Malkavian said:
It takes time. No one becomes "cool" overnight.
No one starts out cool, either.
Uh, 'cept me.
And that's a good thing, Malk, at least you got your charm... because with the way you look, all you'd be getting by on would be sympathy and generosity.
The thing is confidence. If you are going after a girl to reinforce your weak ego, than you're probably doing it for the wrong reasons. Confidence comes from within. Skip the Buddy Holly glasses, get some contact lenses, start working out, and be cool. You don't have to be Mr. Popular. But you should feel good about yourself and be comfortable. Positive self-image really matters.
Girls generally don't come running if you are all "Oh won't please go out with me so you can boost my fragile self-image..... please!!!"
Rather you have to get the girls to come over you. You can flirt, but not to obvious. A lot of girls want the drama and excitement, so let them come after you. But to do that, you have to attract them.
Let's go back to the primative thing again. Ducks show off their plummage, sharks have to compete by strength, Rams but horns and in many other species the male has to show that he's got the goods the female wants. But it's often the female that makes the choice.
If you are advertising "loser" on your forehead than chances are the girl's going to see and treat you like a leper.
Often if you chase, you come on to hard, to desperate, and desperation is unattractive. Often a woman wants to win.
From the Tao of Steve-
Rule #1 of The Tao of Steve:
“Eliminate your desires. If you’re out with a girl and you’re thinking about getting laid, you’re finished. A woman can smell an agenda"
Rule #2 of The Tao of Steve:
“You have to do something excellent in her presence, therefore proving your sexual worthiness.”
Rule #3 of The Tao of Steve:
“After you eliminate desire, and after you’ve proved your excellence, you must retreat.”
Most guys blow it on the first, especially young guys. If you're in a pick up joint, the goal is to get laid. But in other areas it might just be that the girl is ok to have a conversation. Just talk. But without a desire to get her in the sack.
Rule 2 is easy.
Rule 3- is the trick. This is the bait and switch. You need to entice the woman to come after you. YOu need them to do the hunt. Because in the end, it's the woman who chooses (unless you use the Ratty method).
Now there could a fourth rule- Know when the moment is ripe. Getting close to someone is like climbing a mountain, but at a certain point you have to leap, and there is little time. If you don't leap, you're on the downhill slide, and forget it.
Ok, a few thoughts-
If the girl is having a crappy time of it, let her be, give her some space and be cool.
As for highschool girls/friends- incrediably confused and emotionally torn and twisted. Like you they are in between the challenges of still being kids and being adults, and they are just exploring their sexual idenity (a process that takes them well through college). THus expect confusion, even with the girls who are your friends.
Rule of Thumb- don't take it too seriously. Look, don't worry about definitions or where the relationship is going- especially in high school. In a few years you're not going to be talking to each other anyway.
If you play it cool and go with it than she's either going to comfortable with you because you are giving her space, of somewhat confused because you are not reinforcing her shallow vanity. If her vanity is shallow she's going to want it reinforced by knowing that you want her, and so she doesn't need to fool around with you- she's already conquered you with her young sexuality.
Seriously, the problem with most of you is ego and self-esteem, and the lack of confidence. Be cool. If it works out, great. If not, so what?
