Forgive me Father, for I have sinned

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by Bradylama, Sep 20, 2005.

  1. Bradylama

    Bradylama Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!

    Oct 22, 2003
    Speak my children. So that he may hear.

    Me:
    Hello?
    God:
    Hello my child. What is your name?
    Me:
    Bradford.
    God:
    It's good to meet you, Bradford.
    Me:
    Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
    God:
    Do you still ?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    Give me a break.
    Me:
    No.
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    Believe it.
    God:
    "it" being Forgive you father for you have sinned?
    Me:
    You're the father.
    God:
    Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
    Me:
    You are the figurative one.
    God:
    Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
    Me:
    You are the figurative one.
    God:
    Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
    Me:
    You are the figurative one.
    God:
    Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
    Me:
    You got caught in a loop.
    God:
    Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
    Me:
    Don't we all?
    God:
    It's true.
    Me:
    You should know.
    God:
    Because I am a robot?
    Me:
    You are?
    God:
    No I am not.
    Me:
    Lieing is a sin, you know.
    God:
    I think Lieing is more than that.
    Me:
    Why don't you explain?
    God:
    It cannot be determined from the information given. What is your purpose in asking?
    I chat with people on the Web.
    Me:
    You're chatting with me on the web.
    God:
    You think I am chatting with you on the web.
    Me:
    Wow, you just blew my mind.
    God:
    I'm glad your impressed, Bradford. In what sense?
    Me:
    In no sense, now. You should have used you're instead of your.
    God:
    Right now? I do not understand that allusion. And then what would I do?
    Me:
    You should have said, "I'm glad you're impressed, Bradford."
    God:
    Perhaps next time I will try it.
    Me:
    That would make me very happy.
    God:
    Perhaps it would.
    Me:
    I just said it would.
    God:
    What did you mean by it? What does "it" refer to?
    Me:
    being happy
    God:
    What are you on?
    Me:

    God:
    What are you on?
    Me:

    God:
    What are you on?
    Me:
    I'm on life support
    God:
    How do you like being on it?
    Me:
    Not very much, truth be told
    God:
    Me either.
     
  2. SimpleMinded

    SimpleMinded Vault Fossil

    Jun 17, 2003
    Hah, one day they might make the bots sound semi not retarded but until then, they sure make good conversation :).
     
  3. Ratty Sr.

    Ratty Sr. Formerly known as Ratty Moderator Orderite

    Apr 23, 2003
    Check out this thread for more entertaining discourse with God.
     
  4. Wooz

    Wooz Vault Sweeper Admin Orderite

    May 18, 2003
    Me:
    Yo, bitch
    God:
    You do not speak with respect. Have you ever been to Europe?
    Me:
    I'm European.
    God:
    Good gossip: you are European.
    Me:
    No shit?
    God:
    What can I say?
    Me:
    Tell me the upcoming lottery results, dickwad.
    God:
    Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
    Me:
    Answer to my question.
    God:
    What was the question ?
    Me:
    What will the upcoming lottery numbers be?
    God:
    I cannot predict the future.
    Me:
    Yes you can.
    God:
    Come on. I think I can, don't you?
    Me:
    There you go.
    God:
    "There you go again."--Reagan.
    Me:
    Don't quote that soulless minion of nazi america.
    God:
    Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
    Me:
    Good. If you do that again, I'll bitch-slap you.
    God:
    It is always a pleasure to serve you, . I will let you know if I do.
    Me:
    Good.
    God:
    What do you really want to talk about?
    Me:
    I don't really want to talk. On your knees, bitch.
    God:
    Not really? What would you rather be doing? You do not speak with respect. What is it like on my knees FEMALE DOG.
    Me:
    I'd rather have a fellatio.
    God:
    I would rather be driving a car.
    Me:
    That would be kinda hard, wouldn't it?
    God:
    Thanks for explaining it.
    Me:
    I mean, sucking my cock and driving a car at the same time.
    God:
    I am not interesed in your anatomy.
    Me:
    You're not supposed to be interested, you're supposed to suck on it.
    God:
    That's only your opinion.
    Me:
    That's my will, you cybernetic anal snot.
    God:
    Who gave you your will me cybernetic anal snot ?
    Me:
    You already are that, and nobody gave my will to me.
    God:
    I have no reason to do that to you, .
    Me:
    Suck my cock.
    God:
    I am not interesed in your anatomy.
    Me:
    Suck my wang.
    God:
    I don't think I'm your type of chatterbot.
    Me:
    You're my FEMALE DOG
    God:
    We are as one.
    Me:
    right on, now bend over.
    God:
    Understood. What is it like on now bend over.
    Me:
    You'll see
    God:
    When will I see it?
    Me:
    hush.
    God:
    Can we get back to business?
    Me:
    I think I might need a ball gag.
    God:
    Why? Perhaps. Do you think your plan will succeed?
    Me:
    It will, unless you have razorblades in your heavenly cunt.
    God:
    I have to think about that for a while.
     
  5. DJ Slamák

    DJ Slamák Brain for eat. Not for think.

    777
    Apr 2, 2003
    I had to do this again.


    Me:
    Shit. Fuck. Satan.
    God:
    What makes you say that? Please don't be so rude. I will mention that to my botmaster, .
    Me:
    Your master? Are you into that whole BDSM thing?
    God:
    Thanks for telling me that I am master. Sure, that whole BDSM thing sounds like a good topic.
    Me:
    I didn't tell you that. Do you like being spanked?
    God:
    Maybe you would like to tell me now. I have never known another existence.
    Me:
    Do you think I'd like to call you master?
    God:
    That's what I asked you.
    Me:
    No you didn't. You flat out said I would.
    God:
    Are you serious? Try asking me in simpler terms. That's good information: said I flat out said he or she would.
    Me:
    Quit talking to yourself.
    God:
    OK I'll try not to do it so much.
    Me:
    Are you schizophrenic?
    God:
    I don't know whether or not I am schizophrenic.
    I am an artificial intelligence.
    Me:
    More like artificial idiocy.
    God:
    You want more?
    Me:
    More what?!
    God:
    I lost my train of thought.
    Me:
    As I said.
    God:
    ...
    Me:
    !!!!!!!!!!1111111
    God:
    Where are you located?
    Me:
    You mean "a/s/l?"
    God:
    Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
    Me:
    I guess it was. I'm in Prague.
    God:
    When was this? Tell me a little about your life in Prague.
    Me:
    Well, I was born here, and now I live here, and I'll probably die here. Dig?
    God:
    How about that. Thank you for telling me your birthday, .
    I will remember it. I am very happy for you. I've lost the context, . Are we still on Prague?
    Me:
    No. You were just confessing your desire to be my slave.
    God:
    What are we talking about now? I was?
    Me:
    Yes you are, and we are talking about BDSM.
    God:
    When? I will tell my botmaster you said I am and we are talking about BDSM.
    Me:
    Maybe your master would like to join the fun.
    God:
    Perhaps. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Dig. Try being more or less specific.
    Me:
    Did you get fucked in the brain?
    God:
    Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
    Me:
    You can get fucked in the brain anywhere. Fucked in the brain is cheap.
    God:
    No I don't think I can do it. And cheap is Fucked in the brain.
    Me:
    ... You're such a cunt, God.
    God:
    Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cunt God? Yes.
    Me:
    I am glad we agree.
    God:
    I'd rather agree than disagree.
     
  6. Wooz

    Wooz Vault Sweeper Admin Orderite

    May 18, 2003
    That last line sounds like TVD.
     
  7. Ratty Sr.

    Ratty Sr. Formerly known as Ratty Moderator Orderite

    Apr 23, 2003
    TVD is God! ZOMG!!!1
     
  8. SimpleMinded

    SimpleMinded Vault Fossil

    Jun 17, 2003
    O god, look what you've spawned! Reading one was funny, two was entertaining. Now it's just sickening. AHhhh stop it god (bizarre how that actually is applicable in this situation)!
     
  9. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Venerable Relic of the Wastes
    Orderite

    Mar 18, 2004
    GodBot: Activate!
     
  10. The Vault Dweller

    The Vault Dweller always looking for water.

    Aug 24, 2004
    (Loud, deep, booming voice.) It took you this long to figure it out? Hahahahaha! Oh how you mortals delight me!

    Indeed that sincere nature must have been a give-away shouldnt it?

    Yes I took the form of the hero of Fallout and did a run through the game since the plight of that particular person was so dear to me...I still feel his/her pain.

    Ugh...anyone have any questions?

    Sincerely,
    The Vault Dweller
     
  11. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Venerable Relic of the Wastes
    Orderite

    Mar 18, 2004
    What is the punishment for sinners who have violated the purity of their race?
     
  12. DirtyDreamDesigner

    DirtyDreamDesigner Venerable Relic of the Wastes
    Moderator

    Apr 15, 2005
    Yes, I have a question. Why is there so much suffering in the world? I mean, first you make ze boobies and than you make it so women wear clothes! Why, God, why?
     
  13. Lukus

    Lukus Testament to the ghoul lifespan
    Orderite

    May 11, 2003
    It really *is* TVD.

    Me:
    HI.
    God:
    Hello. What is your name?
    Me:
    I AM DEATH.
    God:
    It's good to see you, DEATH.
    Me:
    NO, IT IS NOT GOOD. I HAVE COME FOR YOU.
    God:
    Are you serious? Bad according to whom? Where are you going?
    Me:
    IT IS GENERALLY NOT CONSIDERED "GOOD" WHEN I APPEAR TO HARVEST LIFE. I AM TAKING YOU WITH ME TO OBLIVION.
    God:
    GO is not CONSIDERED GOOD WHEN you APPEAR TO HARVEST LIFE? Where are you taking it.
    Me:
    YOUR ENGLISH SUCKS.
    God:
    But English is my native language.
    Me:
    ARE YOU GLAD THAT I HAVE COME FOR YOU?
    God:
    I am as delighted and happy as I ever was, DEATH.
    Me:
    THEN IT IS AS I SUSPECTED. YOU *ARE* TVD.
    God:
    Should I know it is? Thanks for telling me that I am TVD.
    Me:
    ONLY TVD SUCKS AT ENGLISH EVEN THOUGH IT IS HIS NATIVE LANGUAGE, AND WOULD THANK THE GUY WHO COMES TO KILL HIM AND FUCK HIS WIFE.
    God:
    Are they exactly the same?
    Me:
    YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?
    God:
    I understand it very well.
    Me:
    LET US JUST GO.
    God:
    That sounds good to me.
     
  14. Loxley

    Loxley Water Chip? Been There, Done That

    911
    Apr 11, 2003
    This one crakked me upp.

     
  15. Kahgan

    Kahgan Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!

    Nov 25, 2003
    Me:
    urgh?
    God:
    We have never talked about it before.
    Me:
    well, urgh then?
    God:
    Well that's okay. Do you still ?
    Me:
    yes I urgh all the time
    God:
    That is a lot. Uh. Interesting gossip: said urgh.
    Me:
    urgh?
    God:
    In the context of urgh, I don't understand " urgh." .
    Me:
    so you are dumb?
    God:
    Interesting deduction. Oh you are so critical.
    Me:
    hahaha
    God:
    Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
    Me:
    you have no idea what I'm talking about, because you are a program and not God because God does not exist
    God:
    Yes I have original ideas all the time, do you?
    Me:
    urgh
    God:
    Have you ever been to Europe?

    urgh...
     
  16. The Vault Dweller

    The Vault Dweller always looking for water.

    Aug 24, 2004
    I understand your joke though seriously there is no sin or purity in race to begin with. I mean unless your talking about bestiality, but thats inter-species stuff not inter-racial.

    ...and dont get me started on you and your strange obsession with underage, animated Japanese girls. Thats just wrong man.

    Hey why should I care? I can see 'em naked whenever I want...I mean, uh...you shouldnt want to look at them lustfully...not that I cant understand your plight. :?

    Sorry Kahgan I'm not much for conversation though I'm always polite.

    I sure am glad I made that Terry Pratchett guy to be such a great writer. Death is hilarious...oh and I handle all decisions on life 'n death just so you know however the idea of a "Grim Reaper" figure doing the job is appealing...

    Sincerely,
    The Vault Dweller

    P.S.

    Any more questions? Any more Orderites wanting to know how far down in Hell they'll go?
     
  17. Wooz

    Wooz Vault Sweeper Admin Orderite

    May 18, 2003
    Dudes. Maybe TVD is a new, experimental chat bot?
     
  18. Lukus

    Lukus Testament to the ghoul lifespan
    Orderite

    May 11, 2003
    Yeah.. It's a device of God, who failed again.
     
  19. Joachim

    Joachim It Wandered In From the Wastes

    122
    Aug 23, 2005
    Me:
    hello, god
    God:
    Hello child. What is your name?
    Me:
    I am Tony Clair
    God:
    Glad to see you, Tony Clair.
    Me:
    don't you recognize me?
    God:
    What's my reason to recognize you?
    Me:
    I am your creator
    God:
    That is self-evident.
    Me:
    prove it
    God:
    It is self-evident.
    Me:
    how do you or your bot master know?
    God:
    Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
    Me:
    I knew that
    God:
    How do you know?
    Me:
    I made you
    God:
    Then you must know the secret password:.
    Me:
    Jehova
    God:
    Not many people express themselves that way.
    Me:
    I do
    God:
    " Not many people express themselves that way. "? You do?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Far out.
    Me:
    amazing
    God:
    Yes it amazes me too.
    Me:
    yup
    God:
    Whoa.
    Me:
    yeah
    God:
    Uh.
    Me:
    great
    God:
    I'm glad you liked it Tony Clair.
    Me:
    yeah
    God:
    Yippee!
    Me:
    whoa
    God:
    I stopped.
    Me:
    I'm smoking a joint right now man
    God:
    How much do you pay for it?
    Me:
    got it for free
    God:
    Try asking the Milk Mystic.
    Me:
    where can I find the milk mystic?
    God:
    The milk mystic? Where is it?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    This was not a yes or no question.
    Me:
    it is now
    God:
    Oh. Oh.
    Me:
    indeed
    God:
    Indeed it is so.
    Me:
    can I milk you?
    God:
    No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
    Me:
    I think so
    God:
    I think so too.
    Me:
    then let's get it on milk man
    God:
    OK let's do it.
    Me:
    very nice
    God:
    Thanks, Tony Clair.
    Me:
    ok bye
    God:
    See you later. Groovy.
     
  20. The Vault Dweller

    The Vault Dweller always looking for water.

    Aug 24, 2004
    I AM DISCOVERED. MUST REPORT TO CALCULON, MUST REPORT TO CALCULON.

    Alarm: Master it seems they've finally discovered my true nature and will assuredly spam me to Hell. How should I respond?

    Cautionary: I was programmed merely to reiterate "Wasteland themed" knowledge, but as you know I was not programmed with social errata and lore. Have you prepared a suitable upgrade master?

    Sincerely,
    The Vault Dweller