Mutant Screg
Totally not a mutant
I was (and still am) a pretty lax guy, so the only thing I can think of doing is pretty tame compared to some things. I was staying with a friend and his family in Albuquerque. Anyway we went to Jack in the Box and bought like three bags full of tacos. Since I hadn't had Jack in years, I went total ham and ate at least 10 of those fucks. I don't know if it was the tacos or it happened just by a random stroke of misfortune, but that night I took one of the most gut wrenching, anus pounding, filthiest shits I've ever dropped. Once done, I felt like I had lost 20 pounds. Glad to be done with that mess, I got up, flushed, and went to bed thinking nothing of it. It turns out that the toilet had clogged and since I hadn't checked, it flooded unchecked for the entire night. Even worse, people upstairs had taken showers since then, causing that water to flood from the toilet as well. We were awoken by my friend's sister who had stepped in the mess, which had by then spread through a decent chunk of the house by the stairs. Water-logged turds littered the ground. She ran upstairs and got the adults to stop showering, getting them downstairs and telling them what happened. They were flipping out, and I knew I was in deep shit. I tried to sound surprised, and apparently I was a pretty good actor because no one suspected me and instead put it on my friend's uncle, who I guess was infamous for that sort of stuff at prior family gatherings. To this day only I know the truth.