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I thought this was kind of funny too-

You might be a Redneck Jedi if.....

1 You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

2 Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

3 You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

4 At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

5 You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

6 You have ever had an land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

7 The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

8 Wookies are offended by your B.O.

9 You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

10 You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

11 Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside...it'll be a hoot."

12 You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

13 You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

14 You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

15 You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

16 If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father and your uncle."
 
A 100 dollar bill lies on the ground. Out of Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, and a Smart Blonde, who picks it up?


(drumroll)

None, they don't exist.
 
How Will You Be Remembered
Nomenclature



A Scottish old timer in Scotland is sitting in a bar talking to a young man.

"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. Piled it for months. But do they call me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."

Then the old man gestured at the bar.

"Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do they call me McGregor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man points out the window.

"Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that sretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention.

"But ya fuck one goat . . . "
 
- ''I got fired from my job as a bank guard.''
- ''That's awful. What happened?''
- ''Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.''
- ''What did the thief do then?''
- ''He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyway!''
 
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