Suicide Candidate said:
Ben:" Nice nose ring."
Bartender: *grunt*
Ben:"You know what else would look good on your nose?"
Bartender:"Eh?"
Ben:"The bar"
*SLAM!*
"Ben: You know what might look better on yer nose?
Quohog: What?
Ben (grabs Quohog by his nose ring and pulls him down, his (Ben's) clenched fist hitting the bar below): The bar.
I remember most of the game's text by heart, actually. The intro monologue still gives me shivers when I think about it, best intro ever.
(Camera first shows the familiar Lucas Arts logo with sky in the background. Then the logo disappears and camera descends, showing a road from isometric perspective. A deep voice - which, as we later learn, belongs to the main character - is speaking.)
"Whenever I smell asphalt, I think of Maureen. That's the last sensation I had before I blacked out - that thick smell of asphalt. And the first thing I saw when I woke up was her face.
She said she'd fix my bike. For free. No strings attached. I should've known then that things are never that simple.
Yeah, when I think of Maureen, I think of two things. Asphalt... and trouble."
(The camera is now at road level and for a brief moment everything is quiet. Then, all of a sudden, a huge white limo flies over the camera! Two old people argue inside.)
"Corley: Ripburger, you're dumber than dirt!
Ripburger: But Mr. Corley, if you'd only listen to my plan! My vision!
Corley: I know your plan, Ripburger! You're waitin' for me to die so you can take over my company!
Ripburger: (chuckle) Sir, that's horrible. I'm not waiting for you to *die*!
Corley: You know I never liked you, Rip. But you've got business know-how and killer instincts that I respect.
Ripburger: Why... thank you, sir.
Corley: But this latest idea of yours... Ridin' up to our shareholders' meeting with a gang of *bikers*? Who do you think you're foolin'?
Ripburger: The shareholders, sir. It's good PR to be seen hobnobbing with real Corley Motors customers.
Corley: Whaddya know about our customers, Adrian? You've never even *been* on a bike!
Ripburger: But you know I'd be riding on one right now, sir, if it weren't for my destabilizing inner-ear condition.
Corley: Ah, your ears are fine! It's what's between them that scares me."
(Then, the main character, Ben, comes from behind the limo on his bike and *rides over the roof*! At this point, the intro tune "Legacy" is playing and I'm pissing my pants in excitement.)
Ah... a damn good game that was...