Fireblade said:
I DO sincerely want to aid people, but the fact that I feel it necessary to have to be as like the "Guardian" class in The Republic makes me wonder if I am sane, or if I am slipping from my own ideals and only justifying a desire for power.
Cruelty really exists only between other people.
I have a lot to say.
First of all Fireblade dont feel bad. There's always plenty to feel bad/good about its just that sometimes you get more of one than the other. Not that I'm gonna just say some simple well-meaning quote then walk away leaving you unsatisfied...I just first have to clarify.
Second, I like all your comments everyone. Especially Kharn, Welsh, John, Quiet Fanatic, and others.
Well let me start off, as most well-remembered moral lessons, with a story...
I grew up very poor. We had all we needed...food, clothes, and a place to live. I even grew up in a very good neighborhood considering my family's earnings. It was tough though. My Mom worked 2 jobs and my Dad couldnt find skilled employment (though he did work). I got practically nothing during gift giving seasons like birthdays. This however made me become very resistant to the idea of caring about how much money I had and to my general feelings needing things. It also taught me what really is necessary and what is just transitory in nature. Eventually this lead to many other thoughts and idea's. I became extremely (and still am) very weaken me either by lowering my money, destroying my health, or just plain being bad for me since I knew of a time when life cut close at times.
Well without much of an explanation I decided that any use of addictive drugs, even legal one's like alcohol, (particularly in fact) were something I should stay away from. I became adamant with this belief after my Dad became an alcoholic and I realised that people sometimes cant rise above physical desire.
Well I have this cousin that tends to drag me to things. Although he enjoys most of what I do he does many things I dont approve of...smoke, drink, and sleep around basically. So around a month ago he takes me to go play D&D with his friends. Now I could love D&D if it werent for the fact that its always hard to organize and many of the people I meet are pricks. I only went this time, because of my cousin. So I drive to his house and he takes me in his vehicle. Well we get there and its in a real bad area of town. We go up into a dingy apartment. After wasted hours of waiting for his friends it turns out that of the six two arent showing up and two more are going to be late. Even worse I have work the next day and my cousin is drinking and I'm getting the impression I wont be able to leave if he gets drunk. We passed the time by doing work unpacking (a friends apartment of his that was just moved in) and I realised I wasnt having fun, but just there to work and maybe end up spending the night somewhere I dont want to be. I ended up convincing my cousin to drive me back to his house where I leave to go to Target to buy a gift for my Dad since it was nearing Father's day. Well although I am generous on gifts I am cheap towards myself, but on this occasion I found Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic for only $20 PC. Not only was it one of the few games I wanted, but at bargain bin prices so I bought it...
Well I played through it and loved it for obvious reasons. (If anyone asks I rate it 9 out of 10) I particularly enjoyed the explanation of the meaning of the light and dark sides though and the differences in philosophy. Well I finished the game today, literally, and when I read your post Fireblade I immediately understood the reference "I pick Guardian and go about slaying evil." Well now I have something to make you feel better.
Does one really have to commit very showy, active things to indeed be good? First consider some of the traits considered to be virtuous. Humility...you need not appear to be a hero that necessetates cheering crowds. So there's no reason to feel a lack of fame is a lack of faith. Generosity...if your not rich you wont be able to go around looking like your rich so how will people notice you? Good has no need for pride. Peace...although violence is a quick and easy to understand form of action is it the best? In fact it may be wrong under any circumstance. If you live in a world run peacefully enough to where most conflicts are resolved without swords doesnt that mean good has already been established to the point where one not need worry that a lack of "noble cause's" necessitates the feeling of a lack of action? Besides under such circumstances, humble, unnoticed work often can do good things, but without creating the inner need for pride or quick rewards...which as you should know are steps on the path to the dark side.
Also dont worry about faith Fireblade. Think of this...do you find it odd that all the little odditties of my life gathered together at this one nexus all so I could understand your gaming reference and give you a response that is not only valid, but refereshingly easy to understand? First I'm poor, but resiliant. Then I become adamant against drinking which leads me to nervousness that forces me to flee a situation I find uncomfortable. I go about a menial task only to be rewarded with a game that I play just in time to finish the EXACT same day I read your post and come to a rather deep conclusion...if any one of those factors was different I would have said nothing or perhaps said nothing significant.
Consider that something to find faith in.
Very Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
P.S.
Though I read this thread and started writing this post on the day you made it I didnt get to post it 'til today due to time constraints.