The Spiked Tampon.

Ashmo said:
Would you prefer wiping the bukkake off your keyboard everytime you got busy with some internet pr0n?
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They have pr0n on the internet now?

Also, a thread about masturbatory techniques seems about right at this point. Come on, we're all close friends by now. But i can see it being moved to the order (hmm, has there ever been a thread moved to the order? As in the gayness factor was too high for GD).

Big T's method is the one to use and Kleenex is the brand to trust.
 
Big T said:
Yeah, but if you aim well and tilt the wad of tissue just right, then you can usually catch it.

Also, you can generally tell how aroused you are (and, hence, how much "pressure" there is) and adjust accordingly.
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:wtf: Usually you're not expected to need a PhD to spank the monkey without unwanted spill.
At such moments most normal people tend to have different things on their minds than ballistics.

Any excess spillage is on my desk and that is wipe clean.
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My desk is full of computer (sic!). So it's either the paper towel or the I/O equipment.

It just seems like the tissue would disintegrate from friction.
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You're supposed to hump the towel, not penetrate it.

KQX said:
They have pr0n on the internet now?
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Depends on your definition of "pr0n". (Kotario: Yeah, obviously not worksafe, for anyone who might make that mistake.)

EDIT:

There are even shaved pussies on teh intarweb!
 
Also, a thread about masturbatory techniques...
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Techniques? Not many ways of beating the ole meat is there?

Usually you're not expected to need a PhD to spank the monkey...
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It's a fairly simple process (one would hope).

1. Turn on Britney Spears, mute sound (very important to remember this as her awful singing can easily ruin the moment)

2. Drop pants.

3. Beat dick like it owes you money.

4. Clean up.

5. Pull up pants.

Follow my simple 5-Step plan and your on your way to a nut busting good time!
 
mettalhed said:
Also, a thread about masturbatory techniques...
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Techniques? Not many ways of beating the ole meat is there?
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Oh boy, you're sooooooooooo wrong. I mean: there's more to masturbation than just jerking off, you know. Using your hands to stroke your shaft and scrotum might be a quick way to unload your... uhm... load, but there are so many masturbatory techniques in the world that just trying to sum them up is like... not doable.

When I was still a wanker like all you guys, my favourite masturbatory technique was fucking pumpkins. That's right: pumpkins. I would buy myself a nice big pumpkin (shaped like a sweet girl's ass), drill a hole in it and fuck the shit out of it. Wowee zowee, the sweet memories I have and hold of fucking soft, ripe pumpkins... Oh boy... :roll:

You have a pet at home? A dog, preferably? Well then, cover your penis with chocolate, jam or peanut butter and have the dog lick it off. It's the next best thing to a blowjob and don't feel bad for the dog, 'cause dogs love chocolate/jam/peanut butter. :P

You're still living at home? Great. Wait until your mom buys a nice big chunk of roast beef and puts it in the fridge. At night, you sneak out your bedroom, you take the roast beef out of the fridge, cut a whole in it with a sharp butcher's knife and fuck the whole. It's a little cold at start, maybe, but by humping the roast beef, the hole will get nice and warm. It's almost like the real thing, this one. Just make sure you pull back when you need to cum or else your family will have to enjoy a new kind of sauce the next day. :roll:

Sit on the hand that you use to jerk off. I mean: sit down on a chair and put that hand under your buttocks for a hell of a long time. Until it goes numb. Then jerk off with it. It will feel as if someone else is giving you a handjob, which maximizes the joy and excitement. (Jerking off whilst wearing rubber gloves and using some vaselineto moisture the whole thing is nice as well).

Phew... The list is endless. It really is. But with a little creativity one can use just about every household appliance for masturbatory pleasure. Big teddybears, pillows, microwaves, keyholes, cd rom drives, remote controls... Just experiment a little and explore the world of masturbation! :D

Or get yourself a girlfriend, wanker. :twisted:
 
There's a place for this and it's called JackinWorld.com.

Now lets end this miserable excuse for an intarweb discussion and return to our pitiful lives.
 
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