Relationship Hilarity by none other than The Vault Dweller!

The Vault Dweller

The Vault Dweller

always looking for water.
So after all the stuff about love, loss, and sex in that other thread...lets have some comedy. I wrote these in my first forum which created an uproar of laughter. I neglected to post them here 'til I felt I could trust everyone...I do. So without further ado...

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Anyway I think you guys all need a laugh and I have lots of funny stories to tell. Unfortunately they are about me and would make me feel embarrassed but since your far away at a computer I dont think you can do anything to hurt me...

These are all hilarious stories about me and my struggle with the most dangerous species of all! Women...

So this girl I think liked me and I liked her too. Well it was one week before I was leaving to move to Pennsylvania and me and her were meeting for the last time. While me and her were talking outside her back porch she leaned over and whispered in my ear "I want to have sex with you!"

What did I say? I said '...I have an ear infection and I have been deaf in that ear all week...what did you say?' She walked away seeming annoyed. It wasnt until later that I figured out what she said and before anyone PM's me about it...I REALLY DID HAVE AN EAR INFECTION IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! It just happened to be that of the four times I get an ear infection (from swimming) that week when she asked happened to be one of them...and she just happened to choose the deaf ear to speak into. I sincerely regret it not only, because I missed out, but I probably hurt her feelings.

Next week I will post my next lame adventure in this epic saga.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
 
I KNOW!

Ive spent less than 0.1% of my life not able to hear in an ear...so what are the chances someone would say something important at that time? Still there's a 50/50 chance she would've chosen the right ear, but no. I have to be an example to others...

Its really too bad...she was very nice. We talked a bit and found (before this incident) and found each other to be decent people who both like anime and both did lots of schoolwork. Its a shame...although she was very fat. Like 300 pounds even...as you can tell by the fact I was nice to her that didnt really matter...

:roll: ,
The Vault Dweller
 
And how did you find out that she actually whispered 'I want to have sex with you?' Did she tell you, and if so, why didn't you get to score at that time?
 
Luke said:
And how did you find out that she actually whispered 'I want to have sex with you?' Did she tell you, and if so, why didn't you get to score at that time?
Click to expand...

I dont blame you for asking...you see when she whispered it I VERY faintly heard in my other ear (the one that wasnt infected) "I want to have sex with you." However it was so faint and since it was windy outside I thought at first I misheard her since I did know that she spoke cause I felt her breath on my then deaf ear. I mean...I was so shocked I couldnt believe it so I didnt. Too bad...

I surprised this thread hasnt filled up with laughs.

:? ,
The Vault Dweller
 
Baboon said:
If she was phat it wasn't worth it. Pics though, please.
Click to expand...

I dont have pics...in fact until I get my first digital camera this Christmas I wont have a picture of myself for my online friends to see! I could scan my regular photo's, but my scanner's been broken and I wont bother for a new one.

You wouldnt want to see her...

:roll: ,
The Vault Dweller
 
The_Vault_Dweller said:
I surprised this thread hasnt filled up with laughs.
Click to expand...

That's probably because the anecdote you just told us isn't funny at all. Also: it doesn't sound as if it really happened. Actually, I think you made it up to appear more interesting than you really are. Yes, my friend, I'm saying that you are a compulsive liar and I am not going to change that opinion unless you show me and the other guys around here some really nasty pics of that fat chick, preferably in a thong and with the word "SLAPSTICK" written on her buttocks.
Then, and only then, you might persuade me to laugh with your anecdote.

Uh-hm.

Okay already then. :roll:
 
Failing to score when given the opportunity isn't funny, it's tragic. It might even be considered a crime in some places, phat chick or not. :twisted:
 
Ok guys...I dont take many pictures so I dont have a pic of her...I dont blame you for thinking the story is made up though.

If you want some evidence I'll just say I was being nice when I said 300 pounds...it could possibly be 350 or more...

Stop looking at me like that!

:oops: ,
The Vault Dweller
 
Sorry to double-post, but I need to add the second story here. (there are three)

*
Okay story # 2.

In my last year at High school I had a class with a girl. She was the class Valedictorian and beautiful plus very nice...not stuck up at all. One day I notice she keeps smiling at me in class. That afternoon I sat outside the school waiting for my Dad to pick me up. Well she comes out of her car in the parking lot and comes to me. She says "Hey how would you like a ride home?" I thought to myself and responded logically. "No thanks my Dad is picking me up." She left in a fast little white car. Five minutes later...

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

-_________________________________-

*
:roll: :wink: ,
The Vault Dweller
 
Geez, you are such a ...
Unspeakable.

Better luck next time, eh?

Maybe you should lay the hands off yourself for a few weeks. I suspect you might be more likely to notice such subtle offers then.
Your unintentional avoidance of any promising situation really might haunt you for a few decades unless you watch out.
 
That was a dumb move. Veray dumb move.

You should've asked her out for a beer or something afterwards, since you didn't go with her then.

Ahh, the youth these days. Got to explain them *everything* on intersexual behaviour. Tsk tsk.
 
The_Vault_Dweller said:
Sorry to double-post, but I need to add the second story here. (there are three)

*
Okay story # 2.

In my last year at High school I had a class with a girl. She was the class Valedictorian and beautiful plus very nice...not stuck up at all. One day I notice she keeps smiling at me in class. That afternoon I sat outside the school waiting for my Dad to pick me up. Well she comes out of her car in the parking lot and comes to me. She says "Hey how would you like a ride home?" I thought to myself and responded logically. "No thanks my Dad is picking me up." She left in a fast little white car. Five minutes later...

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
Click to expand...

That reminds me of a Seinfeld episode: "No thanks, I don't drink coffee this late. It keeps me up."

:D
 
I don't get it.

Girls aren't really that hard to get, are they?
Or perhaps Belgium is full of easy girls, I dunno.
 
grouphug.us said:
I've turned lesbian because of a bad emotional experience. I don't think of myself as ugly or obnoxious. I even got voted Valedictorian of my class. So there was this one guy, who, I don't know, just gets to me for some reason. I used to sit in class and picture us doing it over and over again. One day I noticed him sitting waiting outside school, and I was just driving home, so I got out of my white car and asked, wanna come? He just looked at me coldly, like there were gears turning in his head. Then he replied, 'No, I'm gonna wait for my old man.' Like I'm the last person in the world he'd want for company. I don't even think he likes his dad very much. I was just shattered, although I tried not to show. So that's it, that's why I'm giving up men from now on. I can't risk another rejection.
Click to expand...
 
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