Girlfiriends and Love

welsh

welsh

Junkmaster
Ok, I am confused.

On another thread a lot of you mentioned your desire to either-
Get laid,
Get a girlfriend
find love (sometimes "true love").

So what's the problem?
 
Heh, My problem with those as it stands is 3 fold...

Get laid: No real problem there, all i have to do is go out looking. However, i find little joy beyond the immediate satisfaction of casual sex in these women.

Get a girlfriend: Getting one really isnt a problem either, But with nothing of a substancial relationship beyond sex, andthe occasional conversation, I cant stand to be with any one person more than a month.... More often my relationships end quite abruptly well before then.

Find Love: here is where the problem lies, I do not really understand what it is to be in love... I know that other's love me. As they have told me as much and have shown it by being by my side reguardless of what happens...
I still have not truly found Love in my own heart, at least not beyond the love and devotion to family and friends... I have found nothing true'r and more deep than that.... and so stems my inability to have any lasting and meaningful relationship outside the bonds of blood and friendship.
And before you people get any ideas, My blood family has and will never be an option to me for any kind of "relationship" other than just family... As for the Friends, I have too few real friends to risk loseing any by trying to take it beyond what it is...
 
Elissar said:
As for the Friends, I have too few real friends to risk loseing any by trying to take it beyond what it is...
Click to expand...

One of my friends once told me the exact same thing. However, I disagree. I'll explain why later in this post.

I think that Elissar is right about his hierarchy though. Getting laid is easier than getting a girlfriend, and getting a girlfriend is easier than finding love. I think most people would agree.

I have found love once. I don't think that I ever could describe what it is like with words. True love is a different issue.. I don't know how to define true love, as the only girl I've been in love with turned out to be a true disappointment and that I went from loving her to hating her in a snap. However, she and I used to be best friends, before we got together. I haven't spoken to her for about 2 years now, and I'm proud of that regarding what she has done to me (I won't be going into any details on this). We were best friends, and then got together (this is the explanation I was speaking of :) ). We stayed together for a long time, and although I don't consider her as a friend anymore, I did love her and I do consider our friendship to have been an "acceptable sacrifice", as I did get to experience love. It would have been better to stay friends with her, but it just wasn't possible for me as she betrayed me in the worst possible way.

The long explanation was quite necessary I think as love is possibly the most complicated thing there is.. :?
 
Well, with me it boils down to three things:

A) A lack of confidence, both in my looks (not the most important thing in the world anyway, although obviously helpful, and I don't consider myself to be grotesque, but these things are seldom completely rational).

B) A lack of conversational ability (Although this could just be A at work)

C) Agoraphobic tendencies (no, I'm not agoraphobic, but I do suffer some of the symptoms of it - fear of new places (Manifested by intense nervousness prior to visiting these places), what can only sensibly be described as "Shyness", dislike of being in places with people that I don't know - or with a lot of people in general).

I don't like to talk to new people or to try to "hit on" girls I do know (or rather have known in the past, I've a rather limited social life recently) because I fear that I will look foolish and my uh... inexperience in these matters makes me worry about being successful in any "conquest".

Damn, that was a little cathartic, I'm not in bloody therapy, I'm posting on an internet forum.

To turn the question around Welsh - Why do you find these things easy? (Well, I assume so from the tone of your post)
 
Big T said:
Damn, that was a little cathartic, I'm not in bloody therapy, I'm posting on an internet forum.
Click to expand...

Actually, This is a form of therapy, getting somthing off your chest that you feel. somthing that really bothers you... Opening up to people you do not know.

And it is free... well, cheap any way... you still pay your ISP.

and if people judge you here, at least they are real people and not some overpaid babbeling psycho-doc who only pretends to care because you are paying him/her money.

B-T said:
To turn the question around Welsh - Why do you find these things easy? (Well, I assume so from the tone of your post)
Click to expand...

Because Welsh is the Pimp, the ladies man...

And he wishes he were Irish-German.
 
I supoose Im similar to Elly in some respects.

Getting a simple grind might feel good, but I get no tru satisfaction from it.

Dating- Its simply a form of a payment plan for pussy, and none of the prospective dating candites are worth an actual relationship. Therefore, I havent botherd to date recently..

Relationship-Ive had a few of these, not all were sexual in nature or involved interludes. These are rare, since I limit them for girls that I actualy like enough as a person to wish to know better. While I act shallow about looks at times, its just that: an act. I care quite a bit about the personality of the prospective female subject of a relatonship, and the compatability with me therein. Looks are still nice though.

Love: Ah, like a extremly fine and potent beverage. As you sip it, it makes you feel warm inside. It can cloud your judgement. It can be one of the best things that there is. However, if your bender of love ends, or is not recopricated, youre feel worse than your worst hangover. But love, like fine booze, is worth it for those that have experined it, though the hangover per se might discourage some, and others might go thru the withdraw shakes of a lost love. But if it works out, the lucky bastard will return to the bottle of love time, time again thru the fights with love that mimic hangover like a smel bum returning to his bottle of sterno for a quick fix.
 
*sigh*

Love, huh. I like to get laid, and I wouldn't object to getting a girlfriend if she was good looking enough and didn't annoy the shit out of me. But I no longer believe in this whole "true love" thing. It is a beautiful illusion, but an illusion nonetheless. People are fucked up, men and women, and that two people would find eachother and love eachother equally into death without complications, residing in pure happyness, does not exist to me. A relationship is a play for control; someone always loves the other more and is more keen to sacrifice for the relationship, which leads to a destructive developement that will probably end in death and ruin.

I thought I was living the dream of "true love" once. Such bullshit. It sounds like a cliche, and it is, but I can't believe I was so stupid. And sure, love tastes great when you're in the middle of it, but for me the hangover is just too damn ugly and not worth it. I will think a whole lot of times before I allow myself to get attached to someone ever again. If I fall in love with someone I can of course not help it, but I will do what I can to resist.

Casual sex on the other hand makes life worth living.
 
Same as Big T, really: shy, uncertain, you know.

I do have a new girlfriend since last week, but I'm afraid I'm not really in love with her, so it's probably not going to last. The sex is good, though.

Also: I doubt if I'll ever fall in love with someone again. I just don't experience that feeling anymore. I see lots of nice looking women, I know lots of nice looking women, I even know some that are kinda sorta interesting, but that feeling of not being able to sleep, eat, relax without a certain person next to you belongs to the past, I'm afraid. Maybe it's just me playing safe since I've had my heart broken too many times already, but still: I think love needs to be reinvented, the whole gddamn concept of love, 'cause I don't think it works anymore. Not in these times, no sir.
 
Getting laid? Well... I suppose it would be rather easy if I bothered to look for occassions, but it's really not that important to me. I suppose it'd still be a nice touch for a relationship (and no, I'm not an eunuch and I got 120 gigs to prove it).

Finding a girlfriend? Well, the only time I feel sorry for not having one is when I feel down, but otherwise it just seems like a lot of unneccessary hassle. It'd be nice in the long term though.

Finding love? I've never loved before. Not in the traditional sense anyway. I suppose if there's something greater than just physical attraction I have just not met anyone to trigger it so far.

Hmpf, I guess it all boils down to not wanting to waste any of my precious freetime on rather futile quests for partnership.

That and the fact I think of most of mankind as inferior and blind. I suppose that's a problem with my ego tho.
 
Girls have a tendency to fall in love with me and develop crushes on me. Not because I'm hot or anything, I'm definitely not. I'm just really confident, funny, and genuinely sweet/charming. Unfortunately it's generally the girls that I have little to no interest in that end up being "into" me.

I have no problem finding a girlfriend, sex, or love. I just have a problem finding them with the people I want to find them with.

Also, once I find them, I have a lot of trouble staying with them. I think it's because I generally date girls that are just plain wrong for me.

Dunno my issue. It's not really an issue. I don't need a relationship/sex/love to be happy.

I believe almost everything happens for a reason, too. So if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I will find these things and they will work out when they are meant to.

EDIT - Another thing - a lot of ladies tend to like me because I'm very witty, sarcastic, and sometimes a genuine asshole.

On the exterior.

On the interior I'm sweet, loving, romantic, blah blah blah. As soon as they figure that out, a lot of the time, they lose interest. Or get confused as to who I "really am."
 
Getting laid and finding a girlfriend - if you aren't a "ladies man", you do pretty much the same thing for both. Socialize a lot, and as long as you aren't some hideous gremlin with extreme anti-social tendencies some girl is eventually going to show interest in you. Show some interest back and more often than not it will lead somewhere. Just remember that if you're extremely picky and/or have tons of standards/rules/fears/insecurities, you only have yourself to blame for being alone. I'm not saying go for any female regardless of attraction, just that from what I've seen most of the time people who complain about not having a sex life or a girlfriend sabotage themselves into being that way (myself included).


Here's my tenuous definition of love - it's when you're attached to someone so much that regardless of problems, arguments, attraction to other women, and sometimes even logic you find yourself still caring for them and wanting to be with them. It's just a kind of undefinable sympathy beyond physical attraction that makes them a part of your life.

Just like any other relationship, it can be there to a greater or lesser degree, and it's not some magical power that keeps reality from getting in the way. I think what screws most people up is confusing it with infatuation and thinking of it in a "magical" way. Infatuation is what you get when you first meet a girl or in the first couple months of a relationship, when you're constantly excited by the thought of them and your mind is filled up with romantic silliness. Love, or the lack of it, is what is there after the infatuation period is over and reality starts to set in. Some people get addicted to infatuation and/or think that love is that feeling except that it never goes away, but that's only happens in fairy tales.

Well, that's how it seems to me at least.
 
WHat's the problem? Meh, I think that for most, including me, there's only one actual problem: fear, resulting in a lack of initiative, resulting in nothing happening.
Bah. Should work on it.
 
Reaing the thread, it seems everyone's mentioned the "Getting laid" part but me.

Well, for me it's just not a priority. It'd be nice to find somebody who I would enjoy that with, but I don't think casual sex would ever be comfortable, enjoyable or natural to me.
 
Great thread idea Welsh. Just look at all the poster's and the quality of discussion...too bad everyone seems sad.

A.I have never had sex. In the past I was too shy, but as of now I realise I have no reason to hurry and figure it will happen when I get B or C.

B.I have never had a girlfriend. Before I was too shy, but with college and other things I have found more than a few females that I can relate with due to intersecting interests. In fact more than a few have "indirectly" propositioned me, which I love since I would I think its silly that men should have to. Unfortunately, I was either to dumb to figure out they liked me or other circumstances came up. As a matter of fact with my current life I have either full-time work and part-time college or full-time college and part-time work. I always barely break even each year on living expenses and college though I hardly spend a few hundred a year on things other than college and living. I couldnt give a woman the time or effort she would desire in a relationship...that would be hard on her and I could never do that.

C.Love confounds me. Maybe its, because I think much more than feel, but I also see people around me who say they are in "love" and do horrible things that I can only describe as "hate". For a lack of understanding and fear of creating a relationship that hurts more than heals, I think its better I dont get involved until things become clearer.

To further explain:

-My cousin who's a few years older than me had a girlfriend. They saw each other almost every day and talked on the phone constantly for years. They say they love each other. I find it odd since when there together they avoid each other and when they talk on the phone its usually, because she's screaming at him. This occured daily with him eventually hanging up and her leaving around a dozen messages on the answering machine EVERY DAY! So one day I asked him why he put up with it. He said "Oh the sex is great!" :roll: Needless to say after being apart a year they've decided to get back together...and believe me they still treat each other like shit.

-My cousin who's my age (of the same family as the other cousin) decided to get married to a girl he barely knew while in a drug-enduced stupor. Apparently she liked the idea and they are getting married in a few months. They seem ok together especially after she got an abortion last month after they had unprotected sex. Im not disgusted by their lack of protection...she told him she couldnt bare children...

This among other things has made me suspicion of "love" and I wont decide until I get more info. I can only pray the mistakes I see people make are due to lust and not love. Otherwise...

Oh and as for the girlfriend stories...stay tuned. One's this place calms down a bit and there are few recent threads I plan to make one about my comedic on-goings. It will have to wait...this place is very active! I must add Im waiting, because I dont want people to have to ignore other threads to read mine or vice-versa. Also my thread will make a blaze of activity...they're that funny.

No Lies,
The Vault Dweller
 
Malkavian said:
Girls have a tendency to fall in love with me and develop crushes on me. Not because I'm hot or anything, I'm definitely not. I'm just really confident, funny, and genuinely sweet/charming. Unfortunately it's generally the girls that I have little to no interest in that end up being "into" me.

I have no problem finding a girlfriend, sex, or love. I just have a problem finding them with the people I want to find them with.

Also, once I find them, I have a lot of trouble staying with them. I think it's because I generally date girls that are just plain wrong for me.

Dunno my issue. It's not really an issue. I don't need a relationship/sex/love to be happy.

I believe almost everything happens for a reason, too. So if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I will find these things and they will work out when they are meant to.

EDIT - Another thing - a lot of ladies tend to like me because I'm very witty, sarcastic, and sometimes a genuine asshole.

On the exterior.

On the interior I'm sweet, loving, romantic, blah blah blah. As soon as they figure that out, a lot of the time, they lose interest. Or get confused as to who I "really am."
Click to expand...

Why in the world would you need a girlfriend? You obviously love yourself more than enough.




As for love - I think I am a strange case. I think I am looking for a women who won't love me.
I am one of those dispicable cave-men that's constantly on the hunt, you see. I don't use dirty tactics, like singling out the "weakest of the herd", but I tend to be constantly on the watch for something/someone to keep me company during these long, cold winter nights. And, unfortunately, I am farely succesfull at it.

However, this is not making me happy. This has never made me happy. I seem only to feel happy when rejected.
I have loved two women in my life: one of them couldn't stand me, the other one used me. The two women whom I felt were absolutely out of my reach in my life, were the two I fell in love with. I've had a relationship with one of them, granted, but the feeling remained. Every second of that relationship - it lasted about 5 months, the longest I've ever spent with any person without losing interest - I had the feeling I was going to lose her every second now. And that was what made me love her. I'm almost certain of it. That desperate, bewildered feeling.

Therefore, I seem to be in a bit of a perdicament. How the hell am I ever going to stick with anyone, I don't know.
 
I've never been laid or had a Girlfriend and I'm not looking to get either because once I do girls will probably be able to manipulate me with sex and spend all my money. I also never plan to get married because women have too much legal power in marriage. (Or rather, the inevitable divorce)

EDIT: Maybe I read too much Maddox?
 
Well, it's not just Maddox. Another reason I'm skeptical to start a relationship with any girl is because after my parents got divorced, my father met a woman named Sherry. Sherry's sons do well in school, (while I could too, I'm just so sick of going to school I don't really give a shit about it and never do homework) and my father, while he doesn't go right out and compare me to them, does mention their grades whenever they do well during his weekend visit. I once stayed at her house for a weekend and it was pure hell because I like to sleep in and she thought I was the laziest person in the world. She also hates the clothes I wear, because it's not neat enough for her. While my father did not mind what I wore before he met Sherry, he all of a sudden had a huge problem with it too. My father changed a whole bunch of little things about himself because of her. After that weekend at her house my sister and I don’t see Sherry anymore on his weekend visits (Perhaps he finally learned to stop imposing her on us?) and my father is more back to normal. Sherry and him have broken up and got back together three times now. They were also engaged before the first time they broke up.

Just seeing my dad change for her and then break up so many times and get back together makes me doubtful that love is worth it. My father is 48. This is what is supposed to be an emotionally mature adult, and my 15 year old sister had a more stable relationship with her ex-boyfriend. So I'm not looking.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top