Relationship Hilarity by none other than The Vault Dweller!
- Thread starter The Vault Dweller
- Start date
Slaughter Manslaught
Vault Senior Citizen
WALK AWAY?!
Holy...?!
I know how it is not to get the stuff... but man, I mean, MAN. Why you ran away? Was she ugly or something?
The Vault Dweller
always looking for water.
I was hoping this wouldn't turn into a discussion since I plan for that to happen in the future when I bring up a bunch of smaller incidents along with these and post my thoughts of them.
However I will say that while both women were very pretty one was married and the other...well I'm not married to her so...
Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
P.S.
Within the week once everyone has had a chance to read and respond to this latest story then I'll discuss why I more or less turned down this women on purpose when the others were by mistake.
However I will say that while both women were very pretty one was married and the other...well I'm not married to her so...
Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
P.S.
Within the week once everyone has had a chance to read and respond to this latest story then I'll discuss why I more or less turned down this women on purpose when the others were by mistake.
alec said:
What, so you mean that all this food in the middle of your bed didn't turned you on? All those smelly atoms spread à la Jackson Pollock didn't manage to put you in a creative fever? ... dammit!
TwinkieGorilla
This ghoul has seen it all
The Vault Dweller said:
unless in love in a serious relationship (and sometimes not even THEN) or the aforementioned woman appearing unattractive...there is just never....ever....ever.....a forgivable reason for your approach.
or you're Kafka reincarnated and sex scares you? i don't get it. as the rest of the sex-loving world has already posted...i don't get it. not in a million years.
This is a joke, right?
Stg Granite
Look, Ma! Two Heads!
Man, that's more or less how I felt after reading this WHOLE thread (yeah!). It's tragic. Seriously.
But, nah, I'm lying, it was more like this >
While reading your first story, I felt like I was reading one of my own. But... Did all that happen to you? YOU ALONE? Damn, you're lucky!!! It's just a loss the fact that you can't take advantage of that.
@TVD: Man, sorry, but these are valid questions...Luke said:About the second story.. Are you sure you're not gay? I mean, seriously. When you masturbate - eh... you do masturbate, don't you? - what do you look at or think about? Have you ever been in love? I mean, what goes on in your mind? I really want to know. You're either gay, and/or need help, and/or Michael Jackson which means both. Whatever you're doing - Keep it up!
The Vault Dweller said:
And now you made me reeeeaalllllyyy curious.The Vault Dweller said:
EDIT: Oh, almost forgot... THANK YOU for the good laughs!
athletic & attractive single woman? who the fuck cares about age...
because i don't get it...
granted, it's still your choice regardless, but i can't wrap my head around it.
so is this because of some new-found religious beliefs or what?The Vault Dweller said:
because i don't get it...
granted, it's still your choice regardless, but i can't wrap my head around it.
Well, I can totally relate to your story TVD...Except that I don't walk away from girls. THEY do.
This is something I just don't get. Everytime I fancy a girl ( which is pretty rare ) and that she shows a bit of interest in me, I usually manage to fuck things up beyond repair while somewhat attractive girls I don't give a fuck about often end up obsessing about me. In the past, I've broken couples and went out with girls whom I didn't care about pretty easily, while I can't go out with the ones I want for shit ( even though these would be generally considered as less attractive by most guys ).
Yeah, I usually fancy petites, cold-hearted, short-haired ( pixie haircut ) girls. You know ? A bit boyish looking but not TOO much.
This is something I just don't get. Everytime I fancy a girl ( which is pretty rare ) and that she shows a bit of interest in me, I usually manage to fuck things up beyond repair while somewhat attractive girls I don't give a fuck about often end up obsessing about me. In the past, I've broken couples and went out with girls whom I didn't care about pretty easily, while I can't go out with the ones I want for shit ( even though these would be generally considered as less attractive by most guys ).
Yeah, I usually fancy petites, cold-hearted, short-haired ( pixie haircut ) girls. You know ? A bit boyish looking but not TOO much.
I dunno, I can actually kind of relate to you on this last story, TVD. It's like we're twisted mirror-world versions of each other or something... your standards are substantially tighter than mine, but I get where you're coming from with most of them. I've actually always kind of admired your modern-day chivalry thing, in the way that one admires a martyr from afar 
I used to "suffer" from the same plague of unwanted wimminz as you, too... I guess they've heard that nice guys always finish last
I used to "suffer" from the same plague of unwanted wimminz as you, too... I guess they've heard that nice guys always finish last
Eheheheh... As have I! Seriously. It fascinates me beyond my own perception. (from afar!)Yamu said:I've actually always kind of admired your modern-day chivalry thing, in the way that one admires a martyr from afar
welsh
Junkmaster
VD- face it, you're gay.
I mean really two hot middle aged women offer you sex and you turn them both down?
What are you doing.
You do realize that most women that are over 30 are generally much more sexually liberated than women less than 30. That women older than 40 are more liberated than 30 somethings?
I mean really. I think you're afraid of the vagina the way some women are afraid of the penis.
You're gay. By default perhaps, but that's it.
Why, because you're probably used to stroking yourself to orgasmic bliss- so you don't have fear of the penis and you are slowly growing into loving your penis.
The line between loving your penis and loving another's is probably a pretty small line. And you're probably more comfortable with naked guys than naked women.
It's not that you like men more, its that you're afraid of women.
So by default- you become gay.
Dude, get a grip.
You got to love the pussy.
Smell the pussy
Stroke the pussy,
Kiss the pussy,
Feel the pussy in all its warm, most, fertile joy.
Rub your nose in the pussy.
Tickle the pussy.
and.. if you are so incline... stick your tongue up her ass.
That's because you covet, you grab, you reach, you extend for them.
And women hate that because it makes you a grabbier. Women read that as desperate, hungry, needful- in other words the opposite of a confident, strong, male.
When you grab, you look like a pussy when the woman really just wants you to be a big hard cock.
Advice- get your shit together.
Also based on the Tao of Steve- you must show excellence in something and then distance to allow the woman to make the grab.
Which is about as gay as TVD is becoming. What you really want is not a babe, but a boy with chick parts. YOu should go transgendered.
I mean really two hot middle aged women offer you sex and you turn them both down?
What are you doing.
You do realize that most women that are over 30 are generally much more sexually liberated than women less than 30. That women older than 40 are more liberated than 30 somethings?
I mean really. I think you're afraid of the vagina the way some women are afraid of the penis.
You're gay. By default perhaps, but that's it.
Why, because you're probably used to stroking yourself to orgasmic bliss- so you don't have fear of the penis and you are slowly growing into loving your penis.
The line between loving your penis and loving another's is probably a pretty small line. And you're probably more comfortable with naked guys than naked women.
It's not that you like men more, its that you're afraid of women.
So by default- you become gay.
Dude, get a grip.
You got to love the pussy.
Smell the pussy
Stroke the pussy,
Kiss the pussy,
Feel the pussy in all its warm, most, fertile joy.
Rub your nose in the pussy.
Tickle the pussy.
and.. if you are so incline... stick your tongue up her ass.
MrBumble said:
That's because you covet, you grab, you reach, you extend for them.
And women hate that because it makes you a grabbier. Women read that as desperate, hungry, needful- in other words the opposite of a confident, strong, male.
When you grab, you look like a pussy when the woman really just wants you to be a big hard cock.
Advice- get your shit together.
Also based on the Tao of Steve- you must show excellence in something and then distance to allow the woman to make the grab.
Which is about as gay as TVD is becoming. What you really want is not a babe, but a boy with chick parts. YOu should go transgendered.
TVD, you're doing it right. It's supposed to be the other way around! When you're a young man, young women turn up their noses at you and set their sights on older men. When you grow up to be an older man, you should be hanging out with the young women that the currently young men are being... nose-up-turned by. Old women being served by young men? ALL WRONG! You should have told her, "Oh, so you couldn't have hit on me like, when you were twenty years younger?" and then she might have stammered some transparent excuse like, "But you weren't even born then" at which point you say "You know damn well what I mean" and slap her in the face and walk off. By turning down the older women you help all men by sending the signal that if they don't grab you while they're young, they've burned their bridges at both ends and thrown the canary to the mongooses*. Don't let these other guys confuse you! They mean well, but they just want to throw you to the oldsters so they can have the lamb chops, i.e. they don't mean well at all now that I think about it. TVD, you rule!
*Ancient Indian saying that I don't have time to explain right now
*Ancient Indian saying that I don't have time to explain right now
They should make a bleedin' sitcom out of this stuff. This is great, as a comic I can see and appreciate the humor of this material.
Hey, VD. Question. Can I use this? I could write a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L piece out of this material. I'd appreciate it. I'd even post it on YouTube next time I weave it into a show.
Let me know.
OH, and keeping doing this stuff, you might not get laid but you're entertaining the fuck out of everyone here. Who knows? You might even get a pity-fuck from one of the female members here. We do have female members don't we?
Hey, VD. Question. Can I use this? I could write a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L piece out of this material. I'd appreciate it. I'd even post it on YouTube next time I weave it into a show.
Let me know.
OH, and keeping doing this stuff, you might not get laid but you're entertaining the fuck out of everyone here. Who knows? You might even get a pity-fuck from one of the female members here. We do have female members don't we?
I'm all for being sexually active with an older woman. I dated a 41 year old when I was 27, and she looked about 25.
She fucked like a bunny too, went to her apartment to "watch a movie", that lasted about 5 minutes before were naked, and I was banging her on the couch.
She was insatiable, and probably woke me up 3-4 times between 11-6am to take care of her. Was also with her the first time I had an encounter in a dressing room. I think we were in there for about 30 minutes.
Good times indeed.
She fucked like a bunny too, went to her apartment to "watch a movie", that lasted about 5 minutes before were naked, and I was banging her on the couch.
She was insatiable, and probably woke me up 3-4 times between 11-6am to take care of her. Was also with her the first time I had an encounter in a dressing room. I think we were in there for about 30 minutes.
Good times indeed.
NMA is great, TO is great, Fallout is great, the discussions in these forums are great, but if I, in some unlikely future, all of a sudden were to think "Fuck it - I'm leaving these forums" ....
... I still wouldn't just because one day, one glorious day, TVD will post his "Woohooo" post in this thread about finally succeeding with the women (or the men as it may be).
And on that I day I will make a toast to his virginity's memory.
EDIT:
Grin; got any material on Youtube already?
... I still wouldn't just because one day, one glorious day, TVD will post his "Woohooo" post in this thread about finally succeeding with the women (or the men as it may be).
And on that I day I will make a toast to his virginity's memory.
EDIT:
Grin; got any material on Youtube already?
The Vault Dweller
always looking for water.
So you have all been wondering why I am quite so… reserved, when it comes to close encounters with women. I realise that I have been somewhat secretive as to my reasons, but I now feel comfortable disclosing said reasons.
You see, it is all a matter of upbringing. The society and class in which I was brought up would frown heavily upon any of its members engaging in what could be considered licentious, or even casual, behaviour. My parents didn’t act that way when they were my age. Their parents certainly didn’t. Some things are simply not done. It is modern depravity and libido that has led to the downfall of society in my nation (and the entire West), and led to our once proud, civilised nations being labelled as “decadent” by upstart ex-colonies and ex-mandates in the Middle East.
So I fully intend on continuing in the traditions of my family and class, and keeping myself decent until well and truly in the bounds of wedlock.
Now, you may all be wondering what this “class” and “upbringing” I am talking about is alluding to. You all believe that I am simply a normal, young American man, who went to High School like everybody else and now enjoys wasting my life in front of a computer screen, be it playing games or visiting internet fora. Up until now, that’s all I’ve wanted you to know - all I’ve been allowed to let you know. Technically I am still not at liberty to let you know any more. However, circumstances have recently changed, and I am sufficiently irate with the powers that be for me to disclose information which my government would deem “sensitive”.
Until yesterday I was an employee of the British Home Office, attached to the Security Services (call it MI5 if you will). However, a tribunal has recently opted to dismiss me from my post due to “negligence”, and I am incensed as it is simply me taking the blame for my immediate superior’s incompetence. That is the problem with working within a system where nepotism still holds sway and your section chief has family in the upper echelons of your organisation. For the last few years I have been posted to the United States of America to monitor possible terrorist activities on the internet, in case of any threats being posed to Great Britain.
Obviously it is unusual for a Home Office employee to be posted abroad, Security Services-affiliated or not, as that is normally within the Foreign Office’s Security Services’ (or MI6 as you may know it) remit, but all internet-related offices are based in the Home Office. It’s how the bureaucracy has worked out.
Taking on the persona of a young American man was thought to be the perfect course of action for me, and it’s served me well - I monitor several fora on the internet, all using a similar identity to the one on here. Whilst remaining beneath this somewhat elaborate façade, I still enjoyed telling true stories of my youth, simply replacing obvious British places and institutions with their American counterparts (for instance, I replaced “during 6th Form” with “in my last years at High School”, or something similar).
Technically speaking I am breaking British law in letting this all out, and violating the Official Secrets Act, but at the moment, to paraphrase some classic American “culture”, I don’t give a damn. I’m still living in America, and I doubt they will bother to waste the resources to come and pick me up, since I’ve hardly let out anything earth-shatteringly important. The Foreign Office is hardly over-funded in this modern day and age of every politician promising tax cuts, and they have real operations to concentrate on. Considering the speed at which they dropped me from my job, I don’t doubt that they will forget about me rather swiftly.
So I believe that should clear up your queries as to actions and, indeed, my sexuality. Incidentally I am not homosexual. I am simply in possession of a good, traditional upbringing. I am confident that most other men brought up in Wimbledon would have taken similar courses of action to me. There are still places in this world where morals do matter.
You see, it is all a matter of upbringing. The society and class in which I was brought up would frown heavily upon any of its members engaging in what could be considered licentious, or even casual, behaviour. My parents didn’t act that way when they were my age. Their parents certainly didn’t. Some things are simply not done. It is modern depravity and libido that has led to the downfall of society in my nation (and the entire West), and led to our once proud, civilised nations being labelled as “decadent” by upstart ex-colonies and ex-mandates in the Middle East.
So I fully intend on continuing in the traditions of my family and class, and keeping myself decent until well and truly in the bounds of wedlock.
Now, you may all be wondering what this “class” and “upbringing” I am talking about is alluding to. You all believe that I am simply a normal, young American man, who went to High School like everybody else and now enjoys wasting my life in front of a computer screen, be it playing games or visiting internet fora. Up until now, that’s all I’ve wanted you to know - all I’ve been allowed to let you know. Technically I am still not at liberty to let you know any more. However, circumstances have recently changed, and I am sufficiently irate with the powers that be for me to disclose information which my government would deem “sensitive”.
Until yesterday I was an employee of the British Home Office, attached to the Security Services (call it MI5 if you will). However, a tribunal has recently opted to dismiss me from my post due to “negligence”, and I am incensed as it is simply me taking the blame for my immediate superior’s incompetence. That is the problem with working within a system where nepotism still holds sway and your section chief has family in the upper echelons of your organisation. For the last few years I have been posted to the United States of America to monitor possible terrorist activities on the internet, in case of any threats being posed to Great Britain.
Obviously it is unusual for a Home Office employee to be posted abroad, Security Services-affiliated or not, as that is normally within the Foreign Office’s Security Services’ (or MI6 as you may know it) remit, but all internet-related offices are based in the Home Office. It’s how the bureaucracy has worked out.
Taking on the persona of a young American man was thought to be the perfect course of action for me, and it’s served me well - I monitor several fora on the internet, all using a similar identity to the one on here. Whilst remaining beneath this somewhat elaborate façade, I still enjoyed telling true stories of my youth, simply replacing obvious British places and institutions with their American counterparts (for instance, I replaced “during 6th Form” with “in my last years at High School”, or something similar).
Technically speaking I am breaking British law in letting this all out, and violating the Official Secrets Act, but at the moment, to paraphrase some classic American “culture”, I don’t give a damn. I’m still living in America, and I doubt they will bother to waste the resources to come and pick me up, since I’ve hardly let out anything earth-shatteringly important. The Foreign Office is hardly over-funded in this modern day and age of every politician promising tax cuts, and they have real operations to concentrate on. Considering the speed at which they dropped me from my job, I don’t doubt that they will forget about me rather swiftly.
So I believe that should clear up your queries as to actions and, indeed, my sexuality. Incidentally I am not homosexual. I am simply in possession of a good, traditional upbringing. I am confident that most other men brought up in Wimbledon would have taken similar courses of action to me. There are still places in this world where morals do matter.