X-COM Files: No Aliens Allowed - Let's Play

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by TorontoReign, Jun 9, 2020.

  1. Mr. Grandma

    Mr. Grandma This ghoul has seen it all

    Nov 3, 2007
    Are you missing images?
  2. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    I don't post every single image since I have thousands. I did miss that death though since the attack and blood drain all happened so close together. If I got any out of order let me know. I did reload that battle three times to see if I could get anyone out alive and everyone died in that room no matter what. Why did I miss something?

    If it's the way the mission starts it just starts on the boat.

    Oh yeah Grey Fox. Didn't get a pic of her body because the mission just ends when they all die I guess.
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2020
  3. Mr. Grandma

    Mr. Grandma This ghoul has seen it all

    Nov 3, 2007
    Oh nevermind, they seem to be working now.
  4. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    Oh good. Fuckery at work.
  5. TheGM

    TheGM The voice of reason

    Aug 19, 2008

  6. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  7. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005

    CHAPTER 11

    No, X-COM did not file for bankruptcy. We are just coming back from the worst mission performance thus far. The troops are low on resources sure but also morale. Not a single USO show has been held in X-COM's honor because nobody knows they exist.

    Another noob squad led by a guy by the name of Limp Snake is currently underway.

    Dogmeat versus the KKK.

    The men open fire into the brush where a Klan member is on the move. He yells something about "nigger lovers" before running out of sight.

    The men in the Klavern open up fire as well. They appear to have some of those "assault rifles" that people are always on about.

    Dogmeat takes a bite out of crime.

    The other dog moves to attack but the KKK member was using his special Overwatch ability allowing him to beat the shit out of doge before he could land his attack.

    Overwatch goes both ways.

    Limp Snake moves forward to attempt to pull this mission off. It's hard to make progress with noobs and a van with no cover.

    You can guess where that bullet went.

    Chunglord takes aim with his M16. Taking aim with the M16 takes a lot of AP for these assholes but Chunglord for some reason does ok.

    A fire and a miss!

    Limp Snake is feeling deflated. He feels as if he will never accomplish his first big mission and earn his erect call sign.

    Dogmeat moves in to get another kill. Or another bullet.

    He bloodies one of the guys up good.

    The men are attempting some first aid here. They all received at least 4 hours of training on how to wrap up bloody pixels under enemy fire.

    The bleeding is stopped but not much else.

    Dogmeat takes a golf club to the head due to not having enough points to use overwatch.

    Two can play at that game.

    Dogmeat did his job well. Good dog.

    The Klan is on the move. The squad is exposed. I hate this fucking forest.

    Let us just hope this bullet does not...


    Chunglord grabs something suspicious out of Limp Snakes pocket...

    Before setting fire to the forest.

    Near death one of the Klanbangers is on the run.

    These guys however are doing fine. They move into better position to fire.

    Chunglord takes aim with a damn good chance to hit.

    I think we have a winner.

    Yes! One shot, one kill.

    This guy is trying to take the van out so retreat is impossible.

    If only more people owned a trusty M16.

    Chunglord is injured. He knows he needs to retreat but he needs to do as much damage as possible first to make it look like he put up a real fight.

    This fire seems to have taken on a life of it's own.

    Dogmeat darts from tree to tree finding cover wherever he can.

    While Chunglord provides a little cover.

    This guy is just asking for it.

    Those robes are lightly armored against dog teeth.


    Dogmeat: WHOOF!

    The chaos is clearly visible. Apparently it spooks those not bleeding to death since they surrender. Not what I expected to happen since I was preparing to run.

    Chunglord of all people receives a medal.

    But Scrappy and Limp Snake bought the farm. Strange expression that is. X-COM being what it is nobody has time to grieve over the dead. Meanwhile...

    You retrieved the data? That isn't what I asked...
    Good. Tend to those wounds. I'll have further need of you soon...
    You'll be done when I say you are.


    There is already another risky mission ready for some other poor fucks. This time it has something to do with Mormon Cultists. Those guys keep raiding durathread factories to make their special pajamas for some reason.

    SQUADRANGER will be there in a few days when more people are dead. But hey it fits a lot of people.

    Hassknecht: A7 you said your name was?

    A7: Yes. Do you play Doom?

    Hassknecht: I never get the chance. Usually when I have free time I am in a hospital bed. A7 is a weird name.

    A7: It's short for A721402.

    Hassknecht: Good change.

    EXALT are better armed than Red Dawn or Black Lotus.

    As you can see under Rangerboo here the men, women, and doges of X-COM also have arms.

    This incarnation of Eissa does not shoot arrows from a horseback since dogs have no thumbs.

    Walpknut is here because we need vets that can shoot.

    Rose is still alive somehow which is pretty good...for a dog.

    How is Leroy even still alive?

    Jesse Ventura:

    Another one of the dog soldiers. Human souls trapped in animal bodies fit for only one thing - kicking ass.

    Hassknecht stole this bat from the lat thug he killed.

    Risewild has been working hard on trying to cure his hair loss, but he is currently looking like Captain Picard.

    Even this incarnation of A7 is addicted to Doom. It's installed on all the X-COM computers.

    Roshambo is the most vicious noob alive. He carries weapons he can hardly carry because his hate is so strong. If you wonder what he is doing during this fight he sprays bullets anytime someone moves.

    SuaSide is hoping to not live up to his namesake. He sprays bullets too. Not accurate but he does spray them well.

    Miroslav is the only one strong enough to pick up the M60 in this group. He sprays bullets the best of all.

    Hass settles on a nice BlackOps LMG.

    A7 thinks the RPG might come in handy. Let's find out.

    Of course X-COM arrives at dark so it makes everything more difficult.

    Eissa does spot bad guys that otherwise would not be spotted so she is earning her keep.

    Hassknecht pops his head out to see what the situation is.

    Hassknecht: There are a lot of guys out there.

    A7: Back blast area clear!

    Everyone: NO!

    Thankfully everyone wore ear plugs.

    The local Mormon population is showering us with gifts of high velocity metal intended to puncture flesh to spill out vital life blood for...uhh God I guess.

    Notice this tank takes fire pretty much the entire map. If it was any other vehicle in the current arsenal it would be destroyed. Basically these are essential for these kinds of maps but the range is limited so base placement is crucial to really get the leg up on the aliens before they start pouring in.

    Fire in the Darkness.

    It seems overwatch is already taking victims.

    This guy appears to be suffering from shellshock.

    A7 reloads the RPG.

    You can't see but Risewild climbed on top to take a shot at Mr. 51%.

    That is a hit. Right in the ass.

    Risewild: I shot that guy in the ass.

    Walpknut: Shooting guys in the ass is gay.

    Risewild: Oh right.

    Risewild goes to the back of the APC to think about what he has done.

    Hassknecht takes his turn climbing up the hatch, but he misses. You can see several shots have hit the ground there.

    Walpknut has no shells in his shotgun at the moment likely due to overwatch but possibly due to negligence. Whichever is more entertaining.

    This guy is bleeding red liquid everywhere. Need more research to determine what the liquid is.

    Getting ready for the next attack. When every turn is 15 bullets in your general direction you never know what to expect.

    Dogs getting shot is something you can plan for I guess.

    Fire from one direction.

    Taking aim from another.

    Return fire! You'll notice most of these guys are on overwatch duty the whole map. With such limited movement options simply firing out the door was the best bet for them.


    Everyone keeps missing this asshole.

    These dogs aren't worth much on this map with no way to get close. They keep taking damage.

    Rose is doing ok but she needs to move.

    Leeroy is not doing ok. He is now going to go on a suicide mission to serve his last true purpose in this universe.

    By killing this asshole that withstood a RPG blast.


    Hassknecht goes back up for the easy shots.

    Direct hit to the torso.

    Hassknecht: Next!

    Leeroy is taken out with extreme prejudice.

    Walpknut really is earning his place with some strategic shotgun work. They take damage but live.

    A7 is hurt. He has no berserk pack to save himself.

    Rangerboo moves in to attack as the pricks get within range. Another guy is trying to sneak around the side.

    Hassknecht dispatches him quickly.

    The squad provide Ranger cover fire...

    To no effect. They miss their mark.

    The other two dogs left alive attack the closest target.

    While Walpknut works on this ammo issue. Shotguns sure do like to reload.

    Risewild also is moving closer to the fray now to provide some cover.

    Since Rangerboo is in danger of being killed in this scrap.

    The shot goes wild.

    Ranger gets her man...

    But she won't make it back to cover in time.

    The others get their men too, but they are in a safer position to make it back.

    The killing shot.

    Rangerboo has been exterminated.

    How lucky are these two pups?

    Apparently not too lucky.

    Rose passes out before dying.

    The squad return fire one last time before retreating. We did enough damage. No reason to lose any humans. Let the dogs do dog work.

    X-COM has failed you Dogs of War. From now on every dog will have it's own armor...regardless of time in service! That I can promise you. Lend me your paws!

    Someone did find a briefcase of money though.

    Wait those aren't KKK members.

    Someone needs to start selling dead bodies I guess.

    We are learning more and more about the various cults operating around the globe.

    Research towards some new key people is always good.

    It's been a busy month for dying.

    As always any errors let me know. These fights are from a week or two ago so it is hard to recreate the fights from memory with such limited visuals to work with. Oh yeah that spark right there means I hit something. That pixel there is a dead guy but it won't let me know he died until the end of the map. Shit like that.

    Also, I know these two updates were a little shorter but it was easier to separate them like this since they were both long fights. Keep in mind how many bullets and guys walking I cut out.

    Also some of you guys that have been a no show will be shown again soon. I know if you aren't getting facetime by your rank and well I pay attention to the plot.
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2020
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 5
  8. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005

    CHAPTER 12

    If the aliens have their way the Capitol Wasteland will be reality. Now X-COM has another SLF to investigate.

    SLF - Strange Life Form

    SNAK SQUAD is being sent in to handle this mission with the utmost professionalism. They were commissioned when it was decided Another Van was not professional enough a name for the vehicle.

    Hassknecht:...and that was the best pussy I have ever had.

    Dope Cleric: *drools*

    Welsh: I'm married.

    Toront: Sorry to hear that man. Me too. It gets better.

    Hassknecht: Look I'm just saying...Cleric what are you...

    Dope Cleric: *fap fap fap*

    Welsh: I'm not shaking his hands anymore.

    Toront: Thank God we are here. I don't know if that is sweat dripping down my ear or cum. God I hope it's sweat.

    Dope Cleric: I'm ready for battle now.

    Toront makes sure that it really is sweat on his ear. It is. He does not however notice the semen stain on his back. You do though.

    Welsh spots the monster quick.

    Some poor fuck is right in the firing line too. Just another poor farmer.

    He doesn't even have a gun due to this state being so restrictive with their gun control laws. Sad.

    The spider says these legs are made for walking. He doesn't say it but the sounds they make sound like business

    It's almost like they are moving in slow motion trying to get there. This game needs real time mode. Blasphemy!

    Here I am examining Hassknecht's worth in this man's army. Realistically this strength level should be to superhuman levels but this is just a game.

    It definitely wants to kill us instead of run.

    Not knowing the number of the creatures the team plays it safe.

    This moron does not play it safe. He doesn't know much I gather. Imagine being programmed to run back and forth until you die.

    Just like real life.

    I think that guy deserved it to be honest. What was he trying to do? Take a picture? I want answers!

    Hassknecht: Hey that dumbass just ran to the spider and got killed!

    Toront: That won't look good on our score.

    Automatic fire. Ratatatatatata!!!

    Welsh unloads everything he has with his uzi.

    Toront takes aim with the pistol. Old reliable.

    HIT! Hard not to hit with pistols that close to be honest.

    All in a days work.

    Toront: Yeah I knew it. Fucked the score up.

    Hassknect: What are you on about?

    Toront: Nothing. Cleric I swear to God...

    Back at Area 55 new goodies are coming in. They aren't game changers but they are handy.

    Might as well check out these giant spider corpses.

    We work on making some of the new flares so that the engineers we have had for months and months can go to use.

    You could also see Mortal Kombat and not be wrong.

    Finally the research boost we need.

    Notice the extra 5.

    I also take the liberty of replenishing the Blood Pool.

    These bastards work fast when they get what they need.

    It's a giant spider. The only useful info is that it is engineered and explosions are less effective.


    We scramble our fastest private plane...

    But as you can see...

    These things move quick. It's hard to illustrate how helpless you feel in this mod. These things can fly around and pretty much do whatever they want until someone eventually finds a way to shoot one down, or if you manage to get one landed AND not botch the mission like I did. Even then half the time I stroll up on one and it just flies off right before I get to it.

    All the way on the other side of the globe now. The goal is to predict where it will land and have people near there. Easier said than done.

    Corona Heaven is running on fumes.

    While the UFO is circling the globe. Nothing to do about it for now. Intercept is in route but will fail.

    Corona scrambles a new vehicle.

    Led by their new CO. Vic Boss. A renowned veteran of every battlefield of the past 20 years. Of course here at X-COM that doesn't mean shit and he is a rookie noob.

    His partner Vulcan Raven will likely never fire a minigun without dying.

    So this will be the new Corona roster. Hope none of them test positive!

    The UFO is still looking for something. Maybe a pit-stop.

    Now back to Brazil.

    Then lost right over Central America. They will be back. They always come back.

    It seems some cult activity is giving Corona Heaven a reason to exist. Lock and load B Team!

    They get some supplies before heading out.

    You can tell by the mission briefing that this is Black Lotus which means ninjas. Literal ninjas that can be nearly invisible. Thankfully they mostly use melee.

    Metal Gear is our scout for this Op.

    Union Jack was mothballed after WW2 but thankfully cryogenics work good in videogame worlds.

    Vic Boss is a lot like if Naked Snake didn't have to kill Boss and he just spent his entire career going from war to war without questioning anything.

    This is actually a man in a females body.

    The scout does scout work...

    Also providing some smoke to obscure the battlefield.

    Running Tran Man gets the flashbang ready just in case.

    The turn ends with nothing of note.

    Metal Gear throws down more smoke.

    What I said about being mostly melee is still mostly true. Mostly.

    Metal Gear sniffs out a bad guy just as good as a dog would. He does cost a lot more though.

    Running Man gets a chance to use that grenade.

    Then runs to cover.

    The team moves forward to assault the attacker that is now opening fire. The smoke does appear to cause him to miss.

    At least once.

    Union Jack does not miss.

    But he does take fire from his left.

    Those that return fire end up hitting the rocks.

    Metal Gear checks out their gear to see how much risk this mission is worth.

    Running Man decides to throw a flash to shake the enemy up.

    Dazed and Confused. Alright, alright.

    With someone adding a little machinegun fire to the mix.

    I'm not sure if this guy dies or not because they stand like that right before they fall and die.

    But there are more than just that one to worry about. They are coming out of the mountains somewhere...

    Vic Boss tries to get a clean shot but hits the rocks every time.

    The squad set up a perimeter.

    Running Man gets one.

    Running Man: I got one!

    Vic Boss: Don't get cocky kid.

    Vic Boss: They are clearing out.

    Running low on ammo Vic Boss is considering capturing one of the enemy alive.

    He runs while he can.

    Another Locust moves into view. The squad attacks.

    Another one bites it.

    It's a game of who can trade sweat droplets the most.

    Trying to save Metal Gear from the recycling bin.

    Just barely on the last shot.

    The team regroups and Metal Gear take a lookout.

    This enables everyone to play Overwatch again. I'm not sure how they got that game in the 90's but they did.

    All of a sudden...

    Vic Boss takes a gnarly hit to the gut causing him to spill a little blood.

    So he goes to run in the opposite direction of where the gun fire came from.

    Thankfully they bled until they passed out. I love when that happens. Easy capture.

    These guys and their medals.

    I can handle Good.

    We finally decide to sell some extra gear to pay the light bills.

    Then we hit another milestone.

    A Workshop you say? This is more valuable than you might realize.

    A lot more valuable than a golf club.

    These guys are fresh out of the noob tent and into Area 55. Lets see how long they last.

    It's now November 2nd. A special joint mission was called in by the council when it all went sideways. It's become a prolonged firefight in a heavily populated area.

    Dogmeat is the DOD of this mission.

    DOD - Dog On Duty. Not Department of Defense, stupid.

    The cops have already gunned down one of the suspects.

    The heavily armed guy takes several shots but lives.

    At least long enough to murder these poor fuckers.

    Lunatic: Here piggy, piggy, piggy.

    He shoots the ground and everything else too. Appears to be a M60 or one of the BlackOps machineguns.

    Now he is aiming for the other cop.

    Another cop down. This isn't looking Great.

    Thankfully these cops have some balls.

    The most dangerous attacker is down.

    These guys the cops are attacking are more lightly armored at least.

    The squad moves in to give the cop an assist.

    It seems they had some dogs already on the job.

    Even the police value Dog Force.

    Toront: Holy shit I found out what they planned to do! They planned to bomb the police station...

    One of the last few is holding out.

    Dogmeat is nearby taking care of the stragglers.

    While some police struggle with one of the others.

    Dogmeat is rolling through this warehouse in style.

    That guy is a dead man walking.

    With more cops being killed Toront steps in to do the dirty work.

    Two hits.

    Dogmeat barely avoids death.

    But the melee attack does him in.

    Poor Dogmeat. I've never gotten his ass to the end of any game.

    The last remnants surrender.

    Another feeble entry from the X-COM Files.

    As our lucky number 7 killer is put to rest.

    What have our other X-COM teammates been up to? Let us take a look at two right quick...November 7th Per and Baphomet Billy investigate a SLF.

    Using a combination of flashbangs...

    And small arms fire...

    Allows Baphomet Billy to do the dirty work, but he took heavy damage.

    The case is now closed. But the redacted version of that file is 100 pics. You are welcome.

    Oh of course. Don't give us money but blame us when fish people worshiping alien gods come out of the sea. Typical politicians.

    Finally we will be able to reliably contain alien prisoners. This is pivotal.

    Along with the development of the M16 I would say our firepower is now where it should be. So of course I am wrong.

    When considering how large a blast this thing can make I try not to imagine destroying the UFO loot.

    I don't need to emphasize how great this is but our range is still shit.

    More farmers are captured.

    Hassknecht finally earns some respect that he deserves...

    Airborne tank drops are now possible as soon as we build the thing.

    Along with something a little more armored when compared to a van.

    RAMROD has to go. It no longer serves a valuable role in our shitposting team.

    We simply must have one of these HUMVEE's.

    That'll do. What could our B Team buddies be doing on the other side of the globe?

    TOM: Sir word is coming through about...some kind of alien transfer to our containment unit...

    Toront: No shit? From who?

    TOM: Corona Heaven.

    Toront: Those motherfuckers...how are those wounds by the way?

    TOM: They say I should be able to walk without crutches in a few days

    Toront: Great. Tell your mom hello...

    TOM: Actually my mom is dea...

    Toront: Hahahah alright man later.

    Toront pulls out his 1990's era cell phone to call Hassknecht.

    Hassknecht is busy doing vigorous squat thrusts when Toront calls.

    Hassknecht: What is it? I'm kinda in the middle of something.

    Toront: Those B Team fags nabbed a fucking alien while we have been out fucking with farmer John and the fucking Klan.

    Hassknecht: Well do we get to keep it?

    Toront: I guess. Do you have $78?

    Maybe we can get some answers. I guess it depends on who wrote the script. TO BE CONTINUED.
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2020
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 6
  9. TheGM

    TheGM The voice of reason

    Aug 19, 2008
    it's RUNNING MA'AM!
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  10. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    I finally got a good chance to splatter Sectoids. You might get to see that update in a week or two at this rate. I'll try not to spoil too much but research and interrogation unlocks new events on the map so it makes things dynamic. A lot better than the way the base game works. I think.
  11. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    CHAPTER 13

    It is now 1998. Several agents are being sent to patrol a recent hotspot for UFO activity. Two missions have went by with astounding results both in Asia and the US region. Being the Deity that I am I decided to fast forward to the part where more goodies come in.

    Whatever bullshit reason you have just give me my helicopter.


    Area 55 has gotten a bit crowded. Always running low on funds too it seems. You just never know when you might need something.

    That is why I like to sell off any prisoners not being roughed up for info.

    Area 55 no longer has a money problem.

    So it begins work on a Helicopter. Such a strange sounding device. Who knows what it does?

    Hard to imagine these two girls wearing Klan outfits but you never do know a person.

    Area 55 is still working on those alien Rolly Polly's.

    The hangar needs to be empty before we can get this shitty low fuel tank to fly.

    Goodbye rental van.

    Hello flying tank.

    These are rumored to work quite well. The thing about rumors is...

    I'm not sure what this thing does but I am making one.

    Oh it's one of those lame police helicopters. It will do I guess.

    This rental shit is getting real old. B TEAM gets a call for another SLF.

    They move in to do some work.

    Running "Man" is one of the ranking agents on this mission.

    Vic Boss is doing the grunt work.

    Agent Steel is ready for some action.

    Moloch just really wants you to toss your deformed child into it's smoldering oven. Then it wants to shoot KKK members.

    Running Tran: It's a Reaper! Those things move quick. Move into position!

    Agent Steel gets his flare gun. He wonder if anyone knows his first name is Agent...

    No bueno.

    The Reaper takes some fire as he shows his ass to the wrong agent.

    The Reaper is taking heavy ass fire.

    Some ballsy bastard moves in to stun.

    The Reaper does not go down.

    So another agent lends a hand.


    The Reaper looks like a two legged pig with cybernetics.

    With the Reaper being immune to lower level stun weapons the team has to dispose of it the old fashioned way.

    With a Flare Gun of course. What else do you use Flare Guns for? Squeal piggy.

    Satisfactory is Great. Meanwhile Area 55 is dealing with the local Klan problem. Systemic alien racism is bad in the USA.

    Gus Junior is here because the Deep State needs a man on the inside when possible.

    The boys take fire. Clearly they are in the open and should have maybe parked farther away.

    They fire bullets back because goddammit this is America.

    KKK Member yelling inside: Delete my hard drive!

    Marcus is always ready to blow smoke up your ass.

    I didn't know Mutants could do that.

    Alphons is doing the only thing possible which is to jump from cover to cover until you get close enough to bite something.

    You might notice the two incendiary grenades.

    Take that racist!

    Miroslav takes aim with the LMG.

    Groin Shot!

    The grenades explode stirring up a little DisOrder.

    Alphons moves to get closer to the action...but not too close.

    One possible target spotted.

    This guy has a target spotted too.

    Alphons atacc.

    But he can't find decent cover in time. Let us hope his luck holds out.

    A bullet from nowhere...

    Alphons is dead. He never saw it coming.

    The team responds with gratuitous amounts of bullets.

    With less and less KKK men left to fight.

    Roshambo: Two more incoming!

    Green Hood takes damage.

    Roshambo has a plan.

    Discombobulate then dispatch.

    A few KKK men panic as the team continues to spray bullets.

    Miroslav takes aim at one that did not drop his weapon.

    A hit but he is still standing.

    The last of the resistance.

    The last man gives up. Alphons death did not go in vain.

    At least he went out with blood in his mouth. The only way a dog should die in Dog Force. The Area 55 team has been overworked for quite some time, so when another Undercover mission comes in B TEAM takes it on.

    The perfect change for Running Man to show off his/her body.

    This is not the Liquid I was thinking of.

    Agent Steel is here to provide man power.

    Running Man spots a target.

    Human. The most dangerous enemy.

    Agent Steel spots a potential target hiding in the bushes.

    Liquid Snake tries the same tactic.

    Direct hit!

    Liquid runs inside. You see all these melee weapons required for this mission means up close and personal is our only option.

    Running Man runs outside, catching sight one of the bad guys running around on fire, with his buddy standing there watching.

    Union Jack is aiming at the dude on the beach seeing if there is any shit he can catch on fire.

    What a waste.

    Union Jack moves in for some close and dirty work.

    He gives the guy a good whack with his machete. That spoiled his afternoon alright.

    He tried to run when the other manly agent give him a good manly tap in the throat with a sharp weapon.

    Only for Agent Steel to get shot from a sniper the next turn.

    Union Jack knows he needs to find cover.

    So he does just that.

    When he spots the sniper walking in the building he pops out to give them a thank you for clearing up the promotion roster.

    The round busts through the window and sets fire to all the booze on the tables.

    I bet that guy lost a few facial hairs.

    Boy he is pissed. Thankfully Union Jack knows all about CQC.

    The guy tries to run then bleeds out on the floor like something that slowly bleeds out on the floor.

    The girls or...girl and trans woman person, spot a guy in the jungle.

    He opens up fire.

    Another Hu-Man walks in on Union Jack and whacks him in the head.

    This is not good.

    Running Man is taking cover from the Woodsman and his long range sniping technique.

    Union Jack wakes up and start rummaging through this guys shit. He knows there is a pistol.

    The girls have regrouped. One of the girls has a penis.

    Union Jack, now possessing a pistol, aims for a nearby asshole.

    A good clean blue hit.

    The man is hit in the gut. He holds his belly, yelling out "MAMA" as he shits himself on the floor.

    Union Jack is still hurt from that mushroom stamp he got on the forehead.

    I never knew Easter Island was such a shithole. They really shouldn't have disbanded their police.

    One pistol. One man. All human.

    Liquid Snake gets shot bad by the Woodsman. She yells for a medic but nobody has any medkits due to the mission layout.

    The only hope is to end the mission before she dies.

    The only hope is to end the mission before everyone dies.

    Union Jack shoots and scores.

    Just one more turn and she would be alive. Union Jack starts drinking over this.

    Sorry TOM. You will show up soon enough. Blame me from three weeks ago.
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  12. Aurelius Of Phoenix

    Aurelius Of Phoenix Pseud

    Mar 9, 2018
    Nah Niggah...
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  13. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    Grandma that was a perfectly acceptable comment. The best part of LP's like this is I stand a chance of completely wiping out and not having a choice when it ends. I've been watching a lot of videos to buff up a bit, but this version of X-COM Files is different than theirs. Fingers crossed for Cydonia mission a year from now.
  14. Mr. Grandma

    Mr. Grandma This ghoul has seen it all

    Nov 3, 2007
    Let someone else post. I am a spegspaz.

  15. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
    That Man Ape has some serious muscles.
  16. Mr. Grandma

    Mr. Grandma This ghoul has seen it all

    Nov 3, 2007
    The Gorilla is pretty jacked also.
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 1
  17. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005
  18. TheGM

    TheGM The voice of reason

    Aug 19, 2008

    Our man on the inside reports that all of the sect but one was liquidated. one man was taken in alive, interrogation to follow shortly.

    When our men are done with him, he will be thinking he is the blanket from the brave little toaster within the week...

    Hmm? Anyway the body count was rather high and there are people already snooping around.

    Get the best spin teams we have on this. Say Mexican drug cartels slaughtered Ranchers on the boarder. with more demand for increased security it will be all the more easier to place our assets in position with nobody the wiser.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 30, 2020
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 2
  19. TorontoReign

    TorontoReign No Original Thought Staff Member Moderator

    Apr 1, 2005

    CHAPTER 14

    We are nearing the end of January. Some new research has come in for our scout drones.

    Now we can choose to have them equipped with a fire extinguisher and medkits. That might come in handy due to their small size.

    This durathread stuff is cutting edge and X-COM wants it. Meanwhile...

    Zombies attack! The Godhead chooses a vet to lead the squad. Hassknecht is getting a chance to stretch his new Senior rank. He sees TOM in the hall on the way out.

    TOM: Sir am I coming with you on this mission?

    Hassknecht: Sorry TOM. I just really don't like you.

    TOM: ...

    Hassknecht: Heh. I'm just messing with you. It says here you are assigned to the Squad Copter.

    TOM: We have one of those?

    Hassknecht: Not yet. It should be in soon. Catch up on your backlog.

    TOM: What does that mean?

    Hassknecht: I think Toront is wearing off on me.

    Toront: What was that?

    Hassknecht: Nothing.

    Risewild: You ever notice how all these deserts look alike?

    Hassknecht: Maybe it's a glitch in the Matrix or something.

    Risewild: What's that?

    Hassknecht: Godamnit.

    Marcus begins Recon Protocol Alpha 1. (That is Star Trek Starship lingo for goes forward)

    That big hill in the middle seems to the defining feature of the map.

    Hassknecht: I see one. Don't let them sneak up on you.

    Baphomet Billy begins Sniffing Protocol Kirk Beta. (Star Trek Spaceship lingo for turns around)

    Toront is focused on this mission. The M16 feels like an old friend.


    The zombie keeps shambling forward.

    Until Hassknecht takes him out.

    Another is spotted in the shadows.

    Billy takes the high ground for obvious reasons.

    A little light is used which...illuminates the situation.

    This asshole has the nerve to play dead.

    Now he is dead dead. Dead three times really.

    The men open fire as shambling corpses walk through the fog of war.

    Another zombie has come out to playaaaayyy....

    There is a lot of missing involved with zombies shuffling at the edge of the map.

    That being said this zombie gets hit a few times.

    With Baphomet Billy proving why he is MVD...

    Most Valuable Dog - MVD

    Yet again.

    This Fat Fucking Zombie is on the move. Maybe by 1999 he will get here.

    Risewild is fiddling with his inventory. Every single time he takes charge he is fiddling with things. Says that they need to be modded and combined together in unholy combinations. He is a good lad.

    Hass has a shotgun so his role is limited at the moment.

    His crew is moving to back him up.

    Turns out these fat bastards can move.

    Risewild runs to the group to get a better firing spot.

    Billy prepares for close Kombat.

    What dogs do best.

    Good Baphomet.

    Another zombie moves in.

    Risewild pulls out his pistol.

    Risewild: I got this.

    His first shot misses but the second one is a clean hit.

    Billy mops up. This zombie is just taking a nap now.

    Kings of the Hill.

    Toront: Get some!

    Risewild: Toront! They took out Marcus!

    Toront: I guess they got some.

    Billy avenges Marcus.

    With a decent 2 captures.

    It was a good $50,000 robot.

    Odin: Another SLF?

    Welsh: Yep. Just stay frosty partner.

    Odin: Icy hot.

    Welsh: What the hell are you wearing?

    Odin: I think it is a Hazmat suit.

    Welsh: Ok...

    Odin: This suit is interfering with my Magic Fro.

    Welsh: I'm telling you I think that is a helmet.

    Odin: It's part of my head damnit.

    The Reaper approaches.

    It starts by killing civilians because of course they are right there by it.

    That poor doge.

    The fearsome duo move in to kill or capture the Battletoad Cyborg.

    The Reaper just keeps on killing. It's like it is designed for killing.

    Close enough to peeps it.

    Flashbang misses due to the range.

    They run away while it storms back off into the shadows.

    Before they know it the damn thing is right back on top of them.

    Odin and Welsh manage to let off a few rounds.

    Welsh knowing he is in trouble drops a flashbang at his feet in a desperate hope to stun the creature.

    It does daze it.

    Welsh: Tell the men I said to "Kill em all"...

    Welsh pulls the grenade.

    Odin opens up fire in a desperate last ditch attempt to kill the Reaper...

    Odin: Motherfucker!

    Welsh is dead.

    His grenade was ineffective.

    Odin shoots like crazy every turn as the Reaper strides across the map.

    Apparently that finally put a dent in it.

    Odin takes a look at his friend in arms. Waiting for the monster to attack. Waiting for an attack that never comes. Maybe that grenade was effective after all.

    Odin: Captured for you buddy...

    RIP @welsh
    You will be missed.

    Other people will be needing that rank in the meantime. Hassknecht is the new Commisar.

    Meanwhile Red Dawn is radicalizing the youth in Cairo. Arab Spring with aliens.

    TOM is now on his latest mission. Let us look in on that to see how it is going.

    So sorry TOM.

    This Rolly Polly has finally been analyzed by the local Scully.

    Some monsters. They can't even breathe right.

    January turned out Great. Even better than Ok.

    The Durathread Factory locations will now pop up on our map. They won't be easy to take down.

    These jumpsuits have been developed but I am not sure what the point is to using them.

    Toront: Hey TOM I heard you guys ran out of gas on the way to last mission.

    TOM: Yeah that was embarrassing.

    Toront: Well you got another chance. This one is just north of here.

    TOM: YAY!

    February is kicking off right with a SLF.

    Gaywad is our obligatory dog. He is a good dog. He is a gay dog.

    Jesse Ventura just didn't have as much success in this universe.

    Chunglord is being a dickhead as always.

    Millim keep writing homo erotic fan fiction on the bathroom stalls.

    TOM: I'm just happy to be here guys.

    Dope Cleric: That is what Welsh said.

    Dope Cleric: Actually I don't think he said that. Anyway stay close to me. I'll watch your ass.

    Gaywad is on point.

    TOM: Giant Spiders!

    Jesse Ventura: Civilian spotted!

    The spider is taking a little fire.

    Finally someone actually hits it.

    Even more times...before apparently bleeding out and ending the mission.

    TOM: Man the mission ended so soon I barely got to do anything.

    Toront: Don't worry. You can die some other time.

    TOM: Hahaha. He's just kidding right?
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2020
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 3
  20. Mr. Grandma

    Mr. Grandma This ghoul has seen it all

    Nov 3, 2007
    I guess I can point out that Odin's avatar looks like the this guy.
    • [Rad] [Rad] x 2