers, and the almost completely built weapon.

BTT (CONT'D)

And just like a prick, you are having second thoughts; you're shrinking, and your little balls are shrinking with you.

(the good part comes now...but i can't find the way to show it..just what SNATCH!)

 

[alec]

Gosh, I can't believe no one has mentioned Woody Allen yet. He's witty as hell.

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
- Woody Allen, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
- Woody Allen, Annie Hall

My Brain? It's my second favorite organ.
- Woody Allen, Sleeper

I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers.
- Woody Allen, Sleeper

And so on.

There are just so many great movie quotes. The Simpsons are full of them too. One of the best ones - imo - being:

Trying is the first step towards failure.
- Homer Simpson

 

[DJ Slamák]

Duckman!

Parking and driving and shopping and eating and working. Somewhere, somehow, they all got chewed and spit back out. And they don’t taste like living anymore. Don’t you see what it’s like in this deranged wearing, blender of a world? Every day is an agonizing ordeal, like balancing a pot of scolding water on your head While people whip your legs and but. (Ah, you never forget your senior prom) You think I am sick. Well the only disease I’ve got is modern life-- A schnug- busting gauntlet of inefficiency and misery that’s one long parade of let downs, put downs, trickle downs, shutouts, freeze-outs, sellouts, numb-nuts, nincompoops and nimrods all making every day as much fun as waxing a flaming Pontiac with your tongue. Or even if you do luck into the possibility of some fleeting pleasure, like say if some nymphomaniac telephone operators with the muscle control of Romanian mat slapper agree to a little strip air hockey, it will be over before it starts, cause some foul-lacking, feather-reeking cab jockey slams his checker up your hatchback; and the cab is owned some piniata spanker from a Santa Ria cult in Wakampa who starts shaking chicken bones at you and gives you a boil on your neck so big, all it need is Michael Jordan’s autograph to make it complete. And even with all this, WITH ALL THIS, I still drag my sorry but off the ceiling every morning and stick my face in the raping machine for one day knowing when its time to flash the cosmic car keys at those pearly gates, I won’t be in the coffin anyway because some underhanded undertaker sold my heart, pancreas, and other assorted good ’n plenty to that same Santé Ria Cult!! So does anybody really wonder why anybody is hanging onto sanity by the atoms on the tips of their fingernails while life dirty dances on their digits!! And is it any wonder why I seemed deranged!!

 

[Jahakob]

Interesting quote. Looked further about Duckman and as the style remembered me of Klasky Csupo I had to know. I was right, Klasky Csupo in cooperation with some other company. They never bought this series to Sweden, a shame... looks very neat!
It was kinda adult-ish right? I have only watched children cartoons from Klasky Csupo...

 

[[PCE]el_Prez]

TURKISH (CONT'D)
Fuck me, hold tight, what's that?

TOMMY
It's my Gucci belt, Turkish.
Pointing quite clearly at the gun.

TURKISH
No Tommy, there's a gun in your
trousers. What is a gun doing in
your trousers?

TOMMY
It's for protection.

TURKISH
Protection from what, the Germans?
The war ended fifty years ago. Err
what's to stop it blowing your balls
off every time you sit down? Where
did you get it?

should be "ze germans". That's whats so funny about it.


I like a quote from Boris the Blade (a.k.a. Boris the bullet dodger) selling tommy a pisotl:"You want it to be heavy, that way if it does not shoot you can always hit him with it."

 

[Ugly John]

yes i do read some of my wife's magazines.

from Pirates of the Carribean

Jack Sparrow: [looking at all the swords] Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I do. And I practice with them three hours a day.
Jack Sparrow: You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?

Norrington: and I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

Jack Sparrow: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

and finally

Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth: One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me; do you really think that there is EVEN the slightest chance that they won't see it?
Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?

 

[Ivan1983]

Clint Eastwood: Swell.

Sledge Hammer : Trust me! I know what i'm doing.

It's not from a movie but it's still great

 

[KQX]

Snatch has some great quotes, but i still prefer Lock Stock:

If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.

 

[John Uskglass]

Prince Don Fabrizio Salina: Sleep, my dear Chevalley, eternal sleep, that is what Sicilians want. And they will always resent anyone who tries to awaken them, even to bring them the most wonderful of gifts. And, between ourselves, I doubt very strongly whether this new Kingdom has very many gifts for us in its luggage. All Sicilian expression, even the most violent, is really a wish for death. Our sensuality, wish for oblivion. Our knifings and shootings, a hankering after extinction. Our laziness, our spiced and drugged sherbets, a desire for voluptuous immobility, that is... for death again.

Maurice: I'm the ultimate Latin Lover. There ain't no Latin Lover like me.

Todd Parker: We're not leaving yet. We're here now, and we want something else from you. Hey, hey, hey hey! We want something else from you.
Rahad Jackson: What?
Dirk: Todd, what the hell are you doing man! Lets just go.
Todd Parker: In the master bedroom... under the bed... in a floor safe. Understand?
Dirk: What the fuck is the matter with you lets go!
Todd Parker: Shut up Dirk. I told you I got a plan. I got a very good plan.
Rahad Jackson: Are you kidding me, kitty?
Todd Parker: No, I'm not. I'm not kidding. I want whats in the safe. We want whats in the goddmn safe, in the goddamn master bedroom in the goddamn fucking floor safe, thats all.
Dirk: Don't be crazy, ok? We don't know anything about this. This is not at all what we wanted.
Todd Parker: Shut the fuck up Dirk. Do not each for your gun!
[Todd pulls out gun and aims it at bodyguard, Rahad shoots odd in the shoulder, Dirk and Reed take cover as the bodyguard pulls out two pistols and starts firing at them, Todd then shoots the bodyguard]
Todd Parker: He went in the bedroom!
Dirk: Todd, what he fuck are you doing?
Todd Parker: He went in the bedroom!
Dirk: What the fuck did you go crazy?
Todd Parker: He's got coke and hes got cash in that safe and if we leave here without it we're fuckin' idiots! We came here to do something and we can fucking do it, allright? Are you with me?
Reed Rothchild: Todd, listen to me we can just split right now!
Todd Parker: That's what we goddamn came here to motherfuckin' do, and thats what I'm gonna fuckin' do right fuckin' now!
Dirk: Todd, don't be fucking stupid!
[Todd kicks down the door and is shot in the chest with a shotgun by Rahad]

Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
Miles Raymond: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!


Jack: This chick Stephanie, she's got it all goin' on.
Miles Raymond: Well, she is cute, yeah.
Jack: Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie. And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?

Jim McAllister: [while counting the votes, he sees Tracy in the hall looking into the room] The sight of Tracy at that moment affected me in a way I can't fully explain. Part of it was that she was spying; but mostly it was her face. Who knew how high she would climb in life? How many people would suffer because of her? I had to stop her... now!

[all praying to God]
Tracy Flick: Dear Lord Jesus, I do not often speak with you and ask for things, but now, I really must insist that you help me win the election tomorrow because I deserve it and Paul Metzler doesn't, as you well know. I realize that it was your divine hand that disqualified Tammy Metzler and now I'm asking that you go that one last mile and make sure to put me in office where I belong so that I may carry out your will on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.
Tammy Metzler: Dear God, I know I don't believe in you, but since I'll be starting catholic school soon, I though I should at least practice. Let's see. What do I want? I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is and feel really bad and apologize for how she hurt me and know how much I still love her. In spite of everything, I still want Paul to win the election tomorrow, not that cunt Tracy. Oh, and I also want a really expensive pair of leather pants and someday, I wanna be really good friends with Madonna. Love, Tammy.
Paul Metzler: Dear God, than you for all your blessings. You've given me so many things, like good health, nice parents, a nice truck, and what I'm told is a large penis, and I'm very grateful, but I sure am worried about Tammy. In my heart, I still can't believe she tore down my posters, but sometimes, she does get so weird and angry. Please help her be a happier person because she's so smart and sensitive and I love her so much. Also, I'm nervous about the election tomorrow and I guess I want to win and all, but I know that's totally up to you. You'll decide who the best person is and I'll accept it. And forgive me for my sins, whatever they may be. Amen.

That ending prayer from Election might be one of my favorite things evar.

Matthew Bennell: GGGGUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

For success at this, see most Quentin films or films with Humphrey Bogart in them

Paul Thomas Anderson> Quentin at that kind of stuff. Boogie Nights is perfect.

 

[frissy]

Bruce Cambell: "Groovy."

Second that.
________
HALFBAKED

 

[SuAside]

more fun from lock, stock & two smoking barrels:

Eddie: "They're armed."
Soap: "Armed, armed with what?"
Eddie: "Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!"

and from snatch: (was already mentioned but he dropped the best part, i couldnt leave it incomplete like that, killing half the joke)
Bullet Tooth Tony: "So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls."
Vinny: "These are your last words, so make them a prayer."
Bullet Tooth Tony: "Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off. "

"I lie, even when I tell the truth"
Scarface

it's "I always tell the truth. Even when I lie."

other nice ones:
Tony Montana: "I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one."
or
Tony Montana: "You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend!"

 

[DirtyDreamDesigner]

"This is brain surgery, not rocket science, hand me that ice-cream scoop" - Mr. Burns

And, while we're on the subject of Guy Ritchie films: "Guns for show, knives for a pro"

 

[KQX]

"Guns for show, knives for a pro"

Hehe, this can't go unfinished.

TOM:Soap, is there something we should know about you?

BACON: I am not sure what's more worrying, the job or your past.

Ok we have to stop with these. We'll end up quoting the whole script.

Here's a quote i forgot about...which is weird since i have this poster in my room.

 

[Brother None]

Paul Thomas Anderson> Quentin at that kind of stuff. Boogie Nights is perfect.

True, but PTA often suffers from bad picks for his actors when it comes to dialogue-reading. I dunno, his actors fit their roles perfect, in films like Boogie Nights, but somehow they never deliver lines as to make them "classics", like Bogey could

 

[Dapper Dan Man]

How could I have forgot one of my favourite movies?

Vizzini: Finish him. Finish him, your way.
Fezzik: Oh good, my way. Thank you Vizzini... which one's my way?
Vizzini: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend, the minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock.
Fezzik: My way's not very sportsman-like.

Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die. Now, offer me money.
[slices Count Rugen's cheek]
Count Rugen: Yes.
Inigo Montoya: Power too. Promise me that.
[slices Count Rugen's other cheek]
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo Montoya: Offer me everything I ask for.
Count Rugen: Any thing you want.
Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of bitch.
[stabs and kills Count Rugan]

Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean *this* gate key.

Inigo Montoya: But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Man in Black: That's VERY comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Inigo Montoya: I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
Man in Black: No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
Inigo Montoya: Isn't there any way you trust me?
Man in Black: Nothing comes to mind.
Inigo Montoya: I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.
Man in Black: Throw me the rope.

Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's follow' us?
Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. - Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.
Vizzini: What? Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters...

 

[Brother None]

You forgot "Chatty Duelists"

X: You're using Bonnetti's defense against me, eh?
Y: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.
X: Naturally, you expect me to react with a Capo Ferro
Y: Naturally, but I find a Thibault cancels that Capo Ferro
X: Not if your opponent has studied his Agrippa...which I have.

Also, this would be more useful in thi thread. But I had a nasty habit of killing that thread.

Even I don't remember where my final quote was from