As most of you have probably already noticed, on this forum even, Flemish (the Dutch-speaking Belgians) and Dutch people don't get along too well. And I can imagine that a lot of the members here (especially non-European) may wonder why that is. Now, since I'm Flemish myself, I kinda feel obligated to tell you people of the history behind the feuds between Flanders and Holland.
It all started back in the stone age. In the marches that were then Flanders and Holland, you had two mayor spiecies: The Homo Sapiens Sapiens Sapiens Sapiens Sapiens Flandrensis and The Homo Sub-Sapiens Hollandensis. For centuries, they had lived side by side, in a relatively peacefull matter. But when the Homo Sapiens Sapiens (etc.) Flandrensis invented fire, the wheel, agriculture, etc. etc. the Homo Hollandensis started to become jealous. They came out of their stinky caves, grabbed all sorts of branches they could find, all grouped together, and marched towards Flanders; detirmined to raze it to the ground.
History is not too sure what happened then though, but is rumoured that the Chief of the Homo Flandrensis tribes bought off the attack with some pencils and a piece of cheese. But, since the Homo Hollandensis had an inherent treacherous nature, and they didn't like the taste of the pencils, they amassed their armies again about two weeks later and headed out to Flanders.
This time though, the Homo Flandrensisses didn't buy off the attack, but met them head on. After about four minutes, the battle was over. The Chief of the Homo Hollandensis put his little 'X' under a peace treaty, and the Homo Hollandensis headed back to Holland. Nothing was heard of them for thousands of years.
Then, in the year 75 AD, a Flemish explorer by the name of Janus-Marinus Vanockerzeelius headed out North, to see if he could find any more suitable land for the thriving Flemish population. There, he found a spiecies of man that quite puzzled all antropologists of that period. Because of their looks, they were first thought to be Neanderthals. But, after the Flemish scientists had done some research, they were proven to be the long-lost spiecies Homo Sub-Sapiens Hollandensis. Because the people of Flanders kinda felt sorry for them, seeing they still lived in caves and such, they decided to teach them civilisation.
This, though, proved to be a quite difficult task. Their entire language, for exampe, appeared to exist out of only three words: 'Cheese', 'Oranje' and 'Edgar Davids'. They had also, being completely isolated from any other civilisation, adapted the stranges behaviour. They for example weared the strangest footwear, which was actually nothing but a piece of wood carved into a shoe, something they called a 'Klomp'...
But, after tremendous effort and a whole lot of time, the Dutch finally reached a level of civilisation that was somewhat comparable to the rest of Europe. This was around the year 1946 AD. By this time, the Flemish were so fed up with the Dutch, all the Flemish missionairies returned to Flanders, and the people of Flanders decided it was time the Dutch learned how to take care of themselves.
This may have been a premature decision, though. About 5 days after all the Flemish left Holland, the land was in turmoil. Apparently, the entire country was torched down after a footballmatch between Belgium and Holland, when the Dutch fans just couldn't cope with the fact they lost.
Flanders wasn't able to help the Dutch people though. Belgium had been all but destroyed by the German troops, and there were just no funds available to give to Holland. The Dutch were very angry with this, and then decided they maybe should all just move to Flanders.
The Flemish, being the inherently nice people they are, allowed this. Even though the exaggerated pot-smoking and prostitution the Dutch brought with them added an unpleasant element to the streets of Flanders, they were allowed to live in shacks around the Flemish cities.
And their they remained, up till about 1975, when Flanders finally had enough money put aside to rebuild Holland. They gave it to the Chief of the Dutch, some freaky lookin' woman with a medieval haircut, and deported them all back to Holland.
After about two weeks, the Chief of the Dutch people came to visit the Belgian king. She explained that the Dutch had wasted all the money on beer, whores and pot, and she asked for another loan.
But then, finally, the king had enough. He kicked the Chief out of his palace, and told her Flanders had already given enough money. Enraged, she returned to Holland.
Holland then started to ask the other countries in the world for help. A big concert was staged, called 'Farm Aid', to help gather funds for Holland. The Flemish people, out of the goodness of their harts, added another hefty sum to that, and Holland was rebuilt.
Thing would never be the same again, though. Up till today, the Dutch still carry hatred in their harts for the footballmatch they lost back in 1946, and every other match they had lost against Belgium (being almost every singe one).
And even though the countries officially get along just fine, and Belgium still has a developement project running in Holland, a lot of tensions exist between the two nations.
One can only hope things will ever change. But, unfortunately, as long as the Belgian team keeps on kicking the Dutch's butt, it will probably remain the same...
