Relationship Hilarity by none other than The Vault Dweller!

Maybe he thought we were so extreme that the british governament actually thought we were terrorists?! Damn, I can totally imagine Roshambo charging into Bethesda's HQ, Maryland, shouting "THIS IS FOR FAAAAAALOOOOOOOOUUTT!!" while shooting a M16, at the devs, dropping grenades and then blowing himself when cornered (you can defeat me, but all victories come with a cost. *Boom* Bethesda HQ explodes)!
 
Might also be the multiple ethno-cultural epithets and bombing jokes tossed around in TO. And that's disregarding several actual uses of the word "terrorist" or "terrorism" and occasional passing reference to being monitored by the FBI.

Eheh... /not guilty
 
The Vault Dweller said:
Until yesterday I was an employee of the British Home Office, attached to the Security Services (call it MI5 if you will). However, a tribunal has recently opted to dismiss me from my post due to “negligence”...

Heh... okay, I've had a bit of trouble wrapping my head around your sense of humor in the past, TVD... Twinkie seems to have gotten it, and I think that I half did, but since no one else has asked, I'm gonna have to come right out and say it: this is a joke, right? Normally, I would've waited to see where you took it, but it appears that events have drawn you away for the past couple of days, and curiousity is killing my cat.
 
Stg Granite said:
All that... A LIE?! YOU BETRAYED US!!

Are you sure this is a true story?
Do you at least like Fallout? RPG? Anime? Why did you choose specifically forums like these? Why roleplaying like that in these boards? Just curious.

Yamu said:
Heh... okay, I've had a bit of trouble wrapping my head around your sense of humor in the past, TVD... Twinkie seems to have gotten it, and I think that I half did, but since no one else has asked, I'm gonna have to come right out and say it: this is a joke, right? Normally, I would've waited to see where you took it, but it appears that events have drawn you away for the past couple of days, and curiousity is killing my cat.

I can't take it anymore. I have a lot to say.

When I sat down and read Welsh's post I realised I had to speak out. Even without his hard accusations I realise my last story told too much to be left as a funny incident since those unlike the others told of me already understanding the underlying motives and willingly turning away from sexual opportunities. I had to tell of the decision I made years ago.

It wasn't going to be easy. The main reason being that my preference wasn't "decided" so much as "learned" over a long course of time and many things occurring many of which I didn't experience directly.

At the time I thought it was so ridiculous to mention that I would make about as much sense as saying I was some sort of superhero who was above such things. In fact with my supposed "chivalry" and my almost impeccable manners I laughed at the very thought of me being some sort of British nobility. Thats when I got a wild idea.

Why not make myself feel better with a little practical joke? I'll tell everyone I'm an agent in Her Majesty's Secret Service. Of course no one will believe it since the idea's lame beyond belief. Yet everyone's gotten use to my bad sense of humor so we'll all have a laugh before I have to confess.

In one of the most amazing incidents in my whole life the charade worked. So far no one's challenged my story and quite a few have acted under the idea of it being 100% true.

I laughed and cried. For once my humor was taken honestly and I was genuinely funny instead of lame. Yet now that it was being taken for truth...it wasn't a practical joke to laugh at, but something serious that I had to stop. I notice that hardly anyone has responded. At first I thought they were thinking my story false, but if they did they would happily try to poke holes in it. When no one did it made me think they were afraid it was true.

Which brings me to my next point. Since it was taken for truth and not a joke the "lie" of British Spy story can't be ignored as something funny and instead really be a "lie" since it was taken seriously. I wish my masquerade had failed. I had no intentions of it's success.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Mikey who when I presented the idea was able to write a story post which since it was in someone elses words came out as believable. My post with the story was written by him. The "British Spy" one not the "Relationship Hilarity" ones. You can thank him for his incredible literary talents if you found it believable.

As for me, I hope my one lie in all the time I've been honest can be understood to be an accident. It was supposed to be a joke since no one should have believed it.

Don't let it make you doubt the veracity of my other stories. I assure you they are accurate and true to the best of my ability.

I end this apologizing for those that took it truthfully and for those who actually felt it was a joke. I should never have tried to play with something so serious.

I mean come now. I'm a secret agent? I'm The Vault Dweller. No one else.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
 
The Vault Dweller said:
In one of the most amazing incidents in my whole life the charade worked. So far no one's challenged my story and quite a few have acted under the idea of it being 100% true.
not to rain on your parade, but:
SuAside said:
well played, ol' boy.:clap:
means "lol, nice funny" (in attempted britishness) as in "good show, but no dice".

i don't quite see a lot of people who took your charade as truth, so you kinda lost me there in your explanation (i think most people were waiting for the next step in your joke)... if nothing else, being supposed nobility and thus of higher moral standard (which is nearly never true btw) has nothing to do with her majesty's secret service (who likely houses people of even lesser moral standards) btw.

though i'm sure some paranoid fucks will try to say you're lying now to save your own ass and that you're truly M.I. :)
 
TVD said:
I laughed at the very thought of me being some sort of British nobility.

You know, it would have worked better if you wouldn't have mentioned "people of my class".

Not to mention the notion of a non-promiscuous nobility is pretty funny in itself.

Good show, tho'.
 
In before the "er I didn't really think you were a British secret agent no really" posts.
 
Thanks everyone. By the way...

Grin said:
Hey, VD. Question. Can I use this? I could write a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L piece out of this material. I'd appreciate it. I'd even post it on YouTube next time I weave it into a show.

Let me know.

Absolutely. The entire reason I put all these up is, because I know that regardless of my embarrasment I can at least feel glad I made people laugh. So do whatever you want with it.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
 
Mikey said:
jamesromepictures323bl7.jpg

To the Orderite picture thread!

I agree with Yams.. I didn't really know what to expect, but you look.. like a normal person. That's odd for an Orderite.

Good job on the story!
 
FAO various people in this thread - Wimbledon is the home of the Upper Middle Class, not the Nobility, and some of these families will indeed have a much more strict moral code than others.
 
I just realized something. I can't believe I wrote that huge apology and explanation explaining that I was trying to avoid the issue and forgot entirely to mention the issue at the end to resolve all this.

Say what you will...I doubt I could take the time and effort to explain exactly why or how let alone trust that anyone would understand.

Maybe the spoiler tags were only added recently as some sort of helpful coincidence. It won't change what I say, but at least it will feel like I'm trying to avoid it and I am.

[spoiler:473b909c26]I'm celibate.[/spoiler:473b909c26]

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
 
Unfortunately this update is totally unlike the others. This is not a story, but a question and not funny, but worrisome. I apologize for the lack of entertainment, but I need your help.

I am in a most dire situation.

Since I'm celibate I won't engage in a relationship, but how am I supposed to turn down woman that show interest? Problem is simply saying "no" without a reason leads them to incorrectly reason either that they are undesirable (which isn't true and also hurts their feelings) or that I'm gay (which also isn't true and would anger me).

It's a shame since what I'm doing is for the right reasons, but due to my devotion being so rare and discussion of such things is taboo (at least here in the USA) it would lead to many incorrect assumptions by others whether they know I'm celibate or not.

It's a shame there isn't a way you could tell just by looking in the same way you can tell someone is married with a ring. Unfortunately their isn't and if their was it would be counter-productive since it would allow me to take advantage of my decision by trying to derive pride from it.

I apologize if this is a difficult problem to solve, but I've thought long on this and I see no way to fix it. I realize that the subject is probably known best by me so maybe only I could fix it, but also since it involves the opinions of others and I think so differently I'm probably missing something I would know if I had more "mainstream" thinking.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
 
You know what? You're smart.

Actually if I were forced to pick an option alone that would be it. What's stopping me (and why I brought this up) is that it entails all sorts of other things which since I don't think the way most people do I probably can't predict.

Everyone's met self-righteous pricks that no matter how Holy they act it's undermined by their use of it to berate others and act in a vainglorious manner.

Really I guess I'm just too nervous. If I come across that way it's an accident since I know I go out of my way to avoid it. Yet if I'm just gonna tell people then hope they react right and ignore them if they don't it's not really different from not telling them.

I have some bad memories of drawing value comparisons with regards to righteousness which is an underlying theme here I'm not sure anyone knows about.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
 
Well, that was quite a read. Quite a long story, too, what with the OP being back in 2004.

The MI5 post was grand. I almost feel sad that it was a joke (even though it did seem a bit improbable) , since....

The Vault Dweller said:
It is modern depravity and libido that has led to the downfall of society in my nation (and the entire West), and led to our once proud, civilised nations being labelled as “decadent” by upstart ex-colonies and ex-mandates in the Middle East.
So I fully intend on continuing in the traditions of my family and class, and keeping myself decent until well and truly in the bounds of wedlock.

...I basically agree with this part.

As for your problems, how about just wearing a ring? You're not married, but in a way one could say that you're not available. The ring would, more or less, send the right message.

A more interesting point for the rest of us is why, exactly, women seem to stand in line to throw themselves at you. I'm guessing that the fact you are not looking for anyone leads you to a different attittude towards women, one which they find intriguing and attractive. Some say that the instant you are no longer on the market, as it were, interested people pop up all around.
 
Back
Top