Twilight MST

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by RPGenius, Dec 27, 2008.

  1. RPGenius

    RPGenius Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Oct 10, 2005
    I recently finished 'MSTing' (Making fun of bad writing, in a similar fashion to how the show Mystery Science theater 3000 made fun of bad movies) the first chapter of Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer. How the fetid prose was published, let alone became a bestseller is beyond me. That said, Fallout 3 sold really well. General public clearly has no taste. I thought people on here might enjoy it, so I'm posting an excerpt from the Prologue, with links to the full thing at the bottom. Enjoy! (Servo goes "Goth" in the first host segment, to explain the change to people familiar with MST3K. Lets me get vampire joke mileage in the future.) Mike and the Bots have their comments in italics.


    Mike: Why is she shouting?
    Tom: I've given plenty of thought to how I might one day reach Death's loving embrace...

    though I'd had reason enough in the last few months – but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.
    I stared without breathing

    Crow: You see that's your problem. I'm sure if you had tried staring and breathing, you wouldn't be in this whole 'about to die' mess.

    across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me.

    Mike: Ah, the pleasant look that is so often passed between predator and prey.

    Surely it was a good way to die,

    Tom: Any way is a good-
    Mike&Crow: SHUT UP, SERVO!

    in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.
    I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks,

    Mike: Or Knives
    Crow: Don't forget Spoons
    Tom: Since when were items of cutlery proper nouns?

    I wouldn't be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision

    Mike: I really wanted to regret the decision, I just couldn't.

    When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations,

    Tom: Ah, but Death offers you so much more!

    it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
    The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.

    Crow: The friendly service more than makes up for the ensuing death.
  2. Ravager69

    Ravager69 Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!

    Dec 21, 2007
    Oh goddamnit how I hate this style of writing - it looks more like a bunch of one-liners instead of a coherent text. I find it difficult to read book nowadays - they look all the same to me.
  3. RPGenius

    RPGenius Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Oct 10, 2005
    You hate the adding one-liners in italics style of writing, or Stephanie Meyer's style of writing?
  4. Per

    Per Vault Consort Staff Member Admin

    Apr 1, 2004
  5. Ravager69

    Ravager69 Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!

    Dec 21, 2007
  6. M-26-7

    M-26-7 Still Mildly Glowing

    Jul 20, 2008
    I was reading Crime and Punishment and decided I needed a break from it's tiny (second tiniest only to the point 4 type in Atlas Shrugged) print. So I decided to read the last Harry Potter book. Who cares if I had only read about 3 of them? The writing style appalled me. i just couldn't believe that anyone wrote that poorly in a post- Dostoevsky, post-Tolstoy, post-Kafka, post-anyone-with-half-a-brain era. I don't care if you write for kids, I read Tolstoy at fourteen, there's no reason why kids can't take a good writing style.
  7. 34thcell

    34thcell Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Sep 22, 2008
    Is it really that bad or does using the lines out of context make it appear that bad? My teacher said that he wasn't impressed by the book, but this is just awful.
  8. RPGenius

    RPGenius Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Oct 10, 2005
    It's not massively out of context. That's a complete excerpt, and is the entire Prologue to the book. It's apallingly written. Admittedly, I've done stuff like running with the bit where it reads like he's masturbating:

    Later on...

    So yeah, some stuff has been taken out of context, but the novel is there, in it's entirety. It's dreadful, dreadful entireity.

    Check out the terrible writing in it's entireity:
  9. alec

    alec Stuck In The Middle With You Orderite

    May 21, 2003
    Jesus, man. Only now do I understand how this MSTing works. You could have explained a little better in your first post, it's confusing as fuck for people who aren't familiar with the process.

    That said: although not impressed by the original text excerpts, I'm not particularly impressed by the comments in italics either. Maybe the book is 'bad writing', but you guys turn it into 'bad writing²'. Yay! :roll:
  10. RPGenius

    RPGenius Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Oct 10, 2005
    Eh, it's my first attempt at it. Sorry for the lack of clarity. Message was posted as I'd just finished, and Twilight is a terrible drain on the brain. I think I lost brain cells just trying to read it the first time, let alone MST it.
  11. alec

    alec Stuck In The Middle With You Orderite

    May 21, 2003
    Question: when MSTing does one always have to use the original Mystery Science Theater 3000 cast (Servo, Crowd and Nelson) or can one use, say, a cast of Greek philosophers to comment on the text?

    I was reading a bad Dutch novel and all of a sudden I was "MSTing" in my head, but it was Barthes, Ricoeur and Derrida that were pulling the text apart. I laughed 'cause in my mind it was pretty funny.


    I'm gonna stop drinking next year.
  12. RPGenius

    RPGenius Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Oct 10, 2005
    Yes! If you stop drinking next year, then the much coveted prize of "most drunken moron of 2009" will finally be mine! And to think the most drunked moron of 2009 prize has eluded me every past year! VICTORY!


    I've seen some MSTs which use diferent riffers. Most MSTs seem to use the Bots and either Mike or Joel, however. Although I somehow feel that wasn't an entirely serious question. :o
  13. Per

    Per Vault Consort Staff Member Admin

    Apr 1, 2004
    I've done a little MSTing of short stories and found that it works better without characters (I had made-up characters since I've watched very little MST). They're an unnecessary extra step between the text and the images you want to evoke, unless you specifically want the impression of experiencing a "real" MST.
  14. Pope Viper

    Pope Viper This ghoul has seen it all

    Dec 9, 2003
    My wife is reading the Twilight series after dragging me to the movie.

    When she read some excerpts, I started laughing, and shaking my head.

    She was not amused.
  15. Herr Mike

    Herr Mike Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Jul 28, 2008
    She must have done something right. My wife and all her friends are obsessed with the books and movie.

    I'm not going to bust on it, if people like it and it makes you money, mission accomplished if you ask me. Good for Meyer.
  16. M-26-7

    M-26-7 Still Mildly Glowing

    Jul 20, 2008
    That's a great attitude. Why be critical of something if people like it? Maybe because the shit sucks and people should learn the difference between that and Proust.
  17. alec

    alec Stuck In The Middle With You Orderite

    May 21, 2003
    Meh. Proust sucks as well.


    Kurt Vonnegut, John Fante and Donald Barthelme. One doesn't need more than that.
  18. RPGenius

    RPGenius Look, Ma! Two Heads!

    Oct 10, 2005
    By your "If it makes money, it must be good" attitude, Fallout 3 was good. You're on timeout. Sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
  19. PlanHex

    PlanHex Useless layabout oTO Moderator Orderite

    Nov 4, 2007
    It might be the mushy 6 am brain talking, but I liked it.
    Keep it up
  20. Crni Vuk

    Crni Vuk M4A3 Oldfag oTO Orderite

    Nov 25, 2008
    Is that your wife in your icon anyway ? Just curious